Another depression post

RainHoward

I can't help noticing there are a lot of people on here, posting in the forums, who suffer from some form of depression or another. I've often wondered and even read several books on, what has caused such a huge increase in depression in society today. But that's not why I'm writing this. What I am curious about is, how many people, like myself, ignored the depression for the most part of life for numerous reasons and blamed the weight gain on everything they could possibly think of?

I didn't understand until about a year ago just how adversely depression had affected my life. I have suffered from since I was a child. Unfortunately I lived in a family that essentially ignored mental disorders, even though a vast number of my family members suffer from one. It was never talked about and the general attitude was "just get over it". I was at the point of contemplating suicide many different times when I was younger.

How did I cope? Food. Books. Food. Hiding. Food. It never occurred to me to actually address the real issues, I had no idea what they where. I was taught to ignore such things, to man up. In my family shrinks where quacks and charlatans. What did they know about things anyway.

So after a lifetime of sever depression, the inevitable happened. I snapped. Like a rubber band wrapped one time to many. Boing. Off my rocker. For two months straight I suffered from almost constant panic and anxiety attacks. It was a horrid experience I would wish on no one. I somehow made it through without completely losing my mind, or my life and that was mostly due to therapists helping me deal with my issues.

So here I am, working on the depression, learning how to live with it. I don't think it will ever completely go away. Depression has so many variances. Mine is a product of both my environment couples with learned behaviors and wonky brain wiring. So, to my point (can you believe it, I actually do have one) if you're still reading this is; how many people try to tackle weight loss without first dealing with the issues that caused the weight gain in the first place? I did for a long time. I could never understand why my diets always failed so miserably. I always returned to food for the comfort, for all the wrong reasons.

Some of the stories I have read on here make me so sad. One of the things about finally dealing with my issues is that I've become hyper aware of them in others. It's kind of like when I stopped smoking and could suddenly smell a cigarette a block away. I read these forums and I want to frequently scream at people to get some help. Yet I know that until they make that choice for themselves and do it for the right reasons, it will do no good. They ask for help and support and all I can think is, seek therapy. But I know many of them won't. They will continue to battle the beast alone as I did. You can't win the war until you understand the enemy.

mirandamayhem

I've had various forms of depression over the last 15 years. Post natal three times, and that was hard. But last year my world pretty much fell apart for me, and it is the hardest year I've had.
Thankfully depression is starting to be recognised and understood, but there is still so much stigma attached to it.

I imagine millions are suffering in silence, and it saddens me, but I think unless you've been there, you rarely understand it. Having a bad day is not the same as those black dogs beating down your door relentlessly. xxx

anthony438

I can't help noticing there are a lot of people on here, posting in the forums, who suffer from some form of depression or another. I've often wondered and even read several books on, what has caused such a huge increase in depression in society today. But that's not why I'm writing this. What I am curious about is, how many people, like myself, ignored the depression for the most part of life for numerous reasons and blamed the weight gain on everything they could possibly think of?

I didn't understand until about a year ago just how adversely depression had affected my life. I have suffered from since I was a child. Unfortunately I lived in a family that essentially ignored mental disorders, even though a vast number of my family members suffer from one. It was never talked about and the general attitude was "just get over it". I was at the point of contemplating suicide many different times when I was younger.

How did I cope? Food. Books. Food. Hiding. Food. It never occurred to me to actually address the real issues, I had no idea what they where. I was taught to ignore such things, to man up. In my family shrinks where quacks and charlatans. What did they know about things anyway.

So after a lifetime of sever depression, the inevitable happened. I snapped. Like a rubber band wrapped one time to many. Boing. Off my rocker. For two months straight I suffered from almost constant panic and anxiety attacks. It was a horrid experience I would wish on no one. I somehow made it through without completely losing my mind, or my life and that was mostly due to therapists helping me deal with my issues.

So here I am, working on the depression, learning how to live with it. I don't think it will ever completely go away. Depression has so many variances. Mine is a product of both my environment couples with learned behaviors and wonky brain wiring. So, to my point (can you believe it, I actually do have one) if you're still reading this is; how many people try to tackle weight loss without first dealing with the issues that caused the weight gain in the first place? I did for a long time. I could never understand why my diets always failed so miserably. I always returned to food for the comfort, for all the wrong reasons.

Some of the stories I have read on here make me so sad. One of the things about finally dealing with my issues is that I've become hyper aware of them in others. It's kind of like when I stopped smoking and could suddenly smell a cigarette a block away. I read these forums and I want to frequently scream at people to get some help. Yet I know that until they make that choice for themselves and do it for the right reasons, it will do no good. They ask for help and support and all I can think is, seek therapy. But I know many of them won't. They will continue to battle the beast alone as I did. You can't win the war until you understand the enemy.

/brofist

Great post. I can't even begin to say how much working with a professional helped me as well. I'm not sure if some people view getting professional mental help as a weakness, but I think it's the exact opposite. To know that there's a problem and doing something about it shows strength.

Mina133842

have been aware that I have bouts of depression and have been medicated for it a few times, but haven't done the counseling since high school- was in a group therapy type thing in high school. Knew about it going in, but waited too long after having my first baby, and my post partum was pretty bad. I went in to the second pregnancy fully aware of my issues, and also asked for more help from friends and family- so I ended up doing pretty well, dealing pretty well with everything, but know that my weight issues often are affected by my moods, and I know I'm an emotional eater, and have a food addiction.

Irish_eyes75

So here I am, working on the depression, learning how to live with it. I don't think it will ever completely go away. Depression has so many variances. Mine is a product of both my environment couples with learned behaviors and wonky brain wiring. So, to my point (can you believe it, I actually do have one) if you're still reading this is; how many people try to tackle weight loss without first dealing with the issues that caused the weight gain in the first place? I did for a long time. I could never understand why my diets always failed so miserably. I always returned to food for the comfort, for all the wrong reasons.

You can't win the war until you understand the enemy.

I couldn't agree more. I wish you all the best!!

BinaryPulsar

I also became depressed as a child because I was experiencing traumatic abuse at home. My teachers were calling home and telling my mother I was severely depressed, I'd stopped talking and that something was wrong. But, it went untreated. When I was in college I went to therapy. I did not know I was depressed. I thought that it was just normal to feel that way. The therapist explained that I was depressed and that if I took meds I would actually see my school performance improve. I was very skeptical, but I gave it a try. She said I could try it for one year. So, I took the meds and I did suddenly enjoy life more and feel motivated and was able to accomplish everything. Also my friends that were against meds also told me that they had thought the depression was just my personality, but when they saw my improvement they said they understood that I had been very depressed and they were glad I treated it. I took the meds for just one year while I was in therapy. And because I dealt with the emotional issues and learned about how to have a healthy, happy life, I was able to go off the meds. I still sometimes struggle with depression, but I deal with it through exercise and a healthy diet. I know that for most people that does not work. It works for me because my depression was probably not chemical, but was from the trauma I experienced.

vfinkenstadt

Thank you for this post; for sharing yourself.

One of the things I've come to realize is that it's okay to admit that I am imperfect and ephemeral. That's life. Another thing I've realized is that I can be happy.

Thank you again.

peterhern

I've had untreated depression for years. Very similar upbringing where things weren't dealt with.
My current environment is filled with people who are not supportive of me in an effort to get professional help, but I am fighting through that resistance. And I will win that fight if I keep reminding myself they try to thwart my effort because they know they need help, too, but are stuck in their own problems.

Thanks for the post. I sometimes get too caught up in the "numbers" of weight loss and don't think about the root of the problem.

RhonndaJ

I have some thoughts on why there seems to be more depression these days than in the past.

I think diet is part of it. The knowledge of so much being out there that we can't have. And the simple fact that we talk about it more now than in the past.

There are more things I've considered but that's the basics that hit me at the moment.

Personally, I've had mental health issues since I was a child. Depression, anxiety, wild mood swings.

I started seeing a psych and began being medicated more than 20 years ago, and have been on and off them out of sheer frustration. I've had two break downs. One minor, one major. And have walked the razor's edge of suicide most of my life.

Talk therapy never seemed to have a point for me. In hind sight I can see why. My primary problem was the mood swings. Though I've not been given the label it seems that I actually have a form of bipolar disorder.

In the last two years we've finally found a medication combination that works longer than six months for me. I am calmer, happier, and actually in control of my life for the first time. Honestly, it's been scary as heck.

It's also been the first time since my 'alcohol diet' in my twenties that I've been able to successfully focus on weight loss and exercise and succeed for any period of time.

RainHoward

I'm torn, It's nice to know there are people out there that understand but at the same time, how horrible that so many of us have to deal with these issues. I decided at some point in the last year or so that the best thing I ever did was start addressing my issues and I promised myself I would be as vocal as I could about those issues. If one person reads something I wrote and changes their life for the better because of it then I have done something good with my life.

BinaryPulsar

I'm torn, It's nice to know there are people out there that understand but at the same time, how horrible that so many of us have to deal with these issues. I decided at some point in the last year or so that the best thing I ever did was start addressing my issues and I promised myself I would be as vocal as I could about those issues. If one person reads something I wrote and changes their life for the better because of it then I have done something good with my life.

I agree with that!!!

skheather

I have many years of experiencing depression. I finally went for real help a few years ago. It was hard to get councilling since I live a long way from the city. But with a combination of medicine and talking, things are so much better now. I still struggle with emotional eating and sometimes a return of the blues, but now I know what to do. Mostly get busy and also talk to a good likstener , like my daughter. So many people do not get the help they need. I try to speak up and encourage others to keep looking until they get relief. If you had a broken leg, you would find someone to fix it and you would tell everyone about it. But with mental problems, there is still a taboo. So many people do not understand that we cannnot just "pull up our socks". We wouldn't say that to someone with a physical allment.

vbrent07

I understand about being depressed and using food for comfort, that is basically how I taught myself how to deal with things. I agree that it seems like there are more people who are depressed now then before. Maybe they just didn't talk about it then or had better ways to cope with it. I have gone through a lot in my almost 30 years, but right now I'm trying to deal with the fact that my 4 year old has a horrible type of muscular dystrophy and there is nothing I can do to fix it. But instead of grabbing for the nearest bag of chips I'm thinking I better take care of myself so I can take care of him as much as I possibly can. Thinking about my child motivates me. I try to think positive and for the most part it's getting me through, I will be going to talk to a therapist soon but depression will never go away for me regardless of what I do. I know I'm not alone and everyone has their issues and I hope they get through it and find whatever makes them happy!

RainHoward

I understand about being depressed and using food for comfort, that is basically how I taught myself how to deal with things. I agree that it seems like there are more people who are depressed now then before. Maybe they just didn't talk about it then or had better ways to cope with it. I have gone through a lot in my almost 30 years, but right now I'm trying to deal with the fact that my 4 year old has a horrible type of muscular dystrophy and there is nothing I can do to fix it. But instead of grabbing for the nearest bag of chips I'm thinking I better take care of myself so I can take care of him as much as I possibly can. Thinking about my child motivates me. I try to think positive and for the most part it's getting me through, I will be going to talk to a therapist soon but depression will never go away for me regardless of what I do. I know I'm not alone and everyone has their issues and I hope they get through it and find whatever makes them happy!

on big, huge cyber hug for you and your child

bushidowoman

Wow, such a deep and heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing this. :flowerforyou:
I, too, have battled depression for a large part of my life. It wasn't until I learned to love myself and decide that I was worth caring for, that I saw real, lasting change.

Nyranee

There are so many reasons for depressions and yes for me as well, they are linked directly to the weight loss/gain. I am now so much interested in the relation that I will study psychology starting this fall and I am planning to also do the certifications for nutritionist/dietician and combine the knowledgeof both fields to help people being stabil in mind and body.

theartichoke

Thank you for writing this. I have depression as well. My weight gain was absolutely tied to that and anxiety, amongst other things. As the pounds go away it seems that more is revealed. Causes and conditions. Like peeling away the layers of an onion. Totally strange, uncomfortable and wonderful all at the same time.

shaxnax

Since I was about ten years old I knew something was wrong with me. It got worse over time. I had my daughter (who is almost three now) and things got EXTREMELY bad. When she was almost a year old I was beginning to seriously contemplate killing myself and was afraid I was going to hurt my daughter because I would get so frustrated at her for things all babies do... you know... like cry when they wake up because they're hungry... I knew it was WRONG I was afraid of myself and afraid to be near my daughter. I made an appointment for therapy the day I realized I was afraid and it saved my life, I'm sure of it. I was medicated which helped a small amount, but the therapy is something I truly 100% contribute to me still being alive.

I was ALWAYS chubby as a child, I ate because the delicious taste was something that made me happy. I gained 60 pounds being pregnant and didn't lose any of it because I kept going to food for comfort. I have since learned how to deal with issues. I've been able to regulate my emotions MUCH better by improving my communication skills. I have also learned that when I'm frustrated, feeling down, wanting to hurt myself (on the rare occasion it still happens but not to the point of suicide), or just mentally icky it is MUCH more satisfying and beneficial to exercise. Because I don't turn to food for comfort and because I am actually active now I have lost almost 40 pounds in the last five months.

mirandamayhem

I'm torn, It's nice to know there are people out there that understand but at the same time, how horrible that so many of us have to deal with these issues. I decided at some point in the last year or so that the best thing I ever did was start addressing my issues and I promised myself I would be as vocal as I could about those issues. If one person reads something I wrote and changes their life for the better because of it then I have done something good with my life.

Good for you! I'm very vocal now. http://blackdogtribe.com/ is a great website bringing awareness. I had a blog I wrote last year in the depths of my depression. People aren't always going to like what's said, but I will no longer apologise for my actions of that time, or indeed should it come back as horrendously as it did last year.

InnerFatGirl

I am 19, and a depression/anxiety sufferer. I first developed it when I was 16, I think. It's pretty much broken me, and it's unbearable to live with. It affects every facet of my life. I don't reach out for help very often and often struggle silently. I was recently struggling to cope again and called my doctor. She prescribed me 20mg Prozac. It helps with the depression but makes me more anxious. And it makes my DP/DR worse. Sigh.

I understand.

cpegasus01

Thank you for this post. While I personally haven't ever suffered from depression per say, I have two daughters who both suffer from Bi Polar Disorder, though one only has the type 2. My oldest daughter came into this world giving me a hard time and she is now almost 21. life has been hard for her at tiimes. Trying to find the right meds, getting her to take her meds. Battling with sleeplessness. It is almost as hard for the families of people who suffer from these disorders as it is for the person who actually has them. All I can say is therapy helps when the person is willing to let it help and meds help too.

sdow

What a wonderful and brave post. We are learning more and more about so called mental illness and starting to treat it like a medical condition. I think counseling and the best use of medications, diet, exercise, etc is so much healthier and kinder than just expecting people to buck up and move forward. With men, especially of the older generation, it is hard to admit to "weakness" and depression is often expressed as anger.

Anyway, your sharing of your struggles is good for many people. Thank you, again, for your compassion and bravery.

marie_cressman

I think this is a great post and thank you for sharing! It takes a lot to put yourself out there like that.

I have only this year realized that I suffered from depression for a very long time (since childhood). My stepmom has pointed out many times that I only started gaining weight when my parents divorced. I turned to food for comfort. I have issues with food even now, but I try hard to keep food and emotions separate.

AlphamaleBAMF

I can't help noticing there are a lot of people on here, posting in the forums, who suffer from some form of depression or another.

Depression and obesity go hand in hand. Their root causes are the same.

FrugalMomsRock75

I have been diagnosed as having major clinical depression and put on medication. However, I got pregnant while on those medications and gave birth to a child who now suffers because of me. It gave her a (well, five) major heart defects. Go mom. I also have suffered through major PPD-thank God without psychosis. I do not take the meds anymore. I won't unless my husband gets a vasectomy and there is no chance of pregnancy. I won't mess up another baby.

I now rely on natural remedies that help both with the depression and with the binge eating disorder. I take a medley of St. John's Wort, magnesium, Super B, Chromium, Flax Oil, and a daily multi. They're supposed to help. I do notice a significant difference when I'm taking them the way I should.

I exercise a lot too, so hopefully my endorphins help.

OP: I'm glad you're getting better. That commercial so hits the nail on the head: Depression hurts. It does leave out the "like hell" part though...

impyimpyaj

I can't help noticing there are a lot of people on here, posting in the forums, who suffer from some form of depression or another. I've often wondered and even read several books on, what has caused such a huge increase in depression in society today. But that's not why I'm writing this. What I am curious about is, how many people, like myself, ignored the depression for the most part of life for numerous reasons and blamed the weight gain on everything they could possibly think of?

I didn't understand until about a year ago just how adversely depression had affected my life. I have suffered from since I was a child. Unfortunately I lived in a family that essentially ignored mental disorders, even though a vast number of my family members suffer from one. It was never talked about and the general attitude was "just get over it". I was at the point of contemplating suicide many different times when I was younger.

How did I cope? Food. Books. Food. Hiding. Food. It never occurred to me to actually address the real issues, I had no idea what they where. I was taught to ignore such things, to man up. In my family shrinks where quacks and charlatans. What did they know about things anyway.

So after a lifetime of sever depression, the inevitable happened. I snapped. Like a rubber band wrapped one time to many. Boing. Off my rocker. For two months straight I suffered from almost constant panic and anxiety attacks. It was a horrid experience I would wish on no one. I somehow made it through without completely losing my mind, or my life and that was mostly due to therapists helping me deal with my issues.

So here I am, working on the depression, learning how to live with it. I don't think it will ever completely go away. Depression has so many variances. Mine is a product of both my environment couples with learned behaviors and wonky brain wiring. So, to my point (can you believe it, I actually do have one) if you're still reading this is; how many people try to tackle weight loss without first dealing with the issues that caused the weight gain in the first place? I did for a long time. I could never understand why my diets always failed so miserably. I always returned to food for the comfort, for all the wrong reasons.

Some of the stories I have read on here make me so sad. One of the things about finally dealing with my issues is that I've become hyper aware of them in others. It's kind of like when I stopped smoking and could suddenly smell a cigarette a block away. I read these forums and I want to frequently scream at people to get some help. Yet I know that until they make that choice for themselves and do it for the right reasons, it will do no good. They ask for help and support and all I can think is, seek therapy. But I know many of them won't. They will continue to battle the beast alone as I did. You can't win the war until you understand the enemy.

Great post. Depression is such a tricky thing -- it makes it hard to want to help yourself. I kind of think of it like a parasite. It feeds on itself, so it does whatever it can to keep you down in the depths of depression. And so, depression lies to you to keep you from doing the things you need to do in order to get well. It's a vicious beast.

Good for you for working on the causes, rather than just the symptoms. It's a hard thing to do, but it's so worth it.

I have a group for managing depression if anyone here would like to join. It's a good group, full of supportive folks. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/2202-managing-depression

Crochetluvr

When I had my nervous breakdown many years back and checked myself into the hospital, I had an interview with a Dr. who asked me a lot of questions. When he was finished he looked straight into my eyes and said something I have never forgotten..."You are NOT crazy...don't let anyone tell you that you are. I have been in that same chair that you are now.". I had a medical condition and there was no shame or guilt to be had....and I was far from alone.

Depression runs in my family, although it was hushed up and never spoken about. I didn't learn the truth till I was well into adulthood. I still take medication but I am finding now that the best medication for my condition is what I am doing now....losing weight and exercising. There is nothing like the feeling of treating your body as it should be to make you feel not only physically better, but emotionally as well. Good luck!

rebeccalray5

I don't suffer from depression, I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and slightly OCD. I know they are both anxiety but the major anxiety is from PTSD (says psychiatrist and my couselor) and the OCD is short term triggers that I HATE and if I let them, I will stay in my apartment for ever. My latest quest is not hide the fact that I go to counseling weekly or take anxiety meds. I am very thankful for your post and am amazed and comforted on the number of people who are going through the same things.

Pinkigloopyxie

I'm rather certain I've had depression since I was a kid, though grandma feeding me too much ice cream did make me chubby before the age of five. Mostly it's because of my ex stepfather but he was gone by the time I was eleven, though it took me ten more years or so to realize how growing up with him changed me. I was quiet in school (did my best to not be noticed) and had good grades so teachers didn't bother me. I think they knew I was painfully shy and hated attention and that's all.

I've pretty much been a loner for my entire life so it's hard for me to go to people for help. I'm in college and the campus has free counseling for six sessions but it was difficult to connect with anyone. How do you know they even cared or wanted to know? Anyways I've always dealt with my issues myself and I've always had an aversion to pills, so basically I just calm myself down when panicked or anxious, usually that was with food. (though I didn't realize that as a kid) Now though I just try meditating and proper breathing and emptying my mind. I generally don't know how to act in social situations and become anxious if I think I messed something up, then my brain taunts me about it, so I just empty it and make everything quiet and maybe sit in a quiet place outside to calm down and tell myself it doesn't really matter.

HogSandwich

I had depression for a solid year in high school, and VERY occasional flashes these days. I do have an anxiety disorder though, and that pretty much keeps me busy.

I have such trouble explaining to people how depression and anxiety work - you really don't know until you've been there.

And in that vein, I think it's really, REALLY, REEEALLY important everyone who's ever had depression reads this blog post - hysterically funny and very touching and (for me) really inspiring.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.au/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

sunmelody

I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. The last few months have been the worse ever. I've managed to put on 25 lbs on top of the already 70 lbs that I needed to lose. I have absolutely no enery for anything besides going to work. I'm in the works right now with my doctor on getting my medication adjusted or getting on something different. When I weighed in at 225 lbs at the doctors today, I felt like crying my eyes out. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I wish so much that I didn't suffer from depression. So many people just don't seem to undertand and think you can snap your fingers and make it go away. I just pray that I can get out of this rut and be on my way to making myself healthier and happier.