38, tall, dark and well....not too bad

21June

Have you tried running though? My husband once weighed a bit more than you and never used to run but now loves it! He's also around your height and used to be a 42 inch waist but is now down to 34 inches! He also works out at the gym or exercise bike at home and sometimes goes out on his road bike with a friend. Hope this helps and good luck with your weight loss journey.
Hi Sarah - running isn't for me, but will look at a lot of other alternatives. And the little guy prefers to walk, so I get some reasonable exercise picking up 20kgs of wriggling person and depositing him on my shoulders, or holding him on my hip, or chucking him in the air.

Tried to talk a load, but just doesn't get anywhere ('I don't understand calories, I just eat what I want and eat sensible amounts, and don't overeat')

llm1607

I do not support whining about your wife in a public forum. I think you might need to get yourself right totally, not just weight-wise. I am not trying to make you feel bad about anything in your life either, I just see a lot of excuses and finger pointing. Look at your health, relationship and child as priorities in your life and personally you need to rank each of them by importance. You can schedule time to exercise, like you would any work meeting, you can take a walk during your lunch. Some exercise is always better than NO exercise. If your wife is as neglectful to you and your child as you make her out to be, hirer a babysitter while you go to the gym, or cancel your membership and take your child to a park and walk around the jungle gym while they play. Like another person suggested, get a dvd to work out at home.

My point, and I apologize if I have offended in anyway, MOVE YOUR BUTT! Incorporate your family into your new healthy lifestyle and when your wife doesn't come out and congratulate you for trying to make positive changes, don't take it so hard. You didn't get where you are overnight, so an overnight change is probably not easy for her to accept. My husband doesn't eat and exercise beside me, but he understands when we eat different things for dinner because it is more important that we eat together than the same thing.

Sometimes I wonder if people ACTUALLY read the OP. He wasn't whining. He was telling us his story. :noway:

Well said.

Often some people don't know how to show support for fitness and weight loss.
As everyone has said, you have joined the best place. People in the same boat, and know how your feeling. Well done on making the first step :-)

Mandie69

I have been over weight for quiet a few years and although I am 5ft 10" I was always told "yes but you are tall"!! however at 17 stone I decided that I needed to really sort myself out. Diets don't work as you stay on them, lose wieght and then stop and put it all back on and then some! I came back to MFP and gained support from other members that help you. Be hoest when you have had a day that wasn't too healthy and you will be amazed as to how well you do.
The other thing I did was invest in a fitbit, i monitor the amount of steps I do in a day and then set myself goals as to how many I want to do each day and try to increase it...its all calaories burned and you will be surpried as to how competitive you will get with yourself. I starte doff hitting around 7k steps per day and now my average aim is between 16-18k per day which is burning about 600 cals (it also links in to MFP so helps with your targets ect.)

Keep going as it will all be worth it and do it for you eventually your wife will appreciate you efforts when she see the changes in you both mentally and physically.

Philllbis

I was in the same situation as you except I was a bit heavier. 7 months ago I was 255lbs at 6'1. Today, I'm still 6'1 (heh) but I'm at 176lbs. The key is finding something you can live with and sustain. Find an exercise program that interests you and when you get bored find something else to keep you moving. Find what works for you. Here are the things that worked for me,

Water - drink lots! You hear this mentioned all the time. It not only makes you feel better, especially after working out but it helps with your skin.

Exercise - You need to burn off the fat you've accumualted and exercise is the only way to do it. I hated it when I started out. I thought I couldn't do it. It was too tough, I was meant to be fat, etc.. I pushed through and you'll eventually get to the point where you know you can do it and might even actually enjoy it.

Heart rate monitor - Get one! This is a great motivator and gives you more of an accurate measurement of calories burned. When you start to get fit you'll want this to make sure you're working enough to get a good workout.

MFP- Log everything you put into your mouth! This is for you so if you have a bad day, log it. Log every day. Logging your food also keeps you accountable and you'll actually start thinking about what you're eating biefore you eat it.

Stay positive! You'll have days when you don't feel it. Even on those days just keep at it. Consistency is the key here. Keep moving and watching your diet and you'll have fewer days when you don't feel motivated.

agriffiths73

Hey Phill - thanks! That's where I've gone wrong a lot before I guess, got bored along the way and then the next thing I see is a spare chin - who needs spare chins?

Arilysal

hello there, good luck on your journey and i understand when you have family who doesnt seem enthusiastic about supporting you in your new ways; it could be frustrating, angry even but dont be dishearten. When you do reach your goal you might be surprised to see them joining you!

wisters

Well, you have come to the right place.

I am sure your wife doesn't mean to be unsupportive. She is probably just pre-occupied with the baby and the household, etc.

How much would you like to lose? I am not a big believer in gyms as being the most important aspect of this process, and I think you will find it easier if you try to do things that incorporate your child and work around your busy lifestyle.

Have you thought about getting a baby seat for your bike so that you can pull your son along? Or do the 30 Day Shred at home. It take 23 minutes, and it works. It is circuit training with small weights. I really like it because my boyfriend is not into outdoor activities (he plays soccer once a week with his friends) but he does this at home with me and swears by it.

If you need anyone to talk to, let me know.

Please, please, please...be soooo careful when riding bikes on the road. I had a very dear friend hit by a motorist while he was cycling and I still can't believe that he is gone. He was riding in the late morning on a bright day, wearing proper gear (to be seen) on a country road and should have been safe.

wisters

Hey Phill - thanks! That's where I've gone wrong a lot before I guess, got bored along the way and then the next thing I see is a spare chin - who needs spare chins?

The "fat face", losing neck is a huge reason I got started! Makes perfect sense to me ;-)

MorganLeighRN

Welcome to MFP! You have come to the right place. I lost 10 lbs on my own but was stuck in a rut. I joined MFP and have lost 8 more lbs. I also just did my first half marathon on Saturday. You have to do this for yourself and for your son. Maybe if your wife sees you getting healthy it will motivate her! It has motivated my husband and my 7 y/o son (my son isn't over weight, he's a twig really, but it is teaching him great life long habits).

Feel free to add me as a friend! And best of luck to you on your journey!!!

XstaciejoX

Hello Andrew,

My name is Stacie. I just wanted to wish you the best of luck and I hope that after time your wife will give you the support you need and deserve.

eighty90

Since I've worked hard over the years to get past some similar ways of "telling my story", I've become sensitized to it. Martyrdom crosses both genders. I believe the OP's posts drip with passive aggressive whining. Different than direct whining, so not as easily recognizable. I've worked with a lot of men who express themselves in similar ways. They do so for a variety of reasons. Many of them believe that life will be "smooth" if they don't assert their own needs. What they get is a lack of appreciation. No one's partner wants him (or her) to give up on himself, on his needs and desires. Implicit in all of the "I do this... this... this..." with absolutely no mention of what his wife does (or doesn't do) is, well, whining. Men (and women) who take charge of their lives do not communicate like this, they find ways to "just do it", and, if necessary, they find ways to assertively negotiate with their partners rather than passive-aggressively post about their partner in an online forum.

Many times people become overweight when they don't think of themselves, and treat themselves, kindly and gently and lovingly. We can plow through calorie counting and exercising... and it's a good thing to learn how to do so even when we're "not feeling it". It's also good to take a look at how we act toward ourselves and in relation to others, and there simply IS no better laboratory to do this than a marriage or primary intimate relationship. It's where our "stuff" often comes to the surface. Things in our lives can begin to fall into place when we can see (and address) these things in ourselves. All said because I've gotten through a lot of this... and all said in a positive spirit. <steps down from soapbox>

agriffiths73

For the sake of balance and fairness, she gets up when I go to work, and will spend the day mostly going over to our holding, checking the cattle have what they need, filling up water and food for ducks and chickens, letting our 5 dogs run about a while. Then off to either a toddler group, friends house, swimming, sisters house....

Back home for lunch, then back to the holding, check on dogs, bring them home in the afternoon. This is interspersed with facebook and forums. Two or three nights a week she goes out training with the dogs, once or twice a month with friends for an evening (I used to drop her off and collect her, but can't as I'm babysitting).

At the weekend she'll get up around 10, as I'm there the whole day, I'll go to the holding and do all the things that need to be done there, with the little guy with me, we'll play on his ride on toys, run about, look at stuff, point out things around us. Go swimming, walk about, check the animals again. I'll get back, make the house reasonable, sort out his lunch & dinner, then cook ours, bath him, get him to bed, finish ours and clean up, then watch a little TV and go to bed.

I'm not whining, I'm providing an account of the days. I work full time, commute two hours a day and sometimes need to be away from home. I'm not saying my wife doesn't do anything, nor am I complaining at what does on - just saying this is my usual day. Yes, I get frustrated, as it does seem that if I don't do stuff, it doesn't get done, and yes, we've talked about it - but after about a 24 hr flurry of activity, it's back to normal. I just get on with it, as it's stuff that needs to be done, and I don't like to see the house in a mess, or dishes unwashed, or laundry sat around. So if she's had a busy day keeping the little guy busy, and been to see friends, had lunch, got back, sorted out his lunch, then gone out for 4 hrs in the evening after I've rushed back to make sure I'm home on time...then I'm there to do my bit.

Passive/active whining - you can chose, frustrated - yes, quite often, put myself and what I want last, always.

21June

For the sake of balance and fairness, she gets up when I go to work, and will spend the day mostly going over to our holding, checking the cattle have what they need, filling up water and food for ducks and chickens, letting our 5 dogs run about a while. Then off to either a toddler group, friends house, swimming, sisters house....

Back home for lunch, then back to the holding, check on dogs, bring them home in the afternoon. This is interspersed with facebook and forums. Two or three nights a week she goes out training with the dogs, once or twice a month with friends for an evening (I used to drop her off and collect her, but can't as I'm babysitting).

At the weekend she'll get up around 10, as I'm there the whole day, I'll go to the holding and do all the things that need to be done there, with the little guy with me, we'll play on his ride on toys, run about, look at stuff, point out things around us. Go swimming, walk about, check the animals again. I'll get back, make the house reasonable, sort out his lunch & dinner, then cook ours, bath him, get him to bed, finish ours and clean up, then watch a little TV and go to bed.

I'm not whining, I'm providing an account of the days. I work full time, commute two hours a day and sometimes need to be away from home. I'm not saying my wife doesn't do anything, nor am I complaining at what does on - just saying this is my usual day. Yes, I get frustrated, as it does seem that if I don't do stuff, it doesn't get done, and yes, we've talked about it - but after about a 24 hr flurry of activity, it's back to normal. I just get on with it, as it's stuff that needs to be done, and I don't like to see the house in a mess, or dishes unwashed, or laundry sat around. So if she's had a busy day keeping the little guy busy, and been to see friends, had lunch, got back, sorted out his lunch, then gone out for 4 hrs in the evening after I've rushed back to make sure I'm home on time...then I'm there to do my bit.

Passive/active whining - you can chose, frustrated - yes, quite often, put myself and what I want last, always.

I can kind of relate to what you're saying. If you love each other (and I'm not saying you don't), I'm sure you'll find a way to get through this.

traceyb68

Plenty of friends on here to keep you going. Totally understand about the time issue, I have 2 kids aged 9 and 12 and a Ma in Law with mild dementia and a work aholic for a hubby, this site keeps me on track. Please feel free to add me to your list.

agriffiths73

And - there are no lists or rules about who has to do what at home either, so I don't expect anything to be done be either of us, it's just chores that are needed to keep the house in shape etc.

Anyway, I'm trying to lose weight and get fit and will do this without any encouragement from home.

sunrize_sc

I agree with some of the other suggestions about incorporating your baby into your workout. There are excellent jogging strollers or you can just walk. And what kid doesn't love to be outside? Maybe when she sees you getting more fit, she'll put FB down and join you. It could become family time. I don't have any support either and I know it's tough. I've been here for a while, but got sidetracked with an injury. Sending a friend request, add me if you'd like and good luck. You can do this!!

fawndam

FEEL FREE TO ADD ME...LOVE TO SUPPORT YA!!

wisters

And - there are no lists or rules about who has to do what at home either, so I don't expect anything to be done be either of us, it's just chores that are needed to keep the house in shape etc.

Anyway, I'm trying to lose weight and get fit and will do this without any encouragement from home.

My hubby doesn't offer support in that he doesn't participate with me or tell me what a fabulous job I'm doing and all that, but he doesn't unconsciously sabotage me either which a lot of spouses do. They are comfortable with the way things are and are afraid of change. So no encouragement may not be a bad thing.