Positivity and positive thinking
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Hi everyone, im not sure if this is under the right thread or not. But does anyone have any good techniques to pick themselves up when feeling down?
My confidence has took a hammering recently from an ex-girlfriend, a very manipuluative former boss, who bullied me to the point where he made me feel worthless in myself.
Does anyone reccomend any good positive thinking books/ websites? Any help would be appreciated.
My confidence has took a hammering recently from an ex-girlfriend, a very manipuluative former boss, who bullied me to the point where he made me feel worthless in myself.
Does anyone reccomend any good positive thinking books/ websites? Any help would be appreciated.
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Replies
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Read inspiraton and motivational quotes0
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Fake it till you make it.
Work on loving yourself first then everything else will follow suit!0 -
mmm i dont know about books or websites.... just run to my special friend and cry by phone becouse he is miles aways from me! but it works for me :bigsmile:
and be your self! dont worry for the people around u!!
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Cliffy I can relate. My ex fiance was very verbally abusive.
There are a couple surefire ways to grow confidence. Note that it does take time to get back to yourself. It took me a year!
So first, you must have patience.
Second, surround yourself with only positive, loving people. I also went to see a therapist - just once a month for 6 months. Those few sessions really helped.
Third, try a good activity or do something you are good at! It will boost your confidence and reassure you that you are great at something!!
Best of luck *hugs*0 -
I do not know about websites or books, but I would say to do things that make you happy and surround yourself with good and loving people. I know how you feel and this helped me. Maybe find a new activity/hobby.
Also, excersise has tremendous effects on mood! Just another great benefit it has.
Time heals all wounds. Focus on you and happiness will find you!
Best of luck0 -
^ all of that above! I can not say enough about the power of therapy. Try it! Every time that negative voice chimes in - quiet it immediately. The say at least one thing you like about the person you are. Start writing. Just free write about your day. Get exercise - the endorphins help!
Good luck!0 -
The best thing you can ever do for yourself is engage in positive self-talk - replace doubts with the words "Yes, I CAN!" Every time you catch sight of yourself in a reflection - SMILE. Just that one thing will make a huge difference. Then, follow it up with positive phrases - try, "I am smart and I can do ANYTHING!"
Here are a couple of things to get you started - Norman Vincent Peale's book: The Power of Positive Thinking. It's a classic - an oldie, but always a goodie!
I also ran across this article just today from www.pickthebrain.com - it's has all of the basics of self-talk - hope this helps!
7 Steps to Positive Self Talk
Written by Evelyn Lim - 60 Comments
Categories: self improvement
Most of us are in constant mental chatter. We talk to ourselves all day long and, unfortunately, this self talk is frequently negative. Often it is tainted with guilt about our past or anxiety about our future. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in striving for our dreams.
Our actions are inspired by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the actions we take. It is human nature to seek personal growth; whether financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually. Practicing positive self talk can help us set in motion actions that will bring us greater rewards.
The following are seven steps to positive self talk. By following these steps you will begin to rid your inner conversations of negativity and instead have empowering thoughts.
1. Eliminate Internal Negative Chatter
The first step is one of awareness. It will be hard to make a change to positive thinking without being acutely intimate with the thoughts that run through your mind. Recently, I was amazed to discover deep buried emotions from negative thoughts that I had for fewer than 10 minutes. Without awareness, I would have carried the hurt and anger inside. Awareness helped me to bring them out to the open for me to deal with.
Undoubtedly it will not be easy to make a switch if you have a long history or negative self talk. Your talk became negative over the years due to various factors. For instance, if your first grade teacher repeatedly told you that you were “stupid”, you might believe it to be truly the case. You would find that your inner chatter would often be filled with talk of “I am so slow” and “it is so hard to learn”. If you constantly tell yourself such negative stories, your actions are going to reflect your low self esteem. It will be difficult to get very far if you are always putting yourself down.
A common negative talk involves telling yourself “I can’t”. When you say to yourself “I can’t” or “it is too difficult”, you are creating a resistance. Having such a mental block will prevent you from achieving a task you could otherwise succeed at.
Anytime you catch yourself saying “I can’t…”, turn around and challenge your own claim with, “Why can’t I?” Research shows that most geniuses became the people they are also because of the hard work they put in. So if you would like to be successful, you need to start saying “I can” a lot more.
A great method that I have also found useful is to say “Cancel Cancel” each time I find myself saying something negative, whether in the mind or verbally. The method works if you sincerely have the intent of becoming a positive thinker.
2. Positive Affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements of a desired outcome or goal. They are usually short, believable and focused. By repeating them over and over again, you build inroads into your subconscious mind, opening up the possibility of a new state of thoughts.
An important step when repeating affirmations is that you need to read your affirmations aloud with feeling. The mere reading of the words bears no consequence unless you put some emotions behind them. Of significant fact is that your subconscious mind takes any orders given in complete faith and after repeated self talk. So the daily practice of repeating affirmations is important.
Initially you may be skepticism toward the statement of your positive affirmation. However, if you follow this simple set of instructions your skepticism will soon give way to a new set of beliefs and then crystallized into absolute faith.
3. Positive Scripts
One thing that you may observe is on how easy it is for your mind to build negative thought upon negative thought. The chatter not only does not stop but it spins a drama that traps and limits you.
From now on, regularly do this exercise instead. Spin an uplifting story that runs like a movie script. Some visualization will be helpful. You build on a story with a positive outline. The longer you can tell this story to yourself the better. It is also best if you can make this story one about having all your goals achieved. When you do this, you start to internalize your goals and dreams, as if they are something that you have already achieved.
4. Replace Negative Influences with Positive Ones
It is important that you identify external negative factors in your life which may be holding your thoughts hostage. For instance, your mental state can become toxic by being around friends who are negative. If you are not vigilant enough, you will start to adopt their thoughts as your own. Hence, be alert to what your negative influences are. If they come from certain friends, limit your exposure to them as much as you can. Refrain from discussing your plans with people who will be unsupportive of your dreams and goals.
Instead surround yourself with thoughts and actions from people who will empower you.
From being uninspired and de-motivated, you will begin to feel uplifted and driven to greater self growth. The positive energy that they vibrate will start affecting the self talk that you engage in as well.
5. Present Tense Messages
You may find yourself daunted by the many things you need to do in order to reach your goals. It just seems overwhelming to become the success that you secretly desire for. Your mind gets caught up in an endless stream of worry.
What may be helpful is to concentrate on steps you can take in the present. If you find yourself becoming stuck, stop and say, “What can I do right now?” Change your internal talk from a future anxiety ridden one to one that is about the more manageable present. You cannot control what will happen in the future but you can take the necessary steps now that will build a better tomorrow. Taking the necessary steps require you to focus your thoughts and inner talk on Now.
6. Confront Fears
Fear is often what holds you back from your success. You are scared of taking chances because you fear losing the security that you enjoy now. You try to convince yourself that you are happy in your current state when in fact, you are not. Your self talk may sound positive in your attempt to lie to yourself. But somehow, there is an inner knowing that you are short changing yourself.
Ask yourself what you are afraid of. What can be the worst that can happen? Take a step-by-step approach in breaking down your fears and see if there is any way round to looking at things more positively. When you confront your fears, you will often realize that the worst case scenario is not as bad as you think. In fact, the benefits of change are worth the risk. Your inner talk begins to change at this point.
7. Focus on Enjoyable Moments
It is much easier to have a positive attitude if you focus on the enjoyable moments in life rather than the difficult ones. While there will inevitably be challenges, you need to remember that life consists of ups and downs and the good times are forged through the bad.
So choose to fill your mind with positive images and thoughts. Make it a conscious habit. Simply bring your mind back every time it goes astray in its thoughts. For a start, if you can be grateful for what you have presently, your self talk will also change to be in alignment with one of joy. A state of gratitude does wonders to your psyche.
Conclusion
Replacing self talk from a negative to a more positive one is not going to happen overnight. If your mind has ingrained habits of thinking negatively, it will take some work and time. However, if you find yourself often struggling, unable to achieve your goals and talking yourself down, then you should grit your teeth and commit to the process of change.
By following the above tips to positive self talk, you will experience an improvement in the quality of your life. The rewards are plentiful with greater happiness, peace and joy. Best of all, you feel empowered. With the change in energy, you are more likely to reach your highest potential and achieve success.
Hope this helps and always remember - you CAN do anything!! 0 -
As on my page...
Realize.Visualize.Choose.Act.SUCCEED.
If you are unhealthy, it is because YOU CHOSE and ACTED to be unhealthy. Choices are abundant in every moment of life. THe impacts of your actions, both consciously and sub-consciously, are what define your present being. You CREATE the present. Accept that the reason you are who you are is by your choices and actions, REALIZE. See where you want to Improve, VISUALIZE. Make the CHOICE to Change. Take ACTION upon the choices that lead you to SUCCESS.0 -
The best thing you can ever do for yourself is engage in positive self-talk - replace doubts with the words "Yes, I CAN!" Every time you catch sight of yourself in a reflection - SMILE. Just that one thing will make a huge difference. Then, follow it up with positive phrases - try, "I am smart and I can do ANYTHING!"
Here are a couple of things to get you started - Norman Vincent Peale's book: The Power of Positive Thinking. It's a classic - an oldie, but always a goodie!
I also ran across this article just today from www.pickthebrain.com - it's has all of the basics of self-talk - hope this helps!
7 Steps to Positive Self Talk
Written by Evelyn Lim - 60 Comments
Categories: self improvement
Most of us are in constant mental chatter. We talk to ourselves all day long and, unfortunately, this self talk is frequently negative. Often it is tainted with guilt about our past or anxiety about our future. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in striving for our dreams.
Our actions are inspired by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the actions we take. It is human nature to seek personal growth; whether financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually. Practicing positive self talk can help us set in motion actions that will bring us greater rewards.
The following are seven steps to positive self talk. By following these steps you will begin to rid your inner conversations of negativity and instead have empowering thoughts.
1. Eliminate Internal Negative Chatter
The first step is one of awareness. It will be hard to make a change to positive thinking without being acutely intimate with the thoughts that run through your mind. Recently, I was amazed to discover deep buried emotions from negative thoughts that I had for fewer than 10 minutes. Without awareness, I would have carried the hurt and anger inside. Awareness helped me to bring them out to the open for me to deal with.
Undoubtedly it will not be easy to make a switch if you have a long history or negative self talk. Your talk became negative over the years due to various factors. For instance, if your first grade teacher repeatedly told you that you were “stupid”, you might believe it to be truly the case. You would find that your inner chatter would often be filled with talk of “I am so slow” and “it is so hard to learn”. If you constantly tell yourself such negative stories, your actions are going to reflect your low self esteem. It will be difficult to get very far if you are always putting yourself down.
A common negative talk involves telling yourself “I can’t”. When you say to yourself “I can’t” or “it is too difficult”, you are creating a resistance. Having such a mental block will prevent you from achieving a task you could otherwise succeed at.
Anytime you catch yourself saying “I can’t…”, turn around and challenge your own claim with, “Why can’t I?” Research shows that most geniuses became the people they are also because of the hard work they put in. So if you would like to be successful, you need to start saying “I can” a lot more.
A great method that I have also found useful is to say “Cancel Cancel” each time I find myself saying something negative, whether in the mind or verbally. The method works if you sincerely have the intent of becoming a positive thinker.
2. Positive Affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements of a desired outcome or goal. They are usually short, believable and focused. By repeating them over and over again, you build inroads into your subconscious mind, opening up the possibility of a new state of thoughts.
An important step when repeating affirmations is that you need to read your affirmations aloud with feeling. The mere reading of the words bears no consequence unless you put some emotions behind them. Of significant fact is that your subconscious mind takes any orders given in complete faith and after repeated self talk. So the daily practice of repeating affirmations is important.
Initially you may be skepticism toward the statement of your positive affirmation. However, if you follow this simple set of instructions your skepticism will soon give way to a new set of beliefs and then crystallized into absolute faith.
3. Positive Scripts
One thing that you may observe is on how easy it is for your mind to build negative thought upon negative thought. The chatter not only does not stop but it spins a drama that traps and limits you.
From now on, regularly do this exercise instead. Spin an uplifting story that runs like a movie script. Some visualization will be helpful. You build on a story with a positive outline. The longer you can tell this story to yourself the better. It is also best if you can make this story one about having all your goals achieved. When you do this, you start to internalize your goals and dreams, as if they are something that you have already achieved.
4. Replace Negative Influences with Positive Ones
It is important that you identify external negative factors in your life which may be holding your thoughts hostage. For instance, your mental state can become toxic by being around friends who are negative. If you are not vigilant enough, you will start to adopt their thoughts as your own. Hence, be alert to what your negative influences are. If they come from certain friends, limit your exposure to them as much as you can. Refrain from discussing your plans with people who will be unsupportive of your dreams and goals.
Instead surround yourself with thoughts and actions from people who will empower you.
From being uninspired and de-motivated, you will begin to feel uplifted and driven to greater self growth. The positive energy that they vibrate will start affecting the self talk that you engage in as well.
5. Present Tense Messages
You may find yourself daunted by the many things you need to do in order to reach your goals. It just seems overwhelming to become the success that you secretly desire for. Your mind gets caught up in an endless stream of worry.
What may be helpful is to concentrate on steps you can take in the present. If you find yourself becoming stuck, stop and say, “What can I do right now?” Change your internal talk from a future anxiety ridden one to one that is about the more manageable present. You cannot control what will happen in the future but you can take the necessary steps now that will build a better tomorrow. Taking the necessary steps require you to focus your thoughts and inner talk on Now.
6. Confront Fears
Fear is often what holds you back from your success. You are scared of taking chances because you fear losing the security that you enjoy now. You try to convince yourself that you are happy in your current state when in fact, you are not. Your self talk may sound positive in your attempt to lie to yourself. But somehow, there is an inner knowing that you are short changing yourself.
Ask yourself what you are afraid of. What can be the worst that can happen? Take a step-by-step approach in breaking down your fears and see if there is any way round to looking at things more positively. When you confront your fears, you will often realize that the worst case scenario is not as bad as you think. In fact, the benefits of change are worth the risk. Your inner talk begins to change at this point.
7. Focus on Enjoyable Moments
It is much easier to have a positive attitude if you focus on the enjoyable moments in life rather than the difficult ones. While there will inevitably be challenges, you need to remember that life consists of ups and downs and the good times are forged through the bad.
So choose to fill your mind with positive images and thoughts. Make it a conscious habit. Simply bring your mind back every time it goes astray in its thoughts. For a start, if you can be grateful for what you have presently, your self talk will also change to be in alignment with one of joy. A state of gratitude does wonders to your psyche.
Conclusion
Replacing self talk from a negative to a more positive one is not going to happen overnight. If your mind has ingrained habits of thinking negatively, it will take some work and time. However, if you find yourself often struggling, unable to achieve your goals and talking yourself down, then you should grit your teeth and commit to the process of change.
By following the above tips to positive self talk, you will experience an improvement in the quality of your life. The rewards are plentiful with greater happiness, peace and joy. Best of all, you feel empowered. With the change in energy, you are more likely to reach your highest potential and achieve success.
Hope this helps and always remember - you CAN do anything!!
Whoa! careful what ya ask for, right?0 -
As my status, I post something here and on facebook that I am thankful for every single day. I have been doing it for three years now. Sometimes my thankful thoughts are deep and philosophical. Other times they are trivial. Sometimes it is hard to think of something but there are other days when the thoughts pour in. But I know if I dig deep enough there is always something good in life. I do this for myself but a lot of my friends tell me they enjoy them.0
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I like to read Biographies about people who have overcome challenges in their life. Sometimes realizing that other people have had worse problems or have overcome serious situations in their life, tells you that you are not alone and can be very inspiring. For example, the Jaycee Duggard story of the girl that was kidnapped as a child and held captive for 18 years. They couldn't break her spirit and she has gone on now to live a happy and productive life. Other reading like dealing with difficult people or about measuring emotions may give you some insight on how to handle situations when someone is trying to "press your buttons" or being negative around you. You can't change others, you can only change yourself. Those old expressions like "misery loves company" or "seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty" are popular for a reason. The more you can surround yourself with individuals that give you encouragement and have an optimistic outlook on life, the better you will feel. Don't be the negative one, find something great about every day that you wake up. Even the people you dislike, make it your personal challange to find one thing you do like about the person or find something in common that's a positive about them, especially if you have to work with them, or he's your boss! You don't have to love everyone you work with, you just have to get along! Some days I have to force myself to smile and say "Good morning" but I am told, "you are always so upbeat and pleasant"." Negativity breads negativity and I believe it. Kill them with kindness, don't stoop to their level. Enough with the expressions....you'll get it if you practice. 0
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Just post here and have us tell you how awesome you are
Suits = extra points.
As for feeling positive after feeling down... I have nothing. I think it just takes its time to work through and then one day you wake up and it doesn't bother you as much as it used to.
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Well, some grat inspirationl movies for that are Rudy and Invincible. (They are both football movies but extremely motivation and make you want to go out and prove everyone wrong, just for spite)0
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hi guys, thanks for your responses, there is some great advice there!
Sappy, i love Invincible, but havent seen Rudy, i'll keep an eye out for that.
Thanks Mary, i'll keep an eye out for that book. The lance armstrong ones are good too!
Mslack, thats a great idea, i may have to start doing that too.
BigDaddy, very true! i agree
mmtiernan-thanks for that post, i'll definetely check out thos articles, and try some of those stages.
Thanks Julie and pitbull, very true!
Thanks everyone, some great advice, and some i certainly will give a go and put into practice0
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