what am I afraid of?

liftcycle

you know that quote "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

I don't understand why the second I reach 180lb I start sabotaging my weight loss.. I become careless... and just throw it all away... I completed p90x and lost 21 lb.. and got to 180lb.. the second I hit 180 I stopped.. its been 2 months and I've gained 5 lb... why do I keep doing this to myself.. losing this weight is the most important thing in my life but my brain is fighting me... I've been here before at the 180 lb mark and everytime my brain stops me with thoughs that tell me im worthless, its too hard, you cant do it... wait yes you can just do it tomorrow.. why cant I go any further.. I hate this more than anything I have an incredibly low selfsteem from being bullied since I can remember everyone made fun of me... I live everyday dreaming of the person I can be an d shes close I know exactly what I need to do to get to her but my brain doesnt allow me... I feel vulnerable the second I leave my home and I hate the way I look I think people are alwasy judging me... I fight myself everyday to atleast maintain my weight.. I prepare myself mentally every night after a failed day.. and I always think tomorrow will be GREAT... tomorrow comes.. and its the same story, i forget my goal and fail again.. I dislike the mental state I am in... I have no idea why I wrote this I guess I just needed to vent...

wackyfunster

Stop giving yourself permission to fail.

rompers16

I think that sometimes we use weight as a way to shield ourselves from getting too close to people out of fear of being hurt. This is a battle that you're going to have to overcome by deciding you're worth it. You can do it.

MelbourneBelle

you know that quote "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

I don't understand why the second I reach 180lb I start sabotaging my weight loss...
my brain stops me with thoughs that tell me im worthless, its too hard, you cant do it... wait yes you can just do it tomorrow.. why cant I go any further.. I hate this more than anything I have an incredibly low selfsteem from being bullied since I can remember everyone made fun of me... ...

Oh you poor possum! This is an exhuasting and debilitating state of being.

You have done so well to identify the negative self talk. Next time you catch yourself thinking those negative things, try to stop, replace it with a compliment (I've drunk 4 glasses of water today, go me!) and smile to yourself - apparently even a fake smile releases feel good hormones in the brain, so fake it til you make it - its how I get through most days in my office!

Before I launch into a list of other ideas to try, are you looking for ideas or just for some TLC from those of us here on MFP?

liftcycle

Oh you poor possum! This is an exhuasting and debilitating state of being.

You have done so well to identify the negative self talk. Next time you catch yourself thinking those negative things, try to stop, replace it with a compliment (I've drunk 4 glasses of water today, go me!) and smile to yourself - apparently even a fake smile releases feel good hormones in the brain, so fake it til you make it - its how I get through most days in my office!

Before I launch into a list of other ideas to try, are you looking for ideas or just for some TLC from those of us here on MFP?

I will smile every day a list of ideas would be amazing.. trying new approches will most definatelly help me.. I guess I didnt know why I wrote this but i do need motivation.. thank you sweetheart.

MelbourneBelle

Hi there, I didn't forget you, just got a bit busy. Here are a few ideas:

Use post-it notes to leave yourself little inpirational messages - on the mirror, in the fridge, in the car, wherever you know you need a little circuit break to help stop the negative self talk.
Practice accepting compliments, and giving them - such a boost to confidence.
Ditch your old, bigger sized clothes - if you have nothing to wear, it's not as easy to slip back to your larger sized self
Treat yourself to little non-food luxuries. I have a wonderful hand cream at work that smells divine. Each time us use it, tell yourself you are worth it. Sometimes I buy myself flowers.
When you are feeling unmotivated or a bit down, turn up the music, sing out loud and shake your booty (best done in private).
Make new habits - take the stairs, stand instead of sit where you can (eg on the train), breathe deeply, hold your head high.

Good luck!

kcoftx

Stop giving yourself permission to fail.

This is a large part of it. It is amazing what you can do when you tell yourself you have to do it. You will do it. You will not go to bed until you do it. That doesn't mean you won't have days where you mess up but it means you will be in the mindset to do immediate recorrection. Sometimes you may not want to do it. Sometimes you may have very real obstacles in place but at the end of the day, you can and will find a way to make your most important commitments to yourself work if you are telling yourself it is on your must do list.

Decide what your bottom line must do list is. There are a lot of things on our lists but I have a must do and a list of things that are secondary try my best to make it goals. On my must do list--I don't ever miss it. I just spent 24 days out of town on vacation. I did not miss a single meal of logging. That's my must do. I got in some form of exercise at least 3 days a week. That's my must do. I did not have access to a gym except one day so I could not meet my weight training goals but I did not let that stop me from my real goal (move more, exercise more). There were days when I was eating out of a vending machine or limited to amusement park food and did not meet my nutrition goals but I did meet my weekly calorie goals.

You are worth it. You may go through a period of trying to find what works for you but you CAN make it work. Start your day with positive talk and telling yourself how you WILL reach your goals. Ask yourself what you need to make happen to complete your to do list. Motivation is just part of it. Commitment to yourself is the real key. Make the decision that you will and can do it. Like the Nike slogan says, "just do it!"

I won't pretend it is all easy. It's a journey.

You are absolutely right. It's a mindset. That's the biggest obstacle you will face. Work on that and the rest will flow.

Nikiki

I completely know what you mean!!! I've absolutely been there. All I can say is you need to have some tough love! After I had my sabatage moment (gained 3lbs in a week!) I wrote myself a letter saying I need to snap out of this because I am the only thing stopping me. Then I took all my bigger clothes to goodwill leaving me with just things that I could barely squeeze into so I had no choice but to lose more!

I still have that little voice inside me that says "what's the point" most days I just turn up the music on my iPod to drown her out while on the treadmill, sometimes she still gets to me I'll be honest but most days I can push back!!

A quick stroll through the success forums is always helpful too
Good luck my dear you are worth it and you can do it!!!