I am an "unfit" Mom for working out??????

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  • cwvanek
    cwvanek Posts: 111
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    I am going through a divorce. My ex and I have been trying to work things out the past two weeks and see if it can work. Well I told him I joined a gym yesterday and now he is saying I am an unfit mom for letting my son be in the childcare center at the gym while I work out. I also work in a daycare and my son comes with me, but I get off work at 1 pm. He has always been verbally and mentally abusive, but this is just ridocolous. He CONSTANTLY calls me fat, and then I FINALLY join a gym and he gets mad!!!! I can NEVER win. I am doing sooooooo good. I stuck to MFP for 2 days now, and worked out at the gym both days. Why is it, that every time I am happy, he brings me down??????

    Sorry if this isn't "weightloss" related...But I am so frustrated!!

    Just ignore him. I know it's hard to do but it's really what would be best for you right now.

    Tell him to tell a family court judge what he told you. He'd get laughed right out of there! Those judges have seen some pretty scary stuff and I highly doubt that a gym daycare is on their lists of horrible things a parent could do to a child!
  • toribug
    toribug Posts: 41 Member
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    You are doing the right thing, he is trying to hold you back. You are working on your health to be a good mom, don't let him get into your head. Childcare will not hurt your son, but your husband keeping your self-esteem down will!
  • happylittlebird
    happylittlebird Posts: 15
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    Taking your son to your gym where you are doing something positive to keep yourself healthy for your son, as well as the experience your son is having enjoying the differing surroundings and socialization in the gym daycare, is a great thing to do. Keep it up! :)

    Best of luck to you and your son.
  • DrBorkBork
    DrBorkBork Posts: 4,099 Member
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    If anything, you are becoming the best possible mom you can be for your son! A healthy, fit mom is a mom who is going to be around to share all the joys and triumphs of her childrens' lives. My diabetes doctor is always telling me that I need to take better care of myself so I can take the best possible care of my daughter.
    And by getting away from the abusive relationship you're in, you're just one step closer to being Supermom, because you'll eventually be more relaxed and happy, and that translates to a healthy, well adjusted kid!
  • wks7777
    wks7777 Posts: 230
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    totally agree, my boys go in the daycare at my gym, u do what u have to do to be healthy for ur kids and urself, its important so u can live a healthy happy and full life. He sounds very manipulative and controlling, dont listen to him, he just wants to bring u down and guilt u, thank goodness ur getting away from him!
    unfit? wow.

    you are making yourself a "fit" mom so you can be a mother much longer!

    he is just angry and is trying to put you down. It is a mental game, if he can make you feel less then, then you are under his thumb.

    Ignore him and keep working out, for you and your son! :bigsmile:
  • musclebuilder
    musclebuilder Posts: 324 Member
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    theres a saying that goes like this. "you can't keep others down unless you're down yourself" You're making positive steps torwards improving your life. Anybody who would not want you to do that is not concerned with your best interests. And that tells you everything you need to know about that person.
  • slightingscale
    slightingscale Posts: 1,209 Member
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    A good author on the subject of control and verbal abuse is Patricia Evans. Google her.
  • pannellkat
    pannellkat Posts: 709 Member
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    Sounds like a jerk to me...trying to be nice...no not really...sounds like a JEALOUS JERK TO ME!
  • LittleEva44
    LittleEva44 Posts: 263
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    I am going through a divorce. My ex and I have been trying to work things out the past two weeks and see if it can work. Well I told him I joined a gym yesterday and now he is saying I am an unfit mom for letting my son be in the childcare center at the gym while I work out. I also work in a daycare and my son comes with me, but I get off work at 1 pm. He has always been verbally and mentally abusive, but this is just ridocolous. He CONSTANTLY calls me fat, and then I FINALLY join a gym and he gets mad!!!! I can NEVER win. I am doing sooooooo good. I stuck to MFP for 2 days now, and worked out at the gym both days. Why is it, that every time I am happy, he brings me down??????

    Sorry if this isn't "weightloss" related...But I am so frustrated!!

    I remember your first post. About giving him a chance or not. I change my vote :mad: Get rid of him! Believe you me if you'd lose the weight he would STILL biotch about something! And no, you're not abandoning your son just because you're working out! I told you to work out for yourself, for your health, your mind, your body, and your soul! When I run at the PT track I get all my frustrations out! I think, and think, and yeah, I tend to do my best thinking that way!

    Blessings! :flowerforyou:

    Eva
  • jeni26
    jeni26 Posts: 383
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    Lots of great words of wisdom here.

    You need to take care of you and your son, and teaching him to be healthy is great... plus, children need to be away from their parents and with other people.
    What is going to happen when he goes to school? My daughter was home with me or her grandmother, and gram got ill and i had to put her in pre-school. Tore me apart to leave her screaming and crying, but wish i did it sooner if I knew.

    Also, I am in a "One last try" relationship myself, whenever I felt angry or frustrated, I started walking. Started 2 miles toook me an hour, Now I do 6 miles in an hour. I focus my energy on exercise ... or a bubble bath, not food.

    Stay strong and keep up the great work!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,130 Member
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    These are some of the best replies ever. You guys rock.

    Take care of yourself. I've been in abusive relationships. The more they can make you doubt yourself and your choices, the more they keep you down and hurt your spirit.

    Be strong :flowerforyou: ((hugs))
  • strongandfit
    strongandfit Posts: 231
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    Don't take the bait. Of course, he will be unsupportive and not encouraging. Isn't that why you're divorcing him in the first place. He's going to spin everything out of your favor. Don't focus on him. Focus on yourself. You're #1. Good for you to go to the gym and put yourself first and then, you can become an even better Mom. Thank you for sharing your frustration with us. Don't comfort yourself by grabbing a donut now, ok? Write to us instead. :flowerforyou:
  • paddlemom
    paddlemom Posts: 682 Member
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    I just want you to know that I was a stay at home mom with my kids and made sure that had some "me" time during the week by joining a few activities that provided day care while I was doing them. The breaks saved my sanity, the kids had some time to socialize with kids their own age and they learned about coping in new places with new people. There were other opportunities for me to spend quality time with them - the job description does not demand 24 hr undivided access to Mom!!!

    They are now all in their 20's and happy, successful, well adjusted adults.

    My point is, don't let anyone guilt you into thinking this is "bad mom" behaviour!!!
  • cerdmann
    cerdmann Posts: 60
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    Alyssa - You are NOT an "unfit" mom for joining a gym to improve your health. Your son is also benefitting from exposure to other children his age in this social setting. Even though you work in a day care and take your son, this environment is different from traditional day care. The gym is a place where your son can see you interact with others in a healthy way. This is exactly what you both need! The relationship your son sees between you and your soon-to-be-ex is anything but healthy. As you said he is verbally and physically abusive. As an adult child of an abusive father (always directed at my mother, both verbally and physically) I will never be able to completely trust that the people in my life are not going to be abusive. I know in my heart that my husband is the most wonderful man in the world, but the little girl in me still fears the verbal and physical abuse my father dished out on my mother. I cringe when I hear harsh words exchanged between other people and it makes me feel ill when I hear you say that your soon-to-be-ex calls you "fat" but puts you down for joining a gym! Trust me when I say -- THIS IS NOT A GOOD ENVIRONMENT FOR YOUR SON! He needs to see you healthy, happy and in a safe place. Otherwise this abusive relationship will follow him for his whole life. It's far better for you and your son to turn your lives around. Continue to go to the gym, continue to work toward a better life and love your son and yourself. Never let another person put you down! You are worthy of a happy life. GO FOR IT!
  • klybarger
    klybarger Posts: 214
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    It sounds like he's jealous because you're moving forward and he's not. He's still trying to manipulate you. Congrats on taking steps for a healthier you and you are setting a great example for your child. Wishing you so much happiness and don't think for a moment you don't deserve that - good luck.
  • rheign
    rheign Posts: 56
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    IMO, you made two really good decisions: 1. working out 2. divorcing this guy. Honey, by taking care of you, you're taking care of your child. Keep it up!
  • size6Jessi
    size6Jessi Posts: 71
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    that obviously has nothing to do with you. He is obviously not conserned aboutyour weight as ahealth issue. My husband approached it as a health issue, and wanted me healthier, he didnt call me "fat" and would never. IM sorry that he did that, its not right!

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