I am so lost without my mom......

kimcat73

So I started this weight loss journey about 6 months ago and started out really great.....losing 2 pounds a week seem so easy and it just dropped off. But back on August 22 I lost my mom to a heart attack. It was incredibly sudden and even though she was having chest pains for 3 weeks, she never told me. I don't live close so all I had was phone calls. She was my best friend and I just can't believe she didn't tell me. I know she didn't want to worry me, but I would have pushed her to go to the hospital! I just feel like she gave up trying to live.

So needless to say, my weight loss efforts were derailed and I can't even think about eating healthy and exercise. I just don't have it in me. I'm so lost without her:( You would think that knowing she died because of her weight and diabetes and cholesterol that this might spur me to be healthier but it really is having the opposite effect. I just don't care anymore. I don't even care how I look, dress, etc. I make no extra effort to look good. I've gained 10 pounds since then and I could really care less.

I was supposed to be on track towards surgery for weight loss but when I was doing so well, I pretty much thought I didn't need it. Now I'm back to the beginning thinking maybe I do need it. I just feel so alone. I have no husband, no kids. It's just me. I sometimes feel like I'll never meet anyone the way I am. I used to have my mom to talk to, to vent to, to commiserate with. She knew everything about me and knew how I was feeling without me having to tell her. I miss her so much and wish I knew when it will stop hurting so much.

So I know its strange to share so much with strangers, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

hedkie

I'm so sorry about your mom. I can only imagine how horrible that must be. It seems to me that it's much more important for you to take care of yourself, generally, than specifically to focus on weight loss at a time like this. Could you look into some kind of grief counselling for now and see where things go from there? Try not to beat yourself up -- I'm sure it's not what your mom would have wanted.

Mindful_Trent

I doesn't really sound like you're looking for advice - more a place to vent, but I just thought I might throw in my 2-cents. You might consider finding a counselor/therapist to talk to about some of this. I've had a rough past 18-months (not nearly as rough as you) and when I started noticing symptoms of depression in myself (some of which it sounds like you exhibit) I decided to bite the bullet and start seeing someone. It's been about 6 months now and I'm really glad I made that decision - I don't think I would be where I am (successfully following a diet/exercise plan) if it weren't for that. Having someone I can talk to every week or every other week who can help me look at things with a new perspective and make observances that I may not notice on my own is a huge help. If you were to find someone to go to that you were comfortable with, he or she would likely be able to help you process your grief in a healthy way that allows you to 'get back on track' with things in your life.

Good luck and I'm so sorry you lost someone so important to you. However you do it, may you find the peace you need to heal. :flowerforyou:

BrenNew

So I started this weight loss journey about 6 months ago and started out really great.....losing 2 pounds a week seem so easy and it just dropped off. But back on August 22 I lost my mom to a heart attack. It was incredibly sudden and even though she was having chest pains for 3 weeks, she never told me. I don't live close so all I had was phone calls. She was my best friend and I just can't believe she didn't tell me. I know she didn't want to worry me, but I would have pushed her to go to the hospital! I just feel like she gave up trying to live.

So needless to say, my weight loss efforts were derailed and I can't even think about eating healthy and exercise. I just don't have it in me. I'm so lost without her:( You would think that knowing she died because of her weight and diabetes and cholesterol that this might spur me to be healthier but it really is having the opposite effect. I just don't care anymore. I don't even care how I look, dress, etc. I make no extra effort to look good. I've gained 10 pounds since then and I could really care less.

I was supposed to be on track towards surgery for weight loss but when I was doing so well, I pretty much thought I didn't need it. Now I'm back to the beginning thinking maybe I do need it. I just feel so alone. I have no husband, no kids. It's just me. I sometimes feel like I'll never meet anyone the way I am. I used to have my mom to talk to, to vent to, to commiserate with. She knew everything about me and knew how I was feeling without me having to tell her. I miss her so much and wish I knew when it will stop hurting so much.

So I know its strange to share so much with strangers, I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

I'm sooo sorry for your loss! :sad: I also envy the close relationship you had with your mother, I've never felt close to mine. :indifferent:
I can feel your pain through your post, and only wish I had some words that might help ease it somewhat. But, I don't. :frown: I guess time will be the only thing to help do that.
I would like to say though that when I came to MFP and started losing the weight that I so desperately wanted to lose, it really helped me start feeling better about myself. Being in control of my food, instead of the food controling me, was a wonderful feeling! And the members are all so helpful and friendly. I guess I'll just suggest that you really try to stick with MFP and do lots of post reading AND writing, as well as "working with your numbers" and see if maybe somehow, THAT'LL help you out, with the way you're feeling.
I wish you the best, and hope that things DO get better for you soon.

DeeDeeLHF

My deepest sympathies for the loss of your mother. My mom is my best friend too and I know that it will be difficult for me as well.

Try very hard to reach out to those who love you. Are there others that you can trust? It might be that others just don't know what to do or say to you. Six months is really not that long for a major loss like this. Allow yourself the room to grieve!!! Can you grieve instead of eat? I mean, grieving should include taking very good care of yourself physically. I am not doing a very good job of expressing myself today but what I am trying to say is to love yourself and give yourself room. Cut back on things that are not necessary and reach out to others. Don't try to distract yourself from your pain but accept it and love yourself. Love yourself enough to do what is best. Maybe this is not a good time to try to lose weight fast but if you simply do good things for yourself like eating healthy and maybe walking. Embrace this time don't run from it or stuff it in.

If you have faith, pray that God will help you.

Again include others in this part of your life.

If there is no one or that just does not seem to be working... I agree that you might want to consider seeing a counselor and talking to your doctor.

My prayers are with you.

sleitner

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. It sounds like the two of you were very close. As hard as it may be to commit to diet and exercise at this time, take it in baby steps. Just going for a 15 minute walk will help clear your mind and deal with your emotions. Then you can tackle this head-on when you are ready.

BrendaLee

Hi Hun...I'm sorry for your loss...I lost my dad some years ago, and brother this past summer...but the thought of losing my mother...I just don't know how I would go on. I do know that things do get easier with time. If now isn't the time for you to continue your weight loss journey, then it isn't the time. Eventually you will feel stronger again. You know...your mom would want you to be healthy and to have a good life, so maybe someday soon that will become your motivation. Please don't make any decisions regarding weight loss surgery right now...it's definitely not the time to decide on something as big as that.

All of that love that you and your mother shared is still there. I was thinking about this the other day as I thought about my brother and my father...they do still exist, and will as long as we have those memories of the times we shared with them. Your mom's not suffering now, and she wouldn't want you to suffer...so take care of yourself.

tiffanygil

No one can tell you anything to make it better. But I will tell you I am here for you if you need to vent, laugh or cry. No one ever replaces your mom (Ever). but I also know as close as you guys were this is not the life she would have chosen for you. I bet she was very proud of your wt loss. Maybe thats were you can gain strength.

Also the antidepresent is a very good idea, I kw there is a lot of myths about them 1st that they are long term. Most people don't need them for the rest of their lives just to help them get through.

And of course pray, and I will be praying for you too.

memaw66

I am so sorry for your loss. I can truely say that I totally understand where you are coming from.

In 2007 my dad passed away and then mom got sick. My daughter and I were the only ones taking care of her. She was my very best friend. It was always me and mom against the world when I was young. My parents divorced when I was 9 and I went with my mom, my sister went with my dad.
Then 20 years later my parents remarried and were together for 10 years before dad died. Well while mom was sick my entire family on mom's side and my only sister turned against me. Well Mom died 9 months after dad died. So in the span of 9 months, I lost my dad, my mom and my entire family. Mom's been gone a year and a half now and I miss her sooooo much. I lost my job last month and d really need her to talk to. Oh how I would love to be able to just pick up the phone and call her. When I clean house and dust her pictures I just cry and cry and cry. So I do understand how you feel.
Just keep talking to her, don't feel strange about it. She is always with you.
If you need to talk just send me an email.

Memaw

Georg

I'm so sorry about your pain...
it's hard to be without your mom.
I miss my mom, too. Many times I think of her & realize she's the only one in my life who always loved me - no matter what. Everyone else in my life wants or needs something, no matter how much they care.

Hang in there & if you need to vent or just talk, we're here.

roshong06

I'm so sorry for your loss...my mom is my very best friend and I can't imagine what you are going thru. If you need someone to talk to or just need to vent, I am a good listener. :frown:

arewethereyet

I am just so sorry for your loss. :brokenheart:

havingitall

I am so sorry for your loss. We tend to think our parents will always be there because they always were. I lost my mother 3 1/2 years ago. She, as well, had diabetes and heart problems and died very unexpectedly. My father passed away less than six weeks after her due to pancreatic cancer.

It is hard. Give yourself time to grieve but do remember that the best way to deal with the stress of the loss is proper diet, exercise and a good night's sleep.

I only wish that my Mom could see me now. She would be proud.

debmac63

I too am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom, my best friend, 4 years ago to lung cancer. I also went through a period of time where I didn't care about my weight, how I looked, etc. I just missed my mom. I did have my husband here but he really couldn't understand what I was going through at the time. (He does now because his mom just died 3 weeks ago from lung cancer) He could say all the right things, etc. but it didn't really matter at the time.

I was already overweight when she died and not taking care of myself after that didn't help me at all. Eventually I realized I was too heavy and miserable to go on the way I was and my mom would have been so upset with me if she had been here to see how big I had gotten.

Give yourself time to grieve your loss. And I agree with whoever said to wait on the surgery. You said yourself that when you were losing weight you thought you might not need the surgery. Give yourself time to heal from this and then see where you're at. MFP'ers will be here to help you every step of the way.

God bless and my prayers are with you!

ivykivy

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is nothing I can say to soothe your broken heart. But I will pray for you. As others have stated grief counseling with a church or a local group may help you. We are here for you.:brokenheart: And remember your mom gave you life and would want you to have the richest, healthiest, most fulfilling life possible. You honor her by caring for yourself:flowerforyou: .

lindyloser100

I just joined today, but my weight loss journey began very long ago.... with the loss of my mother who was 40 years old and died unexpectedly of a heart attack. She was young, in the prime of her life, and burning the candle at both ends trying to be a single mom, go to college, work, take care of a home and family, and, yes, have a little social life herself. Guess this world was just too stressful for her. She died two weeks after my 21st birthday. I lived away and absolutely did not expect it. Darnest thing was I had moved to Texas to try and help my dad who was having health issues and thought he needed me. I was gone a short while when SHE died. So talk about guilt. I had it! That has been 32 years ago. I can't tell you I miss her any less. I feel like I needed her throughout my whole life for advice and help, but she wasn't there physically. She never saw her grandchildren, never saw any of us marry, and never saw my brother graduate, but she was the best friend we all had... our greatest fan. I do not know how old you are or at what stage of life you are in, but somehow I feel like a kindred spirit. I too, gained weight, went through such depression and hurt that only God in heaven could console me. I felt so alone and I was. No husband, no children, no one to turn to because my dad had re married by then and moved on with his life and the last thing he needed was a teenager and young adult hanging on his coat tail. No mom was the hardest by far...... But some how you will find your way. If you listen hard enough I am sure she would tell you to "Pick yourself up, girl" It's okay to morn for a season. As a matter of fact it's healthy, but you must eventually try and listen to her in the nature that God has left for us. I would sit beside a babbling brook and listen to it trickle across the rocks. Breathe and listen. Go sit outside .... if all you can do is mustard up the strength to pull out a folding chair and sit in the middle of the woods or the back yard or wherever you can get to.... the deck and look at the stars..... whatever and listen. Your mom would want you to continue your journey and be happy. She would NEVER want her death to drag you down. She gave herself all those years to help you grow and gain enough strength to branch out on your own and she still does. Listen hard..... she's still guiding you. I know. I now am the mother of three grown children... the youngest is 19 and he does still need me, and so do so many of his friends. I am glad to be here past my mother's beautiful 40. God has given me 12 more and I intend to use every one as best as I can. You are here for a reason not just to take up space. Keep trying and trying and trying. It's not over. You will NEVER get over her loss, but you will somehow learn to live with it. I will keep you in my prayers.

tlapdx72

I too am so very sorry for your loss. Please don't feel like you are alone. I think you have many friends here on mfp. I would love to be your friend. My mother is not well. She is very overweight, and has diabetes. She is my best friend. I worry alot about the day when she will pass. She has tried to become more healthy, but she has lots of pain now, and it is hard for her to exercise. I love my mom very very much, and the thought of losing her is the worst feeling in the world. However, I have been going to the gym, and have lost 35lbs. My mom is so happy for me. The other day she told me that I have done what she has wanted to do for so long, and has not been able to. I know you cant really think about weight loss right now, but don't give up. Just give yourself time. Please if you need to talk about anything just let me know:flowerforyou:

tlapdx72

I see that you have two kitties. Sometimes when I am sad my kitties help me feel better. I hope your kitties do as well.

kimcat73

I am so touched by the overwhelming response from all of you. I can't tell you how much it helps to hear your kind words and to know how others have dealt with this kind of stuff. It is very hard and I guess time will help. It's only been a couple months. I may look into meds or counseling, thanks for the advice. I will hold off on surgery for now until I'm in a better frame of mind to deal with it. Thanks for everything you guys:)