Dating after weight loss

veggiesaurus15
veggiesaurus15 Posts: 152 Member
in Motivation and Support
I figured I'd look for help here. I made a lot of changes over the last year including ending an unhealthy long-term relationship and then losing over 80 pounds. I want to date again, but I have body image and self-esteem issues. I recently went on a date (first one in months), but feel like I totally blew it because I couldn't think about being myself. Instead, I worried about what I looked like and if I was attractive enough, and I couldn't be the fun and interesting person that I actually am. Should I continue to go on dates or should I work more on me? Anyone else here or been here? Any advice? Thanks!

Replies

  • Treesy72
    Treesy72 Posts: 230
    IMO work on you for a while, get involved with something you enjoy. The best matches are made when you are at peace with your self. Best of luck :-)
  • Mellie289
    Mellie289 Posts: 1,191 Member
    I say go on dates! You're not jumping into a relationship and chances are pretty good that you will go on a lot of first dates that don't go to a second - that's pretty typical. You can work on you at the same time, but I think it will give you more confidence to go on more dates and who knows? You could meet someone who's worth more than one date with you.
  • KlaMorgan
    KlaMorgan Posts: 72 Member
    Oh my goodness, so glad its not jus me!! I know exactly what you are feeling. I have been there ,and still am. You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else and you shouldnt be worring about what you look like! Dating should be fun and exciting, nerve racking sure, but not to the extent where we're taking it. Youre a beautiful girl and maybe you should take the time off dating to deal with your own issues and feel confident again!!
  • lwagnitz
    lwagnitz Posts: 1,321 Member
    I think you should work on your personal well being before you get involved with someone else, at least seriously. It's difficult to be happy with someone else when you can't be happy with yourself.
  • Afterblue
    Afterblue Posts: 78 Member
    The best matches are made when you are at peace with your self. Best of luck :-)

    These are wise words.

    I think once you are happy with yourself, then dating becomes a lot easier and you have a better chance of finding someone who appreciates you for who you are.

    But if you want to date, think of it as a nice chance to potentially meet some good people. If something more happens, great. If not, at least you had fun and met someone interesting who could be a potential friend. It can take some pressure off to remember that most people who you are dating are sometimes nervous too, what with meeting someone new and wanting to make a good but honest impression.

    Good luck in whatever you decide. But most importantly, take pride in your accomplishments. They are yours and they are remarkable, whether you are dating or not.
  • blondie6688
    blondie6688 Posts: 57
    I did the same thing... got out of a comfortable relationship and lost 50 lbs. I dated here and there and really got to know me. It was the best thing I could ever have done. I did a lot of self esteem work and found out who I am and that hey... I'm cool :love:
    Go with your "gut"... what is your instinct telling you to do? We know what is right/wrong for us... I had to learn to trust it. You are beautiful by the way... any guy would be lucky to have you. Look at all the progress you've had. WOWEE 80 lbs. You should pat yourself on the back every single day girl!! Best of luck to you.
  • veggiesaurus15
    veggiesaurus15 Posts: 152 Member
    Thanks everyone for your advice and opinions. I know it's ultimately up to me, but sometimes it's good to hear from others as well!
  • ThickMcRunFast
    ThickMcRunFast Posts: 22,511 Member
    I'm in a similar situation...I got out of a 5 year relationship with a guy who was really terrible for me in June. I didn't lose weight after, in fact I didn't need to lose weight during our relationship, he just made me constantly feel fat and ugly. I went on my first date last week, and it was...interesting. I would just say go slow. I still feel like I want to hide in my house most of the time, but overall am so much better now that he's gone, and know that if I keep at it, I'll eventually feel like the tall blonde marathon runner I am :). Hopefully you will begin to enjoy your weight loss as well.

    If nothing else, its nice to get to dress up and go out again
  • gramacanada
    gramacanada Posts: 557 Member
    Sign up for a class at your local community center or continuing education , whatever you have where you are. There a lots of general interest Courses. It's not all 'school' :tongue: You'll meet people in your class in an unselfconscious way, and be able to forget about yourself and just join in. After that? Who knows? :smile:
  • veggiesaurus15
    veggiesaurus15 Posts: 152 Member
    My perspective on this has completely changed. I love going on dates now. I have so much more confidence and I've stopped obsessing about my looks. I could probably stand to lose 10 or 15 more pounds, but that doesn't seem to bother guys like I thought it would... Sometimes, we are our hardest critics.

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