My way- the long version

amersmanders

About me: I was successful with My Fitness Pal in the past (lost 24 lbs), and then stopped using it for almost a year because of all the usual reasons. I'm at it again, and so far have lost about 10 lbs. I'm still not even close to where I need to be/want to get to, but I'm okay with the progress. If you look at my diary, you can see that I have a LOT of room for improvement, but I'm making more progress than regress.

Outside of MFP, I'm getting to the point where I don't really feel comfortable talking about my weight loss/lifestyle change/etc. Why? Well it seems to be a hugely personal issue for one, and for two, no matter what you say you're doing, and no matter how successful it is, it's wrong. I notice that on the forums as well and it seems to be increasingly intense and bitter, which is really discouraging.

So when/why did talking about losing weight become such a contentious issue? The issue of obesity- children and adults- gets covered in the news frequently. http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/adult.html/

But it seems like there's a lot of people who don't really want to make the changes- or whose family and friends don't want them to change, and a lot of misinformation out there, and a lot of self-declared experts who read an article at one point that they can't actually cite.

This week in weightloss/fitness:

a) A former schoolmate posted that she was wanting to lose weight, and so I suggested MFP as an option, said a little about what I like (free, makes sense, relatively easy to use, successful for me), and a friend of hers barked back at me that she was beautiful the way she was and that people (me) who live in glass houses shouldn't be throwing stones.

b) I saw an old friend who I didn't realize until recently had gained quite a bit of weight, but who in our younger years was always a lot more slender than me. I got water, she got a Pepsi, and her response was, "you got water, why? Because you think you're better than me? We'll I'm married and have children, what do you have?" This was at the beginning of our little reunion.

c) A friend of mine is a Body by Vi distributor. He knows that I've lost weight without any kind of "supplement". (I take a daily vitamin, probiotic, vitamin D and astragalus, and drink a hemp smoothie after strength training). He continues to tell me that I'm doing all of this wrong, and that I'm wrecking my body, and that I absolutely need to be using the Body by Vi shakes because of the nutrients in it. I maintain that I don't need to drink a shake that has dozens of ingredients most of which are produced in a lab. He calls/texts me every day to try to pressure me into buying. I used to be good friends with this person, and now I don't want to hear from them at all. He can't talk about anything else- he's become fixated on making me one of his Visalus customers.

d) My cousin binges and crashes on a constant basis. She will over indulge one day (4000+ calories, mostly candy/chocolate/sweets) and then eat nothing the following day, and sometimes 2 days. She becomes livid if I don't eat all the things she eats on her binging periods, so I haven't spent as much time around her as I'm trying to stay out of the habit of over-indulging, plus her system of eating is a bit too extreme for me. Several other members of my family gave me the riot act, saying that my cousin is a lot more healthy than I am (she's 50 lbs lighter) and that I have no right to be judging the way she does things, and if anything, I should be getting tips from her.

This is me: I want to be healthy. I want to lose weight. But I want it to last. So I'm moving slowly, and trying to make sustainable changes along the way. I'm trying to limit my contact with really negative and/or destructive people. I'm trying to become friends on MFP with people who are encouraging and positive and committed to making these changes as well. I would think that the people in my life would know that if I try to make positive choices, or try to offer suggestions that they would know that I'm doing it because it's something I'm working on myself- because they know me. I hope that the people on MFP know that as well. I'm pretty tired of being scolded though for doing everything wrong. Does this happen to other people or just me?

kimberly2504

I haven't had such extreme experiences as you have had. It makes me sad for you, that is so horrible! It has to be hard to be successful in that environment, especially since you aren't inviting these things. I don't blame you one bit for making the choices that are right for you, including cutting out such toxic people.

I have not, however, discussed my weight loss/health work with anyone besides my husband (I don't live near any of my family). Mostly it's because it is personal, and I'm afraid that I won't be successful and don't want anyone to know if I do fail. I'm sure when I see them they will be supportive. But until I'm ready to talk about it, I'm not going to and that's okay.

Good luck! You are doing amazing things and your life will be so much better in the end!

stagknight

My friends laughed at first when I said I was on a diet, but today my blood brother said he wanted to lose some weight before he gives up smoking, sort of getting a head start on the weight gain he will get when he stops the dreaded weed. Some people will come round to the idea, some won't.

WickedPixie1

You sound like you have the right mindset for losing weight and keeping it off. I think keeping contact with the nay-sayers to a minimum is probably a good idea.
I don't have situations like yours, my social circle is pretty small and laid back. It sounds like everyone wants the magic wand to wave and everything be perfect...hell, we were probably all like that at one point before reality set in and we realised that life isn't like that and that's the reason we're all here now.
I think that you (we) are here because we need to be and it works for us. We try and slip a little sometimes, but we learn more as we go along and ultimately, the knowledge and support we get here and the self esteem that will come from working towards and reaching our goals is what will sustain us long term.
Just smile and walk away...the damage those people are doing to themselves will tell in the long run while you stay slim and healthy.

gramacanada

Hi. Not to be any kind of nay sayer, It sounds like you are on the right track for you. What I'm hearing from your post is that somehow you are being drawn into arguments with others. This could be a family dynamic, habit or whatever. I would stop talking about it to any one. If someone brings it up, I would just tell them you don't discuss that anymore. Then smile and say, let's talk about something less emotional. If that's all you say and keep saying it. They'll either get the point or you can just keep smiling and say nothing. Which is hard. But if you stick to it. Things will change. As for the person trying to 'sell' you something. He gets a commission from selling those vitamins. Tell him firmly and to the point that you are NOT interested. And if he continues to talk to you about that, walk away. don't try to talk him out of it. It won't work. Sorry to sound preachy. These things worked marvelously well for me. Good Luck. You're doing great.:flowerforyou:

wineandkisses

Thanks for posting this. It's good to see I'm not the only one going through this. I'm glad this place exists for people who are trying to be healthy. Even if support can't always come from who you want, I think there are a lot of people here who think your efforts are great!