Anyone else have an non-supportive spouse?

KiaCristal

My husband has always been slender. He has a very active job so he can basically eat anything he wants. I was the same way until having our daughter. Now I'm not overweight but I'm trying to lose 10 pounds. He gets annoyed with me when I ask him to cook lower calorie/lower fat dinners. I can't cook so he does the majority of it. He thinks it's all stupid and that I look fine the way I am. He sighs every time I look up calories for something and doesn't take me working out seriously. I've started getting up at 6am so I can be done by the time my child is awake for the day. I just wasn't able to do as much while she was awake during the day.

How do I get him to understand that I am serious about this and making lifestyle changes? When I told him that I lost 5 pounds since first starting to exercise and watch what I eat and he said "oh." I don't expect him to jump and down but he could be a little happier than "oh." I am always supportive of everything he wants and tries to do. I talked to him about it and that was when he said I look fine the way I am.

janinermt

Tell him YOU don't feel fine, don't like the way your body feels....ect.....then challange him to join you and getting active and being healthy....make it challanging for him?? My husband is a couch potatoe, who is in the midst of quitting smoking and he eats a large bag of chips every night......I feel your pain when you don't feel supported

MTBrob

I have it on the other end..... My wife is petite 4'll 100lbs.. Eats what she wants and doesn't gain etc.. However she is not very athletic and tires easy and really is lazy....

Its a constant battle over dinner.. Where we have settled on she can eat what she wants and I will cook something for my self or supplement with a protein shake etc.....

Other than you can't force some one to work out with you, as they have to want ti like you do to even consider keeping up or putting up with what we do....


Me personally, I just keep trucking along and she does what she wants to do and I do what I want to do .. We really only eat one meal together which is dinner and during the weekend when we go out to dinner I just make healthy choices.......

Its actually kinda funny most times a server will give us funny looks when they find out the stock velvet chicken breast and steamed veggies are laying down in front of me and the burger is going to her.

abbylg1983

Yes, he is very unsupportive. Now, granted, I probably lost a little goodwill when I was crying about gaining 2 pounds that was probably water retention, and yes I did overreact, but I was just working so hard and was so frustrated to see that weight gain. Anyways, after that little incident I try and keep my complaints about my body to myself.

But yes, I do get the eyerolls when I order a grilled chicken sandwich and then take off the bun. Or when I say I can't watch a movie once our daughter goes to bed because I need to workout. Or when I mention any weight lifting or nutrition tidbit I read about.

Husband also says super insensitive things like the time I was 6 months pregnant and everything I put on made me look like a whale and I was so upset about how much weight I had gained, and husband told me to eat less candy. So not helpful.

I just ignore his sighs and eyerolls now. Sometimes I will skip the workout to appease him (we are both pretty busy with work and our baby so don't spend a lot of time together anymore) but then I get kind of sad I am not exercising. We used to go to the gym together but haven't since our baby was born.

I wish all the time he was more supportive, but it's just the way it is.

simonlcube

Learn to cook and prepare meals at least some of the time that you are happy eating. I can pretty much guarantee he won't complain.

MrsCarrieRobinson

My husband is a junk food junkie! It makes it very difficult to lose weight. I try to keep his junk separate from the rest of the food, but that proves to be difficult since we don't have a big kitchen or much storage space. He has a very narrow perspective on eating healthy. He believes all healthy food will taste gross. I stopped trying to do a full on overhaul of our usual menu and instead I have been making minor alterations so he is not so overwhelmed by it. It takes a lot more will power on my part that's for sure!

Tilran

So the moral of this story is dont get married?

KASEYLAYNE86

i think my husband wants to be supportive but doesn't know how. i've told him that i want to lead healthier lives and since i do 99% of the cooking i've been trying to add less salt and substitute ingredients with healthier choices. he'll eat whatever i cook, but he'll tell me that something needed more salt, or "why go and change up something that was good". he is also a diabetic so you would think that my meal options would be healthier already, but not so much, the nights that i don't feel like putting in an effor to make dinner ill make hamburger helper and he practically jumps for joy!
he's made a comment more than once about how im not losing weight the right way because i'm eating too few calories. and honestly on a normal weekday, i struggle with eating enough calories and making healthy choices to eat all of those calories, the weekends are the exact opposite and i blame him for it :-)

AlphamaleBAMF

My former spouse almost never supported me. I could spend hours, casually explaining to her why (for instance) you really do need to wear a cast like the doctor said and not being able to move your arm IS THE WHOLE POINT OF WEARING IT AND ITS NOT MEANT TO BE COMFORTABLE, only to be told he's an idiot and so am I and she doesn't have to follow "rules" and is just going to what she wants and cut the cast off her still broken arm.

There were dozens of facepalm moments like that and if you want my advise. Get a divorce.

TheRealParisLove

My husband is supportive, but...He is also a calorie burning machine. He can easily eat 3000-4000 calories a day and not gain weight or feel bloated. My "cheat" meal yesterday was his "on program" meal and that is a little bit discouraging. He is able to eat a breakfast that would send me over my calorie goals for the whole day.

It is really hard to share meals with him because of his ability to indulge in things I cannot. Sometimes I just tell him that we are doing yo-yo (you're on your own) dinner because I can't even eat a half portion of whatever he is having without screwing up my macros for the day. Since he is about 200 pounds and about 15% body fat, he really does need all those calories to get through the day, but I can't help but feel jealous that he is able to eat all those rich and delicious foods that I have to eschew if I want to lose weight.

He does tell me "good job" when I see a weight loss, and for that kind of support I am thankful.

Perhaps you can practice yo-yo dinners with your husband? Since you don't cook, maybe you could fix yourself a big green salad or a plate of fresh cut veggies with a light dressing for flavor. Just take a portion of whatever protein he is preparing for himself. You could also include some kind of canned fish or pre-cooked chicken breast from the grocery store (check the frozen food case for some good low calorie choices.).

atnlady

Being married to a slender, never had a weight problem in his life spouse is equally as difficult. He isn't "non-supportive" as much as just plain doesn't seem to get it that I have to watch every morsel that goes in my mouth. I have battle the weight gain thing my entire life it seems. He has never had a weight problem. I tell him a fat cell wouldn't dare enter his body. He eats whatever he wants. Has a bag of extra butter popcorn every night followed by chips if he wants them plus ice cream. He weighs the same now as he did when we married years ago.
Hang in there.

katamus

Mine is very supportive. The difference it's made in our relationship by losing some weight and getting fitter is astronomical.

Maybe, instead of telling him you want to lose weight.. Tell him you want to get fit and stronger.

As far as food goes, we will eat a lot of the same things, but I'll make something extra for him. If we make chicken, I have chicken and vegetables but will make him some mac n cheese or something to go with it that I don't necessarily want. He can mow down food and actually has trouble GAINING weight so basically when I shop I will make sure I buy him a bunch of snacks separate of what I'm going to have.

KiaCristal

My former spouse almost never supported me. I could spend hours, casually explaining to her why (for instance) you really do need to wear a cast like the doctor said and not being able to move your arm IS THE WHOLE POINT OF WEARING IT AND ITS NOT MEANT TO BE COMFORTABLE, only to be told he's an idiot and so am I and she doesn't have to follow "rules" and is just going to what she wants and cut the cast off her still broken arm.

There were dozens of facepalm moments like that and if you want my advise. Get a divorce.

Haha, I don't think a divorce would help. That's a little over the top solution but thanks for your advice

yoovie

How do you get him to see you are serious about this??

1. You dont know how to cook- you learn. You learn so that you can proudly say that the only things you know how to cook are healthy. the directions are all there. you want to eat healthy- you cook your own food.

2. You show him that his body, his support and his metabolism dont have jack to do with your goals or progress...

3. You show YOURSELF that you're serious about this - which means stop involving other people. This is a private solitary mission when you get right down to it- and there is support here if you need it. But there are so many people out there talking about how they cant lose weight because their husband's attitude is in the way - and I seriously dont understand the connection.

Is he in the way of any of your other hobbies?
Does he support you when you watch your favorite TV show or read a book?

Probably not, cause its not his responsibility - its yours! AND if you really want something, you wont care or need someone else on board with you.

Sure its GREAT to have a buddy, but if you want to prove youre serious- then you'll go balls to the wall when no cares but you and no one is looking but you.

THAT is a fighter.

piexcore

My former spouse almost never supported me. I could spend hours, casually explaining to her why (for instance) you really do need to wear a cast like the doctor said and not being able to move your arm IS THE WHOLE POINT OF WEARING IT AND ITS NOT MEANT TO BE COMFORTABLE, only to be told he's an idiot and so am I and she doesn't have to follow "rules" and is just going to what she wants and cut the cast off her still broken arm.

There were dozens of facepalm moments like that and if you want my advise. Get a divorce.

Nothing to do with the op, but my boyfriend JUST DID THIS. He broke his wrist and it took him three weeks to go to the doctor, a week to get the cast, and then he only lasted about a week and a half before ripping it off. And I was sitting there like, really?

He's a musician, and I'm just waiting for the intense pain that's going to assault him since I am 99% sure his wrist healed incorrectly.

I do not understand why people think they can completely disregard their physicians.

KiaCristal

Thanks for the replies. I think I'm going to have to come up with alternatives such as salad to his sides like mac & cheese. Neither of us have ever had weight issues and really I still don't just want to feel a bit better. Do you think it would work if I told him he'll get more booty once I lose a few? :blushing:

yoovie

No i dont think thats how you get him to take you seriously.

JenniBaby85

I would suggest that you learn to cook. I do all to cooking in our house, my hubby likes my cooking too, and it's all low fat stuff.

My husband told me, 20lbs ago that he likes me the way I was, I gave him "awesome hubby points" for his remark. I am glad that he loves and accepts me at any size, but I do not love and accept me at any size. So I do it for me, and to be an example to my daughters.

abbylg1983

Thanks for the replies. I think I'm going to have to come up with alternatives such as salad to his sides like mac & cheese. Neither of us have ever had weight issues and really I still don't just want to feel a bit better. Do you think it would work if I told him he'll get more booty once I lose a few? :blushing:

I sort of did that. I didn't offer up more booty but husband complained that I always covered up when he walked in while I was changing and I always wore sweats to bed instead of something skimpy (or nothing) and that he wished he could see more of my body. I responded that I was super self conscious about it and maybe once I got rid of some fat I'd have more confidence and would show more skin. That's a total lie- I could have Jessica Alba's body and still not want to walk around naked, I'm just not comfortable with that- but he doesn't need to know that right now and the eyerolls and the sighs over my food and exercise choices have decreased. I'll cross the naked hurdle when I come to it- I can always say he keeps the thermostat too low.

FatDadSlim

I have lost 70lbs over the last year & a half and over the course of getting fitter I have got into cycling, which i enjoy most days. when i get the opportunity i will commute to work, this will get me home approx an hour later than if i drove and I try to get out a few hours on the weekends.
i'm 6ft and now weigh 165lbs, she is 5ft and weighs more than me, she used to be much more slender but is letting herself go & has no interest in getting fit & healthy (and i have not broached the subject with her, her life & all that) We never eat together in the week because we eat totally different foods, probably the only meal we eat together is a Sunday dinner. She hates the cycling, only tonight i got home from work & said i'm going out for an hour, she rolled her eyes. Honestly if i wouldn't have gone on the bike i would have had to sit in front of the TV with her & watch **** instead as per normal. AAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGH

cartrat

Thanks for the replies. I think I'm going to have to come up with alternatives such as salad to his sides like mac & cheese. Neither of us have ever had weight issues and really I still don't just want to feel a bit better. Do you think it would work if I told him he'll get more booty once I lose a few? :blushing:

ahaha, i do that with my fiance positive reinforcement... like puppies :laugh:

okay, j/k (not really)...

IMO it sounds like there's some kind of personal issue with *him* rather than you. i mean... did he have some traumatic experience when a loved one lost weight and changed into a bad person?? i mean 10 lbs isn't really a lot of weight, it's not like you wanna be anorexic or are being unhealthy about it. i'd try to look into why it bothers him so much. because you obviously don't have (and are not) the problem, he has the problem. i'd try to dig a bit into what's really going on.