Troubleshooting myself out loud...long.

drivenheart85

I'm here because I said that when I would start having issues, I would seek assistance. All these websites and such are always like, "You can't do it alone! Aaaaarrghhh!" lol Anyway, I've done it alone since January and had great success but now it's all come down to a halt and I need to figure out why. January through the end of June, I was a dieting and working out MASTER! I lost 57 pounds! You could not stop this girl! I had determination and discipline like I'd never seen in myself before in my entire life! Then July came and I started to slow down and then August came and now I'm not even working out. I've always told myself, "Even if you're DONE with weight loss, you will still work out at least 5 times a week because it's imperative to your health and well being." And now, I can't even get myself to put my workout clothes on!!!

So I'm troubleshooting, here's what could be the issue:

-I'm at my college weight, the weight where I last remember being healthy and happy. I've never been lighter than this weight and maintained it. I don't feel the "need" to keep losing.

-Deaths. In July two of my cousins died. They weren't extremely close but one was a tragic suicide. I've just seemed more down lately because of this.

-I started out with unfair expectations. When I started this, I really wanted to lose weight, because I didn't want to be single anymore. I expected that since I was not single when I was thinner before, that all I had to do was lose weight and bam, like a magical wand, a boyfriend would magically appear and we'd get married and live happily ever after. Since lose weight, I gotta say that I almost had more success in the dating field when I was nearing the obesity line. What this has done, has made me see no point in getting skinny...because it didn't get me what I really wanted. Not that this was the ONLY reason, there were many reasons to lose weight.


So, out of what I just wrote, I've noticed the following statements:

- "I don't feel the "need" to keep losing."

- "What this has done, has made me see no point in getting skinny...because it didn't get me what I really wanted."


Even though, I don't want to admit it, I don't think I need to get skinnier. When I started, I knew I NEEDED to lose weight from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul. Now, it's just a want. Those last 15 pounds and the bikini, are just wishes in the fountain. And that's what they'll stay until I'm sold that this is what I HAVE to do again. But I don't have to do it....I never had to lose the first 57 either. It's not important to me to lose the last 15. I don't care what some douche bag guy thinks about my not-flat stomach, if he has a problem with it, he can go eat sand.

So, I don't really care about my last 15 but how do I get back into exercise? And eating healthy? I can't eat gummy bears, pizza and sit on my butt for the rest of my life! That's not okay! Once in a while, fine...but not like I've been doing lately. I'm not happy. Every day is some sort of heart break. How will I cope with being alone? How will I stay hopeful that people will come into my life? I need to accept my life as is, I cannot mope around about it. I need to keep thriving even though my every hope and dream has not come true. I need to exercise and eat healthy for reasons other than getting skinny. These two things contribute to reduced anxiety, reduced depression, reduced stress, increased confidence, better sleep, sense of well being and vitality, health benefits up to wazoo and give me something constructive to do with my time....other than mope around and eat gummy bears.

So all in all, maybe it's time for a mind shift. I can't sell myself on skinny anymore. It's not in my heart. I need to sell myself on other things...and if I lose that last 15lbs because I'm exercising to stay happy, then so be it. But selling myself on this skinny idea right now just is not cutting it. Magical doors did not open when I lost 50, they're still not gonna open if I lose another 15. I have to change things other than my body.

melaniecheeks

I think you make some good points there - being skinny doens't make you happy.

I'd suggest trying a few different sorts of exercise classes - the variety will be good for body and mind, and you'll get to meet people. Are there evening classes you could join up in somehting a bit mad like belly dancing? Maybe some tai chi or yoga would be good for you since your'e at the self-analysis and self-awareness stage.

Wishing you luck on your quest.

Julietecosse

You have done so well. Dont give up. Good luck.