i hate myself? how do i change this?

BeautyFromPain

I can not think of a time when I have ever loved myself. Being called names like worthless, etc since I was born has not helped.
I am currently working the job of my dreams, and doing a course that I love but I am so close to giving up because I feel like I do not deserve happiness.

Am I the only one who feels like this?
How do I get over it and start to care about myself?

skinnyskittles

Do something after work that you love to do everyday

BeautyFromPain

Do something after work that you love to do everyday

I love dancing and do it almost every day, but I have now started finding things which I used to love boring :S After dancing for the past 16 years :S

iLoveMyPitbull1225

I am sorry about those hardships that you have encountered in life. No one should ever be told that they are worthless. I also want to say congratulations on the job of your dreams. You DO deserve happiness! Have you ever considered seeking therapeutic help? A good therapist/counselor/psychiatrist could help you get on the right track to discovering ways to love yourself and developing healthy coping skills. The fact that you stated you have lost interest in things you once enjoyed is a common symptom of depression. I do not know if you are aware of this or if you have ever sought counseling, but i would urge you to consider talking with a healthcare professional. Medications could possibly help you manage these feelings and allow you to learn new ways to enjoy life. Best wishes!

BeautyFromPain

I am sorry about those hardships that you have encountered in life. No one should ever be told that they are worthless. I also want to say congratulations on the job of your dreams. You DO deserve happiness! Have you ever considered seeking therapeutic help? A good therapist/counselor/psychiatrist could help you get on the right track to discovering ways to love yourself and developing healthy coping skills. The fact that you stated you have lost interest in things you once enjoyed is a common symptom of depression. I do not know if you are aware of this or if you have ever sought counseling, but i would urge you to consider talking with a healthcare professional. Medications could possibly help you manage these feelings and allow you to learn new ways to enjoy life. Best wishes!

I spoke to one for the first time yesterday but I didn't like it very much I just don't like talking about myself...

warmachinejt

i follow very stressed life too especially after something happened a few years ago. I try not to mind but still my mind doesn't let me sleep most of the days and that's what keeps me down a lot being tired and annoyed at things

amonroe1343

I am sorry about those hardships that you have encountered in life. No one should ever be told that they are worthless. I also want to say congratulations on the job of your dreams. You DO deserve happiness! Have you ever considered seeking therapeutic help? A good therapist/counselor/psychiatrist could help you get on the right track to discovering ways to love yourself and developing healthy coping skills. The fact that you stated you have lost interest in things you once enjoyed is a common symptom of depression. I do not know if you are aware of this or if you have ever sought counseling, but i would urge you to consider talking with a healthcare professional. Medications could possibly help you manage these feelings and allow you to learn new ways to enjoy life. Best wishes!

I spoke to one for the first time yesterday but I didn't like it very much I just don't like talking about myself...

Keep trying working with the therapist. You might have to try a few out to find one that you can really open up to and feel comfortable talking to. It might be hard at first to do it but after time hopefully you can get to a place where you can be happy again with who you are and enjoy life. I had depression in jr high after being bullied and humiliated most of jr high and I didn't like the first therapist I went to see and so I didn't benefit from it. I finally found one that I really felt comfortable with and she helped me to slowly overcome that. It can work you just have to keep at it even though it's hard to just talk at first.

jeddy3mcc

First of all you have to decide what it is you don't like about you. Once you do that. Figure out if it is something that you can chance i.e. weight, hair color, place you live, etc.. If it is something you can change then I would say Work to change it. If it is something you cannot change i.e. smile, race, who you are, you have to figure out what events traspired to make you have this mindset. and start accepting the things that you cannot change. You may not like it, but that is the hand you were dealt. You say you are in a dream job, I happen to love my job as well, but there are so many people out there who dont have an opportunity to do the things that they love, and that may be something that they cannot change because of responsibilities, education or something else. You have to focus on the good things about you. Making yourself a priority will also help this process as well. Loving yourself is paramount to happiness. You must love you in order to effectively love others. If you would like to talk more add me as a friend. We can motivate one another. While no one can teach you how to love you. We can support one another and seeing yourself in a positive light, can help take those feelings of hate and minimize their effect on your daily outlook

Have a great morning,

Jay

BeautyFromPain

i follow very stressed life too especially after something happened a few years ago. I try not to mind but still my mind doesn't let me sleep most of the days and that's what keeps me down a lot being tired and annoyed at things

This sounds like me...
After I was physically abused as a child I now wake up every hour or so, I'm always on flight mode

muddyventures

I hope I don't sound to simplistic, but you 'practiced' hating yourself over time...you must practice loving yourself over time as well. Find one thing about yourself you like or almost like and accept it. I don't think we hate ourselves in the sense of real hate, I think we don't accept ourselves.. learn and PRACTICE accepting yourself. It is as much or more work as diet and exercise can be... good luck.

You are much more than you think you are, so THINK IT!

BeautyFromPain

I hope I don't sound to simplistic, but you 'practiced' hating yourself over time...you must practice loving yourself over time as well. Find one thing about yourself you like or almost like and accept it. I don't think we hate ourselves in the sense of real hate, I think we don't accept ourselves.. learn and PRACTICE accepting yourself. It is as much or more work as diet and exercise can be... good luck.

You are much more than you think you are, so THINK IT!

I didn't practise hating myself, I got told to hate myself..

warmachinejt

The only thing that eases my mind a little is lifting weights. I can just concentrate on that and ignore everything else during the moment.

BeautyFromPain

The only thing that eases my mind a little is lifting weights. I can just concentrate on that and ignore everything else during the moment.

Yeah I love lifting weights, dancing and running

muddyventures

I hope I don't sound to simplistic, but you 'practiced' hating yourself over time...you must practice loving yourself over time as well. Find one thing about yourself you like or almost like and accept it. I don't think we hate ourselves in the sense of real hate, I think we don't accept ourselves.. learn and PRACTICE accepting yourself. It is as much or more work as diet and exercise can be... good luck.

You are much more than you think you are, so THINK IT!

I didn't practise hating myself, I got told to hate myself..

Somewhere along the way you had to accept that statement of being told to hate yourself, I won't argue with you because we only know our own circumstances in life. I am sorry that you've had a tough experience that has left you wounded. I ended up in Foster Care at a young age and I could tell you my journey but I don't like to share it in detail, but I also had people who impressed unpon me at a young age that I wasn't worth anything, and whether or not we know when it occurs or not, we come to accept those lies about ourselves. You will haveto fight those lies with truth, and that truth will have to be practiced within your heart and mind. Blessings to you.

iLoveMyPitbull1225

I am sorry about those hardships that you have encountered in life. No one should ever be told that they are worthless. I also want to say congratulations on the job of your dreams. You DO deserve happiness! Have you ever considered seeking therapeutic help? A good therapist/counselor/psychiatrist could help you get on the right track to discovering ways to love yourself and developing healthy coping skills. The fact that you stated you have lost interest in things you once enjoyed is a common symptom of depression. I do not know if you are aware of this or if you have ever sought counseling, but i would urge you to consider talking with a healthcare professional. Medications could possibly help you manage these feelings and allow you to learn new ways to enjoy life. Best wishes!

I spoke to one for the first time yesterday but I didn't like it very much I just don't like talking about myself...

keep going. Also, just because you saw someone doesnt mean that person is the right fit for you. try it for a few weeks.

BeautyFromPain

I am sorry about those hardships that you have encountered in life. No one should ever be told that they are worthless. I also want to say congratulations on the job of your dreams. You DO deserve happiness! Have you ever considered seeking therapeutic help? A good therapist/counselor/psychiatrist could help you get on the right track to discovering ways to love yourself and developing healthy coping skills. The fact that you stated you have lost interest in things you once enjoyed is a common symptom of depression. I do not know if you are aware of this or if you have ever sought counseling, but i would urge you to consider talking with a healthcare professional. Medications could possibly help you manage these feelings and allow you to learn new ways to enjoy life. Best wishes!

I spoke to one for the first time yesterday but I didn't like it very much I just don't like talking about myself...

keep going. Also, just because you saw someone doesnt mean that person is the right fit for you. try it for a few weeks.

I just dunno what to say, it's so awkward

iLoveMyPitbull1225

I belive it will get easier. Yeah, its weird at first. But I am a firm believer in it

rml_16

Sounds like some counseling would do you good. There really isn't anything anyone on a message board can say to fundamentally change how you see yourself.

jcriscuolo

I agree with the previous posters. Therapy will help. Try it again. If this person is not a match for you, find someone with whom you can connect and bare your soul. Once you find the right person and start making progress, it will be like a weight lifted from your shoulders. Don't give up. It REALLY works.

BeautyFromPain

I agree with the previous posters. Therapy will help. Try it again. If this person is not a match for you, find someone with whom you can connect and bare your soul. Once you find the right person and start making progress, it will be like a weight lifted from your shoulders. Don't give up. It REALLY works.

I just don't quite understand how talking to someone about problems can just magically fix them... :S

Erisad

Surround yourself with positive people. That's what I did and I have gotten a lot better with this, although some days are still hard. My bf loves and supports me, as do my friends. Counseling never did it for me either so I had to do it without professional help (all they did was stick me on anti depressants or recommend that I read the Bible, which didn't help or made it worse). It will take a while but the fake it til you make it is another good tactic. Buy an outfit you feel awesome in, pamper yourself a bit, take a day to yourself because you are worth it. :flowerforyou:

jcriscuolo

I agree with the previous posters. Therapy will help. Try it again. If this person is not a match for you, find someone with whom you can connect and bare your soul. Once you find the right person and start making progress, it will be like a weight lifted from your shoulders. Don't give up. It REALLY works.

I just don't quite understand how talking to someone about problems can just magically fix them... :S

It does not magically fix them. It is a slow transformation of the way you percieve yourself. And a good professional therapist can give you techniques for you to practice to improve your self-image. We are brought up to repress our thoughts and feelings and sometimes we need to learn how to express them. Please don't give up on therapy.

BeautyFromPain

Surround yourself with positive people. That's what I did and I have gotten a lot better with this, although some days are still hard. My bf loves and supports me, as do my friends. Counseling never did it for me either so I had to do it without professional help (all they did was stick me on anti depressants or recommend that I read the Bible, which didn't help or made it worse). It will take a while but the fake it til you make it is another good tactic. Buy an outfit you feel awesome in, pamper yourself a bit, take a day to yourself because you are worth it. :flowerforyou:

All my friends/coworkers/etc are positive, it's just my family (whom i don't ever actually talk to anyway except to get yelled at). And I can't afford to move out whilst at school, otherwise i'd be out of here in a tick, believe me.

determined136

I think that we all struggle with this is some shape or form in our lives. I have learned that I have to take care of me. I feel amazing when I exercise so I do that everday! Sometimes I hate it but when I am finished I know that is so worth it.

Like others have said do what makes you happy ... carve out a time that is all about you. I know that seems selfish but it is so necessary. I have 4 kids and did not do this for a long time. I was so depressed and tired and sad that I finally had to do something.

Just remember that you are worth it! Keep your chin up!!!:flowerforyou:

VictorianJade

I used to feel like this, when I was younger. I had a lot of hate thrown at me when I was in school... teacher's pet, fat, glasses, braces, my perfect brother's imperfect sister, my well-known dad's brainyact daughter... it was awful. I never ONCE thought I was beautiful... until I lived through one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I had to hit rock bottom to see myself as anything but ugly.

I remember waking up one morning, after it, and staring at myself in the mirror, reflecting on the various bruises that mottled my body. And I remember thinking, "holy crap... I'm actually pretty." It was a heartbreaking moment for me... because I felt like I'd wasted so much time with self-loathing... and because if I'd just seen myself better, I might have done so many things differently.

I don't want for you to have to hit rock bottom. So perhaps think of it this way- you're the only person that can make yourself feel good, feel beautiful, and feel worthy. If you don't, why should anyone else? You are your own worst critic, but you must learn to also be your own best cheerleader. In the end, the buck stops with each of us, individually.

Erisad

Surround yourself with positive people. That's what I did and I have gotten a lot better with this, although some days are still hard. My bf loves and supports me, as do my friends. Counseling never did it for me either so I had to do it without professional help (all they did was stick me on anti depressants or recommend that I read the Bible, which didn't help or made it worse). It will take a while but the fake it til you make it is another good tactic. Buy an outfit you feel awesome in, pamper yourself a bit, take a day to yourself because you are worth it. :flowerforyou:

All my friends/coworkers/etc are positive, it's just my family (whom i don't ever actually talk to anyway except to get yelled at). And I can't afford to move out whilst at school, otherwise i'd be out of here in a tick, believe me.

I know. I'm saving up for a car, then will finally learn how to drive (I've had lessons but just not good enough to pass the test yet) and then I'll save up to move out. I'll probably move into my bf's apartment as he should have one well before I'm done with all this, lol. :P

katysmelly

I can not think of a time when I have ever loved myself. Being called names like worthless, etc since I was born has not helped.
I am currently working the job of my dreams, and doing a course that I love but I am so close to giving up because I feel like I do not deserve happiness.

Am I the only one who feels like this?
How do I get over it and start to care about myself?

Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? It's really very straightforward and can even be done on your own, from a book. Basically, it teaches you to recognize unhappy thoughts, pin them down and identify where they are illogical, and then rebut them.

Example:

"I'm so freaking stupid. I screwed up that report and put the wrong chart in the Powerpoint. Everybody knows I'm ignorant and worthless."

You catch yourself having this thought - when such thoughts are habitual, catching them is a skill you have to learn, as they seem constant! But, just writing them down is how you pin them down.

You look at what you've said and then, as if you were talking to someone else, you see what is illogical about it. You rebut it:

"No, not everybody knows any such thing. You're not stupid. You're actually above-average intelligence, which is how you graduated Magna Cum Laude. Everybody makes little errors from time to time. It's not a big deal. You're really good at your job - profits have increased by 16% since you took over the position in March!"

This sort of thing will gradually train you to think differently. Our bad feelings are caused by our thoughts. And, most of the time, these thoughts are illogical and harmful. They're rife with black-and-white hyperbole. We just have to recognize it and sweep it away and replace them with positive thoughts.

There are lots of excellent books on the subject. If you want, you can also see a therapist who is trained in CBT. You don't need to lie on a couch and talk about your dreams or your childhood. Some CBT therapists actually think all that mucking about in the past is harmful. All they're interested in is helping you change your thought habits. It doesn't require years of therapy, either - many people report being significantly better after only a few sessions. Or, like I said, from reading self-help books on CBT.

LadyIvysMom

I know how you feel.

I was ridiculed throughout school, never had a group of friends for very long, failed out of my first college because I didn’t go to class because I was afraid of people. My family thinks I'm a freak because I'm totally different from them. I’ve had two jobs as an adult, both of which I fail miserably at. There is nothing I enjoy that I can make money at. I’ve had a series of failed relationships before getting married to a great guy a few years ago. But before him, wow. It was bad. I have sleeping issues also. Sometimes I sleep too much, sometimes too little. I gain and lose weight rapidly. I can’t look the way I want to look because of work and dress codes. I suffered a complete nervous breakdown last year and had to take 3 months off from work. It got that bad. I’m a former cutter and I’ve had times in my life where I’ve been suicidal.

Just to let you know you are not alone and I know where you are coming from.

Now, as far as the counselor goes, you should see a different one. The first two I saw were pretty awful and I was not comfortable with them at all. You could also look into an intense group day program. I did something like this last year where I went every day for 8 hours of group therapy for 2 weeks. It was very helpful.

As far as things you can do on your own, I would suggest writing down a list of things that you enjoy or things that you have always wanted to try. Make sure to do one of the things from your list every week.

It gets better but it takes time. I’ve been officially in recovery from depression since last Sept. and I’m much better than I was but I still have my days. The very fact that you wrote this post tells me that you are ready to make a change and that’s a great first step.

Also, and I know it sounds corny but... consider getting a pet. If you like animals, getting a pet, even a small one, can really give you a sense of purpose.

grumpythrowback

I've never experienced what you've obviously experienced, so perhaps I'm not qualified to comment, but all I would say is don't let all the haters, and all the negative stuff and anyone who ever told you you weren't good enough win.

They don't deserve to win, so why should they? Reversing all those negative attitudes that have been drummed into you will probably take a whole lot of discipline, and I know in a way that's unfair to have to do that, but I can't see what else can be done except shout down all those echoing negative voices across the years loud enough and long enough until they slowly being to fade.

Perhaps you may feel it is too soon, but what about volunteering to work with kids who have experienced and are experiencing similar things in your spare time or whatever. Giving that positivity to them and seeing what a difference it makes, may help you heal too, and turn the whole thing on its head.

BeautyFromPain

I know how you feel.

I was ridiculed throughout school, never had a group of friends for very long, failed out of my first college because I didn’t go to class because I was afraid of people. My family thinks I'm a freak because I'm totally different from them. I’ve had two jobs as an adult, both of which I fail miserably at. There is nothing I enjoy that I can make money at. I’ve had a series of failed relationships before getting married to a great guy a few years ago. But before him, wow. It was bad. I have sleeping issues also. Sometimes I sleep too much, sometimes too little. I gain and lose weight rapidly. I can’t look the way I want to look because of work and dress codes. I suffered a complete nervous breakdown last year and had to take 3 months off from work. It got that bad. I’m a former cutter and I’ve had times in my life where I’ve been suicidal.

Just to let you know you are not alone and I know where you are coming from.

Now, as far as the counselor goes, you should see a different one. The first two I saw were pretty awful and I was not comfortable with them at all. You could also look into an intense group day program. I did something like this last year where I went every day for 8 hours of group therapy for 2 weeks. It was very helpful.

As far as things you can do on your own, I would suggest writing down a list of things that you enjoy or things that you have always wanted to try. Make sure to do one of the things from your list every week.

It gets better but it takes time. I’ve been officially in recovery from depression since last Sept. and I’m much better than I was but I still have my days. The very fact that you wrote this post tells me that you are ready to make a change and that’s a great first step.

Also, and I know it sounds corny but... consider getting a pet. If you like animals, getting a pet, even a small one, can really give you a sense of purpose.

Thanks for your reply, ps I have 7

slkehl

And I can't afford to move out whilst at school, otherwise i'd be out of here in a tick, believe me.

I know it's scary, but sometimes going in debt is better than putting up with a bad home situation. Student loans aren't fun, but most of us have them. You'll get a real job someday and be able to pay them off. I don't know about you, but I'd rather be in a tight financial situation and heal than be where you are.