Motivation and support? I'm not getting any from the fam

drusilla126

I woke up at 8 (a moment before the alarm) and breathed a sigh of relief that the hard part was done. Today I would make up for the workout I missed a few Thursdays ago. I had my bowl of cereal and apple, took my vitamin and got dressed looking ahead to a good workout. Then I made the mistake of asking mother if she would take half an hour and join me. I have to remember to stop doing that because it only leaves me upset.

She started off on her spiel about not having time. I started seeing red and getting frustrated as all I heard was "excuse, excuse, excuse." It's hard to listen to because I know I used to sound exactly the same. What I have to realize is she has to want to do this on her own and hit the excuse wall and wake up. Of course it also sounds to me like she feels like she does everything and I'm selfish because I do nothing and thus have all this time to run to the gym. We all have the same 24 hours in the day! I could sit here and say I don't have time too. I have stuff I have to or want to get done (namely a revamp of my workout playlist) but it's all about a matter of priorities. If I don't exercise today I might not be here tomorrow so that makes it a priority. The other stuff can wait. She keeps saying "maybe next month." Well if you say that too many times you run out of months. I wish I didn't care because it would be easier but I do care about her. I want her to lose some weight, get off the pills and feel good. And these days it's more about her having a healthy outlet for her mind than anything. I think she thinks I'm doing this to "get skinny" (and have lost too much weight and should stop because it's unhealthy.) I'm not. I want to be healthy and happy and last time I checked that's not a crime.

I started this journey because I hit rock bottom mentally and eventually got sick of feeling sorry for myself because it was getting me nowhere. I didn't like what I had turned into over the past few years. Other people complained about my bad attitude and stuff and yeah now I can say I agree with them but I feel bad for those people because they didn't know the real me: that monster created by lack of sleep, stress and a whole lot of carbs wasn't me. It's taken me a while and it's been a slow process but I like me now. I'm back to myself or, Lord help the world, a better version of myself. Both mentally and physically (although the whole fitting into super cute clothes is just a positive side effect of my main goal.) It's like the outsides are finally matching the insides. I always had a boatload of confidence (or it would seem that way to most anyway) but now it's a little less delusional and actually warranted lol