My two cents

Lilphoenix

Hello everyone! This is my first post, and it'll be unlikely I'll post much more, as my medium for conversations are not usually centered around the technological world!
I've been slowly improving my health after years of extremes, and the tools provided by myfitnesspal.com has helped by leaps in bounds because I can see everything I'm putting into my body.
Growing up in a family where exercise was not promoted/parents were working all night/day, I grew in weight faster than my peers. I was good at hiding it with clothing and being an introvert, but you know the drill. You get to middle school, and then everyone starts noticing how awkward they are, how the world is unfair and how hormones take the driver's seat in your brain.
I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I really think I at least had a lot in common with those suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I had a lot of your typical stick-thin friends who could eat whatever they wanted without seemingly changing, where as I felt like if I had a couple crackers it would immediately be noticable on my body...for silly...
Anyway, I got into this really weird and awful habit of eating alone, and chewing/spitting food out. I had a poor diet of little calories and even lower self-esteem, and this carried my all the way to college.
I met my boyfriend just under 18 months ago, and he was the first person other than my mother to tell me I was beautiful. This isn't meant to be a "poor me" story, but it just means that I spent most of my friendships and time listening to other people and complimenting them, but received not a lot of verbal acceptance. He gave me the idea of using this to track my calories, just to show me how my diet was ruining me. I began running in college, but because of low intake, I got sick a lot, shin splints, pulled muscles, long recovery; etc. I was eating around 700 calories a day, and I was astounded that I was not losing weight, not knowing that there was no way my body was going to let go of that weight in constant starvation mode. I definitely had prominent ribs, but other than that I really didn't consider myself too thin because I still had fat, I still had skinnier friends, blah blah...
I only tell you this to hopefully reach someone like me; you're not alone! It is absolutely awful to suddenly be told that you should be eating twice the amount you do when you think you "know" better; that eating the right amount of things is the best way to lose and maintain healthy weight. It's still a struggle everyday with body image and eating enough, but tracking it and seeing the numbers makes me feel better somehow, ex. "I have 800 calories left and it's 5pm...okay! Protein shake and strawberry time!" etc. While I'm still not getting quite enough now with my training for a marathon, I am a lot stronger now both mentally and physically, and I am eating foods I would have never touched before (meat, pasta, the occasional binge on popcorn and a coke ). I have muscles now! I still have recurring shin splints and other ailments, including a major decrease in the thickness of my hair and other little health and beauty things that can come with poor nutrition; but I'm trying to become better so that I can live as happily as possible.
I see all of your posts about how you all are keeping fit and focusing on living your life to the fullest, and I salute you! You inspire me to live for others by beginning to love and live for myself. Thanks, guys!