Fighting my own demons

nhendri

Ok I have been really insecure my whole life and I blame it on my weight. However I self sabatoge so that I don’t lose weight or if I do I don’t keep it off. I have been trying to figure out how to change this and thought I would share some of the ideas I have.

• If I am bigger, than others are less likely to physicaly hurt me (the whole abusive relationship thing)
• I do not deserve to feel good because I don’t really like myself or see myself worth.
• If my relationship ends I can blame it on being fat and not because I am unlovable.
• I can blame not having friends or people liking me because I am fat instead of them not really liking me!
To me being overweight is something I can blame for all of my flaws it is my way of not taking responsibility for issues I have.

Deep down inside I want to be healthy and not use this an excuse but have not been successful on overcoming this issue. Right now I am trying to figure out how to change all of this!! The first step is learning to love myself and see all of the good stuff about me. Once I do this I think the rest will fall into place. The challenge is finding ways to do this??

To be Continued 

olivia84118

I agree 100%. I dont know how to beat the demons either but i am hopeing to seek help..waiting on an appointment. I will pass any info i learn..

cmriverside

I understand your explanation. I want to point out that thin people have these same problems and fears and insecurity. When you lose the weight, you will still have to deal with this.

Losing the weight in and of itself will not make you a happy person with lots of friends and an abusive relationship. You have to make or allow all that to happen regardless of weight, or age, or beauty or job title.

Beautiful, thin, rich, successful people have demons, too. People cheat on them and hurt them in innumerable ways. It's how you pick yourself up that counts. It's how you think happy thoughts in the face of the inherent difficulties of life.