Unsupportive Family
NoahandPresleysMom
Posts: 763 Member
Anyone else have unsupportive family?? My mom seems to want to keep me this way. She keeps trying to make me eat bad food(that shes not even suppose to eat, shes diabetic, high BP and has MAJOR swelling from sodium intake. She keeps trying to tell me I'm "meant to be this way" and my favorite part is when she says"You need sugar and salt" like its actually a nutrient. She sees me post on facebook that I'm excited about the weight I'm losing and she makes stupid comments like well if there's ever a famine you'll be the first to die. I know me being this way is her fault, teaching us very poor eating habits growing up which I am changing and teaching my babies much better. My dad keeps telling my husband "Don't let her lose too much more weight". WTF????? They both feed ,y 3 year old horrible horrible food. Like my mom bought a 5 lb jug of cheez balls and let my son eat every damn one of them in ONE DAY. She no longer babysits. It's very hard when you have no supportive family. I have an AMAZINGLY supportive husband, but the family not so much!
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Replies
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WOW. That's horrible. I bet the changes you have been making for a healthy lifestyle and seeing that it works have been making them feel guilty and insecure about there own poor choices. Are they bigger? If so they probably have it in their minds that they're just naturally big people and they're not responsible for their weight problems. But here you are showing them that they have been living in denial. I think you can be the role model here. Maybe through your success they will wake up and start making healthy choices of there own.
ROCK ON0 -
All you can do is be a role model and hope that some of it rubs off on them. This is your journey and while you can hope to inspire the others around you, you need to focus on yourself. I've been lucky enough to be around supportive (if slightly confused by my constant barcode snapping) people. However, 2 years down the line on MFP and I appear to have inspired by fiancee to start running. That is something I never thought I'd see and a happy by-product of my own progress.
Concentrate on your own journey and hope that the people you care about can get over any jealousy and come along for the ride.
(She does have a point about salt. We do need it and it is important but there is so much salt in most people's diet that getting enough salt is not a problem and most of us eat too much of it)0 -
Get this; my mom told me she weighed as much as I do now (I'm 18) when she was 7 months pregnant with me. Gee, thanks for letting me know mom
So I totally feel for you, even though it's different directions. So stay strong, you can do it 0 -
My mum is the same. The other day she said to me ''no offence Laura but you're never going to be a size eight''. Thanks mum! grrrr0
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WOW. That's horrible. I bet the changes you have been making for a healthy lifestyle and seeing that it works have been making them feel guilty and insecure about there own poor choices. Are they bigger? If so they probably have it in their minds that they're just naturally big people and they're not responsible for their weight problems. But here you are showing them that they have been living in denial. I think you can be the role model here. Maybe through your success they will wake up and start making healthy choices of there own.
ROCK ON
my mom is biger, my dad is not.Hes been a very hard worker his entire life and now he is wheel chair bound due to ALS. I think to him it's just a scared thing b/c he's sick and he gets really woried. My older brothers eat crappy too and are rail thin, same with my younger sister. They use call me fat and make fat jokes towards me. My brothers nickname for me growing up was " Ugla" implying i was also hideous. So yeah they've always been this way.0 -
Get this; my mom told me she weighed as much as I do now (I'm 18) when she was 7 months pregnant with me. Gee, thanks for letting me know mom So I totally feel for you, even though it's different directions. So stay strong, you can do it
Oh wow. Yeah I know that feeling very well. Growing up my mom was always thin and as she put it "alot prettier then you'll ever be". Yeah it really sucks.0 -
My mum is the same. The other day she said to me ''no offence Laura but you're never going to be a size eight''. Thanks mum! grrrr
that's soooo rude!!0 -
This sounds exactly like my mom! So frustrating! But at least you have your husband... and all your MFP friends of course 0
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Honestly.. my sister is a B!itch too.. Fortunately for me she has more weight on me than anything and she still makes remarks about me. My honest opinion.. and please don't hate on me for it, but drop the people who are bad for you~ even if its family.
They don't love you if they talk to you like that.
However myfitnesspal ppl love you all! So stay here and leave them.. just saying.0 -
Being around unsupportive people is really hard! My boyfriend is supportive in some ways but other ways he sucks. He can eat whatever... Hellllooo I can not!! LOL So I had to turn to these message boards for my support and have been pretty successful. I still find myself eating out with him at fast food places, but I am learning different things to order that aren't as bad for you. Educate yourself as much as you can and STAY focused! Do it for yourself!! I have a Facebook group if you are interested in daily motivational support! Just message me for details! You can do this!!!0
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About 8 years ago I let my entire family go. Meaning I have zero contact with my parents and brother. (or anyone close to them). Just because your mother gave you life it doesn't mean she gets to treat you like that. It took me a long time to realize what was the best thing for me, my 3 daughters and my wonderful husband was to let my family go. Best thing I ever did. Don't regret it at all.
You don't owe your parents anything. You are an adult with your own family. Props to your supportive husband. He is your family now. Let the baggage go. It's ok. You'll be better for it, so will your children.0 -
I am fortunate, my family is very supportive and happy for me. Not so everyone I know and not so my in-laws. My husband has been at this longer and has lost a lot of weight. They told him he looks sick! He does NOT look sick! He looks nice and I plan to get there with him- I'm on my way already. They are wonderful people but going to visit them is always a challenge. They both have HBP and my father-in-law has diabetes. There is ALWAYS pizza, cookies, cake, chips, candy, soda and some form of JUNK at their house. We just do our best to support each other and help each other resist temptation when we go out there.0
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My honest opinion.. and please don't hate on me for it, but drop the people who are bad for you~ even if its family.
They don't love you if they talk to you like that.
However myfitnesspal ppl love you all! So stay here and leave them.. just saying.
This!!!
:laugh:0 -
Omgosh! This is perfect for a quote i just found.
"Exercise to be fit, not skinny. Eat to nourish your body. And always
ignore the haters and doubters and unhealthy examples that were
once feeding you. You are worth more than you realize."
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Does your family express love and emotions verbally and with things like hugs and kisses? Mine did not and still does not toward me. My sister and I both raised our children differently. Even though my mom knew that I was trying to watch my weight she would make me homemade pie, or other food. As a European mother (Hungarian) that is how love was expressed to them and that is how she showed it to my sister and I. Perhaps this is her way of trying to demonstrate her love for you??0
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Don't you just hate it. My in-laws are like this, and my mom is only a little better, but my in-laws mock me for feeding my kids healthier food. I don't deprive them, and I don't force them to eat things the hate, but i do make them try things they normally wouldn't try, and i do so frequently in hopes of expanding their taste. I have stopped buying chips, cakes, and other junk food. My in-laws and my mother live off of junk food, and stuff my kids full of it while they are there. When they come home, it take days for their behavior to even back off!
I truly think that people get jealous that your doing something to better yourself and your family! Dont let others tell you whats best for your kids!0 -
Omgosh! This is perfect for a quote i just found.
"Exercise to be fit, not skinny. Eat to nourish your body. And always
ignore the haters and doubters and unhealthy examples that were
once feeding you. You are worth more than you realize."
oh and this is brilliant. Im totally stealing it!0 -
See, I have a weird one. My family are totally supportive but I think they're more uneducated than anything else. They encourage me to lose weight, but do occasionally throw in a comment like "I don't think you're meant to not have a belly" or "Isn't your meal a little small?", but I put that down to the fact I've ALWAYS had the same habits and physique for as long as just about anyone can remember, and it's new and hard to imagine me otherwise. Other than that, they've actually encouraged me to go to the gym and bought loads more fruit and vegetables. So it's a strange one.0
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stop telling your family. it really isnt anyones business but your own. if they talk about it, ignore them. dont feed into the drama.0
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I am SO sorry your mom is not supportive and your siblings sound the same.
Don't forget that just because your siblings aren't experiencing the overweight thing, that doesn't mean they are less like to suffer the ill effects of an unhealthy lifestyle.
if you mom can't say anything nice...block her from making comments on your fb....
it's very hurtful to anyone when their own family...where we are supposed to feel safe and loved unconditionally treats you this way.
Follow your bliss and self fulfilment and those who matter don't mind...those who mind don't matter. My best wishes for health, happiness and success!0 -
If they are able to circum to reason, e.g. "i'm doing this for me.. please accept it" then you will do just fine,
If not, then you need to do everything you can to avoid the situations, there is one thing I have noticed, the ability to reason with someone goes such a long way, but if not then it is literally hopeless0 -
It's because they know that if you change they are either going to have to also or that they don't want to lose control of the world around them. I can't imagine how hard this is because they are your parents. You are right not to allow them to feed your child food that you don't approve of because you want to teach good and healthy habits.
Of course it is pure selfishness that they act that way. They are uneducated about what healthy living is. I say give it right back to them. If they insist on eating what they shouldn't just start telling them facts. Like if you eat that this is what it does to your body and remind them that they will never see their grandchildren grow up if they continue to live like they do.
Stay strong and stick to your own life, they will eventually just accept it and hopefully things will be better for you. You can even bring and plan your own food when you visit their house... this I'm sure would be subject to much ridicule, yet it's your life and your body!
Keep your head up! You have your family and your life to worry about!! Let your hubby be your rock and celebrate the new healthy changes together!!0 -
I honestly think families (and friends) do this out of fear. Your success shows it can be done and scuttles their wrong-headed reasons to not try. Reclaiming yourself is hard. And people fear that tremendously. The thing to do is try to redirect the energy to be all the more determined to not follow their path. Stay strong and lean on the supportive husband when you need to.
You can do this. You're gonna be awesome. Good luck! 0 -
I have a friend like that. I should really say "had" because I have very limited contact with her now. She never eats. She is also overweight but lost a ton by just not eating. She has 5 different diseases and claims she can't eat. But--she wants to feed me! So not happening!
IMHO, I would limit contact with the folks if they are not helping or making fun of you. Just keep doing what you're doing and always eat before you go over there or don't go at mealtime. This is important to you and your kids. Don't explain, don't start any drama--just be busy. Say you're having family time--just the 4 of you. Say you're all out for a walk, or exercising. Just don't take any crap. You have the power to control this situation. It's just about doing it. Take a stand, without drama--you are doing this for YOU and your family. They have a right to their opinion, but it doesn't have to influence or even matter to you!0 -
About 8 years ago I let my entire family go. Meaning I have zero contact with my parents and brother. (or anyone close to them). Just because your mother gave you life it doesn't mean she gets to treat you like that. It took me a long time to realize what was the best thing for me, my 3 daughters and my wonderful husband was to let my family go. Best thing I ever did. Don't regret it at all.
You don't owe your parents anything. You are an adult with your own family. Props to your supportive husband. He is your family now. Let the baggage go. It's ok. You'll be better for it, so will your children.
This is SO true!! Agreed fully...my dad is skinny and has been his whole life...he doesn't know what it's like to endure this and hints all the time at how gross fat people are...awesome....so I decided to stop talking to him completely...best decision EVER!!0 -
I can totally relate. My Mom is exactly the same way. She has every health problem due to being morbidly obese. She buys all kinds of junk food and tries to send it to my house. Her only activity in life is going out to restaurants that serve crap food. She's really jealous of my weight loss right now and some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth is really NOT nice. I have had to limit my time with her because it stresses me out too much. I'm sorry you're dealing with a Mom like that too.
Friend Request me if you want and we can chat about our unsupportive mothers. 0 -
Some folks just fear change and are afraid of the new you. I agree that it is a reminder of their failures. Don't throw away your family. Find a way to limit your exposure, and change the subject if it gets to that, walk out of room if you have to. If this doesn't work, then limit your exposure more. But your parents will always be your parents. They wont change at this date. Make the changes you seek in your life. Find a way to deal with them. If it means less time with them, then so be it. But don't just write them off. You will figure it out. Maybe you should just blurt out how much you love them and recollect a happy instance of family life. That may shock them into silence!0
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I can't help but feel compassion for people that don't support what we do. It obviously brings up something in them that they are not capable of honestly looking at. ♥ I keep at it even though there is no support for me in my family, I don't need it any more, I kind of like it being a party for one, I'm the only one that I ever lives in my skin. 0
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Ugh. I'm sad sometimes that my family finds it hard to say good job. I've forgiven, and they are trying to act better. I've learned to listen more than I speak, not brag and generally keep quiet regarding my goals. I've been very blessed, and they are a part of that blessing, so I don't have much to complain about.0
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I have the same issue. Due to financial issues, I'm living at home, so I have to eat what's here. My dad, when he shops, buys horrible things: cookies, candy, cake, fatty food. For the most part, I avoid the junk food, so I have the willpower. But if they buy food like pizza, Steak 'n' Shake, Zel's roast beef, it's rude to not eat. Then when my mom makes too much food, you have to eat or else she gets offended (I have a one-plate rule for myself). Whenever I exercise, I get the constant hovering: "You're going to faint." "You're going to hurt yourself." "Don't do that." "You're too big for that." ;( And when I was excited I lost three pounds, I heard "you're losing weight too quickly. What are you, a person with an eating disorder?" >.< It's ridiculous, but you're not alone. 0
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