Need advice? ruining my spirit!

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Replies

  • RiyaO
    RiyaO Posts: 19
    Sorry about the situation- I've faced something similar in the past with a guy I was "Dating" for a year and a half. He said all the things I wanted to hear but also said he wasn't ready for anything serious- I went along with it, and one night got left standing behind while he went home with another girl. Save yourself lots of heartache and realize that if he can't absolutely tell you "yes I want to be with you"- it's a no. Chin Up.
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
    You seem young (good thing!) and you're very pretty. If this guy isn't sure after 2 years of dating that he wants to be with you, odds are, you could give him 2 more years of your life and he'd still feel the same way. Let him go his way and you go yours. If I hadn't left the man I THOUGHT was for me when I did, I would never have met the man I now call my husband. Believe it or not, walking away will give you a better idea if he was even right for you from the beginning. Also, I agree with what someone else said about loving yourself first. Took me a while to understand this. I understood it a LOT better after I left my first love. Started living for and finding myself. Best decision I ever made. Did I mention that also led me to my husband????
  • Krystal7786
    Krystal7786 Posts: 103 Member
    Ive never felt this way, i think i am in love he makes me the happiest ive ever been. Truely when he was gone this past week at his parents i didnt know whether to cry or be mad , i stopped eating and f=drinking it was hard. never been in love so idk!
    Don't waste your youth on a guy who doesn't make your heart sing. It is nowhere near as difficult to find somebody who makes you ecstatically happy as you think it is - just get out there and find somebody new. I spent five years (in my mid-twenties) in a relationship that was terrible for me. I wasn't unhappy - that's what made it tricky. I just wasn't *HAPPY*. I wasn't abused or neglected or miserable, and those relationships are the hardest to leave.
    I had the time of my life dating everybody who came along - bad dates, great dates, weird or awkward ones - after a while, you stop asking "will this guy like me enough?" and start asking "hey! what makes you worth my attention?" Three years after that breakup, I'm married to my prince charming. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

    You will never regret leaving a relationship that doesn't thrill you. Give it a try :)
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    He may be from the same school of thought as my ex-husband. He told me we just wanted to be friends with this girl at work. . . .yeah. We see how that ended.

    But in this situation, the "I love you" sounds more like emotional manipulation. If he wants to spread his wings, then he needs to man up and say so. You don't need to hang around and wait for him to make up his mind.

    A woman should be CHERISHED by the man who claims to love her. Not criticized for a family of origin and NOT made to feel insecure due to anyone let alone other girls.

    My vote is to let him go and to move on to bigger and better things!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,309 Member
    he wants more friends, hes not going o fool around with anyone. I haven't said i love you either we were taking it slow because of my previous relationship I have never felt this way about anyone. i know he cares now and he said "we will see where this goes it hink we can both try" im just nervous abt another girl stealing him

    Another girl won't "steal him" - he will make the decision.

    She gets a real prize when she gets a cheater.

    /sarcasm
  • KeriW626
    KeriW626 Posts: 430
    Ok, I agree with, if you have dated for 2 yrs and not defined your relationship, then he probably is not your soul mate? That doesnt mean with a lot of hard work you two cant make it work.

    I am lucky enough to be with my soul mate, my 2nd marriage. I can tell you this one is sooooo much less work... Im going on 22 yrs now so?

    Good luck.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    From the sound of your responses, you've already made up your mind. Funny because the title of your post was about your spirit being ruined. You either confront him with your feelings or you lay in the bed you made because you sound like you're going to hold his ankles and drag behind him as he's walking out the door.
  • Krystal7786
    Krystal7786 Posts: 103 Member
    This made me feel better, He wld never cheat on me! i know him better then anyone! I never talk about feelings, im not a sappy chick at all but i know he cares, he knows i care. when we are together its like no one else is around, im feel like im on cloud nine.
    he wants more friends, hes not going o fool around with anyone. I haven't said i love you either we were taking it slow because of my previous relationship I have never felt this way about anyone. i know he cares now and he said "we will see where this goes it hink we can both try" im just nervous abt another girl stealing him

    Another girl won't "steal him" - he will make the decision.

    She gets a real prize when she gets a cheater.

    /sarcasm
  • Krystal7786
    Krystal7786 Posts: 103 Member
    The advice needed was if i should be nervous about the other girls not if he was worth my time. some girls can be persuasive into promising a man things to get him. My spirit is ruined worrying abt these other girls. not abt if it will last with him.
    From the sound of your responses, you've already made up your mind. Funny because the title of your post was about your spirit being ruined. You either confront him with your feelings or you lay in the bed you made because you sound like you're going to hold his ankles and drag behind him as he's walking out the door.
  • Krystal7786
    Krystal7786 Posts: 103 Member
    im the same which is why i think it will be okay for the most part. i get along better with men. i just dnt want a girl to manipulate him and end up using him for money or his generous nature.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    The advice needed was if i should be nervous about the other girls not if he was worth my time. some girls can be persuasive into promising a man things to get him. My spirit is ruined worrying abt these other girls. not abt if it will last with him.
    From the sound of your responses, you've already made up your mind. Funny because the title of your post was about your spirit being ruined. You either confront him with your feelings or you lay in the bed you made because you sound like you're going to hold his ankles and drag behind him as he's walking out the door.

    No person cannot manipulate another without the other person consenting to some degree. So, no... don't be nervous about the other girls in that sense. If they 'manipulate' him, it's because he allowed it to happen.

    Just like if most of the viewpoints on here are true and he's manipulating you by saying that he loves you for the first time, but he wants to get to know other girls. You're allowing it because you want to believe that his love is true. I'm not saying it isn't... I'm just saying that from the outside it seems that way.

    Also, people will only ruin your spirit if you allow them to. No one holds that much power unless you give it to them.
  • takingnameskickingbutt
    takingnameskickingbutt Posts: 231 Member
    There are four kinds of I love you with a relationship

    1. The carnal I love you
    2. The true I love you said sober
    3. The I love you drunk
    4. The I love you, but ....

    I think it has been pretty well-demonstrated that he said I love you, but ____.
  • ToyaDianta
    ToyaDianta Posts: 21
    Honestly, it sounds to me like he wants to see other people but said 'I love you' only to keep you on a leash, just in case.

    There's nothing wrong with being friends with the opposite sex, at all. However... he was acting funny, said he wants to get to know these other girls and I love you (FOR THE FIRST TIME) all in the same convo. Smells fishy to me, but that's just me and I don't know your situation fully.

    Good luck.


    ^^^AGREE
  • KeriW626
    KeriW626 Posts: 430
    im the same which is why i think it will be okay for the most part. i get along better with men. i just dnt want a girl to manipulate him and end up using him for money or his generous nature.

    Wow, you just took ALL resoncability for HIS actions away. I suppose if he does sleep with one of them (or already has) It will be the fault of the female for begile him and he will not be resonable for where his penis goes. I will be the girls fault. She will have stolen him from you, by manipulation.. You have given him an out for taking actions, which he makes. His penis is not going to be tricked into some womans crotch...

    Can we say DENIAL??? wow, I really hope things work out for the best for you.
  • Savemyshannon
    Savemyshannon Posts: 334 Member
    The advice needed was if i should be nervous about the other girls not if he was worth my time. some girls can be persuasive into promising a man things to get him. My spirit is ruined worrying abt these other girls. not abt if it will last with him.
    From the sound of your responses, you've already made up your mind. Funny because the title of your post was about your spirit being ruined. You either confront him with your feelings or you lay in the bed you made because you sound like you're going to hold his ankles and drag behind him as he's walking out the door.

    No man who loves you is going to be able to be talked into doing anything. If a girl makes a pass at him and he accepts, he doesn't respect or love you, end of story. This isn't a fairy tale, there are no evil witches and magic love spells that will steal your prince away. A relationship is just two adults treating each other with love and respect, and if he doesn't give that to you then move on.
  • lala40217
    lala40217 Posts: 60 Member
    ahhhh youth....
  • stagknight
    stagknight Posts: 130 Member
    Do not let yourself be the fall back mattress. The I love you was him positioning you for a soft landing if he makes a play for other women and gets knocked back. If you want it bluntly, don't be the weekend garage for him to park his penis in. Sounds too much like he wants to make sure he has rented a new garage before he gives you the "Sorry but I don't think you and I are right for each other." line. I see it too often sweetie, it's a standard script that a lot of us men use.

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