Motivation Fail

scarlettesong

I need motivation, but first a little backstory.

I joined the military and just got to my first base. I started having back pain. Long story short, I ended 2 years with chronic back and hip pain and believed I would never run again.

New base. The previous diagnosis is tossed out. More physical therapy and doctors, but I'm determined to get over this! April this year I finally got the okay to do all workouts for the first time in 2 1/2 years. I was in a class with a bunch of strangers and so motivated to do well! I had a training program from our Health Center to get me from walking to jogging 30 minutes in 10 weeks. I was AMAZED at the strides I was making and so were others. I had something to prove. In just 6 weeks I was going 3 miles in 40 minutes with a combination of walking and jogging.

Just running isn't good enough anymore. I need speed. I've been given a running program to increase speed. I tried it today and failed miserably. And this isn't a sprint. This is just running a 11:30 mile instead of a 12:00 mile. I didn't even finish a 1/4 mile at that pace. I think it's all in my head.

My husband came with me but was unable to motivate me. I know I can't motivate myself. I am my own drill instructor, yelling at myself for being too lazy and slow. I've actually made myself cry, and when I cry, I usually quit. I've asked coworkers to go with me, but they're too fast. They don't run MY pace and then I feel like crap and don't want to run anymore.

I'm also afraid. I don't want to fail my fitness test, but I'm afraid of another injury. I'm afraid I CAN'T run any faster. Keeping myself running I can do. Keeping myself running faster... how do I motivate myself for that?