Interfearing mother in law!!

dhakiyya

Yes my husbad knows that she does this, but turns a blind eye to it and makes out as though im over reacting abit. I know im not as shes always leaving a nappy on thats got either loads and loads of wee in it, or a poo. She just says oh i cant smell it, or she has just had a wee so it didnt need changing. I always look like the bad guy when i say anything. Yes it doesnt matter about the shoes, i can do that another time with my daughter. Think im just emotinal with everything thats happened last week, and i have finally lot my temper and told my husband today that its not on! He just doesnt want to upset them, but he thinks its ok for me to tell her she shouldnt do this or that. Its hard as his mum is very opinionated (shes a jehovas witness) She has already been trying to convert me so my daughter will be one. Im just struggling because m the only one telling her off, bet she hates me for that. She never listens though. We dont let her look after her much, just once a week for about 4 hours. Its like she loves all the nice bits, but doesn want to do the bits lke nappy changing, or feeding. Its ridiculous x

reading between the lines a little here........... how is your husband's relationship with his parents? Were they ever neglectful or abusive towards him (that includes emotional abuse), and are they very controlling of him? Does he seem afraid of them, because he "doesn't want to upset them" isn't really normal when it comes to them mistreating his child, and him being afraid to stand up to them or just resigned to the fact that they control him, could be a sign of a lot of very deep seated issues in his relationship with them.

If any of the above rings true (I can't possibly tell from an internet post but it's a possibility seeing as his mother is acting like a control freak and control freaks can end up emotionally abusing their kids, or even physical abuse, depends how much of a control freak they are really) then that's all the more reason to never let her have unsupervised access to your kids, and your husband's mental health will benefit from not having to interact with them very much, i.e. moving to another city where contact is mostly by phone/internet and limiting visits. It would also explain why he's unable to stand up to her, and seems to just resignedly accept what they do (because he learned very young that he has no control in these situation). He was possibly treated the same way as a child and throughout his childhood. IMO his mother is clearly putting her own needs ahead of her granddaughters, i.e. not feeding her and not changing her nappy, and your husband was raised by this woman. IMO you should remember that before telling him to "grow a pair" or similar, because it seems possible that this runs a lot deeper and is a lot more difficult for your husband to deal with, than if he'd had a loving mother who had just forgotten the importance of changing a baby's nappy and feeding little kids on time....?

Something to consider, can't tell if I'm reading too much into this or if I'm on the wrong track, as I'm just going by your posts on the internet. If I'm on the wrong track, then just tell him to man up and tell his mother that if she can't care for your daughter properly, she can't have unsupervised access to her. If I'm on the right track you need to put some distance (geographical and emotional) between your family and her, for your husband's sake as well as your daughter's.

davery1985

Yes im taking steps to make sure this never happens again! Shes always been rash free with me and im always changing her constantly. I think its just me trying not to piss off my in laws, i know its silly. I have said things in the past about nappies and food, and she listened for a while, but it started again on firday. I just now know she cant be trusted on her own. Ill be gong with her now and making sure my daughter is looked after properly. No i dont care about the pics or shoes, i think it just put the nail in coffin for me with all that happened. Im glad i had a go at m husband, he knows i mean business nw. Our daughter is number one in our house, and she always has been to me. xx

Shrinking_Moody

I would just tell her that she is not properly taking care of your daughter when she has her so she can't take her anymore! I assume that a "nappy" is a diaper. I would tell your mother-in-law that SHE needs to pay for the medication for the bleeding rash on her bottom. Your husband needs to put his foot down with his mother as well. His daughter is more important than pissing off his mom.

The best of luck to you!

I second this. You don't have to let your child go if you don't want to - especially if she isn't being properly cared for. That's your choice as a parent. What does your husband say about this? I would be livid - and she wouldn't have my child alone again until she was potty trained and speaking well if then. I may seem a bit extreme though because our family isn't super close.

rml_16

So, your MIL doesn't feed your child or change her diapers, but you continue to allow her to take the little girl for long periods of time?

Um ... that's child abuse and I wouldn't allow any unsupervised (by you or your husband) time with your MIL and your daughter. It's not about keeping the peace. It's about your child's safety and comfort.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

She's your husband's mother and his problem. Tell him that he needs to take care of her and that she is to only have supervised visits until then. She's neglecting you child, that's the end of it.

sbernardy

I can relate 100% with you... my EX mother in law was the same way... yes the shoes and pictures where just on top of everything.. but still she's your daughter and you wanted to do it.. Trust me I know the feeling.. You want to be there for her FIRSTS!!! I put up with it for 8 years!!! One of the last blow outs was when she had MY 7 year old daughter lie to me... (But since I raised my daughter right and NOT to lie .. she came back about 20 mins later upset and crying and she told me what really happened!) In my situation.. it NEVER got better... I could tell you stories that happened that would make your toes curl.. Also My ex husband never said anything to his mom I was the one always telling her that SHE was NOT the MOTHER !!!! I WAS!!!! IT was very stressful... The funny thing is I'm still dealing with her even after we are divorced... sucks :sad: .. but part of it is out of my control~ If you ever need to talk PM ... Hope all works out for you and stand your ground.. you are the mother and a great one! Good Luck! :flowerforyou:

MessyLittlePanda

I had forgotten actually an incident with my ex's father when he dog-sat for us when we went away. My Rotty/Lab cross was only 1 year old at the time, and he was a rescue, been in kennels so he had a delayed adolescence. He was a chewer, so we advised the then inlaws to keep things out of his reach (remote controls and the like) and if he did chew, to take it away from him, and give him a dog toy to chew instead. But when we came to collect him, I saw my then FIL give my beloved dog a hard kick for chewing a chair leg.

He NEVER got to look after my dog again. My ex wasn't bothered, because he'd grown up with dogs and grown up with his dad belting them if they were "naughty", whereas I saw that as animal cruelty, and I couldn't understand why my ex wasn't angry about his dad kicking seven bells out of a defenceless dog. I guess if people are used to certain ways, it might desensitise them to the fact that actually, it's not normal or right to hit a dog, or to leave a child in its own waste for hours at a stretch.