Suggestions for better coping mechanisms?

lilteepot

So, long story short, about three years ago in the window of about 5 days, I lost everything -- a career I loved, the love of my life, my home and everything in it. It's certainly given me an opportunity to redirect and redefine my life... but ever since then I struggle with occasional bouts of "the blues" and self-pity parties. For about as far back as I can remember, my go-to coping mechanism for grief and depression has been food. My psyche attributes a full stomach (typically packed with unhealthy foods to boot) with comfort and love, followed of course, by a long bout of sleep which doesn't help matters ... How do I break this?

Yes, I've been told "take a walk!" and "do a quick few minutes of exercise!" The problem with that solution is that I fight exercise even on really GOOD days, so expecting me to push through the fog of tears and/or lethargy on bad days is fairly unrealistic at this juncture... I'm not looking for anything drastic -- just something that gives me a spark of hope on bad days that doesn't come anywhere near food (or even steers me away from it). So help a girl out... What do you do to make yourself feel better on rough days?

maspicantexfa

Like clockwork I end up in a depression every summer that lasts 1-3 months and it's caused me to gain weight so much. The best way to deal with it without eating is to just recognize that it's a really bad day, reassure myself that eventually it will be better (it always gets better) and try to distract myself in the best way I can. I've played a LOT of Bubble Shooters. Housework, if you're up to it. Long drives, if you can get out of the house and/or stand it. This sounds weird but I like to go to the health food store where they have the refrigerated water and get a big bottle of some kind of exotic water you've never heard of before. My favorite one lately is the water in a milk carton, because it's big and recyclable. That will keep you busy without munching on something. Sometimes music helps, but usually it does not, because I don't want to associate music I like with a time I don't.

Oh, and hot showers.

therealangd

Exercise.

Sorry, it's not the answer you want to hear, but it's the best answer.

myth4ever

Not sure if you a spiritual person, but times like this is when prayer and meditation is necessary. Start small with your workout routine the most important step is that first.......keep going!

tammyc226

My dogs! They are an absolute joy and give unconditional love always and really appreciate you. If you don't have a pet is it something you can consider

melaniecheeks

Make a mix-tape of music that makes you feel better, whether that's some rousing Sousa marches or something soothing like Tubular Bells, or some singalong Abba.

Explore aromatherapy - smell is a very powerful connector to the emotions, and there are some scents which will calm you and/ or relax you.

manda_rae_k

I need to do something to keep my hands and mouth busy when I'm feeling depressed, otherwise I'll start eating...I've began playing my clarinet again. (Used to play in high school) Not only does it keep me busy, but the music is also very soothing.

oldsalty1

I have to agree with the exercise...You know we all face depression in crazy levels and cycles...When I am feeling punky..I either wallow in it and eat...or I chose to go to some extreme cardio work out...

I am not coordinated for many reasons...the Zumba makes me concentrate on the steps...and sweat!! The extreme cardio...makes me sweat..but the exercises change so quickly I must concentrate on them.

In other words...I can not think about the depression for a little while because I have to focus...after the exercise I am still getting all the wonderful endorphins released during exercise...

Not saying this is the cure for depression...this is just how I move through it...Oh...and make a protein shake to have after the work out..

loozit4good

I keep a journal and before eating out of emotions, I talk about it in my journal. By the time I write it out and read it again, I'm not wanting the food to comfort me. There must be things you "love" to do even on bad days. Set yourself up to do those things when you get to this point. I struggle with excercise, but I tell myself I don't have to do a lot, just something, also "fake it till you make it" mentallity helps. If your belief is that eating will help you on bad days, you will always choose the food. We tend to do the things we believe. Good luck.

jessgumkowski88

I tend to plants when I'm feeling down. It gets me moving, and being around nature is subconsciously endorphin boosting, it makes you feel a little better. Plus if I work on helping my plants, I'm not focusing on me.
Some times watching a movie I've never heard of helps too.

AlissaFL

It can be frustrating when the thing you do to comfort yourself makes you feel worse in long run. I would suggest thinking about other activities that make you smile or happy. If it isn't exercise, then don't do it. (Don't do it with the hopes of making you feel good, do it because you believe in the benefits.) Some of my coping mechanisms are talking to friends, watching a movie, watching tv, reading a book, shopping, writing, changing my scenery, etc. Those all work, but not when I'm really down. And when I feel like that I just throw a huge pity party and work through my issue. I wrote down all the stuff that was bothering me, all the people and what they had done, no matter how trivial it seemed and put in al spreadsheet. Then I went through and answered what would have to happen for me to get over that offense. And at the end, I realized I only had an issue with a couple of things, not 40 like I thought, that I had "fixed" the majority of the problems, they were just all emotionally connected. By sorting through them, I disconnected them from each other and could see that I had made progress on most of my issues.
Since you had so many big issues occur in a short amount of time, you probably have them all mashed together and that makes them seem overwhelming. You also probably put a lot of feelings on the back burner because you had immediate needs that had to be handled right then. You didn't have the luxury of dealing with your emotions at the time. And now that it's been three years, you or others thing you should be over it, but your not. Try just delving into the issues, letting yourself feel what you feel and see if that doesn't give you a different perspective. I hope that helps! : )

jessgumkowski88

Plus I don't know about you but I can't handle exercise when I'm depressed. Everything feels like it hurts and it feels like i need all my energy just to do simple things like moving my hands.

Kimmer2011

It's exercise for me, too. I ONLY listen to my iPod when I'm walking, and it's full of music that always keeps me going, even if I'm not going very fast. Last summer, I had one very rough month, and I spent a lot of time out walking. I found that if I walked long enough (sometimes to the point of exhaustion, it felt), then I could walk back in the door and not have that need to stuff my face quite as much.

knk1553

This is honestly the point in time where if you are able, please try to seek professional help. You clearly want to learn new coping mechanisms and have had a very rough period of time. A therapist/counselor/psychologist is going to be able to work with you and really push you to figure out why you are using food as a coping mechanism and techniques you can use instead and way to change your thinking about food.

But if you're not willing or unable to go seek professional help, some activities we give to our clients are journaling, especially when you have the feelings that trigger you to start eating in your case, and the events that occured around it. You can try meditation techniques as well to help clear your mind, deep breating and relaxation work as well, keeping yourself away from access to food while those triggers are around, and unfortunately, we do suggest exercise as well because exercise helps the seratonin and dopamine receptors in your brain. So as much as it sucks, drag yourself out of bed, and go walk for 15 mins, and do it everyday, cry while you're walking if you need to/have to, but most important is go do it. Its not an easy process and its not going to be fun, but ultimately until you start working towards making those changes then you are never going to make them. Put some headphones on, your favorite music, and go walk, even if its 5 mins up the road and back.

Raynne413

One thing that seems to help me is playing games, whether it's pogo.com, a crossword, soduku, just something. It keeps my hands busy, my mind busy, and it's good for your brain. The time seems to go by faster than expected as well. And if you want to combine exercise and games, try some of the XBox Kinect games. They are fun, and they involve movement, so you get both in one!

mwilke

It really depends on what you like to do. I used to use drawing and music as a stress relief. There is also exercise. For every negative thought you have, try to think of 3 good ones. Sounds corny but it works.

singingpeach6301

I don't know if you've considered it or tried it, but seeing a councelor is something that helps me to cope with the rough stuff in life. I initially started seeing her for mild anxiety, but also discovered that I was still harboring grief from the loss of a loved one from over 10 years ago that quite often would lead me to emotionally overeat, and also contributed to anxiey. Since seeing her, I go twice a month, I've learned to recognize my emotional eating patterns and have been able to employ some of the meditation techniques she taught me to overcome the cravings as well as the anxiety. I would recommend it to anyone! Plus, sometimes its just good to be able to unload all of the stuff most of us tend to keep bottled up. I think emotional and mental weight can outweigh us physically sometimes.

If you don't think counseling is your thing, then I would definitely recommend meditation, and even prayer if you're a spiritual person. A few other things that might help: if you play an instrument or have always wanted to learn now would be a great time, call up a close friend and plan a girls night, get a pedicure, read a book, and last but not least, hit the gym (I'm still working on this one too!!). Best of luck to you!

MadeInDR022

I keep a journal and before eating out of emotions, I talk about it in my journal. By the time I write it out and read it again, I'm not wanting the food to comfort me. There must be things you "love" to do even on bad days. Set yourself up to do those things when you get to this point. I struggle with excercise, but I tell myself I don't have to do a lot, just something, also "fake it till you make it" mentallity helps. If your belief is that eating will help you on bad days, you will always choose the food. We tend to do the things we believe. Good luck.

I go with this. I write. I usually write every time I feel any sort of way, happy even. It's a way to keeo myself in check, to realize what I'm doing and to reflect on how I react. Reassuring yourself that things WILL get better, seems to work too. My issues have gone the opposite way since I started my journey. These days I undereat, rather than overeat. But I do the same thing...I also log into MFP and read my profile, my inspirations, my goals. That helps me alot too...

RhonndaJ

For me, music helps a great deal, and writing, but then I've been a long term writer. This last was a bit surprising to me, but recently I've been doing yoga. Not classes but an app that I found for my ipad. It's very simple, very peaceful.

135OHK

When I am feel down in the dumps and or just wanting to eat, it helps if I lose myself in a really good book. I drive to the park and find a nice sunny spot to sit and read. I can end up reading for an hour or more. The sunshine makes me feel better and my mind is completely off of food and deep into the book. (and sometimes I feel so good after reading that I will actually take a walk) Or I make myself a cup of tea and sit on the couch and read. It's good to take a nice break and indulge yourself in something that is 'good' for you. Good luck.....I too suffer from bouts of 'feeling all alone and abandoned' as my kids are grown and leading their own lives and my grandchildren are getting to that age where they don't need me much. And yes....prayer if you are so inclined, helps too.

courtneyleem

I completely understand. I moved 3000 km away from my all of the people I know to a remote northern community and I've struggled with depression more than ever since the move. Pushing yourself to exercise is hard, so don't until you feel better.

I have lots of hobbies and a cat. I knit, crochet, make jewelry, cross stitch, play computer games, garden, sculpt. I have so many hobbies because some days you will wake up, and none of them will be appealing (it's part of the depression), so I find a new one. Take a trip to the local craft store, and pick something new to try!

EDIT: I also totally forgot about reading. Two nights ago I read a young adult fiction book in one sitting.

TinaDay1114

I agree w/knk1553 -- professional help might be the best thing right now. Sometimes no matter how much we want to, we can't THINK or FEEL our way out of our emotional "pit," especially after a series of really traumatic events, or when you're already prone to depression or anxiety. I've been there, and having a great therapist has helped me immensely. If you have a good, safe, helpful place to go and a knowledgeable person to give you some good tools, you'll be so much stronger and able to cope the next time you find yourself "low."

A lot of employers and health plans provide free counseling (at least for a certain # of sessions), and lots of docs also take most insurance plans so you only have a co-pay.

The other thing I do in the immediate moment is just focus on the NEXT moment -- I'm just gonna drink this bottle of water first, and then see how I feel. Now I'm just gonna walk down the block and back and see how I feel. Now I'm gonna read 1 chapter of this book (or whatever else you usually enjoy), and then I'll see.:ohwell: If you can just find little (even silly) things to get you to that next moment, next hour, next day...sometimes that's all it takes, and suddenly w/baby steps, you're in a different place in your head, and feeling better.

GOOD LUCK to you, and many HUGS. :flowerforyou:

barmum

Zen ironing , (the concept my aunty Olwen gifted to me and in turn I gift to you) divide the jobs you have to do round the house into manageable chunks then pick one which you tend to feel better knowing it's out of the way and do that when you feel miserable because the feeling afterwards is 'Life may be crap but at least I got the..... done'
I get SAD and bouts of depression, up until recently kickboxing and grappling really helped with the low mood not because of the exercise aspect but because honestly, sometimes, it feels very very good to kick the everloving out of something , unfourtunatly the Drs now put the mockers on that method so I may well be joining you in the pity party corner

carriparton

First of all, I just want to say that you are stronger than you think you are. You came here looking for help. When I was at that point, I didn't ask for help and ended up suffering more because of it. I have to agree with the other posters that are suggesting professional help. Most employers have Employee Assistance Programs that cover mental health professionals. That is where I went first and called the first psychologist they gave me. I have been seeing him for 3 years now, along with a psychiatrist for medication and am actually able to fight the depression now.

One thing my psychologist told me to do is to give in to the depression. Let it come and let it teach you. And like you, food has been my coping mechanism. I also hate when people tell me to exercise when I am depressed, it is harder than they think. Just know that you need to stay away from food when it hits you. I usually either go lay down or leave my house, just to get away from the tempation of food.

I hope you take some of the suggestions on this post. Sometimes it just helps to have a friend to talk to. If you want, you can friend me and together we can help each other out.

yougojo170

I do the same thing. When I am depressed I eat. its a bad habit I formed many years ago. I find talking to a friend and or going out and doing something fun helps a lot. Keep busy. If exercising is not the thing for you to keep busy- then find something fun that is. Music always picks me up. Of course you have to ensure its upbeat music not some sad song. Do you have friends or family you can call or be with when you get depressed? My cousin and I always call each other to vent and cry it out and the other one listens then says something funny to get the other one out of the funk. She lives in Boston and I live in NJ but we have been there for each other for years. Also, although I am not religious I am spiritual. My faith has helped me thru many very rough times such as breast cancer, losing my job, and losing my husband to brain cancer 6 months ago. If you dont have anyone to talk to - I will be your friend. You can vent with me.

IokiOcto

I use art as an outlet, drawing or painting. doing those things help keep me focused rather than driving myself crazy. I'm a brooder & get stuck in quicksand with my thoughts.

iLoveMyPitbull1225

Consider seeking professional aid. A therapist that specializes in greif may be of benefit to you. Or you might benefit from a therapist that can help you combat your depression. A good therapist will guide you through your issues and teach you healthy coping strategies. I really think that alot of times people just need someone to talk to and therapy does that for you. Talking through you feelings can be so helpful.

But if you are not thinking that this is something for you, I think that other posters have good suggestions. Working out is a great stress reliever.

opuntia

Well, for me, eating is a sensory thing, and there are other sensory things that I find calming and comforting - such as listening to classical music, burning a scented candle or incense stick, sitting in a steam room, sauna or hot tub, having a massage, or even massaging myself.

Another thing I find helpful is keeping a journal - writing out all my thoughts and feelings helps to work through them. I try to do this on a regular basis anyway, but f I am going through a difficult time, then I really make myself do it every day, sometimes more than once a day, because I know it helps.

And reading/watching a tear-jerker feel-good book/movie. I find that really cathartic.

Do you have a hobby that you can get totally absorbed in? I like to draw, and I find getting totally absorbed in drawing is a very calming process - and when I'm absorbed in it, I'm not even thinking of other things like eating.

nxd10

Find supportive friends. It is hard - especially as an adult. But find a group of people you meet with regularly and eventually you'll find those in that group you like. Talking will make you feel better. Not just talking about problems, but talking about good things too. Or just silly things.

Being with other people doing other things takes you out of yourself. And that's what you need.

Reading groups, library volunteers. Boating groups (see you in that kayak). Join a choir or a bowling team. Work on the PTA. Volunteer at a homeless shelter.

Learn tai chi. Yoga has lots of skinny people but tai chi is great for people of all body sizes and all levels of starting activity. My husband teaches tai chi and teaches a class for people in wheel chairs and for senior citizens. It gets you out of the house and gives you people to talk with. If you can't find one at the Y or a community club, many senior centers offer them and they're happy to have young folks there too.

Seriously. When you're happier, it will be easier to be healthy. And you'll want to work harder to get and stay healthy.

linz1125

I also agree with seeking counseling to help....it in the meantime, find something to do with your hands. I was going through a very difficult time at the end of the year last year and I took up crochet to give me something to do and keep me busy. I never ended up making anything (I have about 3 unfinished projects!) but it got my mind off of things, I could take as much time with it as I wanted, and it was cheap. When I looked at my progress it really helped me feel accomplished. There are a ton of online tutorials that helped me learn. It may not be your cup of tea, but maybe use that idea to find something that suits you.

Best of luck in your journey to get out of this depression - I know therenarendifficult days, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other and going on.

yoovie

I stand up, clench my right fist (which is a psychological trigger for determination) and say out loud- pathetic pity parties are NOT sexy. turn up the music and dance around the house in my underwear until im smiling for real.