New Member-My Story

brooks850

Hello All,

I'm new to the forums, and thought I'd introduce myself and that perhaps writing about my situation may galvanize me to make the changes I know are necessary, forgive the long post;

About 14 months ago, in June of 2011, I got a sore throat, went to the doctor and was prescribed antibiotics, and from that debveloped a case of oral Thrush. The Thrush was difficult to get rid of and exacerbated my sore throat, and to rid myself of it I made some dietary changes including limiting or eliminating as much as possible my intake of sugars, simple carbs, and alcohol. In addition to rididing me of the thrush, this also had (as you might expect) a profound impact on my body and mindset. After few weeks of following said restrictions I began to consistently lose weight, and I found myself facing some realities I had been avoiding.

At 39 years old (now 40) I had gained a signifigant amount of weight in the preceding few years. Growing up I was always very active, involved in sports, and fairly fit. I graduated high school at about 180lbs (I'm 6'1"). In my twenties I began working out with weights, and maintained a weight of about 200-210 lbs for years. In my thirties I did not work out as regularly, but I stayed fairly active, and my physical condition was buttressed by my work as a Telecommunications Technician. Carrying boxes of cable up and down stairs, working on construction sites, climbing ladders, and pulling cable kept me somewhat toned-although perhaps a bit stocky.

At 36 years old I was promoted to Management, and my physical labor was replaced by a completely sedentary routine. This combined with my penchant for Pizza, take-out lunches and sweets led to gaining a couple- I'd say 2 to 3-lbs a month. Fast forward to 2011 and by the time I had the Thrush incident I was now at 267 lbs, and with smaller arms, shoulders, neck and back, and a bigger belly than ever before.

So, after losing a bit of weight by modifying my diet to overcome the Thrush, I decided to make my dietary change permanent and to take them further. From June 2011 through April 2012 I lost 79 lbs, achieving 188lbs in mid-April, my lowest weight in 20 years. I felt great, I started buying tighter fitting clothes, going to the beach, and took pride in my new found fitness. People took notice, co-workers asked me how I did it, women were checking me out, and I was feeling great. I then fulfilled a yearning I'd had for several years by buying a stand up paddleboard and starting doing that regularly.

Then something happened which I'm still struggling to understand. I don't know if it was the increased physical activity, job stress, or what, but I started to cave in to the cravings I had overcome for the last year. I started eating Pizza and other fast foods, didn't stop eating when I was no longer hungry and kept going until I was full (stuffed), and began eating late at night, all things I had eliminated for an entire year. I also stopped paddleboarding. It took a few weeks for this to start to show, and then an avalanche came. I quickly gained pound upon pound, my waist size grew, and I dug into my closet for clothes I hadn't worn for months.

Within the last few weeks I finally began to snap out of it, and after feeling grief, frustration, and stress I have attempted to go back to my healthier ways. By the time I was able to overcome this lapse I had gained roughly 45 lbs, weighing in at about 234. For the last couple of weeks have tried to eat healthier, lessen my portions, and resume my physical activity, and it has been so hard. I am ashamed, saddened and frustrated by my own behavior, and in spite of that it's still so difficult to maintain healthy behavior. I kick myself every day for sabotaging a whole year of hard work with two months of laziness and gluttony.

You'd think the fact that I know what is achievable would make it easier to get back on track, but it has only served to depress me all the more, and after a couple of weeks of effort, I am now at-as of this morning-229lbs, which at this point feels as bad to me as 267 did over a year ago. I am so frustrated! I'm trying to stay the course, but it just seems so much harder now than it did for all those months last year, and I don't really know why. Even the hope I felt ten minutes ago when starting to write this down has dulled to an ache over my loss of self-esteem. I just know I can't go on feeling this way about myself after the brief glimmer of self confidence I felt so recently.

Thanks for listening,
Brooks

madivp

You will find alot of help here. I was a mfp and was on my journey to losing weight, and like an idiot i quit coming here. Gained 30 pound in 6 months . Have no idea how i did that one but it happen. I am now back on my journey to eating healthy and things that are good for me. Giving up Coke which is an addiction to me. I guess what I am saying is we have to put the past where it belongs, in the past. Today is a new day of our lives and we can start from here without beating our self for what we have done wrong in the past. Good luck on your journey and anyone can feel free to add me as a friend.

brooks850

Thanks, Coca Cola has been a lifelong adiction for me as well. I made a change to more water, some Propel Zero, and some Coke Zero.

haleydself

Brooks, I know how you feel. I did the same thing you did, even though it happened for a completely different reason. I was pretty skinny in highschool, and also when I started college. I was around 125-130 pounds, and am 5'4''. I never had to diet or whatever, to stay the size that I was.

In 2010, I got pregnant at 20, and just let myself go. My parents made me leave, and I think I was just so depressed, that the only thing that made me feel better was food. I blamed all my over eating on me being pregnant, and told myself that it was all going to the baby. But I was always stuffing my face when I wasn't hungry, with donuts, pizza, chips - you name it.

The day before I went into labor, I weighed 160 pounds. After my little girl was born, I looked at myself in the mirror finally, after 2 weeks. I looked.... horrible!! I felt so ashamed that I had let myself go like that. So, I started eating healthier, and exercising. I ended up losing almost 20 pounds, I think I was down to like 148. Then I got married.. I don't know what happened. But I just went back to my old ways, and let myself go again. I was so upset, but I just couldn't change. NOW, I weigh 164. I'm fatter now than I was when I was 9 months pregnant!!!!

So I decided it's time to change now, for good. I found this site, and so far, things are going great. It's been 6 days of eating right and exercise, and I already notice a change when I look in the mirror. This isn't a DIET. It's being healthy, and not eating over your calorie limit. That's all! I can have a piece of pizza if it's under my calorie limit for the day.. and I can eat even MORE if I burn more. Simple as that. I took my "before" picture when I started.. and I will be posting that, along with my "after" pics here in a few months!

So many people have succeeded with MFP, and I know we can too Keep us updated! Good luck

JilianneNicole

Great job on taking the first step!!!! We are all here to help you. This is an asking community and I attribute some of my success to the amazing people here. Feel free to add me as a friend if you wish and anyone else can as well!! Good luck on your journey!

wildvintagechic

Hi Brooks,

Try not to be so hard on yourself! we are all human, and make mistakes. The good news for you is that you have done it before and know its possible. All the "coulda, woulda, shoulda's " don't do anything but make you feel bad. you will find lots of support and encouragement here!! get out that paddleboard ( I have no idea what it is, but sounds fun)! Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy yours!!

brooks850

Hi Brooks,

Try not to be so hard on yourself! we are all human, and make mistakes. The good news for you is that you have done it before and know its possible. All the "coulda, woulda, shoulda's " don't do anything but make you feel bad. you will find lots of support and encouragement here!! get out that paddleboard ( I have no idea what it is, but sounds fun)! Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy yours!!

Thanks. SUP'ing aka stand up paddleboarding is like kayaking, but standing up.

brooks850

Brooks, I know how you feel. I did the same thing you did, even though it happened for a completely different reason. I was pretty skinny in highschool, and also when I started college. I was around 125-130 pounds, and am 5'4''. I never had to diet or whatever, to stay the size that I was.

In 2010, I got pregnant at 20, and just let myself go. My parents made me leave, and I think I was just so depressed, that the only thing that made me feel better was food. I blamed all my over eating on me being pregnant, and told myself that it was all going to the baby. But I was always stuffing my face when I wasn't hungry, with donuts, pizza, chips - you name it.

The day before I went into labor, I weighed 160 pounds. After my little girl was born, I looked at myself in the mirror finally, after 2 weeks. I looked.... horrible!! I felt so ashamed that I had let myself go like that. So, I started eating healthier, and exercising. I ended up losing almost 20 pounds, I think I was down to like 148. Then I got married.. I don't know what happened. But I just went back to my old ways, and let myself go again. I was so upset, but I just couldn't change. NOW, I weigh 164. I'm fatter now than I was when I was 9 months pregnant!!!!

So I decided it's time to change now, for good. I found this site, and so far, things are going great. It's been 6 days of eating right and exercise, and I already notice a change when I look in the mirror. This isn't a DIET. It's being healthy, and not eating over your calorie limit. That's all! I can have a piece of pizza if it's under my calorie limit for the day.. and I can eat even MORE if I burn more. Simple as that. I took my "before" picture when I started.. and I will be posting that, along with my "after" pics here in a few months!

So many people have succeeded with MFP, and I know we can too Keep us updated! Good luck

Yup, different scenario, but the same feeling exactly. Thanks for sharing, it helps!