Anyone else suffer with self sabotage...?

Jazzmagic

Ok, so firstly I apologise, this is a little bit of a vent because I've hit a bit of a wall....

I've always had a weight problem, I have never in my life (other than when I was born!!) been of an average size. I've tried for years to make a difference and I seem to manage to get focused, lose some and then not necessarily give up, because I continue to work hard at the gym etc... but almost sabotage my efforts by eating stuff I know I shouldn't be. It's like another part of me takes over completely and I'm not in control.... Can anyone else relate? I'm so desperate to succeed! I've managed over time to loose just over 3 stone and so far I'm staying pretty steady, but I seem to hit a wall and just stop, why can't I keep focussed and push through, any tips anyone?

Thanks

Cat

lacewitch

i do this and i feel like i have been losing the same 10lb forever ( i have more to lose) but i get to where i am now and then just stop exercising and start eating. it's almost as if i feel i don't deserve to be slim and healthy so i sabotage myself. I don't want to do this again so i am trying to keep a diary of how i fell so i can address issues.
my main one so far is a dont feel that i am attractive so when i loose some weight and start getting comments i feel uncomfortable and self-conscious and unconciously / semiconciously give up

to this end - i have given up added /processed sugar for 2 weeks ( this is in everything i binge on - crisps chocolate ice cream etc) to try and overcome my bad ( binge) habits and hopefully reeducate my taste buds ( though i don't know if that is possible)
1 week in 0 added sugar ( massive cravings day 3,4,5 - but mint tea is a saviour) and i have no desire for sugary stuff despite starting to get comments on my weight/ attractive ness on the streee ( and before you go oh poor you here's the worlds smallest violin this just makes me cringe and want to hide)

i don't think i can do it for longer than 2 weeks but it has had the added benefit of making me cook all my own food - i coudn't find a salas (A SALAD! ) in the supermarket which didnt contain added (unnecessary IMO) sugar!

TiffanySuscheck

it's almost as if i feel i don't deserve to be slim and healthy so i sabotage myself.

I was just gonna sit down and write a blog about this very statement.
I too, have only 11lbs left, but I have had those same 11-15lbs left for 7 months. I fluctuate, I binge, I feel like crap. Not necessarily in that order....

I cannot offer to you a solution, but I can tell you that you are not alone. I completely understand.


To try and solve my problem, I have completely given up chocolate for the next 2 months. Even in granola bars. I want to see where I go when I don't have chocolate. I'm very interested to see how this plays out. Blog posts will be written about this experience.

diverdiza

I can relate to what you say - I was also thinking of posting re self-sabotage.

Like you I've always been over ideal - even at my "thinnest".

A few years ago I started seeing a dietician and I lost about 7 or 8 kgs and was doing well, exercising often too; and then the "worst thing" happened - someone noticed!! Shock and horror!
The next thing I knew I had stopped seeing the dietician; stopped exercising; stopped watching what I ate, and within a few years I got to way heavier that I was before I saw the dietitian!! Why? I can't answer exactly why I sabotaged myself; maybe I didn't want to be noticed; maybe I was just too insecure.

BUT another significant factor for me was at that time I was attempting to lose weigh because I had this vague feeling that "I had to".

This time round I'm losing because I really WANT to (for a range of reasons some of which are on my profile).

I'm not sure if this will help but maybe you need to ask yourself what your motivation is?

If not, good luck and I hope someone else has more constructive comments!

wingednotes

For me I've discovered that I have 2 very different states of consciousness. One is fairly positive, enjoys things, feels open to losing weight and wants to be fit, healthy, live a long life, ect. That's the side that (thankfully) is aware and shows itsself to the general public.
Then, there's a very real OTHER side of me that appears when things go wrong, life deals a blow (even a minor one) or when I'm feeling especially vulnerable to it (being alone, feeling too tired, hungry, overwhelmed.) That side is a monster of a person - demands satisfaction NOW, wants to give a big middle finger to everyone and everything, and feels generally resentful and angry. When it comes out, I find myself eating uncontrollably. The positive side of me takes a bit of a nap or meekly argues, and the raging, ravenous me eats everything in the house because .... FU world. FU society that is forcing me to be something other than what I am. I'm eating what I want because it tastes good. So., There.
The longer I take to fight it off, the longer it sticks around, making me a miserable person, and increasing my waist line.
And then, oh, the regret....

AlphamaleBAMF

I don't ever feel full. It's really hard walking from work and uni each day, smelling all the smells. Seeing the yummy foods at their restaurants and shops and in their vending machines. It's very hard to get away from food, it's everywhere. Even at my gym.

I do my best to ignore the food and spend most of my time perving on women instead. It gives me something to work for and something else to drool over.

achavis86

Does anyone else feel excitrd ti start the day eating right and doing your exercise and by evening im eating anything and feeling like whats the point..im always self sabotaging myself!!! urgggg...

Jazzmagic

Thanks for your input everyone, its nice to know that I'm not the only person going though this. And you know what I think you guys are right... people started noticing! I felt good because of this but at the same time, I think pressure built up that wasn't there before people noticed. I was doing well steadily by myself, seeing little changes and feeling quietly confident and then wham... someone says something and somehow everything alters. Huge mythical weights of pressure drop on your shoulders and you suddenly think hang on a minute... People are watching me... Can I really do this? And then the defeatist side of you takes over tells you that you'll fail and your into sabotage mode. It makes no sense really.... people noticing should spur you on!! Grrr!!! Well I guess I knew this weight loss malrky wasn't going to be easy... just another little battle to overcome!

TXHunny84

For me I've discovered that I have 2 very different states of consciousness. One is fairly positive, enjoys things, feels open to losing weight and wants to be fit, healthy, live a long life, ect. That's the side that (thankfully) is aware and shows itsself to the general public.
Then, there's a very real OTHER side of me that appears when things go wrong, life deals a blow (even a minor one) or when I'm feeling especially vulnerable to it (being alone, feeling too tired, hungry, overwhelmed.) That side is a monster of a person - demands satisfaction NOW, wants to give a big middle finger to everyone and everything, and feels generally resentful and angry. When it comes out, I find myself eating uncontrollably. The positive side of me takes a bit of a nap or meekly argues, and the raging, ravenous me eats everything in the house because .... FU world. FU society that is forcing me to be something other than what I am. I'm eating what I want because it tastes good. So., There.
The longer I take to fight it off, the longer it sticks around, making me a miserable person, and increasing my waist line.
And then, oh, the regret....

We must be twins because this is exactly how I am.

TXHunny84

I am definitley this way. I want to be 125 and the lowest I've gotten down to ever is 132...then self-sabotage. It's like I'm the smallest I've ever been and almost to my goal....and something happens and I gorge like a pig having it's last meal ever! It's like I realized I've almost reached my goal and I'm so shocked it's happening when I usually don't follow thru that i end of keeping it from happening. :-/ I went from 132 back up to 140 then I'll lose back down to 133 and then regain back up to 140!! Like what am I doing!! So close then I just go into IDC how much I eat and what I eat all weekend long and then it's sooo hard to get back on track! Then I finally do and make progress and then-the monster side comes out again! You're not alone. IDK how to fix the problem but I sure hope we can!! It'd be so sweet to all make out dream goals.

Tilran

I don't ever feel full. It's really hard walking from work and uni each day, smelling all the smells. Seeing the yummy foods at their restaurants and shops and in their vending machines. It's very hard to get away from food, it's everywhere. Even at my gym.

I do my best to ignore the food and spend most of my time perving on women instead. It gives me something to work for and something else to drool over.

Other than the perving part, I agree with this 100%. I cannot be full...I love food. It takes every bit of willpower to stop myself from eating something greasy or fried. If it just dident taste so damn good I'd be alright.

Jain

I've done this to myself so many times I've lost count. I can be very happily in the groove, eating well & exercising then either someone comments about any weight I've lost, or something (even the smallest thing) goes wrong & sets me off in a huge downward spiral. The latest was getting injured which has meant I've been on cruches for flamin' weeks. And that sent me screaming to the chocolate.:mad:
I know I do this, but I've no idea how to break the cycle. I'm even considering hypnosis, there's a practitioner in the village who uses NLP with hypnosis and she claims to have had good results.

lacewitch

NLP may be good I've looked into it in the past -- there was a free book by someone for the kindle on amazon and it seemed very sensible - setting goals and changing language that you use for yourself so that we know we deserve to be fit and healthy for US and to accept compliments. unfortunately i broke my kindle and then never re-downloaded it for some reason
:heads of to amazon to find it:
Lose Weight with NLP - Agness, Lindsey ( now on amazon uk for 99p) not that i am trying to advertise or promote it as i haven't read all of it yet

apnovack

Does anyone else feel excitrd ti start the day eating right and doing your exercise and by evening im eating anything and feeling like whats the point..im always self sabotaging myself!!! urgggg...

Same here. :frown:

vickycollo

I'm notorious for this. :mad:

I fell off the wagon today, only a few days in. We had a family emergency this evening so I missed my exercise class. At that point I thought, "What the hell, I've already eaten an ice cream today and now I won't get to work it off, so I'll just blow it." I feel like s**t afterward and I know I will, but it doesn't stop me from cramming things in my mouth.

However, I have been honest with myself and logged everything I ate and removed the exercise from my diary, so at least it will be there to haunt me in black and white!

lacewitch

today. i am going to enjoy my awesomeness! (this is my challenge for the day)
I have put on nice clothes ( that i couldn't fit into previously. I have done my hair and put on make up and i am going to feel fab all day. it doesn't matter if someone comments or not because today it's all about me!
if they have a compliment I am going to smile and say thanks as meaning fully as possible and then I am going to make sure that i accept that compliment i my head! I am going to accept it not get embarrassed by it
and if no one makes a comment that's great to because the people around me a accepting the new me and it has become normal - this is the new me and it's not going to change!

and i'm doing this because i AM going to get healthy i AM going to get toned and I deserve to think that i am attractive ( irrelevant of other peoples opinions) and be happy with myself- i AM NOT going to sabotage myself again. so i have to change, shut up that inner voice that tells me i can't or there is no point or to give up.