Out of curiosity....

NJGmywholewrld

You are a married individual, with children. You move your family from one state to another to get away from a less than "pretty" past. You start to communicate, and flirt, with someone you knew over 20 years ago, who lives in the town that you moved away from. Then.....you wake up one morning and decide, "I need a break from my life, my wife/husband and my child"....and you hop in your vehicle and run right back to the town you swore you never had a reasson to retun to again. Hmmmm....being the wife/husband that was left behind, would this cause confliction in your mind? Would you consider the flirting a form of emotional infidelity?

bathsheba_c

I would consider that you are the sort of person who runs away from their problems instead of facing them, and that you should probably seek the help of a mental health professional to figure out why you would rather sabotage your marriage and motherhood than do what needs to be done.

ket_the_jet

The way you set up the post, it sounds like you are the one being slighted. Left with the kids. Anyways, yeah, he's totally cheating on you.
-wtk

alleycat88

Screw the infidelity at that point. You move me and the kids to another city just to leave us alone. Yeah you better not show your face again. I would cut a *****. lol

fitpilatesqueen

I don´t understand why married people flirt with other people. In my mind that is just as good as cheating. If a partner would reat me like this, move me to another state then go back after flirting with someone, our relationship would be over.

Selma10001984

I wouldn't have a doubt in my mind about it.
Its either facing the facts. Have a serious talk with the other person, seek a professional if necessary. If the other person doesn;t want to face the facts and continues the behavior you should be ready to move on.
Good luck with it.

alleycat88

I honestly don't mind my SO working up his appetite elsewhere, as long as he eats at home.

Honestly it's about trust and a little bit of flirting is healthy IMO. of course there are limits as with everything else in life.

3LittleMonkeyMom

I don´t understand why married people flirt with other people. In my mind that is just as good as cheating. If a partner would reat me like this, move me to another state then go back after flirting with someone, our relationship would be over.

I agree with this.

There is no need for a married man/woman to flirt with ANYONE. And if you abandon me and our kids? GOODBYE.
Don't come back.

hbrittingham

I have to say that if that happened to me, I would tell my spouse that it was a permanent break and to not bother trying to come back home. I don't share, plain and simple.

AprilRenewed

I don´t understand why married people flirt with other people. In my mind that is just as good as cheating. If a partner would reat me like this, move me to another state then go back after flirting with someone, our relationship would be over.

I agree with this.

There is no need for a married man/woman to flirt with ANYONE. And if you abandon me and our kids? GOODBYE.
Don't come back.

A million times, this.

nwhitley

The fact that the spouse actually left their partner and children in a new city for a "break" is worrisome. As another poster said, obviously they have a problem with facing their problems head on b/c they left one city for another and then left that city. It's hard to know whether the person is cheating or not, but it's definitely clear that he/she is struggling with some unresolved issues. Not sure that I would take the person back until they have dealt with whatever they are running from.

iLoveMyPitbull1225

I have to say that if that happened to me, I would tell my spouse that it was a permanent break and to not bother trying to come back home. I don't share, plain and simple.

perfectly said!

felice03

Go do you...if he gets a break, so do you.

CountryBoy65

You are a married individual, with children. You move your family from one state to another to get away from a less than "pretty" past. You start to communicate, and flirt, with someone you knew over 20 years ago, who lives in the town that you moved away from. Then.....you wake up one morning and decide, "I need a break from my life, my wife/husband and my child"....and you hop in your vehicle and run right back to the town you swore you never had a reasson to retun to again. Hmmmm....being the wife/husband that was left behind, would this cause confliction in your mind? Would you consider the flirting a form of emotional infidelity?

Whats he not getting at home that he can get back where he came from? The food network is having a Sammich making marathon starting Wednesday at 11:00 PM--maybe check it out?????

oregonzoo

Get a lawyer, change the locks.
Move your money.

NJGmywholewrld

I am not one who usually airs my laundry to the outside world, but at this point I have no friends and I have no family. My husband and my son are all that I have. I do not want anyone to misunderstand. I did not and will not ever leave my family. My son is my purpose for being. This is something that my husband has decided to do. This past Friday, he decided that he needed a break from the stress that my son and I apparently put upon him. We are not allowed to go anywhere with him, not even so much as a drive to the grocery store. After working all day, he then comes home and says that he needs a break and off he goes. I have been with him for 6 years and up until 2 1/5 years ago, I am the one that worked and he stayed home to do as he wanted. I then had my son and he moved us to another state to run from the addictive demons of his past life. The demons that I stood by him and helped him fight off. I have always believed that when it comes to cheating, if it is something done or said that cannot be done or said in front of you SO, than it is cheating. I have been cheated on and have forgiven many times. I cannot just up and leave. I have no money, no car and no access to either. I am just going through the emotions and trying to maintain a stable life for my son and fake a pretty smile. I appreciate everyones advice. I think that is why I came here, top get an unbiased opinion.

oregonzoo

Looking at your profile it says "learning to love yourself". And a good step towards that would be demand he change his ways, or leave.
There is ALWaYS a way.

I am sorry you are going through this, and even sorrier you don't see how much better you deserve.

KCoolBeanz

@NicksMommy224, maybe suggest that you two get some counselling? If he doesn't want to, or thinks it's pointless, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't care about the relationship enough to work on it? If he's cheating, why would you forgive him? Because you love him, or because you think there's nothing else?

If I was you, I would contact family that you're close with (wherever they are) and explain the situation. Maybe you can make arrangements with someone to stay with them for awhile until you can land on your feet. It would likely be a tough go for a bit in terms of adjustment, finding a job, relying on other's help, that kind of thing, but ultimately, isn't that better than the alternative?

Darkskinned88

Flirting is harmless to me, its pretty naive to think because you're with someone you suddenly find no one else attractive, or no one finds you so. The infidelity comes from the lying, inappropiate tones, and of course acting on said flirtation

TonyM1984

Some people think that the grass is greener on the other side, like if they wouldnt have any problems whatsoever with the "other" one. They tend to create a fantasy filled with the perfect setting and then act upon that fantasy. The worst part is that the kids are the ones that hurt the most, "where is daddy?".

Melanie_RS

people don't take "breaks" from their kids like that. if you need a break, get a massage or get out of the house for an afternoon.

you don't leave them.

and I don't know if it's YOU or your spouse or friends or whatever...but, besides the issue of if it's flirting or cheating...

HOW ABOUT ITS ABANDONING THE CHILDREN that's the biggest issue.

GROW THE F UP. (to whoever is doing the leaving)

Molly_Maguire

Flirting is not a form of cheating, it **IS** cheating. IMO, any kind of activity involving the opposite sex that you purposely keep secret from your spouse is cheating!!!

gwduker

I am not one who usually airs my laundry to the outside world, but at this point I have no friends and I have no family. My husband and my son are all that I have. I do not want anyone to misunderstand. I did not and will not ever leave my family. My son is my purpose for being. This is something that my husband has decided to do. This past Friday, he decided that he needed a break from the stress that my son and I apparently put upon him. We are not allowed to go anywhere with him, not even so much as a drive to the grocery store. After working all day, he then comes home and says that he needs a break and off he goes. I have been with him for 6 years and up until 2 1/5 years ago, I am the one that worked and he stayed home to do as he wanted. I then had my son and he moved us to another state to run from the addictive demons of his past life. The demons that I stood by him and helped him fight off. I have always believed that when it comes to cheating, if it is something done or said that cannot be done or said in front of you SO, than it is cheating. I have been cheated on and have forgiven many times. I cannot just up and leave. I have no money, no car and no access to either. I am just going through the emotions and trying to maintain a stable life for my son and fake a pretty smile. I appreciate everyones advice. I think that is why I came here, top get an unbiased opinion.

Sounds like MY ex. Cut your losses. Move your money, cancel credit cards, change locks. Leave the looser and get on with your life with your son. Been there, done that.

lydia_the_tattooed_lady

Flirting is harmless to me, its pretty naive to think because you're with someone you suddenly find no one else attractive, or no one finds you so. The infidelity comes from the lying, inappropiate tones, and of course acting on said flirtation

I agree with this ^ ^ it's innocent until you make it otherwise!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Sounds to me like he's cheating and a child. I'd consult a lawyer and a counselor, he can take his pick which one he talks to.

JMPerlin

people don't take "breaks" from their kids like that. if you need a break, get a massage or get out of the house for an afternoon.

you don't leave them.

and I don't know if it's YOU or your spouse or friends or whatever...but, besides the issue of if it's flirting or cheating...

HOW ABOUT ITS ABANDONING THE CHILDREN that's the biggest issue.

GROW THE F UP. (to whoever is doing the leaving)

I agree with this! That is what the NFL season or whatever sport you enjoy, along with gyms, message therapists, man caves, and national parks are for.

hbrittingham

If he's a previous addict, there's a possibility that this person he went to be with is also a user and he's fallen off the wagon. Or his addiction has shifted from one thing to another. Still not acceptable as far as I am concerned. I am married to a recovering addict and I can tell you that if he ever had pulled what your husband has pulled, I wouldn't still be married to him.

You and your child deserve better than what you've got going on right now.

Melanie_RS

OMG poor you, I just read your follow up post - which didn't post when I posted mine - so mine sounded horrible!

You definitely don't deserve what he's doing. It's great you stood beside him through some things, but you can't always keep standing by and holding his hand. He'll have to be let go. It has nothing to do with you, it's all him. you couldn't have done anything differently, said anything differently, whatever....there's nothing to blame on your part. period!

I'm sure your heart is breaking and it's a horrible spot to be in. I wish I had more answers because the reality of it is that resources can be difficult - if it means a roof over your head and food on your table, let him go and let him do whatever until you can get things together for you and your son. You need to make arrangements. And it sucks that he's leaving you in such a predicament. If he's gone, he's gone. But, you still need to make sure you have things for you and your son.

You could kindly suggest counseling - but the reality of that might be slim to none. Does he have any friends you could confide in and they could speak to him? do you have family you could stay with?

I really wish you the best, it's a tough spot and I'm so sorry.

duell55

Friend, it isn't my business, but it sounds like whatever happens you need a community of friends who love you and your family unconditionally. We all need that. Honestly, the place where I have found people take care of each other well is church. Christians certainly aren't perfect, and they certainly are hypocrites, but aren't we all?

Try the local United Methodist Church. I go to one myself. I'm sure you could even take the family in and talk with the pastor for a listening ear.

NJGmywholewrld

Just want to take a moment and say thanks for all of the advice. I am in a clearer state of mind now. I have taken steps to continue with best possible life for my son and I. If my husband is on board, than great! If not, I cannot help him any longer. He needs to help himself. Again, thank you...and please know that the advice did not fall at deafs ear.

SofaKingRad

Pssh, sounds legit to me!