Deeply Depressed and Desperate

Giggalump

OK...So I started MFP on Monday and I have tried what seems to be every diet known to man. Sticking to MFP limits like a champ. Routinely I eat the following:

Breakfast: egg white and flatbread breakfast sandwich - approx 260 cals
Lunch - Salad with a protein (today was grilled chicken)
Dinner - Lean protein and veggies
Snacks - usually a greek yogurt or a protein pack I have left over from trying the Ideal Protein program about a year ago.

Even incorporated three days of gym time, which is hard for me to do.

Went to the gym this afternoon. First, I hopped on the scale and was flabberghasted that the scale hadn't budged. Then I couldn't even get 30 mins of moderate walking in (pushed through 25 mins at a 2.8 pace) due to a persistent ankle injury and shin splints.

I am a cancer patient currently undergoing chemotherapy every three weeks. I have gained 70 lbs since starting treatment. I have consistently complained about the continuous weight gain to my oncologist who has mostly, until last week, just nodded his head, knowing that it is a side effect. He did have me see the cancer center nutritionist who told me to eat even more than I was, which didn't help matters. The doc finally said to me last week that I needed to try to lose some weight..."eat less and exercise more."

My thyroid doc is convinced the chemo has killed my thyroid, in effect giving me ZERO metabolism. Mega doses of thyroid meds don't appear to help in the least. Now that I'm on chemo every three weeks instead of every two weeks, I tend to gain maybe 2-3 lbs per treatment. When infusion was more frequest, the gain was 3-5 lbs every two weeks. I KNOW the gain is chemo-related because when I get a break of 6-8 weeks, the gain stops. I can't lose anything, but I don't gain.

I'm beginning to think that unless I starve myself, this weight will not come off...ever. I'm so frustrated. I'm sitting here ready to cry from the frustration. It's not like I can just drastically drop my caloric intake because my body needs the nutrition to both deal with the chemo and fight the cancer. I eat about 1500 cals a day, focusing on increased protein, which sounds like a lot to some people who don't monitor calories, but it's NOT that much food when you write it all out. If I haven't lost anything the first week, which is when most people see the most dramatic loss of their journey, is there really no hope?

Yes, I know I have bigger fish to fry, but the additional weight does NOTHING for my self-esteem, my wellness, my health! It is NOT healthy any way you look at it.

Has anyone dealt with similar circumstances and succeeded? I'm desperate.

ernestocruz

Yes. Perhaps not to the extent you are, but I just came off five months of chemo one month ago. I would gain and lose and gain and lose.............and it is very hard because you read and hear and believe that excess weight is a risk factor for cancer, and so you want to get that weight off...NOW.

First of all, I would say to you that this is a very important time to be kind to yourself. Chemo does all kinds of things to your body, including physical and emotional impacts. Find a friend or loved one who can support you and be objective because it is highly likely you are not able to do that right now....you are undergoing a major, life changing event.

Secondly, forget the weight loss thing for right now. That doesn't mean that I think you should go out and binge eat.....that would be bad. But, MFP has calculated the number of calories you should eat if you are doing nothing at all but lying in bed.....and you are a better person than I was, because I felt so awful that this was about all I could do outside of getting on my treadmill a few times really slow. Measure your food, eat what it tells you to eat..........and feel confident that you are doing what you need to be doing right now in regards to that. If you don't eat enough calories, your body believes that you are in a starvation situation (our bodies were evolutionarily designed for cycles of feast and famine), it shuts down your metabolism, and you will not lose weight. Yes, you need protein, but you also need some essential fatty acids, PARTICULARLY if you are going through chemo. There are basic cellular building blocks your body needs to rebuild what chemo tears down over and over. So, that doesn't mean go eat a pound of bacon, but nuts and olive oil, etc. are really important.

When you are finished with chemo, this is the time to focus back on weight loss. And on an effective fitness plan. I decided to go work with a professional to help me do that safely because my core muscles had been through surgery and then chemo. I am not currently losing weight, but my clothes are falling off of me! So, I just have to quiet those demons inside who want me to think that everything is hopeless (you know the ones, the ones that are so very helpful to us when we get our diagnosis and work through chemotherapy)....and know that I am on my way to radiant wellness.

Good luck!

PlunderBunneh

Your body is going through A LOT right now. There are so many variables. Please, take it easy. Eat healthy, go for walks, but don't push yourself so hard. You need all of your strength.
I agree with the pp, find a friend or a loved one to support you in person too.
Also, don't weigh in the afternoons. If you need to weigh, do it first thing in the morning. Otherwise, water consumption and food consumption is going to mess with your scale, which will be demotivating.

30forApril

My thyroid doc is convinced the chemo has killed my thyroid, in effect giving me ZERO metabolism. Mega doses of thyroid meds don't appear to help in the least. Now that I'm on chemo every three weeks instead of every two weeks, I tend to gain maybe 2-3 lbs per treatment. When infusion was more frequest, the gain was 3-5 lbs every two weeks. I KNOW the gain is chemo-related because when I get a break of 6-8 weeks, the gain stops. I can't lose anything, but I don't gain.

what meds does your doc have you on? and what is the dosage.. I myself as you know had a total thyroidectomy and am on a higher dose than anyone I know. I am on .125MCG's of Levothyroxine and .25 of Cytomel. My Doc had me on T3 meds only for a while after the surgery, but even when results were coming back in "perfect" balance i still couldn't lose weight and like you I wouldn't gain, but I could Lose! no matter how little I ate or how much I tried to work out , I felt really depressed... not enough to take my life, but enough to self harm, and felt really fatigued ( that's why I said "tried to work out") I felt really bad... about a month after He started me on the Cytomel, I started feeling a little better... He also checked my vitamin D level and discovered that I was extremely deficient..and ofcourse because I tended to eat very little red meat my iron was very low so I was/am Anemic. studies have shown that both Thyroid inbalances, Vitamin D and/or iron deficiencies all may cause depression in many. Add Chemotherapy to anyone of those problems or viceversa and i think you get what you are feeling... i don't know how well thyroid hormome replacement therapy functions when under the effect of chemo, but considering what the purpose of Chemo is, I'd think it might not be productive.

Don't get discouraged, I know to a certain extent how you feel. I felt like you so many times..but I know in my heart it will get better for you. it's hard at times but try to look on the brightside, atleast you're not gaining, and that in itself is a victory! Your body is taking a pounding and yet you still have the strength to keep pushing... I admire your strength and willingness to keep going... You will surpass this time in your life and you WILL reach your goals, just don't give up on yourself... and when you feel like you might give up,.. that's what we're here for! we got your back!

30forApril

Yes, you need protein, but you also need some essential fatty acids, PARTICULARLY if you are going through chemo. There are basic cellular building blocks your body needs to rebuild what chemo tears down over and over. So, that doesn't mean go eat a pound of bacon, but nuts and olive oil, etc. are really important.

I also recommend Avacados! This goes along with the essential fatty acids! idk if you can see my recipes. I have one that iI named Pico Tuna.. I could live off this stuff!!! tuna as we all know has Omega3's, Avacados are a super fruit! jalapeno peppers help ignite the metabolism, celery contains alot of hydration power..(lol) tomato something in it may help fight against cancer as well ( heard this a long time ago) onion cilantro lemon/lime... salt n pepper to flavor... tuna also has lean protein and is very filling my recipe i think is under 500 calories but it could be less if you use one pack of tuna instead of 2....