Husband Not Helping

ahelgers10

My husband for the most part has been very supportive since I started on this journey back in June. When my weight goes down he tells me good job and has been helping think of healthier options for meals. But there is one thing that he keeps doing that is driving me crazy and it makes me like he doesn't care. Whenever I am having a bad or he feels I am a little crabby he is alway telling me to eat something. He always seems to think that eating is going to make my mood better. Yes, I will admitt there are the days I am crabby because I am craving a bag of chips or want fast food but that is not always the case.

He told me last night that he knows I want to lose weight but I was happier when I was heavier and told me he was going to buy a box of some junk food for me too eat. Yes maybe I have been more upset lately and for the most part it has nothing to do with food and a lot of it now is him. My husband should be on this journey with me. He has to be close to 200 pounds heavier than I am. He always tells me he wants to lose weight but he comes home from work sits in front of the tv. He isn't helping with the kids, he doesn't make dinner usually during the week, he isn't cleaning. I prefer to either go for walks or do workout videos and he has the one tv that I could team in front of.

I know I am not the only one having trouble with their spouse, but it makes it hard to want to continue. He makes me feel like I am this horrible person all the time when there are things he could be working on also.

Cindy393

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. My husband is heavy too, and could stand to lose 100-125 lbs. I started on this journey (for the final time in my life on the 25th of June. I am now down 15 lbs so far. Here's what I did: I got rid of all the junk in the house. I started cooking very healthy meals. I work out on either our bike or treadmill. I continue to only buy healthy food. I started logging all my food and exercise on this website. Guess what??? Hubby is now doing it too! He loves the food I'm cooking. He has no problem with no junk in the house. He gets on the bike 2x a day (even on weekends) for 10 minutes at a time, which is a good start. He eats healthy when I'm at work and he has a day off, and logs everything every day. He's even reading labels at the store now!

If you share enthusiasm with him, or mention things you've heard in the forums, or your own victories, it will rub off. Get rid of his junk food so he has no excuse. Challenge him. Tell him how great you feel today, as opposed to yesterday.

Give it time for it to sink in his brain lol......it'll work!

Friend me if you need support-and hubby too! (he is phoneman16)

Good luck!

weird_me2

Well, you aren't going to be able to change his eating habits/weight if he's not ready to do it, so being frustrated by it will only leave you...frustrated.

What you can do is tell him what you need him to do so that you can accomplish what you need to do. If you need him to take care of the kids so that you can exercise and then go do it. Go out for a walk/run or something and get away from the house. If you need him to cook dinner (and trust him to do it), then tell him when you need him to cook. Sit down with him and explain that he needs to do his share around the house, too, then decide what he will do to help out around the house and hold him to it. I recommend leaving him in charge of only those things that won't drive you crazy when he doesn't do them in a timely manner or the way you would do them.

Also, if you are being more grouchy since you've been on a diet, and he sees that you are more unhappy, he's probably going to be that much less willing to try to actually lose weight himself. He's going to be thinking, if this is what happens when you diet, why would I want to do that? I'd rather be fat and happy! Work on getting yourself to a happy place and being happy with what you are doing for yourself, and hopefully he will follow suit.

I started dieting and exercising in February. My DH semi started dieting in April and just started lightly exercising this month. I don't press him on it and am letting him go at his own pace, and he actually has only about 20 lbs to lose. I've learned that pushing him or even just "encouraging" him is not the way to get him to do something. When I started C25K in February, I tried to get him to compete against me, but he resisted. I just started the 100pushups challenge last week, and I invited him to join me, and his response was that he liked his exercise plan - sitting in the recliner. Oh well, I can't change him, I can only lead by example and make sure that I'm getting what I need to succeed.

Pedal_Pusher

what a dlck.

michellekicks

Maybe you are hungry and you are being grumpy. Regardless, your husband still deserves to have his wife love and respect him even though she has changed lifestyle completely.

Here's an analogy... when I was first married - it was about a year into our marriage and we had been together 6 years - I became a born-again Christian lol. Yeah that's not what he signed up for! Just because I changed doesn't mean he should have to... and just because you've recognized the gravity of the situation doesn't mean you should change the way you treat him.

So if you're being hangry around him, eat something. If you're just being grumpy and nasty with him, search your heart to figure out why and stop it.

sandryc

It can feel really threatening for your partner to make big life changes like losing weight when you are not on board to do the same. Since he is not on the same journey your sucess has a good chance of making him feel insecure about himself and his relationship with you. Something that took my relationship from constant bickering and misunderstandings to a really good feeling healthy place was both of us working through "the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". Nice research based actions that might help you both get through the sort of life changes that you are facing.