Sick of negativity and people laughing at me!

shivles

Certain members of my family (the larger ones funnily enough) feel the need to tell me off constantly for watching what I eat, saying I'm skinny. I'm slim, not skinny and I'm not trying to loose weight, I'm trying to get fit, but they won't listen! At the weekend everyone goes to my nans for sunday dinner, after my dinner she offered us cheesecake and when I asked if I could read the box before deciding there was uproar! Then for the rest of the day jokes like 'dont sit too close to the biscuits, you might breathe in the calories!'. When my aunt said 'dont eat that, it will make you fat' and laughed at me I lost it and said 'well I'll always be thinner than you.' which promptly shut them all up. Even when I mention my training for my half marathon (which I'm doing to raise money for the hospital that tried to save my Grandad from cancer) I get things like 'you're mental.' 'dont you think you're over doing it?' 'when are you going to stop?'. I'm pretty sure it's jealousy but it still gets on my nerves! *rant over*

davejlee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us1lhCTEsrU

TheChangingMan

You can't let it get to you, you can't control what other people do or say

This. You can only control your own reaction.

Slimmasaurus

Whilst this must be super annoying and difficult to deal with, don't let it get to you. You're the one taking control of your body and your health, and some of us have to work harder and be stronger than others.
Maybe you're healthy attitude will begin to rub off on them, who knows?

Aperture_Science

I doesn't make it right for them to do it, or better for you but this sort of thing is pretty common. You are challenging the status quo and their own attitudes towards themselves and their food intake/exercise. This will be uncomfortable for them and rather than act gracefully they have resorted to mocking and deriding you.

Stand firm, stick to your goal and your plans and let their negativity be something that gives you strength rather than take it away. But, to be realistic and honest, you can expect these types of comments from lots of people.

Best wishes and well done on the 1/2 mara challenge.

satxtrap

I creeped your diary before I replied. You're doing great. They're insecure. Be teflon and let the words slide right off you. You're doing this for you, not them. It's easier for them to drag you into their way of life then for them to go through the effort of improving theirs. That being said, remember that they are family and mean well but probably don't know how to express it very good. Family can be frustrating sometimes.

Also, I'd take a minute alone with your aunt to let her know how you feel when she makes fun of your efforts. Do it calmly and clearly. Offer to explain the nutritional reasons behind your choices. Chances are she'll tone down the harassment and respect the fact that you approached her. Best of luck.

Hayter2013

Firstly, well done for getting fit and joining in the marathon!

They are only jealous I'm sure. Have they even sponsored you at all?!

Don't let them get to you, as you seem to be happy as you are, if you weren't bothered about your wellbeing, you wouldn't let it get to you as much
You are an easy target for them as you are the skinny, fit one of the family and they must feel some shame but its far easier for them to gang up on you rather than them doing something about being overweight perhaps....

Perhaps when you're around them and at dinner at your nans, just eat what they eat for the day and carry on the rest of the week as normal, as you may well be offending your nan by asking to read packets of her food (Its like you're saying it not good enough for you) - Just my opinion, Im sure others won't feel this way

All the best in your marathon, I'm sure your Grandad would be proud of you

:flowerforyou:

hannahjaques

I get this a lot, especially 'don't you think you've done enough?' comments as though it's a temporary thing and you're just going to go back and switch everything off. My mum is the worst for it and I personally think it's jealousy too. She wants to lose weight but doesn't want to change anything and blames my Dad for it (despite him saying the food I cook often looks and smells really nice!). I imagine it's partly denial about their own weight and don't like to see you being 'different' to the rest of the family 'image'.

Whatever you do, just keep going. You're doing it for you and the half marathon is for an excellent cause. Keep it up and don't let them put you down

jrwatson87

They are insecure and jealous that they do not have your willpower. Keep up what you are doing and in no time, they will either jump on the bandwagon and join your efforts and look to you as a strong role model orrrrr they will stay fat and unhealthy

meerkat70

I get this reaction from my mum, constantly. I've stopped being upset by it. Just leave it with them - it's their issue, not yours.

gjulie

you are entitled to be mad as you are aware there is seriuos underlieing jelousy here,I had the same thing for years from my mother who would sit at the table and eat 4-5 buns without thinking when I objected to her indoctrination of these eating habits with my children I was told I was mean and starving them but I won through keep up the good work rise above it all its plain jelousy no matter what way you look at it

emmywithoutpie

It's hard enough to watch what you eat without people commenting on it and trying to get you to eat things you'd like but don't need, I know. But they are your family and they love you - regardless of how they express it. They could have been speaking out of real concern that you don't eat enough (it's very easy to start worrying that someone you love has an eating disorder, even when they don't) and it could be out of their own insecurities and as you suggest, jealousy, or a combination. Regardless, this is a topic no doubt as sensitive to them as it is to you.

Why not try and turn the situation around next time, rather than putting them down? No, cheesecake isn't super healthy, and yes, it is good to know what goes into your body. But if you were to accept a small slice without checking the packet, it wouldn't be the disastrous to your healthy eating and it would be much more polite and loving to your family. Who knows? By being gracious and careful, you may encourage your family to healthier habits - reducing the cancer risk (and many other health risks) for all of them.

If you can show the people around you positivity, it may take time, but eventually it will start reflecting back. All the best in your journey to better health, and your half marathon!

shivles

Thanks everyone, I just needed to vent. As for having the sunday as my day off, I don't like having a full day off, I'd rather split a few small treats over the week. It's other things too like calling my sister (size 12) fat when they are nearly twice her size, my nan still tells me I have a big *kitten* but I know I certainly don't! It's just frustrating that the people who should be supporting me the most are actually making fun of me.

00Melyanna00

You are running a half marathon to raise money for an hospital, they are doing nothing.
Go on with your life and don't let their comments get to you, I am sure thare are many positive people in your life that will support you the way you deserve

What you are doing for the hospital is amazing, by the way!

Chainie

Sometimes people think comments like that are a compliment. And sometimes it is a lovedone's way of trying to say they love you the way you are and you dont need to change. Occasionally it's just someone being an @sshat. Whichever it is, I think life is too short to spend time in company you don't enjoy, so I see 2 choices for you:

If you don't care for the company or situation, don't go, problem solved.

If you do want the company but not the mocking, then tell them you are really tired of their constant mocking. If that doesn't stop it, get rid of them and start a new family that you like. Try to make it look like an accident. Hahaha. ;-P

Best wishes. Xx

arewethereyet

I like the teflon comment! :laugh:

You just cannot make people think your thoughts. I have tried and at 51 I know for a fact that even if a red apple is right there on the table, 3 out of 5 people sitting at said table will say that damn thing is an orange:noway:

It is funny because the very people who said this to me 2 yrs ago are now saying "Oh did you give up?" now that I gained back 15 lbs (lost 5 of those WOOHOO!) To which I nod and do the teflon dance.

So let us learn this together:

The words come in
the words go out
we bump with the teflon
and shake our bum about

we do the teflon da ance and it makes us wanna shout,
that's what it's all about......WOO

:laugh: Silly me

cobebu8

I don't know you personally but I thought I would write to support you.

You are in the right place for support as far as online. Like all unsupportive people in our lifes, family or friends, negativity can wear us down. Are there any groups in your town based on your interests you can join for support and friends? The groups could be exercise or hobby groups. Do you have friends you think would enjoy exercising too? A YMCA? You may be able to find groups too at www.meetup.com. They have thousands of all types of groups all over the United States. Just some ideas.

As far as the teasing, you may be able to start by practicing something that I've used that works for me--smile and say thanks the next time. Completely unexpected! I have multiple sclerosis and I remember being harassed whenever I would park in the handicap parking at the college that I attended. One day I had had enough and the parking attendant, one more time, saying to me, ":You don't look handicapped", and I smiled and said "Thank you" with a smile instead of being upset. It worked for me and took the pressure off me.

I don't know what will work with your family (family can be harder to deal with than friends or strangers) but you are young and maybe they feel upset or sad that they can't do what you're doing. I give you credit for your courage. Keep up the good work! Taking care of yourself is the right thing to do and you are doing it.

cobebu8

I like your answer about the teflon dance! Woo Hoo! Keep up the great work too!

LisaWilson2012

I would certainly be trying to hurt them with my reaction like they are doing by theirs. Try insulting them about their bigger size or potential health conditions next time they say something. It may take a short while but I assure you they will stop (and start thinking about their own situation).

Don't let them deter you or they win. Reach your goal no matter what.

Good luck xx

cramernh

But they are your family and they love you - regardless of how they express it. They could have been speaking out of real concern that you don't eat enough (it's very easy to start worrying that someone you love has an eating disorder, even when they don't) and it could be out of their own insecurities and as you suggest, jealousy, or a combination. Regardless, this is a topic no doubt as sensitive to them as it is to you.

If they really truly loved her, they wouldnt be this malicious about it.... Shame on the family ... serious, shame on them.

sarafil

I agree with what everyone else has said.....I would encourage you to sit down with your mom or whoever you are closest with and tell them how you feel. I think some discussion would be helpful. I did see in your profile that you are recovering from an eating disorder; I wonder if their reaction may also be an underlying concern for you? I am not saying that there is anything wrong with what you are currently doing, but maybe they don't understand and are worried for you. Maybe a discussion will help. And if it is just pure jealousy on their part, then you have to do your best to ignore it. YOU know that you are making good choices. All you can control is your reaction to their bad behavior...I would personally feel sorry for them!