How to cure lack of patience, and very negative thinking?

NowCanWillDo

I have 30 lbs to lose until I reach my dream body.

My mind is working against me, through this one negative thought that keeps stopping me. There's that same "inner conflict" that keeps defeating me when I aim to eat healthy, every time stopping me. That inner conflict is always reminding me:

"This is going to take to long. You seriously cant eat healthy and be this disciplined for very much longer. You're not seeing any differences. It's all going to just take, way to long. Just, give up".

I swear, every time. It kills me. I give in. Is it because I'm not being patient? Can you guys PLEASE give me some strategies to defeat this thought? Some tips? Anything at all, I would highly appreciate it.

Thank you so much, to this awesome community

supplemama

Think of it as a lifestyle change. It's not about doing it until you reach your goal; it's about doing it for life. Try to think of the big picture here.

christinacrisfield

I have trouble with negative thinking as well. A lot of my friends are telling me that I am putting too much pressure on myself. I find myself scouring the internet and looking at various BMI calculators, etc. My doctors told me to lose weight. I have some health issues - Lupus, Type 1 Diabetes and Crohn's disease. I did lose 30 pounds so far working with a nutritionist. But due to a lack of work during the summer (I'm a private tutor) I can't afford the nutritionist anymore so I joined this site. I found this forum today so I'm posting and looking for people with the same problem I am having. I find that counting the calories and using the food diary is helping but this last 20 isn't coming off as quickly as the first 30.

tamtamzz

As you get closer to your goal weight, weight loss slows down.

If anything, weight loss has taught me patience, as I know it does not happen quickly. Negative thinking is a habit. Once you hear yourself speaking negatively, you have to change your train of thought. It's tough in the beginning, and it takes some practice, but worth it in the end. You'll be surprise how much you can accomplish once you overcome negative thinking.

Think about the negative things you tell yourself. Would you say these things to a close friend? If you wouldn't, don't say them to yourself.

arathena720

I agree with the other posters that this is a lifestyle change, not a diet or something you stay disciplined for until you hit your goal. I listen to my body. If I don't feel like working out, I take a day off. If I feel like going out and having drinks and ice cream, I do a big workout in the morning and adjust the day's calories around it. If I want a PB&J sandwich, I write it into my diary and adjust my food the day before. It's all about NOT depriving yourself, I think, but changing the way you think about food and exercise. Since I started two months ago, I haven't denied myself any cravings for bad food, but made better choices about them, like switching to turkey burgers or chicken sausage. Work the foods you love into your diary, let yourself do an easier workout or just skip it altogether when you just don't feel like it, and you'll find it's easier to have a healthy lifestyle. At least, it works for me!

casi_ann

Try behavioral modification. When you find yourself with a negative thought realize it, which you already are doing, and replace it with a positive thought. Your negative thought is unrealistic, unhealthy and distorted. You replace it with a realistic thought.
healthy thought and the truth.

For example: You put your own words in the truth statement not mine.

1"This is going to take too long.
1 I don't care how long this takes I'm going to change my behavior of overeating to healthy eating. I'm changing the way i eat forever before I get even more unhealthy.

2. You seriously can't eat healthy and be this disciplined for very much longer.
2. I can eat healthy and disciplined from now on because it is the most important thing in my life. I can and will do this forever

3. You're not seeing any differences. It's all going to just take, way to long. Just, give up".
3. Even if I only lose a little or stay the same it is way better than gaining what i lost all back and gaining all the weight back plus some. I can see a little difference in the way my clothes fit, or even if i can't, at least I'm not gaining more. I don't care how long it takes as long as i get it off in the long run or don't gain it back. I'll never give up, I'm doing this the rest of my life.

casi_ann

As you get closer to your goal weight, weight loss slows down.

If anything, weight loss has taught me patience, as I know it does not happen quickly. Negative thinking is a habit. Once you hear yourself speaking negatively, you have to change your train of thought. It's tough in the beginning, and it takes some practice, but worth it in the end. You'll be surprise how much you can accomplish once you overcome negative thinking.

Think about the negative things you tell yourself. Would you say these things to a close friend? If you wouldn't, don't say them to yourself.

What she said :blushing:

Irish_eyes75

It's hard but it can be done. You kind of have to just go to your internal happy place and not let outside influences bring you down. Keep telling yourself you're worth it and this can be done. I'm only a couple weeks into this but I feel like i've noticed a difference.
I take it week by week I'm currently winning the battle this week! You're welcome friend me if you'd like some additional support.

AlphamaleBAMF

I have lots of trouble with negative thinking but being stubborn helps. Also, part of me is doing this out of spite.

ahmommy

If you never make any changes and stick with them, you'll NEVER see a difference. Just think, if you had adjusted your lifestyle a year ago, where would you be now? This isn't an immediate reward kind of thing, it's more like delayed gratification. It takes hard work and determination. You have to put the time in now, believing that the changes will happen. You can do this! It took time for you to get where you are, you didn't gain all the weight overnight. It's going to take time to lose it, too.

Work on building up your will power, one decision at a time. Once you start making good choices and saying no to bad choices, it gets easier to keep making good choices. Will power is a muscle, you have to exercise it to make it stronger.

MaraDiaz

Try behavioral modification. When you find yourself with a negative thought realize it, which you already are doing, and replace it with a positive thought. Your negative thought is unrealistic, unhealthy and distorted. You replace it with a realistic thought.
healthy thought and the truth.

For example: You put your own words in the truth statement not mine.

1"This is going to take too long.
1 I don't care how long this takes I'm going to change my behavior of overeating to healthy eating. I'm changing the way i eat forever before I get even more unhealthy.

2. You seriously can't eat healthy and be this disciplined for very much longer.
2. I can eat healthy and disciplined from now on because it is the most important thing in my life. I can and will do this forever

3. You're not seeing any differences. It's all going to just take, way to long. Just, give up".
3. Even if I only lose a little or stay the same it is way better than gaining what i lost all back and gaining all the weight back plus some. I can see a little difference in the way my clothes fit, or even if i can't, at least I'm not gaining more. I don't care how long it takes as long as i get it off in the long run or don't gain it back. I'll never give up, I'm doing this the rest of my life.

This! You gotta tell yourself you can do it. Every hour if need be. Every minute if that's what it takes. Try not to even phrase anything in the negative. Instead of saying 'I will not give up', say 'I will finish this', or 'I will see this through to the end no matter what'.

SherryTeach

Actually, I try not to spend too much time focusing on the Big Picture. Yes, I know that what I'm doing has major implications for my life, health and happiness, but I can only really look at and control today. So that is what I focus on. I line up my food choices early in the day so that I don't have to obsess about food all day long. Then I look at everything else in my life that is improved or that I can take care of and work on that. . . I have more energy today, I feel rested today, I made time to read a book today, a talked to my daughter today, a planned an engaging lesson for my students today.

Yeah, it's cliche, but I really do try to live every day as if it's the only one I have. I'm not going to waste them looking ahead to what may or may not be way down the road.

MereSanity

I know how you feel as I am guilty of the same negative thinking. I have failed so many times before that I talk myself out of any progress before I even see success. "You failed every other time...why will this time be any different?"...that is what keeps going through my head. I was never a negative person growing up but I have seen that I use negativity to justify failure. Why, no clue, but it keeps me right where I am at. I need to make a change in every other area of my life too...using more positive self talk and cutting out the negative self talk. I will never be a "poly anna" postive person but I cannot continue to defeat myself with my own words. As you can see I have lost NO weight...baby steps. I have to work on my own thinking and stop defeating myself before I even start. I really have no other answers or helpful advice for you (if I did maybe I would have lost some weight)...but I working on the core of the problem (myself). I keep asking myself...I WANT to be happy, I WANT to be successful, I WANT to lose weight...why have I been keeping myself from doing that? No clue...but I do know that I am my biggest obstacle. Good luck to you!

NowCanWillDo

Wow, you guys made my day! If you don't mind, I've put all your responses into my phone so I can constantly be reminded. Thank you so much.

manderson27

I work it one pound at a time. If I stopped to think about the fact that I still have 20 or 30 pounds to lose I would give up.

One pound is doable, and when that one pound is gone I focus on the next one. I am also lifting heavy and this has the effect of changing the shape of my body so if I can see visible changes that makes me feel, Yes I can do this. I feel so much stronger so even if the scale hasn't moved for a week or two I know I am still fitter and healthier so it keeps me going.

Also mini goals are key for me. My next one is to weigh less than my husband, another 7 pounds to go. That doesn't seem so hard and I could do it in 7 weeks or less so it is attainable.


Be patient, make your goals small ones that are attainable, take it one day and one pound at a time and you will see results. :flowerforyou:

It has taken me a year to get to this point, the first 6 months I struggled with negativity, if I had started with a more positive attitude I probably would have been at goal by now. Don't let those thoughts hold you back and slow you down like they did me.

manderson27

Try behavioral modification. When you find yourself with a negative thought realize it, which you already are doing, and replace it with a positive thought. Your negative thought is unrealistic, unhealthy and distorted. You replace it with a realistic thought.
healthy thought and the truth.

For example: You put your own words in the truth statement not mine.

1"This is going to take too long.
1 I don't care how long this takes I'm going to change my behavior of overeating to healthy eating. I'm changing the way i eat forever before I get even more unhealthy.

2. You seriously can't eat healthy and be this disciplined for very much longer.
2. I can eat healthy and disciplined from now on because it is the most important thing in my life. I can and will do this forever

3. You're not seeing any differences. It's all going to just take, way to long. Just, give up".
3. Even if I only lose a little or stay the same it is way better than gaining what i lost all back and gaining all the weight back plus some. I can see a little difference in the way my clothes fit, or even if i can't, at least I'm not gaining more. I don't care how long it takes as long as i get it off in the long run or don't gain it back. I'll never give up, I'm doing this the rest of my life.

I love this and am going to use it when I get any negative thoughts in my head.

Amy911Gray

Great comments. I understand the topic very well. I found that looking through my iPod for a song to break the mood really helps. I'm using "Ive gotta feeling" by Black Eyed Peas and "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter are working really well to get me back the motivation and determination to make this stick. So far, it's working.

When the scales aren't moving, I look at that as an exercise in maintenance. You can too.

Keep up the good work you have started...it will last you a lifetime!

Nadie4444

Please help, how do I post a topic?

scruffykaz

Until recently I've had the same kind of thinking. I've broken it by focussing on what I have achieved so far. it is only small things and I still have a very long way to go but I focus on these things:

* My blood pressure has gone down and is healthy again
* I'm fitter. Still, not fit by any means but I'm more fit than I was and I can do my nightly walk with ease
* Finding enjoyment in exercise. Before it used to be a chore, now it is starting to be fun
* Being able to shop in places that I've never been able to shop in before.

What has improved for you? Are you able to focus on these things and how good it makes you feel.

If you want to eat unhealthy food, do it in moderation. My food diary doesn't read like somebody who is trying to lose weight but I'm subscribing to the idea of everything in moderation and gradually replacing unhealthy food with healthy substitutes.

Finally, believe in yourself and have confidence that you can succeed. Even if it does take a while, it will be worth it. I try to remember that it took me a long time to put on all this extra weight so it will take me even longer to get rid of it!

Good luck...I know you'll get there :-D

NowCanWillDo

I actually put every single response on this thread on my phone, and I was reading it during times where I was tempted. I love you guys.

Recap;

I lasted a day and a half. I didn't deprive myself; i simply made healthier choices. I didn't do major changes. I never felt hungry (well, maybe a little bit but hey that's normal). I drank plenty of water. As you guys said; I was thinking long term, I was replacing negative thoughts with positive ones; and it definitely was working. I felt great.

Here's the big BUT (pardon the pun)

After my university lecture today, I walked to the train station and the whole time, there was a massive war zone within my mind. One side was screaming the positive thoughts, the other was screaming the negative thoughts. I was heavily considering going to the shops and buying a big packet of M&M cookies and devouring them. But i defeated it, and went home. And binged (and yes, an actual, big binge).

Today, my mind decided to produce NEW negative thoughts: "You have a problem. You cant cope with hard work. Youre to weak. Look at the people who have been going through this healthy eating for months or YEARS, they have been born stronger. Youre self expectations are to high".

*Sigh* I swear my mind hates me. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?! Ive been at this for years now. I've probably failed over 100 times now? Literally.

It's true what they say, you're greatest obstacle is yourself.

Sofithomas

You reall do just have to believe you CAN. Since I've believed in myself the results have come yhick and fast...I'm telling you the mind is a powerful thing!!! Telling yourself you can, loving yourself will mean every fibre of your being will drive to your goal no matter what - its pretty amazing!!! Honestly it becomes so much easier knowing you CAN, knowing you CAN turn down that junk food, knowing you CAN hit the gym hard, knowing you CAN stick to this. Trust yourself and the rest will follow.

conniehv40

I had to post so it will stay in "My topics". All had such GREAT replies.

I haven't lost too much weight, but stopped gaining, stopped the negative and started feeling better.

How I did it was just kept trying, but I have a book "Brain Solution"

I bought it when my dad died last year--I walk to have a healthier body and I am eating better for a healthier body (brain, anti-cancer, all the things I can think of) so that when I am older, my children will enjoy me versus pity me : )

So, with that said, it isn't JUST the number on the scale--it is better for your heart, brain, lungs etc.
Love these posts-Thatnks for the thread!

rinnismom

k, so....

i clicked this primarily because you sound like you're dealing with the same demons that i am. not that my advice will be useful and it will sound like i'm over-simplifying but....

time and consistency.

time is the only thing that can overcome the lack of patience (which teaches you to be patient).
consistency is the only cure for negative thinking.

i've been with mfp for right over a year and my long-term friends on here tell me that my way of thinking about my slow-moving loss and my barely-noticable achievements has changed so much.

i had to get real with myself. i'm not one of those people on here that can lose 25 lbs. in three months (how do you guys DO that???) and i'm not one of those people that can just "work-out more" or "eat cleaner" or any of the other things i have been told. i have to consistently eat at a deficent, consume tons of water, work out pretty much daily and HOPE that i don't gain. so, 1 year in and i've lost 13 lbs and less than 4 inches. but, you know what? that's just okay with me.

if i had not started last year, i wouldn't be able to say this. i wouldn't be able to say that i've tried. i would just be fussing and whining and trying the newest diet fad and wasting myself in worry and stress when it didn't work. the healthy eating and active lifestyle have obliterated my phantom aches and pains that i was experiencing (and worrying over). my mental health is clearer. the way i feel when i wake up has done a 180. mostly though, and i had to tell myself this so many times over the year,maybe i'm not a babe, maybe i have hardly put a dent in my overall goal, but i'm trying. i'm tweaking my diet and gaining knowledge about things i didn't even realize existed, i am becoming in charge of what's going on with what i consume. i realize what people were talking about when they say "that's bad for you". i'm not oblivious.

yes, with knowledge come responsibility but i'd rather know than not. i'd rather feel like i'm running the show. and i'm getting there. a little more everyday, the struggle shows me how important it is to beat the mindframe. regardless if weight falls off or sits stagnant, i'm eating better and feeling better. each day i feel like i've tried to do well for myself.

moreso, think of this. when that little voice says "why bother?", in reality, do you really want to give up feeling as good as you do? do you want to lose the hope that you'll have a NSV moment? does giving in and having that second portion that will put you over for the day really ease the craving to look and feel better? does it supercede that "hell yeah" moment when you busted your *kitten* and pushed through that workout? does "feeling better" get a backseat to irresponsible eating? no, no it does not al all.

so, in the words of the gorillaz song, clint eastwood, "remember that it's all in your head."

RealWomenLovePitbulls

just stick with it, who cares how long it takes? whats ur rush. because a month from now, 2 months from now, 6 months from now, you will either look back at yourself and say "if i had only started back then, i would be closer to my goal right now" or you can look back and say "wow, i'm glad i made myself stick with it, i feel great"

UrbanSpaceman75

Really good advice here, and in particular I'd echo the 'one step at a time', 'one lb at a time', 'one day at a time' suggestions.

I think the best way to deal with any major project (moving house, changing jobs, losing weight, whatever) is to break it down into manageable bite size (sorry) achievable targets. Things that you can do, and can be crossed off the list.

It's a cliche, but we are all are where we are. It's very difficult to change things overnight, and if we try, we fail, and we get discouraged. My advice is to pick something positive - anything - that you know you can do, do it, and make it a habit. For me, it was making time for a couple of slices of toast for breakfast. Then it was things like - 'get this from the Chinese takeaway, not that', or 'go for a run on the rebounder on Saturdays and Sundays, and at least twice on weekday evenings'.

Pick something, make it a habit, make it so you can do it effortlessly, and (ideally) enjoy it. You'll feel great about having achieved something, and that gives you momentum to do something else. I've changed my diet and activity levels in ways I would never have thought possible even six months ago, and I've done it through making little things habit.

Changing deeply embedded habits, patterns, and desires is difficult. And never let anyone tell you otherwise. Be gentle with yourself, and be patient with yourself. There will be setbacks, but it's about how we respond to them that counts.