My boyfriend isn't supportive

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  • Newf77
    Newf77 Posts: 802 Member
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    He does most of the cooking and makes sure he makes things that he knows i shouldn't be eating.
    Does he really know that they are things that you should not be eatting. Sometimes people only know how to cook certain types of foods and are reluctant to try other styles. How about either makeing it a couple time and help out in the kitchen or offer to cook for the both of you a couple times a week.

    Whenever I get ready to go for a walk he tells me he wants to go with me but he is not ready to go.
    Try setting a time, tell him that you are going for a walk at 6pm/after dinner, do not pester him about it or remind him. when the time comes you get-up and go. Do not make a big issue about it, if he his not ready you say I will be back in 30 minutes and go.

    But yet he oogles over all the woman with the nice bodies. He is a living breathing male, sorry some of us have learned to be more discret about it.

    Take a step back, is there a physical activity he likes besides sex? Try and find things you can do together.
  • kiakaha48
    kiakaha48 Posts: 3
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    yes dump he he is not worth it. If he is doing this to you imagine what else he might be doing so you don't reach your goal.
  • penniemh
    penniemh Posts: 124 Member
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    A PS: when we start getting healthy those around us tend to "feel guilty" about their own unhealthy habits as well, so they "project" their garbage on to us...but still, Lose Him.
  • JeffInBuckeyeNation
    JeffInBuckeyeNation Posts: 91 Member
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    I don't mean to sound rude....but get a new boyfriend.

    The most important aspect of a good relationship is mutual respect. He should want you to lose weight because YOU want to lose weight. If he can't support you in something you think is important, then he's not respecting you.
  • BigDaddy1952
    BigDaddy1952 Posts: 1 Member
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    Sounds like the easiest way for you to lose a couple of hundred pounds of unneeded weight is to change the locks and put his things out on the porch :-)
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    He sounds like a control freak that is more interested in things going his way, then things going right.
    From people I know, he will not learn, it will only get worse.

    Sorry for the bad news.
    Best of luck to you.
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
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    I was going to say that the idea of you losing weight scares him. Many men are terrified that once a woman drops the excess weight, she'll leave him.

    But then I saw that you said you have to "sneak out" to exercise. That sent up HUGE red flags that you are in some sort of abusive relationship (whether or not you realize that's the case).

    Why are you in this relationship? What else has he already taken away from you?

    ^^ this is exactly what I was thinking. My ex husband never worked out with me and was insecure about me getting fit but he never once tried to sabotage me and never made me feel like I had to sneak around to work out. We had our problems but he never tried to passively control me.
  • itsjilly
    itsjilly Posts: 40
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    Your losing Weight for you!

    So if he isn't supportive, then don't worry about it! Boyfriends come and go, your the only you that you have.

    f my husband wasn't supportive it would be his loss. Losing weight is important to me, and if he doesn't want to participate, then he can sit on the couch eat chips and get fat and be lonely.

    If your BF makes food that you can't eat, just make yourself something else. If he gets mad, its his problem!
  • emilypurplefrog
    emilypurplefrog Posts: 92 Member
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    I'm sorry but you shouldn't have to sneak out to get exercise. I think you need to sit him down and talk to him and if the pattern continues after that I suggest leaving him. Break through your fears and cook, even if he gets upset. He needs to see that you are serious about this and maybe if he does he will jump on board eventually. But you can't become a healthy person physically and mentally with someone following you around and trying to manipulate your actions.
  • jendraka
    jendraka Posts: 117 Member
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    He seems insecure. I agree with others here that he's probably afraid that as soon as you get in shape that you'll discover you can land better than him and keeping you down insures you stay with him. At least that's probably the logic he's working with. Not the best logic, but insecurity doesn't breed the most logical of thinking. The question is, is this something he knows he is doing or not? You can try to talk to him about it and see if things change. If they don't then you need to reevaluate your relationship itself to see if control is a factor elsewhere. Better to know now.
  • KarmaxKitty
    KarmaxKitty Posts: 901 Member
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    If you have to sneak out to do ANYTHING, let alone exercise, that is a HUGE red flag. Your dude sounds like a control freak. And he stares at pretty women other than you? I can only imagine what his reaction would be if it were flipped around. Normally, I don't touch posts like these, because no matter what, half of MFP never fails to come up with "dump his @$$"...

    But seriously, either get a new man or go without. I'm all for go without. Take care of you first, THEN find a new man.
  • KittyPulse
    KittyPulse Posts: 17
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    Dump his *kitten*!! Quick! ... Any woman deserves the following: love, respect, kindness & support.
  • SonoraflowerKim
    SonoraflowerKim Posts: 61
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    I can repeat what you have already read from others. Having a background of knowing and working with people with control issues and other issues, you need to come to terms with what you want out of life and out of the relationship you are in.

    Your goals need to be defined and stick to them. I can see that you want to make a lifestyle change! Get focused and do it for yourself, no one else. If he is not supportive then sit down with him and ask him how you can help him see what this means to you. Communicate with him what your goal is and why (usually for a longer life, a better life, a better you!) Reach out to others who need support buddies that you can go work out with together.

    One thing about relationships is that you MUST always have the "you" time. It's great to be in a relationship but not be so independent on the other one for everything. Branch out, have your friends, have your time and have your workouts.

    Only you can decide what is best for you, whether it is to stay in a relationship with him or move on and become a "stronger more independent you."

    Good luck
  • Evasavealot1
    Evasavealot1 Posts: 76 Member
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    Explain to him how you are feeling without name calling or blaming. This way it won't start a fight but you are still expressing yourself. Try to understanding how he is feeling and put yourself in his shoes. What he fears most might be coming true, you leaving him. Affirm him so he knows you are not thinking of straying. When in doubt communicate effectively without ending in the Blame game.
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
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    Three different things for you to think about . . .

    Is he insecure? Some people feel that they are not loveable and when they find someone they care about they worry that they'll be abandoned because they don't deserve them. So they are uncomfortable when their partner tries to look more attractive because they think they'll leave.

    My husband tries to express his love for me by doing things like cooking things he knows I'll like - even when he knows I can't eat them. So like last night I was hungry and had a lot of extra calories so offered to make me some Chinese dumplings. He asked how many I wanted - and I said 3, which were in my calories for the day and I knew would be all I wanted. He made 5 - which of course I ate. He did it to be nice, but it was not helpful. He does things like that often because he is trying to be nice. But what he thinks I want and what I actually want aren't always the same thing.

    Is your boyfriend doing that?

    And some people are just not good at thinking about other people. He cooks what he wants. He doesn't want to change for what you want. This can often be an issue too, and cooking separate meals or taking over cooking is seen as a rejection.

    You guys need to talk.
  • annfuller1
    annfuller1 Posts: 30
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    my exhusband was like that. my down fall was that glass of wine which usually turned into a bottle. I was drinking way too much and the calories were horrific. He didnt realise that he was sabottaging me. It was negative love, like the parent who buys their child a candybar instead of an apple.

    All I can say is talk to him about how you feel or make your own meals


    xxxxxxxx
  • MrsCaseyLane
    MrsCaseyLane Posts: 34 Member
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    I have to agree with everyone! He is insecure, BIG time! You cant do this for any other reason but for yourself!

    Try talking to him and if that dosent work, Make yourself a priority! Life is to short to be miserable! Enjoy the time you have while your on earth. If breaking up is an idea and the only thing keeping you from doing it is being alone or your gonna miss having someone, that will eventually go away while getting healthy in the meantime. Your gonna rock your new life!
  • marthathebear
    marthathebear Posts: 498
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    In a relationship both people have to be commited to what is best for the other person. You are with a jerk. If he cooks something not good for you, fix your own. If it starts a fight, don't fight with him, go somewhere he is not. If he doesn't get with the program, get rid of him. Life is too short to stay overweight because some jerk is jealous of how you may look when you are slim.
  • teakwood
    teakwood Posts: 7 Member
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    Don't let him or anyone else dictate your schedule. Do your thing without him. He will get over it. I wish you continued success.
  • HogSandwich
    HogSandwich Posts: 146 Member
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    Sounds like the easiest way for you to lose a couple of hundred pounds of unneeded weight is to change the locks and put his things out on the porch :-)

    quoted for truth. I have a work colleague who went through a messy divorce late in life (60-ish?) and she mourns the fact that she wasted 30 years on this man when she could have gotten herself together and left earlier. Don't make her mistake!

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