Please don't attack me- I just want support/ advice

abetterjune
abetterjune Posts: 219
in Motivation and Support
I have a dilemma and my internal judgement tends to be off but this is my situation:

My son, Lachlan (3 yo), started getting sick today and by the time I put him to bed it was clear that he is likely not going to recover fully by morning. My first thought is simple and innate: stay home with him, care for him until he's better. Duh.

BUT... I have an eating disorder and Friday is the only day I am able to participate in treatment. Tomorrow I have doctors (for blood work/vitals), dietician, therapy, and case-worker (I'm trying to get insurance to enter in-patient) appointments.

Again, like I said above,my instinct is to just cancel them and be with my son.... Typically he goes to a small home day care while I take care of these things. A family member offered to watch him in the morning and my daycare provider (who actually lives in my backyard, haha) offered to "watch" him while he's napping because the family member has to get back to work. I would be home before he wakes from his nap.

So... I feel like a *terrible* mother if I go to these appointments, because I want to be home with him and take care of him. And I feel like a *terrible* mother if I don't go because it's yet another excuse to put off dealing with my eating disorder.

Why can I not see a clear choice here?

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. But, like I said in the title... Don't attack me for having an eating disorder. I didn't choose to have the thoughts that compel my actions. And I don't want to spend my time tonight defending myself.
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Replies

  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    go to your appointment. you have people who have offered to look after him and like you said he'll probably be sleep the entire time anyway.
  • gogonunubean
    gogonunubean Posts: 160 Member
    In order to be a good mom you need to look after yourself first.

    If he is very sick it would be different, but I think you should go. The snuggle up in the afternoon and have a sick day 'movie'.
  • KellyMirth
    KellyMirth Posts: 153
    Take care of yourself so that you can better take care of your son. You have people willing to support you so you can get to your appointments, allow them to help you. Hope he feels better quick.
  • DaniKenmir
    DaniKenmir Posts: 387 Member
    You can't support anyone untill you support yourself! Go to your appointment and don't let any one make you feel bad for it, it's the right thing to do
  • EndlessSacrifice
    EndlessSacrifice Posts: 325
    Go to your appointments. You need to. <3
  • HeidiYogi
    HeidiYogi Posts: 81 Member
    In order to be a good mom you need to look after yourself first.

    If he is very sick it would be different, but I think you should go. The snuggle up in the afternoon and have a sick day 'movie'.

    ^^This. You must take care of yourself first, I completely agree with this post. Good luck! I hope you have a great day tomorrow and that your son gets better soon!
  • cyberskirt
    cyberskirt Posts: 218
    Go the the appointments. You gotta take care of you too. And being a good mom is making sure you're healthy too. Your son is feeling unwell, and yes, I know you just wanna cuddle him and such, he'll get over it in a day, these appointments help ensure you're there for a lifetime.

    I vote for go to the appointments, because you have support who will watch him for you while you're gone and if you do have an eating disorder and these appointments are there to help you with that!
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
    Go to the appointments! He's not gonna feel abandoned, you aren't declaring that you don't care about him by taking care of yourself.
  • Wecandothis
    Wecandothis Posts: 1,083 Member
    I hope you stayed home. You felt guilty because you love your son more than yourself. That's okay, I get that. But you have to be healthy in order to be there for him - to adulthood. Cause he's not going to stop wanting or needing you once he turns 18. You're in this for the long haul.

    And secondly - you're worth it. Love yourself too. I hope you went, and glad you asked for advice. :) Bless you and your son, and I hope he's feeling better.
  • abetterjune
    abetterjune Posts: 219
    Okay so that's pretty clearly a unanimous vote. I was worried/ hoping this would be the general consensus. Thanks everyone. I guess I'll be going to the appointments.
  • minnie22
    minnie22 Posts: 60
    I agree with everyone go to the appointment, you can't look after your son if you don't look after yourself, you have people to help look after him while your gone so don't feel terrible he's got you when you get back (hugs)
  • trouble169
    trouble169 Posts: 3
    In order to be a good mother you have to look after yourself too. I understand your dilemma i have had the same dilemma on whether I should go to work or not because of a huge presentation. Trust me, you need to trust your own instincts on this. If you think this is just a bug and that he will sleep then go to your appointment and take care of yourself 1st. If this was a life threatening thing we probably wouldn't be having this conversation but I would definitely say be with your child. We have to be a in sync with ourselves in order to be in sync with our children. Trust your own instincts when it comes to your child and you will be just fine. Do not let outside influences influence you because you will go insane trying to do the right thing. Only you know your child trust yourself. Hope that helps and congratulations on taking the step in order to be ok with yourself!! Hope your appointment goes well.
  • bacamacho
    bacamacho Posts: 306 Member
    I hope your appointment went well and your little one is on the mend. :smile:
  • RCSketch
    RCSketch Posts: 9
    Definitely don't feel guilty about going to the appointment. You're probably more sick right now than he is. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Good luck with everything. You can do this.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    If you don't go to the appointments and take care of yourself, your son won't have a mother around to take care of him.
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
    If he's well enough to stay home, he's well enough for you to get your treatment.
  • juleszephyr
    juleszephyr Posts: 442 Member
    In order to be a good mom you need to look after yourself first.

    If he is very sick it would be different, but I think you should go. The snuggle up in the afternoon and have a sick day 'movie'.

    the above is true, to be a good Mum you need to be well. It sounds like you have support and people who have offered to help!! Go to your appointments and tackle the eating disorder. Don't beat yourself up, you are doing your best as are we all...

    Maybe rent a special DVD and treat him to his favourite tea if he's up to it, if not loads of cuddles when you get back...
  • sweetsarahj
    sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
    Hope you make it to your appointment today! You need to do this --- for him!
  • piezoeyjune
    piezoeyjune Posts: 186 Member
    If you dont take care of yourself

    you will not be able to take care of him.

    Unless he needs to be in the hospital then go to your appointments.

    Please get yourself better for your little boy.
  • tadpole242
    tadpole242 Posts: 507 Member
    I agree with everyone else. And have to say well done.
    Just an insight from a Dad, your boy will not remember the afternoon you were not there; he will be safe with the people you have trusted to care for him. He is loved and secure, and needs his mum/dad whatever. To do right by him, you have to do right for you. As parents we have to take care of our kids and to do that properly we have to actually be there.
    As my daughter was growing up, my only prayer was to have one more year with her, when she was two I wanted to live long enough so she’d remember me. When she was five I wanted to live long enough so she’d remember me taking her to school. Now she’s a teen I want to live so I can see her graduate university.
    We have to be there to make a difference, and by going to your appointment, you’ve taken a determined step towards that goal.
    Do whatever it take to live for your son.
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    In order to be a good mom you need to look after yourself first.

    If he is very sick it would be different, but I think you should go. The snuggle up in the afternoon and have a sick day 'movie'.

    ^^This. You must take care of yourself first, I completely agree with this post. Good luck! I hope you have a great day tomorrow and that your son gets better soon!

    I agree. I used to have an eating disorder and it's not something to ignore. You are as important as your son and since you have people to take care of him, I think you should take your needs seriously.
  • mmoyer1978
    mmoyer1978 Posts: 124 Member
    Go to your appointment. You need to get well so that you can be the best mom possible. You're not just helping yourself by working on you, you're helping your son have a mom who can be at her best for him. Go to your appointment.
  • windchime95
    windchime95 Posts: 1
    LET the people who offered to care for your child CARE FOR HIM. You can't be all THAT TERRIBLE IF YOU SOUGHT OUT CARE For him since the illness is not requiring hospitalization. GO TO YOUR MEETING so that you can get and stay healthy and be around for a long time for you, him etc. I'll say a prayer for you too.
  • OnionMomma
    OnionMomma Posts: 938 Member
    I hope your appointment went well!!

    Even if you didn't have a sitter to watch him, I would have been very tempted to put one of those hosptial masks on him and taken him. This is an important appointment for you. You need to go.
  • TerraGirl17
    TerraGirl17 Posts: 275 Member
    I agree with everyone here, you have to take care of you so that you can take care of him. As a mom I can completely understand where you are coming from but if he is just starting to get sick and its nothing really serious I think you should go to your appointments. You have relaible people who will care for him and you won't be gone all day.

    Also, I just wanted to say your a very brave and inspiring person to be able to admit that you have an eating disorder and take actions to work on fixing it, I know its a very hard road(one of my best friends has been struggling with this for years and only admitted recently that she has a problem). So on the note, be VERY proud of yourself and good luck on your journey!!
  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
    go to your appointment. you have people who have offered to look after him and like you said he'll probably be sleep the entire time anyway.

    ^ This.
  • 00Melyanna00
    00Melyanna00 Posts: 221 Member
    I hope you did go to the appointment and that it went well! I also hope that your son will feel better soon.
    A big hug to both of you.
  • ShaunaLaNee
    ShaunaLaNee Posts: 188 Member
    A sincere congratulations on getting treatment for an ED, the choice to do so is something most people sadly do not make. If your kid can SAFELY stay with people whom you trust. let them and take care of you. You can't take care of him if you are dead from an ED, and it is that serious:) Good luck, and best wishes too you!
  • indygal76
    indygal76 Posts: 283 Member
    Go to your appt. You have people willing to watch & care for your son.
  • oceanbigwater
    oceanbigwater Posts: 100
    When an airplane is about to crash or lose cabin pressure the life-saving oxygen masks fall and you are always instructed to secure YOUR mask first, that is so you can then save your child's life or look after them and give them the best shot at survival.....If you are not safe your child will not be either. Good luck, get help ;) god bless you.

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