Fat girl in a swim suit

EmilyOfTheSun

How much time do you have before the vacation?

Krissi921

You look great! My MIL is a size 6 and all of my SIL are super tiny too. I just dress the nicest I can and remember what my mom always told me, the best thing you can wear is a smile! You've got a boyfriend, you're going on a vacation. Be confident in yourself and enjoy! If they have a problem with you, well, it's THEIR problem. Not yours!

prairiedawg2014

what i would do....and this is just me.....i would wear jean shorts that come to the knee and a tank top. tell them you are currently dieting to lose weight and are just not comfortable enough yet to wear a bathingsuit. im sure they will understand and admire you for trying to lose weight. like i said, thats just what i would do if it were me. good luck and hope you have a wonderful time!

shell6469

Life is short. If you love him, this will not be the last vacation you take with them. They will come around eventually. For now, take a friend or family member shopping with you... Go pick out a swimsuit that you can put on and feel your best in... On the other hand, you could also swim in a T-shirt (sport bra beneath) and a pair of those thigh fitting bike type shorts that go down to about mid upper leg... Be as comfortable as possible though, if you are not, you will not have a very good time and it will affect everything about you...

prairiedawg2014

i just seen your pic in the bathingsuit and you look fine! yes....i would wear it!
you made your weight sound worse than you look. go for it girl!!

tbskipp

YOU look GREAT! That's an awesome suit.
If you hadn't found it, i was going to suggest the site i got my suit from: www.alwaysforme.com
They have some AWESOME plus size suits for young people.

Good luck! You'll do just fine. :drinker:

fingerscrossed75

Land's End makes awesome swim shorts for women. Swim shorts with a longer Tankini top might just do the trick.

ETA: Just saw your pic and you look fantastic! I love your suit.

DelilahCat0212

You are absolutely HOT in that suit! You have nothing to worry about!

Dub_D

Buy a really light sun dress and wear your bathing suit under it. Take it off if you swim in the water and then put it back on.

ETA: Just saw the pic you uploaded.. all you need is confidence because you look amazing in that swimsuit. Forget the sundress!

fbmandy55

Torrid.com


I CANNOT EXPRESS ENOUGH, how flattering their swimsuits are. They have a bit of give in the gut area and are fantastic!

Prepare to pay an arm and leg though...

dorothytd

I think you look terrific! Work it, girl! It is hard not to compare ourselves to others - but try to have a great time!

Coco_UK

If u dont feel 100% happy and relax arround them, u dont really have to go ....

^^^^ This^^^^

To be honest, I only hang out in my swimming suit with those I feel I can trust.... These are more everyday as I build my confidence through hard work through personal development. But it is strictly on my own time and at my own pace.

Disclosing a history of self harming to your in-laws is not something to take lightly, particularly when you say that they have been very rejecting of you. Check with other people, and do ONLY what you feel ready and safe to do... you are in charge.

Do what you need to do to be safe, if they are nasty about large people who could judge you from saying thanks but no thanks!?

Still, if you decide to go make sure you have support available to you.

xoxoxoxo

stpetegirl

Whenever they start to say things that may be negative, bring the conversation back around to them! People like that LOVE to talk about themselves. As far as what they say about you when you aren't around, who cares! Your BF loves you and wants you in his life regardless of what his family thinks, so I'd say you are the winner anyway! I think you look great!!

yukifer

Treat yourself to a spray tan before you go - it'll help hide your scars and make you look slimmer and more toned. And if you hear any comments - don't c0ck a deaf ear - challenge them, politely. Otherwise they'll eat away at you. xxx

Really great advice. What she said.

emnk5308

You should wear it proudly!! Don't let them force you to cover up. Show them that you don't give a *kitten*!

ftellstrom

I purchased a two piece swim suit at either target or sears (cant remember) the bottoms were basically shorts they had zipper and everything. I felt so much more comfortable in that suit than my regular panty type bottom. I didnt feel naked running about on the beach.

acstansell

It's late in the season, but if you are self-conscious about the scars, maybe you could get a suit that has a skirt or board shorts. that is, if you don't want to deal with it.

You can't help being who you are - and he loves you for who you are. Just be yourself and address any questions they bring to you with confidence and honesty with as much discretion as you want to use.

Bentley2718

So to my great delight, after 4 years of dating, my boyfriends family has extended an invitation to me to join them on a family vacation. I really want to be thrilled and over joyed that they are finally coming around on me being in their son's life BUT I will spend a week on a boat in a swim suit with them......I'm a US size 18.....the next biggest girl is his mom, who wears a 6, and then his sister wears a 4. The men, my BF included are all well over 6 feet tall (my man is 6'1" and 160 pounds - and the shortest - though not the most muscled of the pack). If they were all just skinny I wouldnt care - but man oh man can they judge!!!!!! His mother does zumba and is always yalking about this woman who "MUST WEIGHT AT LEAST 200 POUNDS!" and I'm in the corner thinking "so 20 pounds LESS than me?"I can dress my body well to flatter and hide....but there's no where to hide in a swim suit....help!


*EDIT* Im also really self conscious for another reason too....I've been healthier for about two years now but I used to be pretty heavily involved in self mutilation....something my boyfriend knows all about, but his family doesn't. My thighs are covered in scars. That really worries me.

I don't have much bathing suite advice, except to try to find one(s) you like yourself in, some will be better than others. As for the scars, I have a considerable number of self-mutilation scars, but I have found over the years, I think they are *much* more noticeable than other people do. I was shocked that my husband, who notices things, hadn't noticed that I have scars running from my ankles to knees (we've been together 5 years). I think these scars are obvious, but other people just don't see them. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for the burn scars on my arms, for these, if anyone ever asks about them, I just say "they're burn scars" in a casual tone of voice, and the vast majority of people don't ask further questions.

emnk5308

So here goes nothing - I figure if I can survive the internet seeing it I can survive his family seeing the same thing

WEAR THIS! You do look very good! If you are worried about scars carry a cover up

DoomCakes

Psh, make them uncomfortable then. Get a bikini and be like "please I'm fabulous". But in all seriousness, who cares what they think. You've been with your man for 4 years, and I'm sure he's seen you in a bathing suit or less and CLEARLY loves you the way you are. Scars, 20 lbs over his moms idea of perfect, and all. Hold your head high and forget what they think.

My aunt married into a snooty family, they made my granma feel like she was too old to do anything on her own, and she is not. My granma complained she hated it, so during the wedding dinner while we sat with them, I did everything to make them feel uncomforatble about me. From my love for a guy 10 years older and wanting to marry him, to my sister having a baby from someone she didn't know! The woman ended up leaving. I wouldn't go as far as I did in your case.

Just keep your head up, walk proud, and know your boyfriend loves your body.

trudyblender

Instincts are a powerful thing. If your gut is telling you not to be that vulnerable around them, there's a good chance they haven't earned that vulnerability! If you feel their judgment could wreck havoc on your emotional well-being, I say don't do the swimsuit thing. There's no need to subject yourself to scrutiny and lies! Maybe just strut around in a bathing suit when it's just you and your boyfriend and friends People who aren't going to make you feel wretched over petty things.

DoomCakes

So here goes nothing - I figure if I can survive the internet seeing it I can survive his family seeing the same thing

WEAR THIS! You do look very good! If you are worried about scars carry a cover up

Your bathing suit looks great on you anyways! And as he said, get a cover up, or a sarong or something. Or if they ask, just say it's past, or a cat. They don't need to know if you don't want to relive your past.

trudyblender

This is so, so cute!

Polly758

Okay look. If they are giving you attitude and being judgmental about someone who weighs 200 pounds!!! Then this might be fun:

Wear the skimpiest f*cking yellow polka dot bikini you can find.

DO NOT cover up or wear a skirted tank or ANY tank, they will just smirk and be condescending (even if they are polite up front).

Am I right? Put on your biggest sunglasses, maybe do a few shots of JD, and prance your butt off. Jiggle and giggle. Lounge... defiantly.

They might not like it, but I believe on some level they will have a grudging respect for you for daring to be confident.

And if they don't, if they never truly like you until you lose weight... they aren't worth it. And the best boyfriend in the world won't make up for that.

EDIT: good grief, you look adorable in that black suit. DO IT!

DoomCakes

To the OP, I feel a bit weird saying this as I would normally never comment on anyone's appearance/body (as I hate when people do it to me - and there's no way it can be anything but judgmental, whether it's a compliment or not...) - but after reading your first post I was actually quite surprised when seeing the pictures above. I don't personally find any particular size more or less attractive, so that's not the point of saying this, but, anyway, I just want to tell you that you must clearly be much larger in your mind than you look to other people (which is pretty common I'd think). So, three things: 1. If I saw you on the beach your size would not register with me - i.e. I don't think you look 'big', just normal and curvy (not that looking 'big' would be a negative thing, I'm just saying I don't think you do!) 2. That is a great bathing suit on you. 3. You're very pretty, and you have absolutely nothing to hide or be ashamed of. You really look great in that swimsuit.

As for the scars - just hold your head high and try not to think about it. His family might notice them, they might not. They might wonder, they might not. But few people would be tactless enough to say something, so just try not to worry about what other people may or may not think. And remember that most of us have or have had some form of coping mechanisms we'd rather not tell the world about. Not all coping mechanisms leave visible scars, but most people know what it's like to go through a difficult time, and may not, deep down, be as judgmental as one might fear.

^^^ This is SPOT on.

zestyzaftig

I got a nice, flattering women's halter for my swimsuit top, then a pair of men's swimsuit trunks for my bottom. The trunks went to my knees and kept everything covered up.

^This. It's a cute/sporty look!

scribb

So here goes nothing - I figure if I can survive the internet seeing it I can survive his family seeing the same thing

You have nothing to worry about. You look great

sgwhit

Ok this is what I do. I got a nice, flattering women's halter for my swimsuit top, then a pair of men's swimsuit trunks for my bottom. The trunks went to my knees and kept everything covered up. The bulk of my fat is in my bum and thighs, and they are very very jiggly...there is NO WAY I'd wear a regular women's swimsuit out in public, especially in front of my in-laws. This allowed me to feel comfortable swimming.

I've lost 50 pounds so far since January (started MFP in June) and have had to get a new suit. Same deal, women's top and men's bottom, just a lot smaller. When I reach my goal weight (130 pounds) I'm going to get a bikini top and boy shorts bottom

I like this idea, I might try this myself.

Erisad

That's a very cute suit and looks lovely on you. Where did you get it?

HotDolphinMama

Hey gorgeous! It is difficult when you know you are going to be in a situation where others will judge, and my heart goes out to you. Please do not let the fear/dread of what they might say color the whole experience for you.

As for the scars - they are part of your story. Like stretch marks they are the outward manifestation of something that you experienced in your life. The best way to deal with them is something only you can decide - but you either flaunt them or cover them up depending on your comfort in sharing that part of yourself with these people. If it has taken 4 years to be invited on vac with them, then I say protect yourself and get a couple of wraps. even better - make your own (add fringe & feel super flirty!) Then if they comment on you wearing them you can brag about the fact that you made them yourself and they will not think it unusual that you are always wearing one.

As for the weight - it is what it is. I think everyone - large & small has body issues. Being in a swim suit can make us feel exposed. And lets be brutally honest - they know what size you are already - they may not have seen your thighs, tummy,etc fully exposed without some clothing, but they already know you aren't the same size as them under your clothes.

Sounds like the mom has her own issues, and in all honesty, she has probably commented on your size in conversation already if she speaks that way about others. But that is her issue, not yours. What is important here is that you are not happy about your size, and are addressing the issue. I get caught up with what others think - so I get it. But truly, make this vacation about showing your personality since you sound totally rad to me! If they are gonna talk there is nothing you can do to stop them. I do agree with the poster about trying to find a common bond with the mom & if zumba is your thing, than I would talk about it. But if not, thats cool too. You are going to be on vacation. So, when they are talking about not being able to eat this or that, maybe share your experiences in learning to count your calories, etc on here. Maybe opening their eyes to this being a new development in your life will help them to cheer you on without the judgement. Here's hoping it all goes well --- please post when you get back and let us know.