38, tall, dark and well....not too bad

eighty90

Since I've worked hard over the years to get past some similar ways of "telling my story", I've become sensitized to it. Martyrdom crosses both genders. I believe the OP's posts drip with passive aggressive whining. Different than direct whining, so not as easily recognizable. I've worked with a lot of men who express themselves in similar ways. They do so for a variety of reasons. Many of them believe that life will be "smooth" if they don't assert their own needs. What they get is a lack of appreciation. No one's partner wants him (or her) to give up on himself, on his needs and desires. Implicit in all of the "I do this... this... this..." with absolutely no mention of what his wife does (or doesn't do) is, well, whining. Men (and women) who take charge of their lives do not communicate like this, they find ways to "just do it", and, if necessary, they find ways to assertively negotiate with their partners rather than passive-aggressively post about their partner in an online forum.

Many times people become overweight when they don't think of themselves, and treat themselves, kindly and gently and lovingly. We can plow through calorie counting and exercising... and it's a good thing to learn how to do so even when we're "not feeling it". It's also good to take a look at how we act toward ourselves and in relation to others, and there simply IS no better laboratory to do this than a marriage or primary intimate relationship. It's where our "stuff" often comes to the surface. Things in our lives can begin to fall into place when we can see (and address) these things in ourselves. All said because I've gotten through a lot of this... and all said in a positive spirit. <steps down from soapbox>

agriffiths73

For the sake of balance and fairness, she gets up when I go to work, and will spend the day mostly going over to our holding, checking the cattle have what they need, filling up water and food for ducks and chickens, letting our 5 dogs run about a while. Then off to either a toddler group, friends house, swimming, sisters house....

Back home for lunch, then back to the holding, check on dogs, bring them home in the afternoon. This is interspersed with facebook and forums. Two or three nights a week she goes out training with the dogs, once or twice a month with friends for an evening (I used to drop her off and collect her, but can't as I'm babysitting).

At the weekend she'll get up around 10, as I'm there the whole day, I'll go to the holding and do all the things that need to be done there, with the little guy with me, we'll play on his ride on toys, run about, look at stuff, point out things around us. Go swimming, walk about, check the animals again. I'll get back, make the house reasonable, sort out his lunch & dinner, then cook ours, bath him, get him to bed, finish ours and clean up, then watch a little TV and go to bed.

I'm not whining, I'm providing an account of the days. I work full time, commute two hours a day and sometimes need to be away from home. I'm not saying my wife doesn't do anything, nor am I complaining at what does on - just saying this is my usual day. Yes, I get frustrated, as it does seem that if I don't do stuff, it doesn't get done, and yes, we've talked about it - but after about a 24 hr flurry of activity, it's back to normal. I just get on with it, as it's stuff that needs to be done, and I don't like to see the house in a mess, or dishes unwashed, or laundry sat around. So if she's had a busy day keeping the little guy busy, and been to see friends, had lunch, got back, sorted out his lunch, then gone out for 4 hrs in the evening after I've rushed back to make sure I'm home on time...then I'm there to do my bit.

Passive/active whining - you can chose, frustrated - yes, quite often, put myself and what I want last, always.

21June

For the sake of balance and fairness, she gets up when I go to work, and will spend the day mostly going over to our holding, checking the cattle have what they need, filling up water and food for ducks and chickens, letting our 5 dogs run about a while. Then off to either a toddler group, friends house, swimming, sisters house....

Back home for lunch, then back to the holding, check on dogs, bring them home in the afternoon. This is interspersed with facebook and forums. Two or three nights a week she goes out training with the dogs, once or twice a month with friends for an evening (I used to drop her off and collect her, but can't as I'm babysitting).

At the weekend she'll get up around 10, as I'm there the whole day, I'll go to the holding and do all the things that need to be done there, with the little guy with me, we'll play on his ride on toys, run about, look at stuff, point out things around us. Go swimming, walk about, check the animals again. I'll get back, make the house reasonable, sort out his lunch & dinner, then cook ours, bath him, get him to bed, finish ours and clean up, then watch a little TV and go to bed.

I'm not whining, I'm providing an account of the days. I work full time, commute two hours a day and sometimes need to be away from home. I'm not saying my wife doesn't do anything, nor am I complaining at what does on - just saying this is my usual day. Yes, I get frustrated, as it does seem that if I don't do stuff, it doesn't get done, and yes, we've talked about it - but after about a 24 hr flurry of activity, it's back to normal. I just get on with it, as it's stuff that needs to be done, and I don't like to see the house in a mess, or dishes unwashed, or laundry sat around. So if she's had a busy day keeping the little guy busy, and been to see friends, had lunch, got back, sorted out his lunch, then gone out for 4 hrs in the evening after I've rushed back to make sure I'm home on time...then I'm there to do my bit.

Passive/active whining - you can chose, frustrated - yes, quite often, put myself and what I want last, always.

I can kind of relate to what you're saying. If you love each other (and I'm not saying you don't), I'm sure you'll find a way to get through this.

traceyb68

Plenty of friends on here to keep you going. Totally understand about the time issue, I have 2 kids aged 9 and 12 and a Ma in Law with mild dementia and a work aholic for a hubby, this site keeps me on track. Please feel free to add me to your list.

agriffiths73

And - there are no lists or rules about who has to do what at home either, so I don't expect anything to be done be either of us, it's just chores that are needed to keep the house in shape etc.

Anyway, I'm trying to lose weight and get fit and will do this without any encouragement from home.

sunrize_sc

I agree with some of the other suggestions about incorporating your baby into your workout. There are excellent jogging strollers or you can just walk. And what kid doesn't love to be outside? Maybe when she sees you getting more fit, she'll put FB down and join you. It could become family time. I don't have any support either and I know it's tough. I've been here for a while, but got sidetracked with an injury. Sending a friend request, add me if you'd like and good luck. You can do this!!

fawndam

FEEL FREE TO ADD ME...LOVE TO SUPPORT YA!!

wisters

And - there are no lists or rules about who has to do what at home either, so I don't expect anything to be done be either of us, it's just chores that are needed to keep the house in shape etc.

Anyway, I'm trying to lose weight and get fit and will do this without any encouragement from home.

My hubby doesn't offer support in that he doesn't participate with me or tell me what a fabulous job I'm doing and all that, but he doesn't unconsciously sabotage me either which a lot of spouses do. They are comfortable with the way things are and are afraid of change. So no encouragement may not be a bad thing.