Out of curiosity....

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NJGmywholewrld
NJGmywholewrld Posts: 123 Member
in Chit-Chat
You are a married individual, with children. You move your family from one state to another to get away from a less than "pretty" past. You start to communicate, and flirt, with someone you knew over 20 years ago, who lives in the town that you moved away from. Then.....you wake up one morning and decide, "I need a break from my life, my wife/husband and my child"....and you hop in your vehicle and run right back to the town you swore you never had a reasson to retun to again. Hmmmm....being the wife/husband that was left behind, would this cause confliction in your mind? Would you consider the flirting a form of emotional infidelity?
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  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
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    I would consider that you are the sort of person who runs away from their problems instead of facing them, and that you should probably seek the help of a mental health professional to figure out why you would rather sabotage your marriage and motherhood than do what needs to be done.
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
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    The way you set up the post, it sounds like you are the one being slighted. Left with the kids. Anyways, yeah, he's totally cheating on you.
    -wtk
  • alleycat88
    alleycat88 Posts: 756 Member
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    Screw the infidelity at that point. You move me and the kids to another city just to leave us alone. Yeah you better not show your face again. I would cut a *****. lol
  • fitpilatesqueen
    fitpilatesqueen Posts: 337
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    I don´t understand why married people flirt with other people. In my mind that is just as good as cheating. If a partner would reat me like this, move me to another state then go back after flirting with someone, our relationship would be over.
  • Selma10001984
    Selma10001984 Posts: 206 Member
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    I wouldn't have a doubt in my mind about it.
    Its either facing the facts. Have a serious talk with the other person, seek a professional if necessary. If the other person doesn;t want to face the facts and continues the behavior you should be ready to move on.
    Good luck with it.
  • alleycat88
    alleycat88 Posts: 756 Member
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    I honestly don't mind my SO working up his appetite elsewhere, as long as he eats at home.

    Honestly it's about trust and a little bit of flirting is healthy IMO. of course there are limits as with everything else in life.
  • 3LittleMonkeyMom
    3LittleMonkeyMom Posts: 259
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    I don´t understand why married people flirt with other people. In my mind that is just as good as cheating. If a partner would reat me like this, move me to another state then go back after flirting with someone, our relationship would be over.

    I agree with this.

    There is no need for a married man/woman to flirt with ANYONE. And if you abandon me and our kids? GOODBYE.
    Don't come back.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I have to say that if that happened to me, I would tell my spouse that it was a permanent break and to not bother trying to come back home. I don't share, plain and simple.
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
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    I don´t understand why married people flirt with other people. In my mind that is just as good as cheating. If a partner would reat me like this, move me to another state then go back after flirting with someone, our relationship would be over.

    I agree with this.

    There is no need for a married man/woman to flirt with ANYONE. And if you abandon me and our kids? GOODBYE.
    Don't come back.

    A million times, this.
  • nwhitley
    nwhitley Posts: 619
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    The fact that the spouse actually left their partner and children in a new city for a "break" is worrisome. As another poster said, obviously they have a problem with facing their problems head on b/c they left one city for another and then left that city. It's hard to know whether the person is cheating or not, but it's definitely clear that he/she is struggling with some unresolved issues. Not sure that I would take the person back until they have dealt with whatever they are running from.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,691 Member
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    I have to say that if that happened to me, I would tell my spouse that it was a permanent break and to not bother trying to come back home. I don't share, plain and simple.


    perfectly said!
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    Go do you...if he gets a break, so do you.
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
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    You are a married individual, with children. You move your family from one state to another to get away from a less than "pretty" past. You start to communicate, and flirt, with someone you knew over 20 years ago, who lives in the town that you moved away from. Then.....you wake up one morning and decide, "I need a break from my life, my wife/husband and my child"....and you hop in your vehicle and run right back to the town you swore you never had a reasson to retun to again. Hmmmm....being the wife/husband that was left behind, would this cause confliction in your mind? Would you consider the flirting a form of emotional infidelity?

    Whats he not getting at home that he can get back where he came from? The food network is having a Sammich making marathon starting Wednesday at 11:00 PM--maybe check it out?????
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Get a lawyer, change the locks.
    Move your money.
  • NJGmywholewrld
    NJGmywholewrld Posts: 123 Member
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    I am not one who usually airs my laundry to the outside world, but at this point I have no friends and I have no family. My husband and my son are all that I have. I do not want anyone to misunderstand. I did not and will not ever leave my family. My son is my purpose for being. This is something that my husband has decided to do. This past Friday, he decided that he needed a break from the stress that my son and I apparently put upon him. We are not allowed to go anywhere with him, not even so much as a drive to the grocery store. After working all day, he then comes home and says that he needs a break and off he goes. I have been with him for 6 years and up until 2 1/5 years ago, I am the one that worked and he stayed home to do as he wanted. I then had my son and he moved us to another state to run from the addictive demons of his past life. The demons that I stood by him and helped him fight off. I have always believed that when it comes to cheating, if it is something done or said that cannot be done or said in front of you SO, than it is cheating. I have been cheated on and have forgiven many times. I cannot just up and leave. I have no money, no car and no access to either. I am just going through the emotions and trying to maintain a stable life for my son and fake a pretty smile. I appreciate everyones advice. I think that is why I came here, top get an unbiased opinion.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Looking at your profile it says "learning to love yourself". And a good step towards that would be demand he change his ways, or leave.
    There is ALWaYS a way.

    I am sorry you are going through this, and even sorrier you don't see how much better you deserve.
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
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    @NicksMommy224, maybe suggest that you two get some counselling? If he doesn't want to, or thinks it's pointless, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't care about the relationship enough to work on it? If he's cheating, why would you forgive him? Because you love him, or because you think there's nothing else?

    If I was you, I would contact family that you're close with (wherever they are) and explain the situation. Maybe you can make arrangements with someone to stay with them for awhile until you can land on your feet. It would likely be a tough go for a bit in terms of adjustment, finding a job, relying on other's help, that kind of thing, but ultimately, isn't that better than the alternative?
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
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    Flirting is harmless to me, its pretty naive to think because you're with someone you suddenly find no one else attractive, or no one finds you so. The infidelity comes from the lying, inappropiate tones, and of course acting on said flirtation
  • TonyM1984
    TonyM1984 Posts: 267
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    Some people think that the grass is greener on the other side, like if they wouldnt have any problems whatsoever with the "other" one. They tend to create a fantasy filled with the perfect setting and then act upon that fantasy. The worst part is that the kids are the ones that hurt the most, "where is daddy?".
  • Melanie_RS
    Melanie_RS Posts: 417 Member
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    people don't take "breaks" from their kids like that. if you need a break, get a massage or get out of the house for an afternoon.

    you don't leave them.

    and I don't know if it's YOU or your spouse or friends or whatever...but, besides the issue of if it's flirting or cheating...

    HOW ABOUT ITS ABANDONING THE CHILDREN that's the biggest issue.

    GROW THE F UP. (to whoever is doing the leaving)

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