My Daughter

cmeade20

My mom used to call me chubby or chunky sometimes when I was a teenager (I wasn't @ 15-16 I was 110 lbs I'm 5'2). It resulted in me having a not so positive body image (and me getting really happy when my mom got heavy, makes me sound horrible I know) While you'd probably be more tactful than my mother I just wouldn't tell a girl at such a sensitive age that she's overweight. Keep teaching her about nutrition, try getting her involved in sports or dance or something else active. One day she's probably going to decide herself to lose weight, then you can help her with it.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Um, 4'10 -- 115 pounds is actually a normal weight according to the BMI for an adult. I imagine at 10-11 her body is going through a lot of changes. When I was 10-11, I was chubby. At 12, I had a fully adult body. I weighed 130 pounds (5'2), 36 C boobs.

You need to talk to her pediatrician - if s/he is concerned have them start a conversation with you daughter and continue it. Model a healthy lifestyle and let it go.

mandysmom092711

I can relate to your situation. I have lost 23 pounds this first year here. I have a 10 year old daughter who weighs 110 pounds. Alot of the little girls clothes are too small for her. She doesn't look over weight, until she's looking for new clothes. We have to go to the jr. dept. We got a pool and she loves swimming in it. I have started swimming laps and got her to join me. I just have to watch what she eats. She's aware that she's "chubby" as she says. I continue to work with her on her food choices. It's a work in progress! Good luck!

jaimrlx

My mom used to call me chubby or chunky sometimes when I was a teenager (I wasn't @ 15-16 I was 110 lbs I'm 5'2). It resulted in me having a not so positive body image (and me getting really happy when my mom got heavy, makes me sound horrible I know) While you'd probably be more tactful than my mother I just wouldn't tell a girl at such a sensitive age that she's overweight. Keep teaching her about nutrition, try getting her involved in sports or dance or something else active. One day she's probably going to decide herself to lose weight, then you can help her with it.

Same with me. My mom also called me 'fat' (verbatim), and taught me how to suck in my stomach as to not look so 'gross' (also verbatim). Either way, I agree with this. Even if you'd be more tactful, it may still hurt the same. It sounds like between you, your husband and your other daughter, she's got some pretty good influences. Don't push too hard, or she'll only rebel more at her dad's house. My mom wouldn't let me look at, let alone touch a cheeseburger growing up.. so when I got out of the house, where do you think I went everyday? Straight to burger-town. Just be the positive influence, push for a sport, and let life run it's course. Hopefully it's all still baby fat anyway. She's only 10, just keep that in mind.

Edit: I forgot to mention I was 4'8 and 95 lbs when I first learned I was 'fat'.

CarleyLovesPets

I would back off a little.

Lead by example, she's in a healthy weight range and she still has A LOT of growing to do.
And REALLY don't tell her she is over weight just help her if she ever mentions it.

A 10 year old really doesn't need self esteem issues.

michellelhartwig

We brought our children for their well child check in October. At that time, my 10 yo pretty much was where you are now. The DOCTOR told us ALL that he was a little chunky...actually both boys, but that's another post...Her recommendation: Let him grow into his body...she didn't want us to push him to lose weight, rather, to keep him at this weight until he reaches the age of 14...
My first thought was WTF??? BUT, here we are 9 months later, and he is a pound down. NOT because we are talking to him about his weight or exercising, but by simply limiting the choices that we all have...

My advice: take her to your pediatrician and see what they say. :flowerforyou:

MeadowSong

It is VERY hard. Watched this happen with my sister and her ex over their daughter. Both good people, but very different. But after they split up, "Dad" never cooked. Always take out. Ate whatever. Was in business with his mother. Both had significant weight issues. My sister always struggled with her weight, but kept it within reason. But she worked so hard to teach the daughter how to eat right (and that was during the height of the "low fat" rage--so everything she ate, or allowed in the house was extremely low fat, and therefore not real satisfying to a teenage girl who was active and still growing) that the daughter started feeling like she just couldn't measure up. It was much worse because the two older girls--one from each parent's previous marriage--were thin. There was just no way for the daughter to control her eating when her father's house had all her favorites and her mother's house left her hungry. All I can say is don't let it get to be a battle. I'm thinking the folks that are saying get active with her are on track. My sister never did any sports, hiking or anything--she was a nurse and came home tired. The daughter even had horses and rode them with her dad--but the mom who was worried about her weight DIDN'T do anything active with her at all. I would say, take her places and DO things. Make the happy times fun, not food. Perhaps she will so enjoy being active that she'll watch what she eats on her own--but even if she doesn't, she'll still be better off. And don't worry about "weight", watch for "health"--don't worry about olive oil and nuts and fruit and such--and try to keep a light attitude about it all.

MarySunshine70

So... remember a grain of salt on this advice....
Just thinking that getting the mathematics of calories/ pound of fat/ exercise/ etc.... may actually empower her. If she's 10 - she's almost a young lady and may actually really like feeling in control of her own body. I say - you can educate her without demeaning her... you do not need to "call her fat" in order to give her motivation and true reasons to change her eating patterns.
If she's being attacked by other kids - give her the power to combat it... teach her to be the expert of her own body.

Good luck

ChristaFall

You should be very very careful here. I was a chubby child and my mother was 'worried' about me - she encourages me to do sport, but i also watched her diet for years... then she took me to weight watchers when i was 12 years old - i didn't realize i was ANY different to any other child until this point - i was healthy, happy and content. Being told i needed to lose weight shattered my confidence and i developed a restrictive eating disorder. That was 19 years ago and i struggle every day since with disordered eating...

be very very careful how you approach this.

Agree! I was also a LITTLE chunky ages 11-15. When I was 15 my parents called me into the living room (I remember it like it was yesterday) and said they wanted to have a "talk" with me. The only thing they said was "you've gotten fat (I was a size 7) and we just want to let you know that we refuse to buy you any more pants if you go up to a size 9" and then they just stared at me. At first I thought it was a joke but they just kept staring. I was shocked because even though I was constantly being teased by my older brothers about being fat I thought that my parents were OK with the way I looked. I went back to my room and cried. With that being said..from the age of 16 until NOW I have suffered from bulimia/anorexia. After that "talk" I started seriously restricting calories because if your own parents think you're fat then you ARE, right? I lost a bunch of weight, and then heard my mother tell me how "disgusting" I looked because I was now TOO skinny. But, by that point I didn't care..I was skinny and that was all that mattered. I have a seven year old daughter now. She is also a "little" chunky, I have the same problem of her eating tons of junk when she's at her dad's. I watch what she eats (not excessively) but I have NEVER told her she was fat. I try to say things like "fast food isn't healthy" and "I don't want you to get diabetes" (she knows what that is because her grandpa has it). I praise her when she eats good things. It's very hard though because she already says negative things about herself and compares herself to other girls in school. I know she sees me refrain from eating a lot of things anything high in calorie, and she'll ask me why I'm not eating them. She knows how strict I am with myself so I fear that she's headed towards an eating disorder..I wish you the best..I agree with everyone saying to get her involved in sports..my daughter takes gymnastics during the school year, not only does it help with weight, it boosts self esteem...

mrskatie80

I was in a change room next to a mother and daughter a couple of months ago. The mother was getting completely stuck into her daughter about - not fitting into the sizes that she should, her muffin top, they way that the MOTHER gets embarrassed by the way the daughter looks, that she needs to stop stuffing her face with food, that she shouldn't think that she can hide food in her room.
Jeez - the daughter was quietly sobbing to herself and obviously distraught.
In hindsight I MASSIVELY regret not saying something and standing up for the poor kid. Some people shouldn't be allowed to parent
There are tactful and gentle ways to encourage change.............
I am starting to have this problem with my daughters as they spend 6 days out of 14 with their Dad and are always eating take-away and noodles etc.
Not much I can do about it except educate them through grocery shopping, meal planning and incorporating healthy behaviours into our lifestyle and give them the grounding in being educated enough to make the SMART choices 90% of the time.

Good luck!

tameko2

maybe get her involved in a sport?

This! Does she like any sports? Soccer? Basketball? Swimming? Or just activities like biking or martial arts? Doesn't have to be super competitive at that age. Just something fun that she enjoys to get her exercise would be good for her.

I hated all sports as a child, but I do not know what the right thing to do is. My parents tried to get me to lose weight for years, and all I did was get it into my head that I was a fat person, and would always be a fat person, so I just got fatter. I don't think there is any one tactic that is the 'right' one. Everyone is DIFFERENT in how they react to things. Think about what kind of person she is, is she very analytical? She might LIKE to learn about things like calories in, calories out, how our bodies process food, etc.

Is she very goal oriented? She might like to train for a 5k or something (do it with her) with an eventual goal of a marathon. (or a bike related thing or whatever - set up a goal you guys can work on together). Don't make it about weight, or being 'active' - make it about reaching a fun goal together.

If she's very process oriented, you can just set up a schedule and follow some kind of program -- (I'm a process person) -- for example you could make it a goal to do p90x together or something like that.

cburky911

I found this website that might be of help.

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/usefultools/l/bl_bmi_results.htm?test=1&gender=2&age=11&months=0&cwt=115&chf=4&chi=10

Basically, it says that your daughter, while not currently considered overweight, could be at danger of becoming overweight as an adult. It also had some suggested reading to give a better explanation of where your daughter's weight puts her based on her age and height and things that you, as her mother, can do to help her to keep from becoming overweight.

smsgreaves

Oh god I've got the opposite problem, my daughter is 9 nearly 10 and she's skinny as a rake. So is her dad though.
The problem I have is I feel like I'm setting her up for an eating disorder because I'm so focussed on labels and portions and calories etc etc. She wants to weigh herself heaps, and she does have a bit of a tendancy to binge on the sweets etc. She even grabbed the skin on the side of her belly and said "Look at my fat mum!" Breaks my heart....
Girls are so hard, and so sensitive!! All the best to you on your journey ahead with your daughter, my only advice (from a lesson that I learnt the hard way) is don't use words like fat and skinny, use healthy and unhealthy.
:flowerforyou:

kr3851

As a daughter of an overweight mother who tried to 'help' by getting Weight Watchers@home program so that we could do it together, I can tell you that I would have appreciated a daily walk with my mum rather than that. She tried, but it came across the wrong way to my 11 year old self.

Fast forward almost 20 years and we are both struggling with our weight - and I am convinced that if we had have started doing something TOGETHER daily, we wouldn't be in anywhere near as much trouble as we are now. Both of us go to the gym regularly now, and try to eat better, but I often think about what life would be like if I had the habit of daily exercise right from the beginning.

I agree with other posters who encourage you to not mention 'overweight' or 'diet', but to use 'being healthier'. Get the whole family involved and she just might take some of these behaviours to her Dad's!!

rompers16

I think we must be living parallel lives! Except I can't blame anyone but myself and husband for my daughter's weight since we were not setting a good example for her. My 14 year old has lost 15 lbs on her own and another 5 since starting this with me. I invite my 10 year old on walks everyday with our new dog and she gladly joins in. We talk about our food choices in terms of nutrition and what her body needs, instead off saying "that's too fattening or had too much sugar", etc... We do cooking contests to try and make new foods to try or we just dance around the living room. I guess every bit helps and I hope by changing that I'll become the role model I should have been all along.

AndiJoy812

Sometimes pre-teens get a little chubby before they go through puberty as well. Lots of hormonal changes going on in those little bodies...and that is something that you can not control.

Tread delicately, Mama. Provide healthy food, give plenty of opportunity for "play" that is physical, and be an encourager - build her up. Have a PRIVATE conversation with Dad and step mom that is non-confrontational and discuss your concerns. Talk to her pediatrician and get their input. How you handle this now is going to set the path with your daughter's relationship with food for the rest of her life. Teach; don't nag. Provide; don't restrict. Encourage; don't create fear. Build up; don't destroy.

paperstars

I know this is anecdotal, but I had the same stats (and love for unhealthy food) as your daughter when I was her age. By high school I lost weight and gained height without even trying, and at 20 years old I'm actually on the thin side of normal. Everyone here has posted excellent advice but I think that just because she's maybe at the high end of normal right now doesn't mean she's destined for a life of weight struggles.

I can't say from personal experience what I would do in your place, but I think what you've described is great. I would encourage lots of activities, like swimming in the summer and maybe hiking as the weather cools off. With school beginning soon, maybe encourage her to join some extracurriculars. Even if she might not be interested in softball or track and field, even choir or science club will have her out and about (and making new friends!) rather than spending her afternoon watching TV and snacking. Girl Scouts is a good option too. I was never the outdoorsy type, but with Girl Scouts I went camping and hiking, did ropes courses and archery, and volunteered for a number of causes.

piesbd

maybe get her involved in a sport?

This! Does she like any sports? Soccer? Basketball? Swimming? Or just activities like biking or martial arts? Doesn't have to be super competitive at that age. Just something fun that she enjoys to get her exercise would be good for her.

Totally agree. Get her involved in some sort of activity to help her lose weight. I also agree that talking with her might not be the best idea. Girls that age have such a fragile sense of self, that something like a parent talking to them about weight can be devastating to them. Continue to model the behaviors you want her to follow, and she will get it eventually.

Good luck.

ETA: I found this link that may help: http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/weight-issues-in-pre-teen-girls

shivles

I agree with the relaxed approach, walk more, cycle rides together on weekends, get her involved in a sport or something you do for fitness (running, zumba etc) if she's eating well when she's with you and getting plenty of exercise there is no need to worry, she will grow into her body

gjsmommy

I agree with the making sure to get your kids to eat at least 5 fruits & vegetables & just getting in walking or other enjoyable activity for 30 mins daily. Sometimes when my kids ask for a snack, I immediately ask how many fruits they had & if they know they haven't reached their minimum they grab a banana, apple or grapes before anything else. Another thing I've found helpful with getting my kids to eat more fruits & vegetables is getting them involved in buying & preparing them. They like helping picking out a good batch of berries or melons & picking apples. When we get home they want to eat the fruits they picked. My son will help chop brocolli & my daughters help put the brocolli in a steamer basket so if they helped with preparing it they definitely want to taste what they cooked. At 11-years old, she is probably old enough to help you prepare a healthy meal from start to finish. Its a fun & healthy way to bond with your child too!