husband stressing me over food

bgrmystr

Hey .. I'm new to the group, but I thought I would give an opinion about the stubborn husband. My experience is that of the stubborn husband. My wife has been working on losing weight and eating healthier for quite some time. I, on the other hand, have always enjoyed my fattening foods and would make faces at anything that even sounds healthy.

Until I was ready, I would not consider changing how I eat. After reaching a new all time high for my body weight, I finally decided I needed to lose weight so I would not end up as a heart attack victim at the dinner table. My problem, like many guys is that the word "diet" has horrible mental images. I would gain weight every time I start a diet, because I always crave what I cannot have. Each person has to be able to make the decision to be healthier when they are ready, and at their terms (unless a Dr is involved, but that's a different story).

Specifically for me, the only way I have been successful in losing weight, is to eat breakfast (cereal and milk), have a basically normal lunch (working on improvements), and then a light supper. I then exercise after work in the evenings. That will probably not work for most people, but it works for me.

Unfortunately, when one person in a marriage is mentally and emotionally ready to improve themselves and have a healthier lifestyle, it doesn't always mean that the spouse or even the children are in agreement. Your husband is capable of making choices for himself. Until HE is ready, the subject of dieting may stay a sore spot between you. What my wife ended up doing was making a "normal" supper at night for me and the children, and something separate for her. We would still eat together as a family, but the topic of food never became a fight that way. Over time, she would introduce healthier items such as brown rice or wheat instead of white bread based products.

My input, for what it's worth, is to stick to your personal goals and do not let anyone sway you. You have to wear your skin and work on being a healthier YOU. Meals for your husband can be negotiated until he is onboard.

Just remember, what works for you may not work for him. It's all about communication.

bgrmystr

OH .. I'm Henry by the way ...

missworld95

If you're that busy, you shouldn't have to do anything! Especially not for him! Where's the equality?

If he would get pissed about that, I would say 'either learn to do it yourself, or get off my back.'

Cherbear67

It's been hard making meals for hubby and I both but I work it in and load up on the veggies myself..

micahnelson

You work full time and make all the meals?

You are getting rooked.

I guess just adjust recipes that can be scaled.

jcpmoore

Thank you all so much for the advice and support. It meant alot to be able to see that it will be okay. I will just have to sit down with him and come up with a plan for the nights i am not doing a meal. I thought about it alot last night and i think he will always take the easy way out and be inconsistent. ( its a pattern ive seen too long). He made a comment once that he liked me better when i was fat. ( because he didnt have the energy i did to go do things etc and i rarely spend time on the couch anymore). He is about 360 and diabetic but i just refuse to make his health my priority any longer. So, going forward i will be quiet to him regarding his choices and live and enjoy mine.

Thanks again so much

By jove you've got it!

The thing to remember is that we can't change other people. If you want to change what YOU"RE eating for dinner, there are ways to do that and make it easier. Prepare in advance so it just needs a quick heat up and such. But if you like having a salad for dinner, then that's what you should have. If you want to help him and he wants the help (two very important ifs to consider before continuing), you can ask him what he wants to have available to make for himself. Then have easy stuff that's a little healthier that's easy for him to fix. But he has to want to do it. Not want you to do it for him.

Keep up the great work and know that you're on the right track!

Bailey543

My husband is fit, but he doesn't watch what he eats. It drove me nuts when he would cook something I couldn't eat. My solution? I cut up all my veggies on Sunday, put them in baggies in the fridge or freeze the ones that can be frozen and mark the recipes out of my Atkins cookbook that we are having for dinner that week. I also have the menu on the calendar, so he can see what we're having and go to the page and make it if he wants to start it. He works 24 hrs on, 48 hrs off, so he is home a lot of week days and get dinner going for when I get home. It works for us and he doesn't have to do a lot of chopping, ect and he KNOWS what we're having.

cpaman87

When I arrived home last night my wife was at the gym. I had a recipe to follow and instructions to have it ready by 7:15. Usually she cooks and I wash the dishes. Last night I did both. I was glad to do it. And it was yummy.

jamie1888

Pre-making meals for the week can also be a good option. You can spend a couple hours on Sunday (or whatever) and prepare some meals & portion them out for the week. For you and for your hubby. You can have them in the fridge ready to go or even freeze some. You can make healthy (or not) casseroles and things like that to keep in the freezer for hubby for the times you get home late, etc. That way, he always has something to grab regardless of what and when you eat.

Ivana331

Just keep at it. When I first started this and told my husband "this is the last soda I am going to have" he was like"ok, sure...we'll see" and he wasn't willing to buy me a $10 workout dvd, he did anyway, but I could tell he wasn't happy about it. A few days in, he saw that there were still two sodas left in the fridge, that I actually had not drunk them.....he saw that I actually was working out as I said I would, and now he supports me. Asks me what I will and won't eat, has given up soda(so far) with me, and is eating more fruit. He lets me spend my extra money on healthy foods and we eat dinner at home now instead of fast food. He eats what I prepare minus the veggies (I can't get him to eat more of those). Just stick with it and let him do his own thing. If my hubby chooses to eat fast food for lunch, that's on him. I am here at home happily stuffing my face with veggies and water.
If he gets home before you I am sure he can make his own dinner...I am a stay at home mom so I make dinner for all of us, but it is healthy enough.

MFPBrandy

My husband is fit, but he doesn't watch what he eats. It drove me nuts when he would cook something I couldn't eat. My solution? I cut up all my veggies on Sunday, put them in baggies in the fridge or freeze the ones that can be frozen and mark the recipes out of my Atkins cookbook that we are having for dinner that week. I also have the menu on the calendar, so he can see what we're having and go to the page and make it if he wants to start it. He works 24 hrs on, 48 hrs off, so he is home a lot of week days and get dinner going for when I get home. It works for us and he doesn't have to do a lot of chopping, ect and he KNOWS what we're having.

This is a GREAT idea!

sunshinesquared

When I arrived home last night my wife was at the gym. I had a recipe to follow and instructions to have it ready by 7:15. Usually she cooks and I wash the dishes. Last night I did both. I was glad to do it. And it was yummy.

and I"m sure she was very thankful.....:flowerforyou:

dabratt92

I don't have a hubby at the moment.. I have a business partner who is stressing me about what I eat also.

We have good food in the office and we have junk food. If I start looking at the junk food he grips and complains, but I cannot talk to him about what he eats which is mostly the bad stuff.. pizza, tacos, pasta.. I get the good stuff like having a Visalus Shake, no bread, no canned soups, no canned fruits either. The shakes are pretty good. So I have some support in what I eat at work. But how do I get him to join me..

Good Luck, :drinker:

DollShannon

I think I would have had the same reaction as your husband if my hubby said that we were having salad for dinner.
Consider this: men need more calories in a day than women.... especially meats, maybe just eating a salad for dinner will make him binge after dinner since the salad itself simply won't satiate him (no matter how much he eats of it). You can lose weight without eating salad for dinner and you probably won't want to eat salad for dinner forever (think lifestyle change).


When I lost weight (I'm pregnant now, so I'm going the other way and gaining), I wasn't eating salad for dinner with my 6ft tall boyfriend that has the build of a football player. It just wouldn't work. I tried to eat healthier earlier on in the day when I was at work and wasn't eating a meal with my man. I kept the salad for lunch. You can cook something healthy that will satisfy him as well for dinner. It just takes some negotiation. If he wants to add cheese, bacon and mayo to his chicken sandwich, let him, he may NEED those extra calories. You can keep your meal low-cal. If he wants the extra creamy dressing or sauce on the meal, let him add it, you can go without it.

My 6ft tall boyfriend and I certainly don't eat the same...but we share meals.... just each of our meals are different in portion size or have modified ingredients. Compromise is key for BOTH OF YOU.

I second this.
Compromise is key to any and all parts of a relationship.
I have also had to have a "this-is-what-i-need-from-you" kind of chat with my husband regarding the way he supports my lifestyle changes. He never felt like he was hindering my progress, but he never knew how his comments and body language made me feel. I know they don't like to talk about feelings, but sometimes it is necessary for us as women.

Best of luck to you and keep it up!

BeckySue1977

Ok, let me get this straight... You work full time, do the household chores, prepare all meals, and go to the gym several days during the week? Hat's off to you for all you do! But seriously, why are you doing all this?
I've been in that position with my ex-husband (add in caring for 2 toddlers as well!) and it isn't easy and in my oppinion isn't right. But that is a different topic...

As for the healthy vs. crappy food issue... I'm wondering if you are pushing him to hard to conform to what you think he should be eating and so he is rebelling and pushing back. Maybe a little chat in which you let him know that you will not be forcing anything on him since he is a grown man and should be capable of making his own decisions. Let him know that you want to feel good about yourself and you would appreciate his support in that. He doesn't have to eat what you eat, but if he would be understanding and supportive of you feeling good about yourself it would be really helpful. After all, shouldn't hubby want his wife to feel good and be happy?

Meal compromise? Here is an example of what I do at home. My kids LOVE hamburgers and my boyfriend LOVES bratts, so I throw a couple of hamburger patties and bratts on the grill along with a turkey burger for myself. I skip the mayo or other high calorie toppings (or limit them) and try to add flavor with things like grilled onions and peppers.
It is mandatory that we have veggies at all meals, not just for me. My kids know this routine and actually like their veggies. Maybe try cooking something your hubby likes along with a huge batch of veggies or salad as the side. You CAN have some of the things he likes, in moderation. Serve yourself a really small portion and then load up on veggies.

Bottom line... The only person you have the power to change is you!

betteringmyselfeachday

You are not alone sweety!

I still live with my parents, but eat dinner half the time with them, and the other half with my fiancee. My mom who "claims to be" on a diet seems to sabotage me. The other night she had us over for dinner and made a chocolate cake that you put icing and oreos on. SERIOUSLY? I had a bite of it from my fiancee's plate so that I wasn't seeming rude! Not but a few days before that she had made a strawberry cake. She goes to the store and buys junk food.

Then you have my fiancee. We joined a gym last November.. I don't even think he has gone but 2 or 3 times max this whole year. I used to ask him to go every night with me, but I got so fed up with him not wanting to go, I quit asking. I also feel that he is frustrated when I say I need to go to the gym or I am gaining my weight back. He doesn't understand how important this is to me, and I wish it was a priority to him too. I would love for him to lose weight for his health, because I do love him whole heartedly for who he is. When I ask him what he wants to do for dinner it is always pizza, drive-thru, etc.

It gets annoying every single night to have to defend yourself for wanting to eat healthy. Especially when other people act like it is such an inconvenience for you to do so. I go to the store and do my own grocery shopping to help curb temptation. I try to plan ahead.

ladyark

This is purely hypothetical (as my husband is lucky to find the effing kitchen), but if I asked my spouse what was for dinner and he said "I'm having salad" I'd be a little put off too.

Agreed. Just because I'm eating differently doesn't mean I can blow off fixing food for my family, which includes my husband. If he asks me, "What's for dinner?" and I plan on having a salad, I'd say "I'm having a salad, but I'm making spaghetti for y'all". (example)

To this comment specifically....when we first started living together I always told him....just because you see it being thawed out does NOT mean i am cooking or it will be cooked. That being said i ALWAYS make sure i have things he likes that he can quick make if im not into cooking that day. Besides we would eat out like 3-4 times a week as well. And YES i can blow off fixing food for my husband as a grown man is capable of doing just this as he did before me. I sure as hell am not making two different meals to make him happy.

Ok that said....i did finally have a nice conversation with him today since i cooled down. He can ask me in the morning what or if there are dinner plans ( as i make my meal log the night before). If it is on the log something i will be cooking and he wants to eat that i will make enough....if it is something that he isisnt too interested in there will be an alternative in the freezer/fridge he can make himself. No surprises , no lazy im not cooking tonight etc from me. It will be there in black and white for him to see and choose.

He also thanked me for caring about what I eat and caring that i want him to eat better as well but, while i am in a place that it is finally important to me ...it is not AS important to him just yet. He wants to learn portions etc and he is trying a little bit. He also works out a few times a week and plays on a volleyball league. I just need to back off and let him take his journey and help him when he asks for it. Also he said if i tell him what to do and how to do it he will try and make things so i dont have to cook as much.

He did say he was worried about the future when i get to my goal since i am a more outgoing type and he is not. I can understand that and i cant say what that will hold. I just pray he will think if i cant beat her i will join her lol.

Thanks again for all the support , wisdom and tips....thats is what we are here for. I'm HOPEFUL!