Hard Day

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breezy81
breezy81 Posts: 186
in Introduce Yourself
Hi all, I am new to MFP and love it!! I need a minute to vent though and am trying this rather than eating through my mood. I have been with my husband for 10 years, we have a 7 year old and a 4 yr old. I work at home take care of everyhting from laundry to finances by myself. I have had a hard week and need to get an hour or so of me time, not time at the gym or running errands but being Heather, not the maid or mom for a while!! When I told my husband this he got upset. For the first time in my life I am trying to do what is right for me, it is so hard being home with kids all day w/ no one to talk to, my husband doesnt want to talk when he gets home and I need a break!! Now I feel like I'm being selfish and so want to go hit the halloween candy!!! I know in my head some things half to change for me to make this weight loss work but in my heart I feel like I shouldnt take this time away from my family!! Life can be too much work some times :sad:

Replies

  • HeatherBurke
    HeatherBurke Posts: 147
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    You need to take some time to yourself to focus on you and recenter your mind and relax so that you can be the best for your family... If you are stressed and upset because of the stress and then the cycle becomes worse you are not the "optimal" mom, wife etc that you can be. Surely your husband has his own time, your kids have their time to be kids... You need your time to be you! Maybe your husband got upset because you have never really wanted this time to yourself or voiced it actually?

    Take time for you, all of them will thank you for it!
  • Benson
    Benson Posts: 444
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    Hi and welcome to MFP

    From my own experience, I can tell you that giving in to the emotional eating will only leave you feeling worse. This sticking up for yourself and 'me' time is new to your family and most people are resistant to change. When you just force it for a few days, they will see the benefit it brings to you and therefore ultimately to them. Hang in there. You have to take care of yourself so you can help take care of others right??

    Heather
  • TracyJean2012
    TracyJean2012 Posts: 517 Member
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    You have to take "me time" otherwise the family won't work and your husband should support you in this journey! One hour isn't asking much. You need to sit your Hubby down and really tell him that you need this time, What ages are your kids? Do they go to school if they do take the hour during school hours forget the laundry and dishes and just relax.

    We are here for you anytime you need to vent! Good luck
  • shawnaescalona
    shawnaescalona Posts: 2
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    Hang in there I know its hard but they don't see what you have to see everyday in the mirror. If your not happy with yourself improve it and if you don't take care of you first you won't be able to take care of them very long. Besides who do you think will pick up the slack for you when your not feeling right mentally and physically not anyone you have to be in 10 places at once sometimes and in other times you deserve at least an hour to yourself in the tub with some lotion and some aromatherapy. Love yourself so you love them more. P.S. Don't be afraid to lock yourself in the bathroom to meditate and do some crunches!!!!
  • evajacks
    evajacks Posts: 8
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    first, welcome to mfp! I just recently had a baby 4 months ago and decided to stay home. Now, I am home allllll day long (I have worked since I was 15 practically full time!!) I am a very busy person and there are days I could go insane being alone while my husband is at work. Hopefully your husband will understand your need for some time. And to be honest.... my husband and I are working on me having my own "permanent time". Basically, it is a time that is always for me. So, every saturday morning..... I get up... early.... and I have from 7:00 am... until noon to do "my thing". Weather it's.... coffee and reading a book at the coffee shop (inexpensive) or meeting a friend for breakfast... shopping.... etc. ... and noooo, not grocery shopping either!!! =0) So that way my husband can't say...... I didn't know..... or... I forgot.....

    I hope things are getting better for you and you're getting some you time!!! Good luck!!!!
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    Does your husband have time for him? Does he go hang with buddies or do something he likes? If so explain to him that it is gfair that both of you get that.

    I was married to a man like that for 10 years. He made it impossible for me to have any kind of social life because he would never look after the kids. Once I divorced him, I had a hard time making friends and letting myself have a social life becuase I had no idea how to do it.

    My second husband is very supportive and encourages me to have time away from it all. He even says I should go get a pedicure some times.

    You need the time away, ithelps you be a better you!
  • breezy81
    breezy81 Posts: 186
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    Thats the thing, he doesn't really take the time to him self, so he thinks I shouldn't either. I am so frustrated about this. Every time I try to talk to him it gets ugly. We have been together for a long time, in that time I have pretty much lost touch with all my friends.

    I need to make me happy again, just not sure how. I love my husband but sometimes I wonder if this is whats right for me, I feel trapped and am hope it's just because of this new tension, that once he gets used to me needing this time he will calm down. He isn't a talker but I think he feels threatened by my need to loose this weight, I actually think it scares him a bit. How do I get him to see that it's not about wanting to upgrade my husband but upgrade myself.

    I have devoted myself to this house and him and our children, I have fought drs. and insurance for our sick kids and made sure everyone had everything they needed for years. I need this and I will get it!! Thanks for letting me vent to all!! It's nice to know I'm not being judged by anyone
  • breezy81
    breezy81 Posts: 186
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    What do you know, I talked openly to him and he said he will try to get it and that I do work hard and need some time, and he asked me to open up more!!! This fixing my weight from the inside out is great!!!!!
  • klybarger
    klybarger Posts: 214
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    What do you know, I talked openly to him and he said he will try to get it and that I do work hard and need some time, and he asked me to open up more!!! This fixing my weight from the inside out is great!!!!!

    Glad to hear it! I agree with the person that said it just might be change he's hesitant about. Taking time for yourself can only make you a better wife and mom. Wishing you all the best!
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    What do you know, I talked openly to him and he said he will try to get it and that I do work hard and need some time, and he asked me to open up more!!! This fixing my weight from the inside out is great!!!!!

    Good for you! It may take a few more conversations...but you will get what you need
  • paladyinred
    paladyinred Posts: 15
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    Hey Heather...GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!

    I am glad you felt better after talking to your husband and venting out here at MFP. I just joined this site yesterday and I have to say the postings are a terrific resource. I read through them for about 5 hours yesterday just absorbing the helpful tips and support.

    Remember the only person you can change is yourself. Your husband will have to do his own part. And you said he does not do anything for himself. Well, does he sit and read the paper or a magazine; does he watch TV; does he putter in the garage? That is for his own relaxation and sanity isn't it? Some unwind time each day is crucial for you and your family. So don't allow anyone to steal it from you.

    Hang in there girl!

    Sue
    :flowerforyou:
  • vhuber
    vhuber Posts: 8,779 Member
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    Hi Heather,
    I will say prayers for this situation and by reading all these post's it looks like you have been given great advice but most importantly care and support! We ALL want to see happiness in Families and you've heard the saying "when mommas not happy, no ones happy"! I live on a large farm and have raised the two sons (my husband is extremely busy) sooo I do know what your saying when you want "ME" time! I found ME time running on our country paths/roads and then later as the kids got older and left home I was more calm and do not need that time. I cherish the quiet but now take the grandson to liven things up a bit! and give his momma a break! Do you live by family that could take your children a couple of times per week etc? I feel for you honey and I pray your husband come to understand and supports you!

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