extremely unhealthy spouse...

vivie72

I have been married for 10 years. When my husband and I met 13 years ago we were both very overweight and unhealthy. We enabled each other to stay that way. My weigh loss journey started 3 years ago. I reached 54lbs but recently gained back 17lbs,,,ugh I have been seeing a therapist and dealing with emotional reasons I eat. This is a work in progress. I met with a trainer that I trust and finally asked for help last week. We will be meeting weekly to work together to get off the 17lb I gained back and work on losing the next 50lb, I felt for a long time that if I asked for help it would make me weak and vulnerable. I realize that isn't true and it is my own insecurities that cause me to feel that way.

I am fully aware of why I had this set back and why I will sometimes go months and only lose a few lbs. I am fine with slow weight loss as long as I am losing inches and moving towards my goal. However, I was feeling beat down. I was tired of fighting about food, time to workout, etc. I realize that I can not make him want to lose weight. He has at least 150lbs to lose. He is a food addict and he can have mood swings. I am very fearful for his life and we have to children 7 & 9 who love him very much. Unfortunately, most people in my daily life have a very unhealthy relationship with food too. At this point, I have to let go and continue to focus on my progress.

I told him last night. Since I make dinner, it will be healthy. I can appreciate that he is angry about it but I would appreciate it if he didn't complain about it in front of the kids. We have a child on the Autism Spectrum and his eating is extremely restrictive. I have been working for years to increase his diet. Any negative talk about food makes this task more impossible. I do all the grocery shopping and almost all of the cooking. My daughter and I washed all the produce. We put them in bowls and made picking theses items easy and accessible for everyone. I am trying to change her eating habits too.

I refuse to slide back again and I am finally making progress with my kids. I don't want them to be obese ever. My husband started gaining weight at 8, All of his grandparents were diabetic. His mom is 64, diabetic and bound to a scooter because of her health choices and his dad is prediabetic. I was chubby in middle school. I lost it and then since college it has been a downward spiral. My sister had a gastric bypass several years ago and has gained it all back. My mom and stepfather are also overweight. I am determined to break the cycle for my own family.

Does anyone else have similar issues? What strategies have you tried that have worked?

theglencoegirl

i understand where you are coming from!! i have an overweight husband- who is a food addict! all we can do is focus on our journey--i have been at this for 75 days--and lost 12 lbs --and last week my husband joined the gym!!! lead by example-and support him if he ever wants to change!!!
i also do all the food shopping and cooking--we have 2 little girls who are my top priority when it comes to eating healthy!!! i focus on trying to have super yummy healthy meals so that no one even realizes they are healthy!!! (pinterest has lots of great ideas)
the only person you can work on is yourself and it sounds like you are doing a great job!!!
keep up the great work!!!

Martha_VH

Amen. Keep up the great work . He may not want to change right now, but I'm sure that he does realize what effect his unhealthy choices will have on his life.

Ask your children what their favorite fruit or vegetable is. I still eat 1 square of chocolate or a serving of something I really want, but for the most part I have tried to replace my sweets with tasty fruits instead. I love fruit so I don't always feel like I'm giving up sweets!

Sharyn913

I am in a similar boat. Weight is in issue on both sides of the family for my husband and I. Aside from my sister who is an exercise maniac, everyone in my immediate family and distant family seems to be over weight. My father in law even passed away from health issues. I have been trying to improve my health for about a year now. My husband has a long work day and generally eats fast food almost every day M-F, sometimes even twice a day. I don't want to be a nagging wife, so I encouraged him to come to the super market with me. I told him to pick out whatever he would eat for lunch, and I would wake up early to pack it. I am so proud of him for bringing lunch 3-4x this week. They have included deli meat sandwiches, bananas, carrots with ranch and assorted nuts! Much better! We watched "Food, Inc" last night and than started "Forks Over Knives" but both fell asleep so we will finish that one this evening and than watch "Sick Fat and Nearly Dead" I think that is the title. I encourage you to watch any of those movies with him. I think it will be an eye opening experience!

vivie72

You guys have great suggestions...

However, I have done all of these...I am the end of my rope. We used to shop together. He is a truck driver and even when we pack his lunch his addiction takes over and he eats his lunch plus whatever junk he stops and gets. My son who has PDD-NOS does not eat any fruits or veggies. My husband will not eat any veggies except corn (go figure) and maybe peas. He will only eat a salad if there is more dressing than lettuce. This makes for difficult meal times. However, I still cook healthy and 20 mins later he is in the kitchen eating 2 bowls of cereal. The kids have really noticed the difference and have been making comments and asking questions.

I invite him to the gym. I take the kids with me all the time. He rarely if ever goes. Maybe twice this year. I have offered to go to weight watchers, over eaters, etc with him. He finally did see a doctor for his depression. He refuses to take his meds daily so really what's the point. Finally, my son said, "Dad, we can put our medicine next to each other so I can help you to take it." He is 9. I am willing to give him or spend whatever we need to help him. He tells me all the time he wants to lose weight but refuses to take the first step. I have even showed him recipes on pinterest, skinny ms, skinny girl, etc and asked him to pick out ones he would be willing to try. I know I sound unsupportive but this is 3 years of this and I am at a loss.

jujudot

You're not alone! Last summer I was 40lbs lighter than I currently I am (thanks to MFP!), but I fell back into the cycle of comfort food/giving in to the family's complaining of "overly healthy" eating. I realize (now) that I am responsible for myself and this is my own fault. :grumble:
However, I can still include my kids in my healthy eating. If the hubby wants to bake a cake and eat it-he can eat it alone! I am bound and determined to get this weight off and be healthy for ME! If he decides he wants to join in on the journey (he could stand to loose about 40lbs himself!) then great. If not, I'm going about business as usual.