Not pregnant, just fat

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  • DargoMack
    DargoMack Posts: 75 Member
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    What makes people think they can even ask that? Why is this okay? People have zero social graces and are way too nosey.

    I was once asked by a 2 yr old why I had such a big belly, but never (to my face) have people thought I might be pregnant.
  • jenwalton
    jenwalton Posts: 87 Member
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    I've been asked a couple of times "When's it due?" - "It's not, I'm fat!"

    The other week I was at choir practice, standing next to a very slender girl. I looked down & thought "She's pregnant" - there was this round tum sticking out on my right. I wondered whether to say anything & decided not to - let her tell me. During a break she told me she'd been really embarassed earlier that day - she'd met a friend who'd asked her when her baby was due, and she was mortified to have to say that she wasn't pregnant. I was so glad I'd kept quiet!

    Thanks for this - even more proof that it is NEVER a good idea to ask!
  • candy_mcswole
    candy_mcswole Posts: 33 Member
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    This is the WORST especially if you're working in customer service.. sometimes you have to grin and bear it when you really wish an anvil would fall out of the sky onto them. Got to be honest though... there's been several times I've looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself the same question! Lol.
    Don't let it get you down though; use that negativity as fuel to go harder in the gym!

    Feel free to add me. :)
  • alweiski
    alweiski Posts: 3
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    This happened to me once at work. A male co-worker asked me when I was due. He was totally embarrassed when I told him that I wasn't pregnant. I felt bad for him as soon as he realized what a mistake he had made. I had gained weight from being pregnant, but my baby was a toddler at the time. That's the first time I lost the weight...then I got pregnant again! No excuses this time as my baby is now 8 yrs old and there is no more pregnancies!
  • jenwalton
    jenwalton Posts: 87 Member
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    I had this happen once. I was sitting in a booth at a restaurant near the kitchen. About to order some nice fattening food I am sure. Our waitress not only asked when I was due, she rubbed my belly! I was mortified. I am sure my response was not so polite to her. She was so embarrassed, went into the kitchen and told all the staff, who then kept peeking out at the fat chick. I got up and just left the restaurant. The manager chased my bf down, packed up our meals to go, and gave them to us free. Needless to say, I never went back there.

    I had completely forgotten about that experience until now....

    That is terrible!!!! What a terrible person for sharing her faux pas with the kitchen staff!!! Yikes... But looking at your ticker, it looks like those days are behind you! What an awesome weight loss!!! Congrats!
  • bellabijou
    bellabijou Posts: 82 Member
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    When are people going to learn it is not okay to ask that question!? Even more so, why the hell do complete strangers think it is ok to just go up to pregnant ( or so they think) women and rub their belly!?!
  • dzilobommo
    dzilobommo Posts: 73 Member
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    My sympathies to all you ladies! If you feel bad, just think how embarrassed the other person must feel...hopefully it'll teach them never to ask such an insensitive question again! Obviously if you WERE pregnant and wanted them to know, you would just tell them rather than inviting them to figure it out for themselves - d'oh!

    I sort of got asked that question in a roundabout way once...I was well in the 'normal' range at the time, but was not fit at all and had terrible posture which I'm sure didn't help. I was waiting for the bus when an old lady came up to me and asked if I was married. When I said no, she pulled a very judgmental face and walked off. It took me a while to figure out that she obviously thought I was expecting a child out of wedlock and didn't approve :laugh: It did sting at the time cos I didn't think my stomach was that bulgy!

    Anyway I've been extra careful ever since - I will not comment on the size of anyone's belly! Even if they have told me they are pregnant and it is clearly a bump not a bulge - I'm not going to risk causing anxiety about how big/little the bump looks at a particular stage...

    Lesson: Commenting on women's figures is a minefield - people should refrain unless they've got something entirely and unambiguously positive to say! :wink:
  • andy2486
    andy2486 Posts: 93 Member
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    That has only happened to me once, thankfully. An older man who was waiting in the lobby of my work said "Oh, you look like you are in the family way." I replied with a smile, "No, actually I'm not. Working on losing and I have lost 20 pounds so far. But thanks anyway." I wasn't completely offended since he did seem a little sorry for asking. :)
  • Classyandra
    Classyandra Posts: 74 Member
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    It happens to me about once a month. I want to cry every time! It is so awkward! I didn't like people rubing my belly when I was preggo! And now they do it to my fat? gesh! I get that my arms and legs are skinny and all my weight is in my boobs and belly but it still hurts! I had my 2 month old baby with me and a lady still asked me, ummm do the math lady! Sorry it happend to you! I'll send you a request support is always helpful!
  • summerdreamingxx
    summerdreamingxx Posts: 3
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    I am too young to weigh this much. I weigh 190 and want to get down to 130, I'm 17 and I'm looking for all the support I can get! Please add me!
  • ambisweet
    ambisweet Posts: 25
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    This happened to me when I was working at at Dollar General, running the cash register.
    This lady was checking out and asked when I was due. Me being the usually anti social person that I am, just looked at her and nonchalantly said "I'm fat". Haha, she then proceeded to say, "Oh well, your nose looks swollen" I remember thinking...yeah, cause I'm fat....LoL.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
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    This happened to me when I was a hostess at a fine dining Italian restaurant (yummy gourmet pasta, no wonder I was fat :embarassed: )

    I was standing at my station with my hand resting on my belly (didn't even realize I was in the habit of using my fat belly as a shelf prior to this)

    One of my regulars came up and handed me a tip and said "Buy something for the baby" :sad:

    I was so embarrassed. (and quit resting my hand on my belly after that) :frown:
  • Missysaurus_Rex
    Missysaurus_Rex Posts: 21
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    I know exactly how you feel! I was at work and a lady asked me when i was due... It's hard not to blow up on people in a situation like this, but thats why we stick together and motivate the crap out of each other! You can do it girl, just like the rest of us can!
  • soehlerking
    soehlerking Posts: 589 Member
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    Been there. My childhood Sunday School teacher is in her mid-80s and she asked me (at a table full of friends and family) when I was expecting...can't be mad at her for her insensitivity, but it definitely provided me with a wake-up call.
  • ctybor360
    ctybor360 Posts: 2
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    I just had the same thing happen to me on friday by my new manager. I said no, I just look like I am and then he decided to give me workout tips. Surprisingly I was not embarrassed, just motivated.
  • jlbram03
    jlbram03 Posts: 31 Member
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    I was asked if I was pregnant just last week by a customer at work. This is the third time in my life I've been asked, and it's always been by customers. The first two times were before I had lost weight, and (while absolutely mortifying) it was more understandable.

    As of last week, I was down about 35 pounds and at the lowest weight I've been for a while. I've got a long way to go in my weight loss journey, but still. I was feeling pretty good about myself that day, wearing one of my favorite dresses and thinking I looked kind of cute. I have terrible self-esteem, so it was a big thing for me to feel positively towards myself. I even got hit on by a guy before I came into work, which is equally as rare.

    I was getting a shirt down for a customer, and she was concerned it would be too tight in the stomach for her to wear. She eyes me, motions to my stomach and says, "Yeah, you know what I mean". I flinched, but it got worse: "Your pregnant, aren't you?" she asks, already moving her hand towards my stomach. I literally jumped out of her way. I felt my face heat up and the tears well up in my eyes. I wanted to run into the break room and sob. Instead, I looked her in the eye and said, "No, I've actually lost 35 pounds. But thank you for giving me the motivation to continue losing". She didn't even apologize, just mumbled a "Oh, good for you" before turning around to ignore me.

    It just hurts because I'm trying SO hard. I'm trying to become healthier and to better my self-confidence. But when someone makes a comment like that, it shatters any progress I've made in self-esteem and makes me feel worthless again. What makes things worse is that I was wearing Spanx underneath my dress, and she still thought I was pregnant. I loved that dress, but I don't think I can ever wear it again.

    I'll happily accept friend requests from anyone who can relate to this situation. Let's get fit together so no one will ever ask us that question again. Unless, you know, we actually are pregnant. =)
  • tbskipp
    tbskipp Posts: 184 Member
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    I used to get asked that question about once every few months -- I've always had a pooch, and it used to infuriate me. My husband used to hate it, too, because I'd usually be a boo-hooing basket case for a few days afterward.

    The funny thing is, everybody who said that to me was FEMALE, and 98% of them had kids in tow! I thought they'd know better.

    I've never had a guy ask me that -- I think most guys stay faaaaar away from that question.

    I'm glad you're finding motivation in that not-so-fun moment!!

    I agree.. most men tend to know that is a MINEFIELD. :noway:

    I was at a wedding in early June. Drinking heavily and enjoying myself. With obvious alcoholic drink in hand, a friend's mom asked me "When i was due." DRINK IN HAND! I really wanted to punch her. I have felt that way sooo many times when asked.

    And i have told the stupid question askers "I'm not pregnant. Thanks for asking. I wish i was. I'm just fat."
    When you have struggled with infertility - i think you should be allowed to punch someone for asking you if you are pregnant. I have certainly wanted to. Unless a woman is wearing a shirt with an arrow pointing to the belly that says "Baby ON BOARD" - DON'T ASK or COMMENT. Seriously.

    And a complete stranger walk up and rub your belly? :noway: That is SO insane. When i was pregnant, if someone asked, i'd let them. Otherwise, you guessed it, i'd probably punch them.

    Glad to know I am not the only one here. Cheers to flat stomachs!! :drinker:
  • BreakingUpWith75lbs_Cass
    BreakingUpWith75lbs_Cass Posts: 181
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    Been there :/
  • FatCopThinCop
    FatCopThinCop Posts: 40 Member
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    Well, I guess you know what to do then and I am glad you are working on it. Good for you. Sorry you had to lie.

    For me, My Doctor said, "So what is your plan to get rid of this Beach Ball?"

    I did not know I had a beach ball anywhere on my body but he was glad to poiunt it out for me.


    I will join up with you if you would like. I talk to many here on MFP. So Feel free to join in.


    Bye for now,

    Paul

    I will send you the invite in a few.
  • chickky311
    chickky311 Posts: 17
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    This happened to me to --at work of all places. Over the course of a few months, I was asked if I was pregnant, or some people asked me when I was due, or told me congratulations on the baby...from many different co-workers at work. I just kind of jokingly said no I'm not pregnant, just need to stop eating junk food....or some lame response like that. It was so embarassing. I generally go back and forth pretty frequently between trying to eat healthy and lose weight....and just eating normal (ie whatever I want). It's when I'm eating just whatever I want that I tend to get that round belly look....and I'm not even overweight really. I'm 5'6, approx 137 lbs......so yeah. Embarassing...I feel for you!

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