My Daughter

tameko2

maybe get her involved in a sport?

This! Does she like any sports? Soccer? Basketball? Swimming? Or just activities like biking or martial arts? Doesn't have to be super competitive at that age. Just something fun that she enjoys to get her exercise would be good for her.

I hated all sports as a child, but I do not know what the right thing to do is. My parents tried to get me to lose weight for years, and all I did was get it into my head that I was a fat person, and would always be a fat person, so I just got fatter. I don't think there is any one tactic that is the 'right' one. Everyone is DIFFERENT in how they react to things. Think about what kind of person she is, is she very analytical? She might LIKE to learn about things like calories in, calories out, how our bodies process food, etc.

Is she very goal oriented? She might like to train for a 5k or something (do it with her) with an eventual goal of a marathon. (or a bike related thing or whatever - set up a goal you guys can work on together). Don't make it about weight, or being 'active' - make it about reaching a fun goal together.

If she's very process oriented, you can just set up a schedule and follow some kind of program -- (I'm a process person) -- for example you could make it a goal to do p90x together or something like that.

cburky911

I found this website that might be of help.

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/usefultools/l/bl_bmi_results.htm?test=1&gender=2&age=11&months=0&cwt=115&chf=4&chi=10

Basically, it says that your daughter, while not currently considered overweight, could be at danger of becoming overweight as an adult. It also had some suggested reading to give a better explanation of where your daughter's weight puts her based on her age and height and things that you, as her mother, can do to help her to keep from becoming overweight.

smsgreaves

Oh god I've got the opposite problem, my daughter is 9 nearly 10 and she's skinny as a rake. So is her dad though.
The problem I have is I feel like I'm setting her up for an eating disorder because I'm so focussed on labels and portions and calories etc etc. She wants to weigh herself heaps, and she does have a bit of a tendancy to binge on the sweets etc. She even grabbed the skin on the side of her belly and said "Look at my fat mum!" Breaks my heart....
Girls are so hard, and so sensitive!! All the best to you on your journey ahead with your daughter, my only advice (from a lesson that I learnt the hard way) is don't use words like fat and skinny, use healthy and unhealthy.
:flowerforyou:

kr3851

As a daughter of an overweight mother who tried to 'help' by getting Weight Watchers@home program so that we could do it together, I can tell you that I would have appreciated a daily walk with my mum rather than that. She tried, but it came across the wrong way to my 11 year old self.

Fast forward almost 20 years and we are both struggling with our weight - and I am convinced that if we had have started doing something TOGETHER daily, we wouldn't be in anywhere near as much trouble as we are now. Both of us go to the gym regularly now, and try to eat better, but I often think about what life would be like if I had the habit of daily exercise right from the beginning.

I agree with other posters who encourage you to not mention 'overweight' or 'diet', but to use 'being healthier'. Get the whole family involved and she just might take some of these behaviours to her Dad's!!

rompers16

I think we must be living parallel lives! Except I can't blame anyone but myself and husband for my daughter's weight since we were not setting a good example for her. My 14 year old has lost 15 lbs on her own and another 5 since starting this with me. I invite my 10 year old on walks everyday with our new dog and she gladly joins in. We talk about our food choices in terms of nutrition and what her body needs, instead off saying "that's too fattening or had too much sugar", etc... We do cooking contests to try and make new foods to try or we just dance around the living room. I guess every bit helps and I hope by changing that I'll become the role model I should have been all along.

AndiJoy812

Sometimes pre-teens get a little chubby before they go through puberty as well. Lots of hormonal changes going on in those little bodies...and that is something that you can not control.

Tread delicately, Mama. Provide healthy food, give plenty of opportunity for "play" that is physical, and be an encourager - build her up. Have a PRIVATE conversation with Dad and step mom that is non-confrontational and discuss your concerns. Talk to her pediatrician and get their input. How you handle this now is going to set the path with your daughter's relationship with food for the rest of her life. Teach; don't nag. Provide; don't restrict. Encourage; don't create fear. Build up; don't destroy.

paperstars

I know this is anecdotal, but I had the same stats (and love for unhealthy food) as your daughter when I was her age. By high school I lost weight and gained height without even trying, and at 20 years old I'm actually on the thin side of normal. Everyone here has posted excellent advice but I think that just because she's maybe at the high end of normal right now doesn't mean she's destined for a life of weight struggles.

I can't say from personal experience what I would do in your place, but I think what you've described is great. I would encourage lots of activities, like swimming in the summer and maybe hiking as the weather cools off. With school beginning soon, maybe encourage her to join some extracurriculars. Even if she might not be interested in softball or track and field, even choir or science club will have her out and about (and making new friends!) rather than spending her afternoon watching TV and snacking. Girl Scouts is a good option too. I was never the outdoorsy type, but with Girl Scouts I went camping and hiking, did ropes courses and archery, and volunteered for a number of causes.

piesbd

maybe get her involved in a sport?

This! Does she like any sports? Soccer? Basketball? Swimming? Or just activities like biking or martial arts? Doesn't have to be super competitive at that age. Just something fun that she enjoys to get her exercise would be good for her.

Totally agree. Get her involved in some sort of activity to help her lose weight. I also agree that talking with her might not be the best idea. Girls that age have such a fragile sense of self, that something like a parent talking to them about weight can be devastating to them. Continue to model the behaviors you want her to follow, and she will get it eventually.

Good luck.

ETA: I found this link that may help: http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/weight-issues-in-pre-teen-girls

shivles

I agree with the relaxed approach, walk more, cycle rides together on weekends, get her involved in a sport or something you do for fitness (running, zumba etc) if she's eating well when she's with you and getting plenty of exercise there is no need to worry, she will grow into her body

gjsmommy

I agree with the making sure to get your kids to eat at least 5 fruits & vegetables & just getting in walking or other enjoyable activity for 30 mins daily. Sometimes when my kids ask for a snack, I immediately ask how many fruits they had & if they know they haven't reached their minimum they grab a banana, apple or grapes before anything else. Another thing I've found helpful with getting my kids to eat more fruits & vegetables is getting them involved in buying & preparing them. They like helping picking out a good batch of berries or melons & picking apples. When we get home they want to eat the fruits they picked. My son will help chop brocolli & my daughters help put the brocolli in a steamer basket so if they helped with preparing it they definitely want to taste what they cooked. At 11-years old, she is probably old enough to help you prepare a healthy meal from start to finish. Its a fun & healthy way to bond with your child too!

gjsmommy

How you handle this now is going to set the path with your daughter's relationship with food for the rest of her life. Teach; don't nag. Provide; don't restrict. Encourage; don't create fear. Build up; don't destroy.

THIS is great advice AndiJoy812!

mynameiscarrie

I'm sorry, but are you insane? Seriously. Your daughter is ELEVEN. My sisters didn't lose their baby fat until they were almost 15. Wait til she gets through puberty before you start talking about her being unhealthy. 115 at 4'10" and ELEVEN YEARS OLD is not a big deal. Her body is going to change a lot.

That said, instilling healthy habits is good--NOT because you think she's overweight (because she's not) but because that's something that parents should teach their children anyways. Keep promoting health when she's with you and she'll learn. If you want to get her into a sport, fine, but don't do it because you think your daughter is chunky. Let her do it if she wants to.

chocl8girl

I'm not ENTIRELY sure that 115 pounds is really THAT much overweight for her age. I have an 11 year old son who is 5'0" and weighed in at 100 pounds yesterday, and he has not an ounce of fat on him. The focus for this age should NEVER be to LOSE weight, especially if they are not that much overweight to begin with. The focus should be to get them moving, and start them thinking about and enjoying healthy foods. They are still growing, so in the process of that growth, along with the movement and education, they will catch up to their weight appropriately. Don't be critical of her eating or her weight. Encourage her to get out and ride bikes or take walks or swim with you. Make healthy eating fun. Love her for who she is, no matter what size she is, and help her to love herself.

dad106

Well of course she loves all that stuff... She's 11 for crying out loud! What 11 yr old wouldn't want to live on McDonalds and Taco Bell if they could?

My suggestion is to leave your daughter alone... 115 at 4'10, when she is still growing, is hardly overweight. Plus as her body keeps changing, so will the weight.. so what seems "overweight" and "unhealthy" to you now, may be fine a few years down the

gleechick609

Well of course she loves all that stuff... She's 11 for crying out loud! What 11 yr old wouldn't want to live on McDonalds and Taco Bell if they could?

My suggestion is to leave your daughter alone... 115 at 4'10, when she is still growing, is hardly overweight. Plus as her body keeps changing, so will the weight.. so what seems "overweight" and "unhealthy" to you now, may be fine a few years down the

I second this.

b1t3m3

Don't focus on the scale. Re-enforce that her weight doesn't matter - HEALTH does. If your daughter is eating junk food regularily then that's not healthy, and she's missing out on important nutrition to help her grow... into whatever size is healthy for her. Bring this up with her dad and stepmom, with the focus on health and nutrition, and agree on some restrictions. One meal out a week, fruit juice instead of soda (still high in sugar!), fruit salad and yogurt for dessert, not ice cream.
Feed her healthy fats like nuts and avocado. Don't restrict her calories or portion sizes, and encourage second helpings of healthy meals - she's still growing. She's less likely to grab junk food if she's already full.
Don't make junk food a reward for good behaviour... instead offer new clothes, a trip to the amusement park, etc.
I wish I'd listened to my mum when she told me that it's easier to get healthy when you're close to a healthy weight (not later)... but of course I was a teenager, and did the opposite just to defy her... what kept me healthy were my extracurriculars (dance and swimming) - ask your daughter what she enjoys, sign her up, and encourage her to be active.

BCSMama

I think it's great that you want your daughter to be healthy and have a good body image. I agree that it doesn't sound like you need to worry about her weight at this point though. My kids are younger (8 and 7), but we already talk to them about healthy food versus non healthy food. Not necessarily from a weight standpoint either; my kids are both healthy weights. We emphasize that good (healthy) foods make you feel good and give you energy and junk foods make you feel like junk. We also tell them that too many sweets and soda isn't good for your teeth either. They know that occasional treats and junk food is okay as long as the majority of what they eat is healthy.

We also talk to them about the benefits of exercise; telling them that it keeps your body strong and gives you energy. I try to lead by example and let my kids know that I'm not eating healthy and exercising to loose weight per se, but to be healthier in general, which includes getting to a healthy weight.

I also agree that it wouldn't be a good idea to tell your daughter that you're worried she's at risk of being overweight. Just try to have a discussion with her about being healthy and how what we eat plays a huge role in that. Allow her to make healthy choices at the grocery store (should we make broccoli or carrots for dinner; fish or chicken, eggs or oatmeal, etc.) and allow her to help prepare meals if she's interested. That will give you opportunities to talk about healthy living, allow her to have some control over what foods she eats, and will be a bonding experience.

Meganfitz97

My mom used to call me chubby or chunky sometimes when I was a teenager (I wasn't @ 15-16 I was 110 lbs I'm 5'2).

My gran did the exact same thing to me. She would always compare me to my cousin who was (and still is) stick thin. I know she didn't mean to, but it still hurt. She used to ask me to try things on that she was going to get my cousin for Christmas or her birthday and would get a size or two smaller than the one that fit me because I was 'chunkier' than her. I told my mum and she talked to my gran about it, but she didn't get that things like that made me self-conscious.

FitMama2013

You've gotten some great suggestions already so I won't repeat them - but I will say, you are a great mom for being concerned and she's lucky to have you. With that said, she's at an age where self-esteem building is critical and eating disorders easily start here - continue to lead through example, teach her about nutrition, exercise, etc, but focus on how it's HEALTHY for her and will give her energy to do things, not necessarily on what size she is, etc. I don't mean to make it sound like I think you're going to say "hey chunky, you need to cut it back." But, remind her of why she's an amazing girl and teach her how to take care of her body even better. She will thank you for it many years later. My parents did not set good examples for me and chose the "you need to slim down" route, which landed me in counseling to try to overcome disordered eating.

daylily2005

I'll never forget the year they decided to start weighing you when you signed up and "tried out" for a community basketball team. I think I was in 5th grade, maybe 6th (so 11 or 12 years old), and I weighed 130 pounds. I was a chunky kid. I did grow out of it in high school. I grew taller, and by the time I graduated I weighed 130 again (after skyrocketing to a REALLY chunky 178 pounds....I like to forget this happened in my past). Like your daughter, I LOVED fast food, fried food, carbs, starches....most everything that was bad for me.

College hit, I started gaining weight again, lost a little, gained a little....started this most recent weight loss journey at memorial day at 175 pounds. I'm still trying to find healthy foods that I like. I hate most veggies. But I love fruits. My advice: help her learn to eat in moderation, even cutting down on the amount of bad food she eats will be better than nothing. Mix veggies into sauces and use lots of spices in your cooking! I hate spinach, but with enough garlic, I love spinach lasagna. I only eat whole wheat pastas now, and brown rice. Try black beans and pinto beans with mexican-style food.

And help her find an activity that she likes and support her in it! Even if you have to try 15 different things before she finds one she likes. She'll also find friends (Hopefully) and enjoy doing it. Best of all, like you're doing, lead by example

I have also found that pinterest has introduced me to a lot of healthy recipes I otherwise wouldn't have thought of. Tons of creative recipe-builders out there!

good luck