11 pounds lost and I hate how I look

checkmatekingtwo

I've just looked in a mirror and I was horrified. I looked at pictures taken recently and I couldn't believe how awful I look.

I have been in denial about my weight for so long, that I don't think I've actually looked at myself, REALLY looked at myself, for a couple years. Wow! How did I not notice how terrible I looked?

When pictures were taken at an event, I'd just glance at them and pass them out of my reach. I look at myself in a the bathroom mirror and just get a glimpse at my face, never looking into the full-length mirror in the hall until I'm completely dressed.

But I've been inspired by all the before and after pictures on these message boards and decided to get in my skivvies and take a full-body picture I can use as my before. Got in front to the mirror and ACCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! I was honestly shocked. I knew intellectually I was morbidly obese, but to actually look at it in all its overflowing gory glory? Wow.

I know I'm making progress, but I really don't see it when I now actually, truly look in the mirror. I'm going to have readjust my mental image with my actual current image. I'm mentally looking worse now than I have mentally looked in the past. Does that make any sense?

hdsqrl

Yep, I totally get that. Recently I took photos of myself in the bathroom mirror with NO clothes, and tried to look at those with an objective eye. I realized just how small my head is in comparison to the rest of my body, and I also realized that I'm more pear-shaped than hourglass, which is how I'd always described myself. Not a bad thing, necessarily, but it did teach me something about myself. I then deleted those photos, heh.

I'd encourage you to keep your "before" photos, but not share them with anyone just yet. Tuck them away, don't obsess over them, and keep fighting the good fight. Take another set of photos a month from now, and do some comparisons. I bet you'll be pleased to see the progress you're making.

Not all of us are lucky enough to drop all of our weight in a couple of months, so having those photos handy really help to keep us motivated and reassured that we ARE making some progress.

Don't give up!

Sidesteal

I've just looked in a mirror and I was horrified. I looked at pictures taken recently and I couldn't believe how awful I look.

I have been in denial about my weight for so long, that I don't think I've actually looked at myself, REALLY looked at myself, for a couple years. Wow! How did I not notice how terrible I looked?

When pictures were taken at an event, I'd just glance at them and pass them out of my reach. I look at myself in a the bathroom mirror and just get a glimpse at my face, never looking into the full-length mirror in the hall until I'm completely dressed.

But I've been inspired by all the before and after pictures on these message boards and decided to get in my skivvies and take a full-body picture I can use as my before. Got in front to the mirror and ACCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! I was honestly shocked. I knew intellectually I was morbidly obese, but to actually look at it in all its overflowing gory glory? Wow.

I know I'm making progress, but I really don't see it when I now actually, truly look in the mirror. I'm going to have readjust my mental image with my actual current image. I'm mentally looking worse now than I have mentally looked in the past. Does that make any sense?

Yes.

I think the post by hdsqrl has good advice.

Keep plugging away. I PROMISE YOU that if you stick to this plan, you WILL make great strides.

Koldnomore

I did the same thing when I picked my 'before' picture though I won't do the shot in undies - I know what I look like hehe.

It was from my vacation to Europe last summer and I honestly thought I looked 'good' in the picture. I don't. But! I know that if I keep on doing what I need to do I will eventually look the way I always imagined myself to look and then I'll take the bikini shot!

Jules2Be

please just keep going, your brain will catch up to your body eventually.

auroranflash

Yep, I totally get that. Recently I took photos of myself in the bathroom mirror with NO clothes, and tried to look at those with an objective eye. I realized just how small my head is in comparison to the rest of my body, and I also realized that I'm more pear-shaped than hourglass, which is how I'd always described myself. Not a bad thing, necessarily, but it did teach me something about myself. I then deleted those photos, heh.

I'd encourage you to keep your "before" photos, but not share them with anyone just yet. Tuck them away, don't obsess over them, and keep fighting the good fight. Take another set of photos a month from now, and do some comparisons. I bet you'll be pleased to see the progress you're making.

Not all of us are lucky enough to drop all of our weight in a couple of months, so having those photos handy really help to keep us motivated and reassured that we ARE making some progress.

Don't give up!

^^^ This, and ... I think we're all in denial at some point about our looks. But you can't work on something if you don't know where you stand.

YOU rock for making healthier decisions and choosing to be active. YOU rock for taking steps to change for the better and take care of your body.

So keep rocking.

kacarter1017

This is very common!! I'm finding that even at goal. What my mental image of me at goal was isn't quite what it looks like. Not that I'm unhappy; just a bit surprised. Cellulite is still there on the back of my thighs- just lots less. I still have saddle bags, though they are MUCH smaller. Still have "grandma arms" but again, much less. My tummy isn't completely flat, and with age, some saggier skin has made me uncomfortable in a 2 piece. I had no idea that women in a size 6 ( my current size) still had all these issues under those "skinny" clothes.

As I was putting together my daughter's graduation picture boards last year, I came across pictures of me at my heaviest. And I still couldn't believe that that was how I had looked! I never saw me as big as I was. Even with the surprises I mentioned above, it was very gratifying to see the differences then and now. Be proud of the changes you're making, don't worry about what was, or even, what is. Focus on being healthier and you will find a better bod!

RhonndaJ

~chuckles~
I have days when I know exactly what I look like. And other days where I manage to keep myself happily in the dark.

I hope one day to have what I look like and what I see when I'm in the dark a whole heck of a lot closer.

juliedozier

Keep on keepin on sister! I do know how you feel though, I recently climbed on my bathroom counter to replace a light bulb, I got a real close look at myself in the mirror and it wasn't pretty. I was discouraged because I have come so far but yet have so far to go. I try not to let it get me down and just plug along one day at a time. Hang in there!!!

amrita0286

I feel like that too often but stay positive. You WILL reach a healthy weight and you WILL look hot and sexy in the next photo you take of yourself. Staying positive and having small goals keeps me on track.
You're doing great by the way, 11 lbs lost is great

sofakingawesome69

anything worth it takes time. You can't change a lifestyle in just a short amount of time. But damn you will feel better once you get to the goal. You will want pictures taken and not have issue with them. Just gonna take a while. But well worth it.

gypsybree

Well said, darling.

dbrakora

I would like to encourage you to take measurements too! Write them on the back of the picture. There will be times in your Journey when you are not losing weight but still losing inches and being able to identify that will help keep you motivated. Hang in there, someday you will walk by a mirror or mall window, a new thinner you, and you'll say who is that? and realize it's the new and improved you!!! Just don't give up the fight!!!!

Sarah0866

I totally understand, but keeping pushing for it, and you'll get there. Try to focus on the positive, which is that you are making progress. Continue on the path you're on now, and I'm sure your mental image and actual image of yourself will continue to change for the best

angelalf1979

I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME!!!! I am so much more "aware" of every lump, curve, and just plain floppiness and I am even more repulsed by my body and I am 22 pounds down. Working out and losing weight you are supposed to feel better... well not this girl. Not yet!! Glad someone else feels ethe same way! Thought there was something wrong with my mind!

BUT WE ARE ALL DOING THIS FOR A REASON. SO WE CAN FINALLY LOOK AT OURSELVES NAKED FOR A FULL 27.4 SECONDS AND NOT CRY :sad:

newcs

It's hard to see results in pictures and people are often disappointed in what they perceive to be a lack of progress until they're at their weight and fitness goals (which usually keep getting upped as initial goals are met). Have you tried taking measurements? That way when you don't feel your appearance has changed enough, you have objective proof of your accomplishments.

XXXMinnieXXX

I can really really relate to this and it's only at 70lbs down that I've really realised I AM doing this. I still get discouraged though as I'm only half way. It's a long journey. When I am accomplishing things I never thought possible it makes it all worth while. There's much more than the weight aspect it's the psychological benefits and the other health benefits. A year from now you'll be a whole new you and you'll find yourself not believing how far you've come. When you get a moment and you realise it's amazing. Great to feel the opposite of what you feel now and it WILL happen. Just stick with it x

sarahleeroy

I know how you feel. My first set of progress pics were extremely shocking! And then even after I had lost a lot of weight, I felt like I still looked the same (awkwardly shaped), only smaller. It passes though so keep your head up! I am now getting to the point of changing my overall shape and looking more fit so I'm glad I stuck with it despite being a little discouraged

KimInsanityP

CONSISTENCY, PERSISTANCE AND DISCIPLINE IS KEY! Don't give up. Its a lifestyle, not a quick fix. Know that you won't change over night, but if you keep moving your body, make healthy eating choices, don't stock your fridge or pantry with bad stuff, look for support here and just keep going. You can do this!

twinklinglucy

I totally relate--where I used to live, my closet doors were mirrored. I always kept one closet door open. It didn't occur to me why until I started losing weight. I didn't have to face the truth as long as I kept that closet door open! I closed that closet door & I lost 80 pounds! It's amazing how I was unhappy with myself, yet I protected myself from the reality. Bless you for sharing your story & keep up the good work! :flowerforyou:

jonchew

Your pissed-off... GOOD FOR YOU! Stay that way, but keep it in perspective - every journey starts with that first (or 11th) step.
You can do this!!

nxd10

Funny, I was thinking this about myself this morning and wrote a piece about it for Psychology Today. It's called The Smarter I Get, The Stupider I Feel:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201208/the-more-i-know-the-stupider-i-feel

I wrote it because I hit a major weight loss goal yesterday (lowest weight in 20 years). And now I feel worse because even though my weight loss is going well and I feel confident I can make my long term goals, I'm never going to have the 6 pack abs that people on some of the other threads so I should.

Like Dory from Finding Nemo says: just keep swimming.

NCchar130

I completely understand!! I knew I was big and knew i didn't like the image in the mirror but was reading success stories on here last night and decided to have my husband take some pics of me to serve as 'before' (that's my optimism talking!) and - yeah, they were shocking to me. Earlier today a coworker snapped a silly pic of me in the breakroom and e-mailed it to me and I was appalled. The thing that shocks me the most is the fat in my face and the fact that my head appears to sit directly on my shoulders LOL. Somehow my face doesn't look that fat in the mirror.

Anyway, I'm glad I didn't see these before I really got started and was able to log some results, even though they are small.

stephc0711

CONSISTENCY, PERSISTANCE AND DISCIPLINE IS KEY! Don't give up. Its a lifestyle, not a quick fix. Know that you won't change over night, but if you keep moving your body, make healthy eating choices, don't stock your fridge or pantry with bad stuff, look for support here and just keep going. You can do this!

This!! It's not easy, and it sucks more often than not, but YOU CAN DO IT!!

Juliejustsaying

You know I never had the balls to take a before picture. I set a goal, and put my head down...I'm reaping huge rewards now, and it has come after over a year of hard work, and hard times at the gym. But you CAN do it. Take it day at a time....set your small goals and know that every day you work for it, the closer it is...just think of how quickly time passes...and soon it will be a month, then two, three etc...and you'll be so much closer to what you want to see in the mirror. Honestly that is what I did. But the weight training is where I saw the best and quickest results, so if you can add that now with cardio, you'll be way ahead of where I started.

Good luck to you...I look forward to hearing your progress and your NSVs...cause some day your going to look in the mirror and thing, "DAMN! I look effing hot!" and you totally will.

coniiej

You are beautiful!

isingthebodyelectric

Fact: You are your harshest critic. This is what I have to constantly remind myself when I'm disgusted by what I see in the mirror or in pictures. What you see is not necessarily what the world sees.

It's going to take a long time to get your body and mind in sync. Mine have been in a state of cognitive dissonance over my appearance my whole life, and I imagine you probably have had a similiar experience if you've battled with weight and self-image for a long time. Even when I was 95 lbs, I looked at myself and only saw fat. Now at 160 (which may not seem like a lot, but due to my petite height, small frame, and body percentage, I am obese), I think I'm absolutely horrifying. My point is that I have been at both ends of the spectrum and I wasn't happy with either one. Our brains aren't the best indicator of reality sometimes.

So how do you get your brain and your body on the same page? You measure something tangible instead of a perception that cannot be synthesized into hard fact. Like others have stated, take your measurements and your weight. Recognize that this IS a long process and that those 11 pounds are an amazing accomplishment! Measure your health... do you at least feel better physically? Harness that.

Okay, so I need to knock it off before I get any more new age-y lol. Can you tell I'm a psyc major? haha.

Anyway, I really understand and empathize with where you are coming from. But I hope you are able to see what everyone else here sees - that you are undertaking a hard journey towards better health and that takes tremendous strength. I've avoided the mirror and pictures while I'm undergoing this process for now. It's hard enough to make these crazy lifestyle changes for the better, and I will not sabotauge myself by feeding into my negative self-image. Maybe that's not the healthiest way of dealing with it, but I need to deal on the physical aspect right now. The psychological will follow.

sunrize_sc

I feel your pain. I have not recognized the person in the mirror in many years. I don't think it's that I didn't notice but more of being in denial. You are well on your way to a more healthy you. I to want to inspire family members. But I don't know if they care enough to change. Feel free to add me if you'd like.

mama73bear

Its funny how common it is for us to "hate what we see" and so sad at the same time. For now, concentrate on the little things...when I started I could only do 3 mins on a stairclimber...now I can do an hour...I like to focus on the strength I'm building. I like to feel the muscles working in my legs as I run...yes...run...(who knew?) and that feeling gives me a sense of personal power...over me, my life, my decisions. There are so many small gains mentally, emotionally....before the physically....keep surprising yourself!

emilypurplefrog

I know how you feel! I never really noticed how large I was until I looked at pictures. I'd see how I used to look in a picture from a few years back and then I'd see a very recent picture of myself and think "Wow! I'm so much better than that!" Stick with it! You will start to notice places on your body that are smaller and notice a shirt that fit tightly just months ago is now loose or you can stretch out your pants around your thigh where it used to fit snuggly around it. Little things will help you realize just how far you've come and make you never want to go back! You may not see it at first, but sometimes feeling it is just as great! Just don't give up on yourself! Keep doing what you've been doing! This takes time and energy, but you can do it!

tobnrn

Back at the end of march my little one took a picture of me. It was a WTF happened to me picture. I looked at that picture today (1st time since march) & compared it to one taken yesterday at the gym. Over 30 lbs gone. Lots of changes made. Lots of changes still to come. Glad I had it to compare. You will be too.

Keep doing what your doing.