He wants me to wear that skirt?

ashesfromfire

I've been with the same same for the last 4 years - in that time he has seen me at so many different weights, I was about 180 when we started dating, got down to 160 (in a really unhealthy way) and managed to jump all the way up to almost 240 (YIKES!!!!). So, though I'm getting in shape for myself - I can't pretend I don't want to look for him. so I've managed to work off over 20 pounds (14 of which since I joined MFP). I'm feeling good at this start but I'm no where near my 160 days (which, he irreverently admitted was the best I ever looked). The other day, he mentioned he wanted me to wear a skirt I used to rock (by far my favorite thing I every owned but also is MAYBE a size 12 - i think a 10). I wear an 18. I could squeeze into that thing if I tried. I was so embarrassed telling him I physically couldn't wear it. Anyone else have advice on how to handle moments like this? I'm trying to turn it into motivation - thinking that it WILL fit again. But oh my goodness it crushed me.

graveflower316

Get something else to wear that fits you that he will swoon over. Wearing something that does not fit will not look good and something new is always refreshing.

ashesfromfire

obviously i wouldnt put it on - it wouldnt zip at all. Its not that. I have clothes that make me feel alluring....but you know....it was having to admit I looked nothing like the girl he loved to see in THAT shirt.

ashesfromfire

bump?

geebusuk

Have a look through the success stories to re-affirm that you CAN do it and it IS possible?
You can be the weight you want if you work towards it.

ashesfromfire

I'm not saying it will never fit me again. Thats not the problem here. Has no one ever just been absolutely humiliated about your weight gain - and by the man I love ( and sleep with!). I try to be confident and feel beautiful, but having to face that right now I'm not what he wants to look at? God - that hurt!

mirandamayhem

Just be honest. Men don't have the same grasp on our clothes sizes as we do, and he won't have noticed that you've gone up by however many sizes. Just say it doesn't fit now! If you've been together 4 years, you're way past the stage of illusion, he's seen you at all sizes and loves you. Just say "It doesn't fit me now, it will in a few pounds time, but for now, what else do you think looks good on me? Or do you think I should go shopping? "

A_Shannigans

I'm not saying it will never fit me again. Thats not the problem here. Has no one ever just been absolutely humiliated about your weight gain - and by the man I love ( and sleep with!). I try to be confident and feel beautiful, but having to face that right now I'm not what he wants to look at? God - that hurt!

I know where you're coming from I'm going through that same thing right now.

What my sweetie told me was this.

"I love that you're getting in shape and I love the way you used to look, but I love you just the way you are too"

Maybe he was just trying to be nice. Maybe it was his way of saying he doesn't love me for how I look alone but I think that's how most men (the good ones) take it. Most of us are never the stereotypical dreamgirl so don't beat yourself up too much because you might not QUITE be his vision of perfection right now.

He's still there isn't he? And you're still losing you have nothing to be shamed of.

Not sure if this helps at all but its my 2 cents. I hope you shake it off soon.

OliveCarsey

I went through the same thing a few months ago- my husband of almost 9 years asked me what happened to the cute dress I used to wear, after picking my laughing butt up off the floor I told him that dress hadn't fit me in over 8 years since I had our son. He suggested we go and buy me one like it so a few days later we went to the mall (btw I HATE shopping)- he kept bringing me these skirts and dresses to try on that were way to small (I wear a size 20 he was bringing 12-14's). At first I thought maybe he was being a jerk trying to tell me I needed to lose weight but then I realised he really didn't have a clue as to my current size, it just didn't matter to him. Seems most men don;t notice when we gain some weight- and thank goodness for that. My husband loves me no matter what size i am and it sounds like your BF feels the same way about you.

ashesfromfire

okay - you make a fair point. About a year ago he put on about 10 pounds (which I never noticed) but he got really upset by it he went from being 160 to (god forbid ) 170 - did I mention he's 6'1"! The man is tiny and he was mad that in the time from going to a 17 year old boy, to a 21 year old man he had put on a little weight. I had no idea it bugged him until one day I brought up how much /i had gained and he told it was fine because it wasn't as bad as his ! He put on 10....I put on 80!!!!!! Maybe men just dont notice

bathsheba_c

The ability of men to not notice can be astounding. Of course, that totally makes me the man in my relationship, so, um....

Gaining weight sucks. Maybe you could ask your boyfriend to rephrase it the way mine does, a la, "Wow, you're sexy. I can't wait to see how much sexier you are going to be when you lose the weight."

Pebble321

Just tell him "right now it's too tight, but I'm working my damn butt off to get back in there... you just watch me!"
Don't overthink it - he's not with a number on the scales, he's with you.

I showed my husband my goal pants last year and told him "when I get back in those, I'll be happy with my size". The great news is that they got too big and I had to set a new goal!

follmer20

They really don't notice. My boyfriend of 4 years tells me I look sexy in anything..and by anything , I mean a pair or gym shorts and a t shirt. Now, he does know I put on weight after 2 kids but he doesn't care. He still sees the girl that he fell in love with. He doesn't know what I go through getting dressed everyday, he just sits and waits for me to get sexy! Haha :-)

geebusuk

Ah, sorry, misconstrued your post.

But, sounds like he really doesn't mind - plenty of men, clichéd as it may seem, don't care if it's the right person .
Know enough that prefer a lady with "a bit of meat on the bones" too - sadly often it seems the anorexic fashion model is aimed at women more than men.
I generally prefer more petite women myself, but to counter that, a friend of mine would always find bigger breasts more attractive regardless - so generally ended up with larger ladies. Both of us often found we preferred girls without make up on looking 'natural' too, as it goes.

I am trying to get thinner at the moment, but if I wasn't single but was with a girl that was happy with me a bit 'chunkier', I wouldn't be quite so worried about it .

uwdawg07

I get where you're coming from. Shortly after getting engaged I put on on so much weight (due to illness) that I couldn't fit into my engagement ring. I was so embarrassed and it was horrible. I couldn't wear that ring for over a year. It was so humiliating asking him to have it resized, but in the end I refused because I knew I'd lose the weight and I didn't want to have to resize the ring again.

Use this as motivation. You can do this!!

Whitezombiegirl

I had the exact same thing happen to me with a different item of clothing- i had to explain that i was too fat for it Ihave lost the weight, it is possible.

coconutbuNZ

if he truly, truly loves you - he won't care about you not fitting in to that skirt. He will still be attracted to you no matter what weight you are. It is how we see ourselves which is most important. If we're not happy, we do something about it but please stop berating yourself for not being able to fit into that skirt! Actually, why don't you make that skirt your goal? Hang it up where you can see it everyday, that is if it helps you to keep you motivated - if it doesn't help - put it away and love yourself anyway!

mowu

Speaking as a male this is something I could have asked my wife (....and I think I have) and for one reason only:

- He went about his business and at some point a picture of you in that skirt popped up in his head
- He got sexually aroused and fantasized about ripping it of you and ravishing you right then and there
- He looked at you and was still sexually aroused (thinking: Hey there's my gorgeous hawt woman)
- He suggested it to get in your pants
- He never once contemplated that you couldn't fit the skirt or that you would be self consious about it

At least that's how it'd play out in my head (....and come to think of it has played out in my head.....I still want to ravish my wife while she's in her wedding dress, but she keeps telling me it won't happen anytime soon).

missmayeb

Oh my goodness my hubs does this to me ALL the time. I was a size 4 when I met him. A FOUR! I am a 10 now. Had a baby and recently found out I have some thyroid problems. He is constantly telling me "wear shorts/shirt/skinny, slinky dress that you use to wear." I want to scream. HELLO!?!?!? I can't fit in them. He has NEVER had a weight problem. He is 6'2" and weighs only 150. I weigh 150 at 5'6". WEll I am down to 147 because of MFP, but still.

All I can say is hang that skirt up where you can see it everyday and make it a goal to try it on once a month to see how you are progressing to getting it zipped. That's what I have been doing with my favorite pair of jeans. I slip them on just to check my status. I am also MAKING myself wear shorts/skirts/dresses, just to make him happy.

ZugTheMegasaurus

Has no one ever just been absolutely humiliated about your weight gain - and by the man I love ( and sleep with!). I try to be confident and feel beautiful, but having to face that right now I'm not what he wants to look at? God - that hurt!

I don't think he said that at all. Just because he thought you were beautiful back then doesn't mean he thinks you're unattractive now. He was just mentioning a particular outfit that clearly made an impression on him when you used to wear it. Use it as a goal; get to that size again and surprise him with it.