Dont know where this topic goes
APawli1224
Posts: 80 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay so I have seriously started losing weight at the beginning of the year.. Since then my sons father and I have broken up, moved into different rooms, can barley have a civil conversation and he treats me like a low life.. The reason why I am still staying here is because I dont drive so I cant get a job or my own place and all my family is 800 miles away.. (I live in TN currently and they dont believe in public transportation) I have a 2 year old so it is not as easy as one two three.. Anyone else have issues like these due to you bettering yourself?
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I don't know how you can consider this bettering yourself when you're still living with an *kitten* who treats you like crap. You need to get your driver's license, get a job, and get the *kitten* out of there. If you're truly that miserable, you'll figure out a way.
I'm sure your family would move you back home if you asked them. If not, then you need to go to a women's shelter where they can hook you up with the right connections to get yourself on your own two feet.
Is this going to be easy? No. Scary? Yep. Worth it? Absolutely. Now put your nose to the grindstone and do what you have to do to truly better yourself.0 -
I don't know how you can consider this bettering yourself when you're still living with an *kitten* who treats you like crap. You need to get your driver's license, get a job, and get the *kitten* out of there. If you're truly that miserable, you'll figure out a way.
I'm sure your family would move you back home if you asked them. If not, then you need to go to a women's shelter where they can hook you up with the right connections to get yourself on your own two feet.
Is this going to be easy? No. Scary? Yep. Worth it? Absolutely. Now put your nose to the grindstone and do what you have to do to truly better yourself.
Ditto this.
Put on your big girl panties and get yourself together woman. If not for you, for your child.0 -
I can go home that is not an issue mt issue has always been not wanting to take my son away from his father.. What would the advice be to leave? Just pack up one day while he is not home and leave back to my home town? Legally what could happen with my child?0
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Have you considered making him some sammiches to see if he treats you better?0
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Clean the house everyday, make him lunch for work (never takes it), make dinner almost every night, wash his clothing, did basically everything.. He is just pissed that I am losing weight and guys show attention so now I am the bad person.. Either way I am done with trying to make it work.. Maybe I just need to look into a lawyer back home and move on.. Just sickens me to take my sons father that far from him0
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Have you tried TALKING to him about this?
How come he is insecure?
Has he been cheated on before?
Have you explained to him that, while the other boys enjoy window shopping, he gets the goods?0 -
Call a friend for a ride, go get some advice/assistance, and get yourself and the kids out. Not a good environment for anyone.0
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That guy sounds like a pathetic loser. I'm all for 'fatherhood', but if he treats his son like he treats you, my advice is to head on home....0
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Clean the house everyday, make him lunch for work (never takes it), make dinner almost every night, wash his clothing, did basically everything.. He is just pissed that I am losing weight and guys show attention so now I am the bad person.. Either way I am done with trying to make it work.. Maybe I just need to look into a lawyer back home and move on.. Just sickens me to take my sons father that far from him
Do you honestly feel like the way you and your son are living now is better than the alternative??? Your son is the one suffering through all this. Don't kid yourself into thinking he doesn't pick up on the "bad vibes" in that house.0 -
Have you tried talking to him about it?0
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Seek out some legal advice in TN and in your home state, if you can, get out of there, its not a good environment for any of you, especially your son. If his dad realizes his mistakes, maybe you can sort something out when it comes to your child, until he can be civil it's a bad idea to stay.0
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Oh.. I forgot..
What do YOU want to happen?
Do you just want to be away from the baby daddy?
Do you want things to get better with your baby daddy?0 -
I talk he yells or blows me off and says he doesn't want to "argue"..
As I said either way I am not trying to work it out there is no hope for the situation.. Just needed some advice as should I stick around in TN or just go back home (TN being the harder part, cost of living, all the bills are in my name here, deposits, etc.. Buffalo I have friends and family) Basically the answer is staring right at me I just need to figure out the way to get my son, my dog and myself back to a safe environment where he does not need to suffer.. Thank you everyone
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Ask yourself how you would feel if your son grew up to treat another woman the way your partner treats you? This would be unfair both on the other woman and on your son because he is learning from your partner that it is o.k to treat women that way. He will think that is 'normal'. I understand you wanting to keep your son near his dad, but in the long run it will not be a good life lesson for him. You need him to grow up in a positive environment where he witnesses respect in all of the relationshis around him.0
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Okay so I have seriously started losing weight at the beginning of the year.. Since then my sons father and I have broken up, moved into different rooms, can barley have a civil conversation and he treats me like a low life.. The reason why I am still staying here is because I dont drive so I cant get a job or my own place and all my family is 800 miles away.. (I live in TN currently and they dont believe in public transportation) I have a 2 year old so it is not as easy as one two three.. Anyone else have issues like these due to you bettering yourself?
Why don't you drive? Why can't you get a job? Why can't you move?
You can't be THAT dependent.0 -
You have a 2 year old? You don't think he/she is affected by the hostility in your home? Give that some serious thought.0
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I can go home that is not an issue mt issue has always been not wanting to take my son away from his father.. What would the advice be to leave? Just pack up one day while he is not home and leave back to my home town? Legally what could happen with my child?
As a girl who was raised without her father, and who is married to a man who was raised without his father, I understand your hesitation. But, you need to look at what kind of person your son's father is. Look at the way he is treating you. Is this the kind of role model you want for your son? Do you want him to learn lessons about how to treat people from this man?0 -
If you plan to devoice do NOT take the child out of the home far away without his consent. It is called kidnapping and the courts and force you to return the child to TN and you will have no where to stay.
If you leave without your child is abandonment and he will have advantage if you go to court over child custody. If he is acting like this now I sure would not want him to have the advantage with your child. I would search legal canceling in your state it is usual free advice then decided from that point.0 -
http://www.womenshelters.org/cit/tn-nashville
I don't know where you are in TN, but from the way you describe your situation (no license, no job, no finances of your own, and a partner who is, at the least, emotionally and verbally abusive,) you need help. I would recommend starting by calling the women's shelter closest to you.0 -
You've got to take some responsibility here for your child. To say it will be easy would be to mislead you but we've all had to deal with difficult decisions and we can't play the helpless card if you really want to make the change. The best thing I did was to leave my daughters' father and as difficult as things were for us for a long time after, it would have destroyed them and me had I stayed.0
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Be very careful if you are leaving the state with your child. His father may use that against you if you don't get legal advice first on it. You do need to get out of there. Just maybe not leave the state immediately. I would suggest looking for somewhere safe that is closer. There have to be programs in TN that can help you.0
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I'm going through something similar...started losing weight/bettering myself and realized my relationship was over. I think the first thing you may want to do is find a lawyer who will give a free consultation. He or she can help you to identify what your options are, and you may be able to see the path towards your next step better. Trust me, the HARDEST part is just emotionally making the decision to get out. From there, it's a lot of leg work to see where you go next. Before you commit to the decision, it can be really hard to see whether you have any options...once you make the decision & talk to someone about it, you'll find the strength and will to make it work. Best of luck to you!!0
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sorry, but i think you could do better. I know plenty of women with kids who do it on their own, and truly better themselves. you just have to want to do it, and have the drive to do it.
If you decide to move home, you better make sure you can before you leave the state...it could be kidnapping (messed up, but true)
It sounds like you just need to bust your butt, get a job or two, a car and move on...0 -
If everything is in your name, he needs to leave. Get yourself a job, find a reliable babysitter, stay where you are if you don't want to leave. If you do want to leave, you need to discuss it with your childs father and go from there. There are way too many variables to have us solve your problems. Your first step should be getting yourself into a situation that you are able to take care of your child without being dependant on someone else.0
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@TheNewDodge - He basically trapped me to where I can not do anything. The closets DMV is over 10 miles away and there is no way I am walking that in TN heat with a child. Where I live there is also no daycare that takes children under the age of 3 and they have to be potty trained.. The closets job that is in walking distance is 2+ miles away.. Also there are no sidewalks to walk on.. I am not that dependent I was just that stupid to allow him to move me 800 miles away from my family and friends..
@NoAdditives Thank you for that support
@Pinkenvyx did you mean divorce? I was stupid but not stupid enough to marry him for the legal issues at hand.. Is it still kidnapping if I just move?0 -
If you decide to live the state with HIS child without HIS concent then yes, it IS kidnapping.@TheNewDodge - He basically trapped me to where I can not do anything. The closets DMV is over 10 miles away and there is no way I am walking that in TN heat with a child. Where I live there is also no daycare that takes children under the age of 3 and they have to be potty trained.. The closets job that is in walking distance is 2+ miles away.. Also there are no sidewalks to walk on.. I am not that dependent I was just that stupid to allow him to move me 800 miles away from my family and friends..
@NoAdditives Thank you for that support
@Pinkenvyx did you mean divorce? I was stupid but not stupid enough to marry him for the legal issues at hand.. Is it still kidnapping if I just move?
It IS a federal crime and you probably WILL go to jail.
Yep, you sure are in a crappy situation without a doubt. Even if HE moves out, he is obviously paing all of the bills to feed you and the kid and to keep a roof over both of your heads.
Flat out ask him if he will allow you to take your baby and move bato to your parents.
If he says yes, pack a few bags and call your parents to come pick you up.
Cut your losses and move on.0 -
I don't know how you can consider this bettering yourself when you're still living with an *kitten* who treats you like crap. You need to get your driver's license, get a job, and get the *kitten* out of there. If you're truly that miserable, you'll figure out a way.
I'm sure your family would move you back home if you asked them. If not, then you need to go to a women's shelter where they can hook you up with the right connections to get yourself on your own two feet.
Is this going to be easy? No. Scary? Yep. Worth it? Absolutely. Now put your nose to the grindstone and do what you have to do to truly better yourself.
This a hundred times over.0 -
Thanks Bill 0
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Will do!!0
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