A little about Pwnie

apocalypsepwnie

I'm 29 and 1 month.
I'm 5'4
I weigh roughly 95kgs
I'm a size 18-20
I'm not really here to lose weight because every time I've actively tried I've failed. Every time I focus on another area of health I win. So, I'm just reducing my salt intake and making better planned choices to fuel my body for sport.
I've been training in derby for 1 year and 11 months.
I haven't played a game yet and probably wont have the chance to until next year. My goal is one game before I'm 30. 2 reasons is I was held back from advancing at training for nearly 6 months as I missed the next level (You pass skill levels like karate and belts) by one week by trying to pass 1 endurance based skill. Therefor I had to stay back. But, if I was really giving it my all and taking things seriously they may have let me go through as I showed I could keep up. So myself to blame more. I should have passed that skill the week before like everyone else. I did do the first level twice but that's because I'm a retarded skater so I was ok with that.
I have 3 step kids 7,6 and nearly 5.
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years.
Before all this I was married at 24. I was separated just after 25 and divorced by 26.
I have no kids of my own. I don't have much chance of having my own and don't really want any.
My marriage was abusive. I gained 50kgs. I started out at 70 and ended up 120.
I was a fat bride.
I'd lost 30kgs within 6 months of leaving my x. Through no exciting regime than just being good and living my life.
10kgs of that weight has started coming back on... DO NOT WANT!
In my jobs I've always worked somehow with numbers. So seeing all these numbers make so much sense to me and inspires me to push on.
I've had MFP for 4 days.
I've been eating better for 12 days. It's NO CAKE AUGUST as processed sugar makes me gain gain gain. I've just gotten new work uniforms!!!!

I want to show the strong body I've developed through derby.
I want to buy more pairs of jeans from normal size shops.
I want my step kid's mum to lay off me.
I want to be a role model to my step kids.
I want my family to stop thinking of me as the fat slow failure. This will be the first ever game my parents will come and see me in so I want to make them proud of me.

I'm not worried about how much weight I'll lose. To be honest I don't want to lose much as I'd have to get surgery. I've gained and lost more times that I'd like to count and quite frankly my birthday suit needs some major repairs. Plus, I've gotten used to being bigger and I need some padding to play derby the way I've learned to and the way that suits me. I'm a short powerhouse and much of my skills depend of me having some weight to throw around.
I've done every idiot fad diet under the sun. It's screwed my metabolism. I also want to show people that I know who are on the shake/soup/bar diets that the way to lose and be healthy is to eat right. Not skip steps. Apparently it's not the done thing to take weightloss advice from a fat person. Who woulda thunk it eh?

After only 12 days I've felt something I've never felt today. What having ENERGY feels like. I never understood that feeling or when people say 'I have more energy'. How? I get up, do the things I have to and go back to bed. The first sunday in YEARS I didn't sleep in. Because I couldn't. I didn't need to! And, after a huge training session today I'm usually getting in to bed now. I don't actually feel tired. Sore yes lol but not tired. I feel GREAT!
I'm looking forward to everything else.

I love love love talking derby so if anyone is in a league, thinking about it or is just interested in stuff ask!

TheArmadillo

you sound like someone who should be really proud of themselves but probably isn't quite...yet :flowerforyou:

I agree with the energy thing. Where I used to try and get as many lie ins as I could and could easily sleep 10+ hours and still always feel tired, now I don't need anywhere near that amount of sleep.

apocalypsepwnie

I'm proud of what I've acheived so far but I'm not quite at the level I know I can be.
I'm 100% a different person than I was 4 years ago!!

I'm going to see my mum for the first time in a few months and I'm nervous. Not because I haven't lost any weight, I have gotten used to the things that are said. More because I'm really trying with myself and everyone we know that's 'dieted' has failed miserably too.
My nan is currently in hospital with weight and diet related problems. She's abused her body much the same as I have but for much longer. She's never been slim either.
I'm worried she'll poo poo my efforts as some fad. She also gets offended that when I visit I go to the shops and buy food for myself. They don't have fresh veggies or fruit to snack on (I've always prefered that anyway) and lots of white carbs. I don't like white bread for starters and the only things to snack on are lollies or biscuits. *vomitface*
It's too early for me to be letting things slide.

apocalypsepwnie

So I told my mum over the phone.
I said that when I get off my train I'll have to stop at woolworths to pick up some fruit and stuff. She asked why. I said 'well, you've just had the flu for a week and haven't been shopping. You don't have any groceries so I'm betting there isn't any fruit' 'Uh no' 'Besides, you know I always buy my own snacks and crap when I'm there because I'm an adult and don't expect you to support me' 'But why the fruit?'
So I told her about the app.
I told her I'm not counting calories exactly but planning my food.
I also told her that my big push was because of my nan who's just out of hospital. I didn't want to be like her and that's where I was headed. I'm 30 next year and it's time I got real. I can't leave it till 'I'm a grown up' and it wont sort itself. I'm a grown up now!!!
She agreed with being like nan but also thought it's just a fad and asked will I be as picky as nan while I'm there (my nan can be a royal pain in the *kitten* when visiting with food as she's always on a new diet but wont let you know prior and wont cater for herself) and I said no. As long as I know what's for dinner I can plan around it OR I can go for a walk over the HUGE hills she has in her street. Pretty simple. Besides, because I'm picking better food and drinking alot of water I simply cannot eat 1880 cals. I only got there today because I ate 2 Tim Tams and had an egg on rye after training.
I guess I expected it and she'll take me seriously when I show I'm serious.

apocalypsepwnie

Uh so I've uploaded so pictures of myself.

But I have no idea how to get them posted here... oops