Scared to be thin

21Pontoon

This may sound utterly ridiculous considering the site I am posting this one but...
Is anyone else slightly (a lot) scared of being thin and reaching their goals?

I've been at this weight loss thing seriously for about 3 years, in that time I've lost 28lbs and kept it off, I'd like to loose another 28lbs by this time next year. I've been obese since I was about 4years old and so the concept of being thin is completely alien to me, I'm genuinely scared of the thought. Anyone else?

Tasha x

emilymnyc

I'm with ya on that.
I lost 100lbs and being a size 6 was totally a foreign feeling. It takes time to get used to your new body, and eventually your brain will catch up with your body. The biggest thing I've found is that I needed to learn that I deserved to look good (still do), and to feel proud of my accomplishments.

You can do it, you will do it, and you'll be successful :-)

diannethegeek

Yes, I've definitely had anxiety as I get smaller. There are still a lot of days where the voice at the back of my head is telling me to get fat again, because it's safer. People didn't notice me when I was fat and it was easier in some ways.

It's been hard, but if I could go back in time I think I'd do it all again the same way (except for that two month plateau in Feb/March, of course).

Caniac68

My anxiety is not about getting smaller. I am looking forward to that. My anxiety is about being able to keep it off versus returning to my old bad habits. We'll all do OK...but anytime there is change, it's a scary thing!

gogojodee

My anxiety is not about getting smaller. I am looking forward to that. My anxiety is about being able to keep it off versus returning to my old bad habits. We'll all do OK...but anytime there is change, it's a scary thing!

That's where my anxiety lies - especially the food part.

softdemonplaya

I'm right there will ya... I have been here before, lost the weight and totally sabotage myself... this time thats not going to happen...We can do this :-)

missypoo1974

I so want to be healthy, but I completely understand what you mean. I also have been obese since before I started school. The first time I was ever called a fat a** was in kindergarten. But since that is the case, I have gotten used to that being normal...not being noticed, feeling I was "less than" others, just existing, etc. I still feel like that so when someone says something about me "looking great" or whatever, my face turns red. That just doesn't happen to me. I think maybe it has taken me this long because I don't like change....and what we are doing is a HUGE CHANGE! Good luck, Hun!

Gr8mum77

I absolutely understand where you are at. I have been large my whole life and I am very daunted by the idea of what I will look like thin. I am very confident in my looks now, even as a large woman. It all stems from the idea that we are all frightened of things we don't know. That is why I am not letting my fear sabotage my health goals. I am not thinking of it as trying to be "thin and beautiful". I am trying to be "fit and healthy". I have enough people in my life that are more than willing to throw grease on my path to success. I refuse to be one of them. Find you some cheerleaders. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I think the confidence you will exude from attaining your goals will be able to far outweigh any fears you may have about being a thinner version of yourself. Good luck!

Melanie_RS

My scaredy-catness comes from not knowing how I'm going to maintain it...or what happens if I break my legs and I have to cut way back on eating and I can't do it....the what ifs!

mostly maintaining...I'll need professional answers on that when I get there.

MMMendoza007

I can so relate. I was so uncomforable, I started to gain back. I'm having to get a handle on things all over again. I was so miserable when I was really big, and yet it was familar and safe to me. Losing weight is so much more than just the battle to get the numbers on the scale down. It can really do a number on you mentally in ways you wouldn't think.

runmybunsoff

Oh I am VERY afraid, especially when it will come to social interactions. I have no idea how I'll be able to handle it. Hopefully I am going to be ok, LOL. Other than that, I'm pretty excited. It's a weird feeling.

mamo1014

I'm right there will ya... I have been here before, lost the weight and totally sabotage myself... this time thats not going to happen...We can do this :-)

This is me! I'll see progress and then I'll sabotage myself too. I've been divorced a long time, and I think I use my weight as a shield and an excuse not to date. But this time around, I'm going to succeed. No more avoiding mirrors and no more excuses for not sticking to an exercise routine. We can and will do this!

danamarier

I hear ya- I've always struggled to be small, and even losing the small amount I have thus far makes me proud but nervous about maintaining and continuing to lose as I go.

What also makes me nervous is the attention I've started getting- mostly from women I work with. "Oh my gosh, how have you lost so much already? What are you doing? Do you ever eat?"

Especially when it's birthday-cake day (1x/month). I always turn the cake down because by break time I've eaten my snack, am full again and am not interested in the empty calories in cake/frosting. Then they really lay it on thick, "Oh don't pass it to Dana, she doesn't eat ANYTHING bad." (I then think to myself, "yeah I got this big from eating right and exercising...")

We can reach our goals, and feel we deserve to look good and feel healthy!

FFwannabe

I was, I got down to about 5 pounds of my goal then I started to binge. I think i was scared to be thin. For me it was a whole new life. I was treated different by everyone!!!! Something I was not prepared for. Most of the things people said that bothered me were from heavier people. I gained back most of the weight that I had lost. I have trouble watching what I eat now because I think I am truly scared to be thin and healthy

newmein2013

I'm with ya on this. I've sabotaged myself many times throughout the years once I reached the 200 lb mark b/c that's close to what i weighed with my last pregnancy. Almost my entire adult life really, up & down but never below that. I finally busted through my mental block a couple of weeks ago. How? I didn't think about it. I put myself on autopilot for a few weeks, clean eating, exercise, weekly weigh-ins, kept myself busy & tried not to think about the numbers but rather the healthy aspect of it all I was very pleasantly surprised when I saw the number on the scale at 194. I'm getting a lot more attention than previously and it was scary at first. I just keep reminding myself how hard I've worked to accomplish what I have so far and I have an incredibly high respect level of myself for doing this. I used to feel as though if people were close to me, they appreciated me for ME and that I would have to question their sincerity if I was thin. I realized this is wrong, very, very wrong thinking. We need to change the way we think, about ourselves and others. Most importantly, the perception that really counts is our own perception of ourselves. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with yourself. Learn to appreciate you for who you really are, with expanded fat cells or not. You'll find the answers within. Best of luck to you.

Josyurtos23

I also am afraid as well.

ebbyzone

I am right there with you. I've been heavy for pretty much my whole life. I have no idea what I would look like otherwise, and the attention I've received from past weight loss attempts always made me a little bit uncomfortable.

I want to be healthy, definitely. But I also want to reach that level of mental comfort with my new body (when it comes), ya know?

slkehl

Yes. I feel sexier with a little more weight on. But any more than I have now and I'm pushing it. I need more of a safety margin.

Denesey82

I totally understand! Every time that I get down like 10, 15lbs, whatever...I kinda sabotage myself, and I then I allow myself to eat that donut, or drink that coffee a few days in a row, or weeks in a row, cause it's ok, I already lost like 15lbs...when in reality I still have lots to go, and the weight will slowly creep back on...I really do have to take it day by day, and just make it through..but ya..I am a little scared..mostly because I've been this same weight-ish..since I was 13, give or take 20 lbs here and there....Totally get it!

hippietofugirl

I have always been chubby and overweight and after dropping 70lbs, people definitely notice me and sometimes stare when I walk by. It gives me an uneasy feeling because I've never really been noticed for attractiveness by complete strangers before. I am learning to embrace it rather than to try and blend in. You deserve more than just "blending in"

mirandamayhem

I was completely overwhelmed the first time I lost weight. Suddenly the attention and the way people treated me and looked at me was alien after years of being overweight.
I think I lost weight far too quickly, and didn't allow the changes to happen gradually. Consequently I regained absolutely everything.
You sound like you're losing weight at a really sensible rate, and you are giving yourself time to adapt to the changes. As soon as you start to feel anxious, slow it down.
Maybe write down your fears, find a good naturally slim friend and chat about them?
You'll do brilliantly.

MissShancey

I feel like i keep sabotaging my self because im scared to reach my goals

WaterBunnie

Yes I am too but have set my goal to chubby rather than fat and hope I'll be happy there rather than becoming someone I've never been. I also figure my skin will fit me better if I don't try to go all the way!

meshashesha2012

doesnt sound ridiculous to me. there was a period of time when i was in shape thin and at my goal weight. i gained weight for very specific psychological reasons (using the extra weight as a cushion between me and other people, especially men because i used to get a lot of unwanted and unsafe attention). now i'm slowly becoming ready to release that cushion.

part of the reason why i'm OK with going the slow route and taking my time to shedding the weigh is because i know it's going to take about that amount of time for me to gradually let go of those fears.

JB5349

I am so with you - although I have only managed to lose 29 with MFP I have lost 50 in total. I have been helping my mother out alot and every time I see her she keeps saying that she can not believe I am losing so much weight. I know she is trying to encourage me but I hear something different. I know that I do the same thing as well with the sabotage. I have wanted to be under 210 lbs for such a long time that when I finally did get under 210 lbs I have been eating like crazy ever since and I have gained again. Very discouraging and frustrating at the same time. I just can not seem to stop sabotaging myself.

I keep hoping that this time it will be different. My goal for today is to just get through without eating over my calories and for the rest I will try to deal with that tomorrow.

shorty35565

I've been doing this almost a year and I'm 57lbs down. I am SO ready to be thin! But at the same time, I'm scared. I'm scared of how much loose skin I will have. That scares me so much that sometimes I cry about it. Because I don't want an abomination for a stomach

stagegoddess

i've gotten down to just above 200# twice in the past few years (having been about 175# & 5'10 previously) and both times sabotaged myself into gaining back 30-40# each time.....soooooooooo not cool. its bc i see how good i look/feel and only want attention on my call. i take a short break from my workouts/eating right then it becomes never.

this is the first time i've sought help for weight loss and i'm really glad i did bc i finally feel like i have a support system and tools at my disposal and i'm realizing when i emotionally eat and splurge too much. i usually work 2 jobs back to back and never have time for friends/family so whenever i do have free time i see each interaction as a reason to celebrate--which means making bad eating choices. so no more. being aware of my actions and their consequences is really helpful.

so thank you MFP and everyone else on here who is opening up and sharing, it really does help me and i feel different this time around loosing weight and taking control of my life.

ctwm84

I am worried about how it may change my relationship with my husband. We have a great marriage, but I have always been overweight the entire time we have been together. Some men get really insecure when their spouses lose weight, and become jealous and paranoid and start trying to sabotage them to make them fat again. On the flip side, what happens if I lose the weight and want to do more active things that he doesnt want to do and I end up wanting to spend a lot less time with him becaue my interests may change and not include him. My husband is normal weight but he has bad knees and a bad shoulder and is not a go out and "play hard" kind of guy.

lacewitch

i self sabotage as soon as people notice me / my weight loss. i have something inside me that doesnt believe i can be attractive or that i don't deserve to be

so at least once a week i try this:

today. i am going to enjoy my awesomeness! (this is my challenge for the day)
I put on nice clothes ( that i couldn't fit into previously. I do my hair and put on make up and i am going to feel fab all day. it doesn't matter if someone comments or not because today it's all about me!
if they have a compliment I am going to smile and say thanks as meaning fully as possible and then I am going to make sure that i accept that compliment i my head! I am going to accept it not get embarrassed by it
and if no one makes a comment that's great to because the people around me a accepting the new me and it has become normal - this is the new me and it's not going to change!

and i'm doing this because i AM going to get healthy i AM going to get toned and I deserve to think that i am attractive ( irrelevant of other peoples opinions) and be happy with myself- i AM NOT going to sabotage myself again. so i have to change, shut up that inner voice that tells me i can't or there is no point or to give up.

every time i get self doubts i am trying to find one thing I like about the new me! i.e. i can touch my toes, i can hang upside down of a poledancing pole etc. nothing to do with how i look but something GOOD!
or i just tell myself to shut up and do something i enjoy ( phone a firend, get a manicure, whatever)

i am still not good at this: i have been loosing the same 10lb for 2 years, but i have lost it and this time i am going to work on the next 10 even though i am starting to get comment s on the street!

cathomer

I think I'm kinda scared of not meeting my expectations when I get there, as long as I'm fat I feel I've got some excuse for being rubbish, but if I'm still rubbish when I'm slim then I'll be scared that it's just who I am.
I'm also scared that I'll never get there, that I'll lose some, put it back on, and I'll just keep on like that, never getting thin.

lacewitch

today. i am going to enjoy my awesomeness! (this is my challenge for the day)
I have put on nice clothes ( that i couldn't fit into previously. I have done my hair and put on make up and i am going to feel fab all day. it doesn't matter if someone comments or not because today it's all about me!
if they have a compliment I am going to smile and say thanks as meaning fully as possible and then I am going to make sure that i accept that compliment i my head! I am going to accept it not get embarrassed by it
and if no one makes a comment that's great to because the people around me a accepting the new me and it has become normal - this is the new me and it's not going to change!

and i'm doing this because i AM going to get healthy i AM going to get toned and I deserve to think that i am attractive ( irrelevant of other peoples opinions) and be happy with myself- i AM NOT going to sabotage myself again. so i have to change, shut up that inner voice that tells me i can't or there is no point or to give up.

i am not married, and i am just offering some thoughts
but you could sign up for a challenge such as a 5k and get him to support you and then have a healthy picnic together after.

it sounds very un-romantic but schedule things - so if you work out Wednesday after work ask if it's ok to have a late dinner so you can eat together or have wednight as fitness/ your won time and have thursday as date night and do something you wouldn't normally do even if it's just sitting on the porch and watching the stars

maybe you could find an exercise he could do - swimming or cycling may not be that hard on his knees and if you start gradually together - obviously i don't know here what the issue is but maybe you could talk to a doctor and get some exercises you can do together ?
the final thing and possibly the hardest ( for me anyway)
have you talked to him about your fears?