What is it that people REALLY want?? A liar or a believer?

ExplorinLauren

Do friends want you to hold them accountable? Or do they want you to appreciate their struggles, and identify with them?

Its hard sometimes! I have several friends that always do well... with an occasional slip here and there ( not really a slip, more just like "life" they are always on the ball doing the right things... my heroes!)

Then I have other friends, who ... ALWAYS are over their goals... if not always... then 3-4 days a week. Everyone says good job... nice day, wtg, yada yada... and I feel like an idiot, bc I don't want to say "wow you really fell off the wagon today...and yesterday, and 3 days ago, and last week" LOL But I don't want to say "wow, you did great today!" either.... But I feel like saying nothing isn't helping me or them.

But, at the same time, maybe they are doing better than they EVER have before. So maybe I should cut some slack?

SIGHHHHHH... Idk. I feel like saying something to them makes me that person... that says "hey, your significant other is cheating...now what?" lol I hate having to point out the obvious... but I hate lying about it too! What do you do??!

mollysonnotice

personally, I like it when they hold me accountable, but also understand if there is something going on. Well, as long as they aren't rude about it. So if I go over, a "hey, maybe instead of pasta, you could try ______ with that. It has less calories and tastes pretty good" or "hmmmm seems like a run would be good to help you get back under" or something like that...

roachhaley

If someone doesn't ask for your opinion you shouldn't give it.

SPNLuver83

I believe in tough-love. I call it like I see it with my friends, no beating around the bush or sugar-coating. I won't be your crutch.

Alex_is_Hawks

I dunno...i those of us that are really ready to do this and really ready to make that commitment to a healthy lifestyle want to be held accountable. We want to hear the honesty of whether we're still bringing it or if we've fallen off the track a bit...

but I hold back from being completely honest with those that fall off the track repeatedly because I remember how hard it was to "bring it" when I wasn't fully committed...and to be honest, someone calling me out back then would have made me embarassed and I would have quit....

it honestly came down to me realising there was no "my turn" or "my time" but that now, in the moment was always "the time"

then I was ready to bring it and for everyone to be honest about it.

Lauren

dalgal26

Sometimes it is not the advice or opinion we give but how we deliver it. :flowerforyou:

michellekicks

Sometimes, as much as people wish they were motivated to lose weight, they just aren't. No amount of joining anything, tracking anything etc. will help. Just try to be encouraging about the good choices but there's no need to sugar-coat the bad ones.

I have a few friends who like to point out that entire days go by where I don't eat veggies lol... and I appreciate them for it :bigsmile:

3foldchord

or the opposite- the ones hat barely eat 700 calorie, almost no protein, etc.... and evryone cheers them on- to their grave - of malnutrition.

Bobby_Clerici

I believe in tough-love. I call it like I see it with my friends, no beating around the bush or sugar-coating. I won't be your crutch.

Same here.
And I have booted plenty who don't make the cut, and others have left the arena of accountability to cower in the estrogen echo chamber.
Weak, insecure people would rather get a WTG as they rush toward a cliff like a lemming.
Success oriented achievers see value in honest, free flowing feedback.

RejoicingL

I'd like someone to be encouraging. I don't need someone to point out my flaws, I focus on them enough already. I've gone over more than I've gone under, but I'll bet it is 1/3 of what I used to eat, believe it or not! And I am logging; I am holding myself accountable and learning about what's really in the food I eat. I have been learning so much, and making changes for the better. That is no small deal. It is a huge step on my journey to fitness.

In the same way, I don't feel like I need to point out someone else's mistakes. It is hard to judge, when what the numbers say is "over" might actually be way under their former norm...

But...Maybe if it is someone you are close to and you are concerned about a pattern you are noticing, you could bring it to them gently in a private message?

katydid25

If someone doesn't ask for your opinion you shouldn't give it.

Seconded. I'd rather my friends just say nothing at all. I usually have more harsh things to say to myself than my friends would anyway.

bulbadoof

I usually stay out of people's diaries unless they specifically ask for feedback. Maybe that makes me a bad friend, but I know that by being here they are consciously reminding themselves of their goals and their efforts to meet them - I don't need to. I'm happy to congratulate them when they've done well or let them know where they could have done better when they ask me, but I don't feel that it's my place to intrude when I don't know why they made the choices they made.

michellelhartwig

I really want my friends to hold me accountable.

ExplorinLauren

Sometimes it is not the advice or opinion we give but how we deliver it. :flowerforyou:

Agree

ExplorinLauren

I dunno...i those of us that are really ready to do this and really ready to make that commitment to a healthy lifestyle want to be held accountable. We want to hear the honesty of whether we're still bringing it or if we've fallen off the track a bit...

but I hold back from being completely honest with those that fall off the track repeatedly because I remember how hard it was to "bring it" when I wasn't fully committed...and to be honest, someone calling me out back then would have made me embarassed and I would have quit....

it honestly came down to me realising there was no "my turn" or "my time" but that now, in the moment was always "the time"

then I was ready to bring it and for everyone to be honest about it.

Lauren

This is how I feel also...

SPNLuver83

If someone doesn't ask for your opinion you shouldn't give it.

Seconded. I'd rather my friends just say nothing at all. I usually have more harsh things to say to myself than my friends would anyway.

Or maybe if you don't want opinions you shouldn't post things on the very public internet. Just sayin' Makes sense.

saragato

If someone doesn't ask for your opinion you shouldn't give it.

Seconded. I'd rather my friends just say nothing at all. I usually have more harsh things to say to myself than my friends would anyway.

Or maybe if you don't want opinions you shouldn't post things on the very public internet. Just sayin' Makes sense.

This too. You can't post an issue and then bark back a, "well I don't feel like talking about it." Honey you instigated it, finish what you started.

JimTriche

What's the point of doing something like this if you're gonna lie about it? You won't get any fitter by fibbing.

ExplorinLauren

If someone doesn't ask for your opinion you shouldn't give it.

Seconded. I'd rather my friends just say nothing at all. I usually have more harsh things to say to myself than my friends would anyway.

Or maybe if you don't want opinions you shouldn't post things on the very public internet. Just sayin' Makes sense.

I kind of believe this... If you have an open diary.... you are up for open conversation about it... right?
I feel like I should say something... but at the same time, I don't want to offend you. Esp if you are eating better than ever before. But with that said.... should I make you feel better about your (still) not so great eating habits, or should I point out.. hey, today isn't a great day... hopefully better tomorrow. ?

EchoOfYourPast

I get more out of it.....and actually put more thought into making better choices when someone says...."really...3 slices of pizza when 2 would suffice" or "a double meat cheeseburger when a single meat will fill you up"
When i overdo something at the moment i am thinking well i have already messed up a little bit why not just mess the entire meal up or the entire day up.....
When i hear it from someone else.....the next time around....i am thinking you know...this is not such a good idea.

On the flip side of it.......i have a really hard time telling someone else those same words.....i know some people are thinner skinned than others and i would hate to think i offended someone.

I try to tell my husband to let me know if i am overdoing it.....but he is really no help....he will tease at the moment...and the rest of the time tell me its ok...i can start again tomorrow...or after we go back to work or whatever. The only real exception to this is when i am at like a Chinese buffet......he will say, "really, San, plate #7" ....when he wont eat over 2 plates.

Let me know when i can do better, how i can do better and when i haven't exercised in a week......at least the next day...i think about it and try harder.
San

Tracey1147

I'd rather be pulled up on my bad diary. If I've gone over and someone puts on there about going to the gym I'm more likely to do it. If I thought people were looking at my diary and keeping me accounted for I'd try harder.