Images are Not Always what They Appear to Be

HugznKiki

I usually don't roll around in self pity, but I have a serious issue that I need to get off my chest. I have been at this weight loss program for quite a while, and I believe that I am starting to drive my husband crazy. I think that I am so hard on myself that he just decides to sit quietly while others compliment me on my weight loss and progress. Why? because even when other people tell me that they can see my progress and that I'm looking great, I honestly can't see it. Truth time: I spend countless hours in the mirror looking at my imperfections and complaining about why I can't drop weight like some of my other 'pals', to which my husband responds "Kiki, you are never going to be happy with your body b/c you constantly stare at yourself and critique yourself all day!!" WOW did that wake me up or what.....He's sick of it... I can tell... but I can't stop... I dont know how to shut up about the workouts I'm doing and/or what area I now want to work on....and why won't he work out with me...and although I am 19 lbs down... why is it I can't see what others see???

I so want to be successful at this and build my confidence in a positive way.....I am a very positive person and motivational when it comes to others...its easy for me, but when it comes to myself I just feel like I can't turn that around to push myself in a good mental place....should I just take the mirrors out of my house?? Am I the only one that is going through this? How do I tackle this issue??

mdelcott

Wish I had some advice to help but I am the same. Others see the changes that we do not. I am trying to just be more positive and trying to focus on the things about myself that I love (which should be EVERYTHING but thats easier said then done) I know this is going to sound corny but watch The Secret, seriously it changed my perspective on things. At one point a lady says something to the effect of No one will find her beautiful until she finds herself Beautiful...

titianwasp

Part of it can just be habit. Start little - like, if you are going to look in the mirror, say something nice out loud. Repeat a compliment that someone said, or if your husband is nearby be like "Ohh don't you want a piece of this?". You will probably both end up laughing, but if you make yourself only say good things, change that habit, they've proved it starts to change the way you think.

The rest of the world is wayy too ready to put a person down. Don't join in on that. Say only positive things - you deserve it.

makemewannadie

I know exactly how you feel sometimes, yesterday I couldn't stop crying and was in the process of throwing away every item of clothing in my wardrobe because I felt like I looked good in absolutely nothing. That was the first time in a long while, a couple of months, that I felt like that. There are good days and there will also be bad days, image isn't everything, the scale isn't everything, but they also understandably matter to us. I can point out a few good things about myself and I can also critique myself to pieces...
If you have lost 19lbs, there WILL be a difference! even if you can't see it. Just keep going, try hard. You will get to where you want to be if you don't stop and let your negativity get to you, and there will be times where you look in the mirror and think damn, I look good (; just keep going.

redscylla

One word: redirection. If you find that you're spending time & energy obsessing about your looks in the mirror or engaging in negative self-talk, you need to work on redirecting your energy.

Where's the mirror you look at yourself in? At home? Put up a big colorful sign that redirects you to GO DO SOMETHING ELSE. Put a couple of positive things about yourself--parts of you that you like. Then, put alternate positive activities on your list. Nice things for yourself or practical things: Go dust the ceiling fans. Go wipe down the countertops.

Give your husband permission to redirect you. Think up a word or phrase that he's allowed to use when you're obsessing. Nothing unkind or negative, but something to remind you to stop obsessing and DO SOMETHING ELSE. So a redirected conversation would go like this:

YOU: I keep doing all these adductor lifts but my inner thighs aren't firming up! I blah blah fat blah frustrated
HUBBY: Unicorns fart rainbows! (or whatever phrase you choose)
YOU: Okay.
HUBBY: What's your favorite movie?

It sounds crazy, but if he agrees to play along, it can work. It just means that anytime he thinks you're falling into obsession, he gets to interrupt you and change the subject. You just have to break the thought process that's making you obsess.

mlegosz

I can relate to this. My wife is sick of hearing about the exercises I do and the things I read about. She's supportive but is generally sick of hearing about it. I've found getting heaps of friends on here is a great way to get that encouragement you need.

As for not being able to see things in the mirror. I say ditch the mirror and switch to taking measurements every 2 weeks. The scale, like the mirror, can lie (although they're sneaky and do it differently).

kiminikimkim

I found that when I shifted my focus on being healthy rather than skinny, my self-criticism stopped.

Yeah, I still have fat on my thighs and my knees but I feel healthy and it doesn't bother me anymore.

I hope you find your happy place.

ohmariposa

My husband is tired of it too...I can tell by the glazed over eyes. I just have to make a real effort to talk about something else. I find every flaw and yap on and on about it and he tells me I look fine. The scale is another issue. It hasn't moved in weeks...and I think he is afraid to ask me about it lol I think it really just is a mental struggle we have with ourselves.
I also have started doing measurements. They are fact , they do not lie.

laney4818

I watched a show (Dr. oz or Oprah) and it touched on this. The expert recommended retraining your thinking by taking one thing that you really like about your body (and yes, everyone does like at least a few things about their body (can be anything, like eyes, hands, knees, calves, you pick it). If you're going to look in the mirror, say to your self what great __________s you have! If you start criticizing part of your body, make yourself walk away and STOP.

Bascially, it was about re-setting your thought patterns from negative to positive. they also added that as you are looking in the mirror think how blessed you are if you have two legs that take you every where you want to go, and arms that let you do things you like to do. How wonderful your body is in the way in works!

anyway, just thought I would share that.

Topsking2010

Kiki focus on self improvement but don't turn it into an obession. I don't talk about exercise anymore and focus more on the people I care about. Spend more time with your husband or start a new hobby.

yoovie

baby girl people who are watching others change their lives, taking the bull by the horns and riding that sucker all the way to the finish line... well it makes them uncomfortable sometimes.

They see you do it and they see you continually pushing yourself harder and farther even when you want to quit... and they see themselves doing............................

be strong and remember that this is for you. because YOU want it and YOU know you can do it and YOU are the master of your universe.

x

Erisad

I keep a photo weight loss album that I update every month. So when I don't see a difference in myself, I refer to the album and I can usually see something changed. It helps keep me going so I can make each photo better and better.

Nightelyn

Taking your measurements is a good way to see a difference. Sometimes we can be blinded of the little differences when we look in the mirror, but as you tone up and drop the weight, your arm/thigh/hip/waist measurement will drop as well.