I am a terrible Husband/Training Partner to my Wife

Jlongblade

About 6 months ago my wife and I decided to "CHANGE OUR LIFESTYLES" I am still thinking of it as a diet and I know if I think of it as a diet and not a lifestyle change it won't work for me. I will admit we are both out of shape, at the beginning of the year I was at 400lbs. She has been absolutely amazing working out almost every day and sometimes twice a day. Me on the other hand I workout maybe once a week, and I am including my Tuesday night Softball game as a workout.

It's not to say I do not jump on the workout wagon for a ride every now and then, but I am far from consistant. There have been stretches in the last 6 months where I would work out for a week or two and be really good with what I eat, and when I do the weight just falls off, but for me it does not last. My wife eats like a champ only snacking on veggies and fruits, watching her portions and everything, me I am hit and miss. I feel like I am letting her down and everyday it seems harder to get back with her. I have lost a net 28lbs, which some of you might say is good, but the lowest I have been since we started is a net loss of 50LBS. That's right I have dropped from 400 to 350 but I am back up to 372. I am boomeranging up and down and up and down with my weight. I know it is not good for me, and I want to change and get Healthier but I just keep stopping and she is my energizer bunny and just keeps going and going and going. She is working out now while I am hiding in the bedroom because I am too ashamed to be near her and not working out, but I just did not want to. My excuse tonight is "I have to cook dinner", yet dinner would only take 30 minutes to cook and I won't even start until she is close to being done, and here is her update, she has lost an amazing 34lbs and is more athletic and has more stamina than I do, She’s almost to her 1st major goal of dropping below 200lbs. I am so proud of her! There are days I have seen her cry because she does not want to work out yet she plugs away, stubborn and determined, yet here I am eating terrible food and not working out, and it is getting harder and harder to walk every day, my heals feel like I am being clubbed with every step I take, but even that does not get me going.

Sorry to Vent on here but maybe if I type it out and see it in front of me it will help me... I am tired of letting everyone down, and I feel like I am slowly eating myself to death. Thanks for reading this!

cdnwinter79

First of all, I just want to hug you!
Second of all, and it's gonna sound harsh, but get up off your butt and just do it! There's nothing to be ashamed of! You're going through this lifestyle change together. You may think it's hard for you to just keep going, but imagine what she's thinking. She's probably thinking how much better her workouts would be if her very obviously loving husband is right there beside her supporting her.
It's not just a change for her, or for you, it's a change for BOTH of you together. I'm sure you've faced a lot of ups and downs in your life together, what's another one?

jawheb

She's lucky to have you. I can tell by reading your words that you love her very much! All you can do is to do the best that YOU can do. I'm sure your wife will love you no matter what. Don't give up, you can do this. I think it would help if you shared this with her. Maybe she can be that person that motivates you to get you going down the right path. Good luck!

SueMizZou

You are a good and caring guy. That said, you are doing both your wife and yourself a disservice. You need to get and stay healthy so that you can live a long and active life with your impressive woman. I know its hard and not fun but don't wait until the doctor says that you will get sicker and sicker due to overweight. That would be even less fun.

Why not start slow? It isn't a race. Get yourself into the exercise mindset. Walk half an hour every day. Once you establish a pattern it is easier to maintain. And log your food. Even if the news is bad, do it anyway. Not writing it down doesn't make it go away. Be honest with yourself. It will get easier.

chipmunkey

Positive reinforcement works for me. Whenever I've worked out and tell my boyfriend, he always has a smile and positive comment of some sort. It makes me feel good and encourages me to keep at it. Find something that helps you and let your wife in on it. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to help!

I have my good and bad days too. One word of advice: don't beat yourself up about it! It sounds like you've been making some progress, which is great. Once you get into the habit, it gets easier. Look for exercise that you find fun. Try swimming or biking if your feet hurt. The more weight you lose, the easier it will be do all sorts of exercise.

Good luck!

winf

A little less than 2 years ago I weighed 421 lbs. When I started to loose weight I started off with portion control, not really dieting. I still ate the crap I liked, just less of it. Then I started exercising. When the weight started coming off I got more motivated and actually started keeping track of what I was eating. I made healthier food choices. I started exercising 4-5 times a week. As I lost more weight I got more motivated and it became a cyle. There were some tough times with stalls here and there. Sometimes I got pretty upset about working so hard and only loosing just a bit, especially as my weight went down and I had to work harder to keep loosing. Today I am down to 225. I still want to keep loosing, but when I started I never would have thought I'd ever wear xl shirts again. I started running 6 weeks ago, something else I would have never imagined doing 2 years ago, and yesterday I ran 2 miles after finishing my strength training. You can do it. For YEARS I put off doing it. I knew I needed to do it, but just kept putting it off. I had so far to go I figured what the hell does it matter if I dont start till tomorrow, till monday, till next week, till next month, and so on. You cant finish what you never start, so get on it! You got this! Everything worth doing takes time, and this is worth doing!

gerripho

Hmmmm, your topic "I am a terrible Husband/Training Partner to my Wife" and your story just don't seem to match up to my way of thinking. A terrible husband wouldn't give a crap about it. You care very much and that alone makes you a far cry from "terrible." Have you talked with her about this? Figure out together how you two can get in sync on this. Tell her what you need from her in the way of motivation. Support one another. And always remember, you two aren't competing against each other. So one of you loses two pounds and the other loses three pounds. One of you didn't win some race against the other. You both lost five pounds! Yeah for the both of you.

Spartan_Maker

I'm rooting for you. Do what you can manage. You can manage to walk each day for an hour. If you do, this problem will be short-lived.

Carol_L

Sometimes, putting it down in black and white can be very enlightening.

When you say that you and your wife decided to get healthier, was it just you going along with her? The thing with weight loss, especially when you're looking at 100+ lbs, is that it's a long term committment. If you haven't truly committed to it, heart and soul, and for your own reasons that mean something to you, you'll keep up this viscious cycle. First thing, you have to forgive yourself for your previous behavious and draw the line for yourself. But you need a why that will take you through the rough spots, and there will be some along the way. The fact that your wife is very committed to this can only add to your success.

To give you some perspective here, I'd spent a lot of time yo-yoing, gaining and losing weight, crying about it, starting to do something, letting myself get discouraged and falling back into bad habits. I was miserable with myself, which seeped into every part of my life. A few things happened over the last couple of years that pretty much solidified the "Why" for me, and I've been committed to working out and eating better ever since.

The first thing was my mother in law. The woman had been retired for as long as I'd been with my husband, but she was horribly obese - there's no polite way of saying it. She had gone to weight watchers, but didn't really follow it terribly seriously. She went out for short walks, once in a while, but never kept it up. She took up all kinds of things, like Suzanne Sommers books and various kinds of sit on the couch and get your excercise devices, with the predictable results. She didn't want to put the effort that was required in, and the weight kept piling on. Her joints were wearing out. She had a hip replacement, which helped a bit, but the stress on her joints was still too much and she was in a lot of pain. She ended up taking a lot of pain killers and was virtually a prisonner in her own home, since moving was painful. She thought she was bullet proof because of her family's genetics, but she wasn't. She died two years ago. In the last few years of her life, her husband was in constant attendance to her, because she resented it horribly if he was out too long getting groceries, volunteering, or socializing without her. After seeing that, I swore that I would never put my husband through that, and have been steadily dropping the weight since then.

The second thing was my own mother. She's still around, but is quite infirm due to COPD after a lifetime of smoking. She has fallen twice and broken a hip each time. I realized that if she fell again, or if I ever had to move her around in an emergeny, I was not strong enough, and she only weighs around 100 lbs. Part of my resolve has been to get stronger, and I have been doing that.

As a consequence of my decisions, my health has greatly improved, my strength has increased noticibly, and my life has been much better overall.

I hope you can find a why that will make you committed to making the necessary changes for the long term. In the meantime, please continue to support your wife and let her know how proud you are of her progress and determination. Once you do have your why, you know that she'll be there for your.

crystalflame

The first step is acknowledging you need to change and you need to get healthy. And you're lucky - you have a wife who's ready to support you and encourage you as soon as you ask for it. It sounds like she's already got it figured out, so when you're ready to commit you can ask her for tips and advice, even workout routines. It's not a competition and you don't have to keep up with her; she won't expect you to. She'll just be happy you're making the effort and supportive as you lose the weight and get stronger.

You're very lucky to have her, but she's also lucky to have you - a lot of women on here say how their husbands don't support their efforts or actively fight against them. You're already doing the right thing there - now you just need to take the next step!

9chimera11

Awww You obviously love your wifey so much. I totally know how you feel about working out. Been on and off the wagon myself for a long time. But this time I decided this is not about losing weight. It's about getting healthy. [Losing weight is an added incentive].

I'll tell you a tip. Try doing one excercise just for five minutes. Like riding the elliptical or the treadmill. Just try to do that everyday for a week. Then the next week you can increase it for ten minutes and so on. Just think about it as some normal everyday thing you do.
This is how I got my sister to workout and she was one of the toughest people to get in to it

Take it easy. Just few minutes on the treadmill now and then would make such a difference. Wish you all the best