Need to rant!

dawnierenee0201

Since I've started MFP, I've made some big changes in the household- some that my husband wasn't very happy about. I've cut out the soda, cook a lot more often (we used to eat out 3-4 times a week and now we eat out maybe once a week) and theres a ton of healthier changes made around here. I started working out 3 days a week and take our 11 month old son for walks and keep him active as much as I can. In return, from all of my hard work, I've lost 15 lbs! With all the changes I've made, my husband has lost 18 lbs without even trying. (I do the cooking and meal planning in our household and he joined my gym membership as well but has not used it yet) Last night, we went to a Japanese steakhouse with some friends we have not seen in a while. The first thing they say is "Wow Charlie, you look awesome! How much weight have you lost? What have you been doing?" He politely thanks them and tells them hes eating healthier. NOTHING was said about my weight loss or my hard work or the fact that he wasn't even trying to lose weight- he's just eating what I cook, as usual. He doesnt even know the tacos aren't ground beef anymore, but lean ground turkey and the wraps are low cal high fiber. He hasn't even noticed that the bread is 35 cals a slice and all the meals at night and for the lunches are all portioned correctly and accompanied with a veggie. And although he knows I've lost weight, the only comment he made was after I told him I reached the 15 lb mark and that entitles me to a massage, and he said 'yea, I noticed something different about you but didn't want to say anything.'

Thank you MFP family for being the support that I need! I'm in this for the long haul!

yroma

It's true that men lose weight easier/faster than the ladies. That said, I wish your husband had given you credit and pointed out your progress to your friends! But, sometimes when one partner is trying to change things up, losing weight, getting healthier--even though these all seem like positives--those changes can feel threatening. Like, what else do you want to change? Maybe you can try to have a conversation with him about it. We all need support on our journeys--one of the best things about MFP. And it would be amazing to get (and give) that support from your husband. Might just take some time. Once he starts to feel better from eating well and losing weight and seeing the things you are accomplishing--he may come around. Regardless, keep up your excellent work--it's happening for you and you're setting an excellent example for both your husband and your son!

dawnierenee0201

Thanks for the words of encouragement!!! I just need a little bit of that this morning It's so discouraging/frustrating!

keekey009

Keep up that positive attitude....Just keep smiling,,it will make everyone wonder what you are up too...Do it for your son and yourself. Its finally taken me after years of failure to realise its time to change my habits

mirandamayhem

Thanks for the words of encouragement!!! I just need a little bit of that this morning It's so discouraging/frustrating!

Grrr, I can't think of anything remotely helpful. I'd want to slap him. I think you deserve some special acknowledgement! We know you're doing amazingly! xxxx

Irish_eyes75

I know how you feel. My husband and I are dieting together, he's doing Nutrisystem because that worked for him before and I'm just cooking for myself & my son. I feel like the focus is on him. His food has taken over my kitchen, he signed up for Tuff Mudder in May and that's all I'm hearing about. We planned on working out together but now he decided to do the training program that the race suggests which I'm not at all interested in doing. So I'm on my own with food & exercise. Great.
Whenever we have company or go out the focus is all on him and he is partly to blame there because he feeds into it and will go on for hours. It's annoying. I'm also heavier than he is and any loss I have will not be noticed for a while, way after he's reached his goal weight. We also work together so everyone there is the same way, they'll focus on him and his diet, exercise and act like I'm not even there. I have no escape from it.
I cook for myself and my son, do all the meal planning and what not and it sucks that even though we're making this lifestyle change at the same time, we're not doing it "together". It's pretty hard to stay motivated.

PunkyRachel

My husband is not trying to lose weight, but he is a huge support of me. He gives me props and even brags to people and tells me he's so proud of me! I'm sorry your husband is being such an *kitten* :frown:

juliette28

Not only have you lost 14 pounds!!! but you're also instituting the kinds of healthy changes in diet and exercise that will positively influence your son for a lifetime! Good for you! Take a quiet moment to tell your husband what you need (credit when due... and it definitely is!) and see if he can step up to the plate. I hope he can!

Irish_eyes75

Not only have you lost 14 pounds!!! but you're also instituting the kinds of healthy changes in diet and exercise that will positively influence your son for a lifetime! Good for you! Take a quiet moment to tell your husband what you need (credit when due... and it definitely is!) and see if he can step up to the plate. I hope he can!

Absolutely. Be proud of the fact that you're going to be bringing your son up in a healthy way!! Your steps now will ensure he won't struggle with his weight! Be PROUD of that!

julesribar

Sounds typical as far as guys losing weight so much easier. As far as your Husband not interjecting about your weightloss....take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes men are just oblivious to that stuff. You should be so dang proud of yourself. I am, and I don't even know you!! Just keep doing what you are doing. :flowerforyou:

alarae

You are doing a great job! Keep it up! As for your husband, I would talk to him about it. Tell him how much you are trying and that it would be nice if he could be happy for you. Maybe he is worried about why you are losing weight and what changes it might mean for both of you. Let's face it, men and women do not think about things the same way.

angeljamin

I totally feel ya!!!!! I'm right there with on all counts!!!!

We can do it. I have to keep reminding myself that it's about me and not about how easy it is for him.

Best of luck!

emdeegan

excess.

Keiko385

The least he could of done was given you a little credit for all the healthy meals you put in front of him. My late husband was the same way but he never knew how to take or give compliments, I just let it slide as a guy thing

randysbombshellgirl

Oh girl I feel you pain the same thing happened to me. My older sister that I had not seen since I started
this journey came over my house the other day and says to my husband "gee Randy you look like you've lost some weight". He says "maybe he's not sure but look at Kim". Now she knows I've been trying but she's overweight herself so I'm thinking maybe that has something to do with it. Don't let it get you down you've taken great steps to change your life for the better...keep up the good work!

spaztastic13

Husband's are jerks sometimes ...you are doing awesome keep up the great work we are here for you!!!!

nxd10

God that is frustrating.

I think the key is what he said - I didn't want to say anything.

I'm wondering if your friends who commented on him felt the same way. I always feel very hesitant to say something about a woman's weight loss because it's such a touchy subject. Even guy's, but less so. I come from a whole family of overweight folks and one of the things I dread about going home is knowing people will comment on my weight - up or down. So all of us avoid the topic, even when we have something nice to say.

The only exception is when someone has obviously dropped a lot and basically walks in and announces it.

You have done a wonderful job for yourself but also your whole family. Keeping everyone healthy and I bet saving a bunch of money too. But yeah, it's a pain to feel it's not appreciated.

Pmcfeeters

In the past my wife has gone on Weight Watchers and I have just eaten healthier as a result of her buying healthier food. Therefore I lose weight about as quickly as she does. Then after a few months she complains that I am not supporting her by not participating and she quits. So now I am being active in our eating healthy and working out and supporting her, sometimes to my own detriment. Now I am losing weight twice as fast as she is. This has frustrated her more than my doing nothing and losing equal weight. I mention all of this to let you know you are not alone in having to deal with crazy spouses. Get healthy for yourself and forget everybody else. Though you could start mixing large amounts of real butter into your husbands meals.

Ubbergirl

Oh girl, I understand. I've been married for 22 years. Here's what I've discovered. Men want you to do everything for them. And I did, for a while. I have no children, well, except for my husband! What's important to remember, PUT YOURSELF FIRST. If you don't feel good, how can you take care of them!? It will show your children you matter, respect for oneself matters and in turn they will respect themselves too. Also, husbands HATE it when we start changing and there's going to be alot of that in the future. I don't know how old you are, but believe me menopause is a change. So, don't wait to take care of yourself like I did. Make you first. You'll feel fabulous and happy. In turn, everyone else will reap the benefits. Hang in there. One day at a time. Celebrate ALL your successes. It's amazing that you've made so many changes to your kitchen and cooking habits!

Windchild

Not only have you lost 14 pounds!!! but you're also instituting the kinds of healthy changes in diet and exercise that will positively influence your son for a lifetime! Good for you! Take a quiet moment to tell your husband what you need (credit when due... and it definitely is!) and see if he can step up to the plate. I hope he can!

This person said it much better than I could have. Keep up the good work for both you and your son. You're doing a wonderful job!

18guyhornet

I'll be the guy that throws himself into the Frey here - It's been said above that guys loose weight faster than women (which seems to be true with my wife and I). However, I think it's also important to note that men loose weight differently. Because our bodies are proportioned differently any little weight loss is more pronounced. I would venture to say if you both lost equal amounts people would notice it on him first. That's what is so frustrating for women I think.
Thank being said - he needs to encourage you by saying to you "I notice a change in you - good job!" My wife is trailing me on weight loss but I don't miss an opportunity to encourage her and let her know how great she looks! She has lost 22 lbs and looks great but SHE doesn't think there is a difference. Everyone else sees it but her. I think your husband needs to take the opportunity to give credit where credit is due - when someone notices HIS weight loss he should tell them "Thanks. My wife and I have both lost weight because she is keeping us healthier through good eating" or something like that.
Keep up the good fight - it is so worth it!