Kids say the darndest things...

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  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
    My three year old son and I:

    "Mom, why do you go for bike rides?" (Kids melt down when I walk out the door. Every. time.)

    "Because I want to live a long time so I can be a grandma when you have kids!"

    "But Mom, you can't be a grandma. You have to be my mom."

    "I will always be your mom. But when you have kids, I will be their grandma, and I want you to bring them to my house so I can feed them junk food and then send them home with you, like your grandma does."

    "But mom, you don't have any baby food."

    "Hun, if you bring your kids to see me, I'll make sure I have baby food in the house."

    "Where are you going to get the baby food?"

    "Target? I get everything at Target."

    *Contemplative silence* "I guess that's okay then."




    Also, we are in the middle of trying to potty train my 2 year old daughter. Which means naked from waist down. So she lays on the couch and does weird spread eagle poses constantly, and my son from the opposite side of the couch says "Mom, Emmie is showing me her body. Can you make her stop?" :laugh:
  • TKHappy
    TKHappy Posts: 659 Member
    There is one that I just love to tell about my daughter, she was 5 when it happened and even 5 years later I laugh at it:

    We were driving back from our family vacation and my daughter announced that she had to use the bathroom, so we asked her to hold it until we got to the next rest stop! As we pulled up to the next rest area she started to cry, and I mean ball her eyes out!

    Me: Honey, whats wrong?
    Daughter: I really have to pee!
    Me: Ok, well we are here so you can go now!
    Daughter: No I can't. (Starts crying harder)
    Me: Yes you can...come on!
    Daughter: Mom, I will get arrested, the sign says no peeing!

    Here's me....confused only to look up and see her pointing to a No Parking sign! I burst into laughter, so much so I was crying!
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
    My six yr old daughter and I were at a resteraunt with my sister:
    daughter: I'm going to the bathroom, you don't need to go I can go by myself
    My sister: No, girls never go to the bathroom alone. I'll go along.
    daughter: Why not?
    My sister: There might be a creeper in the bathroom and so we go together to be safe
    daughter: What's a creeper?
    My sister: That would be like a man in the girls room where he didn't belong
    daugher: oh

    two days later she went with her dad somewhere. Later that day when she returned home she informed me that she was a creeper today becuase she needed to go and daddy took her to the men's room instead of the ladies

    LMAO!

    I'm in love with this. We went to the pool (me and my son and daughter) and my son was trying to peek through the door, and I said "Stop it, you look like a creeper!" and now he goes around peeking from behind furniture saying "I'm being a creeper!"

    Yep, gonna be great in preschool this year.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
    Also....

    not say but do...

    When my son was about 3 1/2 we were watching a parade. I looked away from him for a minute and when I looked back he was gone. I panicked and looked to my left and saw him playing with the controller on a paraplegic’s electric wheelchair and driving this poor man down the sidewalk. I ran to get him and pull him off the controller and he kept screaming “IT’S MY TURN”.
  • ADM1979
    ADM1979 Posts: 105 Member
    When I was pregnant with my oldest son (now 12), there was a young boy who would sit with me at church. At this time, Danny was about 3 or 4. I was 7 or 8 months pregnant with my son and we where having Wednesday night bible study. During church, Danny asked me how they were going to get the baby from my belly. I panic and say "Well, the doctors are going to squeeze my tummy like a lemon and the baby will come out my belly button." The preacher then said to bow our head for prayer. About 2 seconds later I feel my stomach being squeezed and Danny is trying hard to make the baby come out like I told him. He looks at me and say "I'm ready to play with him." and he did not whisper it. I didn't know if I should laugh or die of embarrassment.
  • prjoy98
    prjoy98 Posts: 250 Member
    OMG! I dont have kids yet and my step-kids have thankfully never put me in any of these yet...however..these are too funny!!!
  • chanson104
    chanson104 Posts: 859
    Three kids; tons of funny conversations, and it doesn't stop as they get older. When my daughter was 12 she asked me if I knew who it was in the Bible that said, "Let he that is without sin throw the first stone." I asked her if she knew the story behind that statement, and we had the following conversation.

    Daughter: "Well, there was this woman that was a Protestant . . . "
    Me: "Umm, honey, do you know what a Protestant is?"
    Daughter: "Yes."
    Me: "What?"
    Daughter: "You know, mom."
    Me: "Please tell me what a Protestant is."
    Daughter: "You know. It's a woman that has 'you know' for money."
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
    When we moved to Chicago my son was 3 1/2. He had never had anybody watch him other than family or close friends. So we set up our first night with a babysitter. We go out, get home - everything went well. He gets up the next morning and ask him how it went, he says "Dad, she wasn't a baby - she was just a girl!"
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    I was in the washroom when my 7 year old (she was 4 at the time) came in... She looked at me and said... Mom, why do you have cat hair? :embarassed:

    I don't remember what I said, but I killed myself laughing afterward!!!
  • TheirEllie82
    TheirEllie82 Posts: 162 Member
    I took my 7 year old to a hockey game in March and he decided he needed to go to the bathroom during the intermission. I am standing outside of the men's room playing on my phone when suddenly the door swings open and he comes rushing out and down the hallway while he yells back to me "We got to get out of here because I made it smell real bad in there!"... I just hung my head in shame, as the line of people at the popcorn stand laughed, and followed him
  • Beleg
    Beleg Posts: 227 Member
    This was a few years ago when my brother was 5 or 6. I was 18 or 19 at the time. We are watching tv and they are talking about vegetarians. My brother looks at my mom and ask what are vegetarians. My mom answers this with what do you think it is. Brother responds I think its someone who has never had sex. And before my mom can respond he looks at me and ask are you a vegetarian bubby. My mom laughed so hard she pee'd her pants. We still harass him to this day. I was crying I laughed so hard.
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    Also....

    not say but do...

    When my son was about 3 1/2 we were watching a parade. I looked away from him for a minute and when I looked back he was gone. I panicked and looked to my left and saw him playing with the controller on a paraplegic’s electric wheelchair and driving this poor man down the sidewalk. I ran to get him and pull him off the controller and he kept screaming “IT’S MY TURN”.

    omg I just LOL'd at work & am now literally crying LOL
  • jcjsjones
    jcjsjones Posts: 571 Member
    Also....

    not say but do...

    When my son was about 3 1/2 we were watching a parade. I looked away from him for a minute and when I looked back he was gone. I panicked and looked to my left and saw him playing with the controller on a paraplegic’s electric wheelchair and driving this poor man down the sidewalk. I ran to get him and pull him off the controller and he kept screaming “IT’S MY TURN”.

    Bahahahahahaha!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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