Please help, anyone else with this problem?!

theconstantgardener

I have never been overweight but two years ago I began dieting on and off. Having always eaten (to a certain extent what I wanted) I was lucky in that I remained a size 8/10 up until I was 16. However, when I joined six form I decided I wanted to lose some weight. A few weeks ago (now aged 18) I met my UGW having lost a stone and a half but since then have almost put back on half a stone. My problem is that I no longer know how to eat normally. Having restricted myself so much I have the mentality that biscuits, chocolate etc are really bad. For example when I have one biscuit (which before dieting would have been sufficient to satisfy cravings and I wouldn't even want another one) I now lose control entirely. I can't help but think, one more wont hurt (and it probably wouldn't) but then the guilt kicks in. I feel SO guilty that I then go on ridiculously bad binges... not a couple of hundred calories over but rather eating until I want to vomit. Not in the sense that I want to be sick to get rid of the calories but that I'm so full that I feel really really ill. Like in pain at how full I am.

The whole time I was dieting I was looking forward to being able to return to a normal, albeit more healthy diet. I know if I were to continue eating healthily with the occasional slice of cake or biscuit it would be easy to maintain my lower weight and really enjoy my lifestyle but at the moment that seems impossible. Each time that I get close to returning to my UGW weight and therefore beginning maintenance, I end up binging terribly and having to diet again. I just want to go back to my UGW and then start to build up to eating normally but I can't. I've genuinely forgotten, as it's now two years I've been counting calories, how to eat simply when I'm hungry and to enjoy snacks as an occasional treat rather than a terrible mistake that leads to disaster.

Just to give you an example, yesterday I went surfing with my family. Having not had a pasty in ageeeeees, I was looking forward to that being my treat. I had my normal breakfast of porridge made with water and then some natural yoghurt with fruit when I got a bit peckish. Later when we arrived at the beach it was lunch time and I was seriously hungry. I therefore ate half a jam sandwich and an orange but still felt starving. The only other food available was coffee cake so I had a slice and that was enough to fill me up. The problem then was that I'd already had my 'bad' food. I decided that didn't matter and I shouldn't be overly strict and so later had curly fries with cheese (an old favourite and because the pasties looked rubbish). I was really full at that point but a bit later my brother, who is infuriatingly thin as a rake despite consuming anything and everything he wants every single day, went to get an ice cream. I haven't had ice cream for about a year and thought that I could have a scoop and then that would be lovely. I'd be slightly over maintenance calories but I would be satisfied and it would make the day a proper beach day out. However he later went back to get ANOTHER ice cream and so did I. I felt sick and full but on arriving home ate about six biscuits. Then when my brother got a bowl of crisps out I shared them. I finished off the vegetables from my dad's dinner, ate another BIG slice of coffee cake and some new potatoes (I'm not hungry at this point, I'm really really full and don't even desire the food I'm eating. I don't even LIKE potatoes very much) I then also ate a bowl of yoghurt and banana despite feeling so full I was actually in pain. I couldn't eat breakfast this morning because I still felt really really full and even at lunchtime (about 2 o clock) could only stomach a few veg. That is how full I was. Now that was a bad day and a rare one at that but PLEASE if there's anyone else out there with this problem, let me know. Or anyone who knows a solution?! I just want to be normal again and enjoy food. Thank you

LoosingMyLast15

could it possibly be you're looking at this all wrong. it's not dieting and returning to a normal lifestyle. it's a lifestyle change that you embrace for life that's why it's a lifestyle not a for the time being style. have you also thought about easing up on yourself. restricting yourself so much that you off the deep end the minute you get a taste for just one of your favorite past time foods will harm you in the long run. if you enjoy a pasty (not quite sure what this is - i'm in the states i'm guessing sweets) then set aside a day where you have one - throw in an extra workout so you know you're feeling like you just destroyed an entire day by eating just one pasty. add A biscuit to you food diary cut out something else that's sweet. i think you've brainwashed yourself. you're only thinking i can't have this or that while i'm dieting. start telling yourself you're not on a "diet" your on a lifestyle journey and maybe you won't sabotage yourself when you have that one biscuit.

leahartmann

When I read this- and I´m probably way off!!- I think bulimia. Have you seen a doctor about this?

Rosacanina

I agree with leahartmann.
I do understand - I was like you at your age (old enough to be your mother now). You need to work on your happiness, not your weight right now.

Perhaps you could print out your story and show your GP (that's easier than talking to start off with). You are very hard on yourself, feeling low and need support.

Good luck

becsnz1

I agree with leahartmann.
I do understand - I was like you at your age (old enough to be your mother now). You need to work on your happiness, not your weight right now.

Perhaps you could print out your story and show your GP (that's easier than talking to start off with). You are very hard on yourself, feeling low and need support.

Good luck

Completely agree, as a recovering Bulimic, it just sounds too damn familiar. Please seek professional help now.

LivingInPuglia

Try the Becks Diet Solution which uses Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to help you (re)learn how to manage food and weight management. I have just started this and so far it has been really helpful.

You can get it from Amazon on Kindle and other formats

TamsinEllis

You need to look at this as a lifestyle change, not a diet, otherwise you will probably do what you are doing now at lot. As for the people mentioning bulimia, I know nothing of it so I'd listen to their warnings and see a doctor

Oh and for those that don't know what a pasty is, it's a pastry (savoury) filled with all sorts of stuff, eg. ham and cheese, beans and beef.

Marquism123

bump

NocturnalGirl

I completely understand how you feel. I think you should get help, it sounds like the beginning of some kind of eating disorder. But please do keep in mind, that it IS possible to overcome. Good luck!!

MrsBlobs

Could it be that your UGW is too low...? Maybe you aren't actually taking in enough calories in regular meals and that is causing you to binge at times. The reason I say this is because you say you weren't overweight and then lost a stone and a half (21lbs), that's quite a bit to lose for someone who wasn't overweight to start with. What is your BMI?

Firstly, in the short term it would probably help to learn to listen to your body, it sounds like you are so used to over-riding 'normal' hunger/satiety signals that you no longer recognise them when you do get them. Listen carefully to hunger when it happens and eat when you are reasonably hungry, whilst eating eat slow and listen to the 'not hungry' signal.
For me, as someone who also used to ignore my own body and its needs, my signal for full is usually when I sigh - take a deep breath. That may sound silly but it's a way I've learnt to recognise when I've had enough.

That's an in-between thing whilst you wait to see a doctor. It does sound like a fledgling maladaptive response to food. Get some help and advice now before it becomes a real problem.
Good luck.

DocMarr

Let me start by saying, no you are not alone - I spent 14 years of my life on a diet/binge cycle. I started at 18 - wanted to lose 10 lbs - I put back on a stone. I lost the stone and put back on two. I lost 2 and put back on 3. Eventually, I was swinging 5 stones (70lbs). At 32 I promised myself never to 'diet' again. Dieting is when you restrict your food intake and deny yourself stuff and feel 'guilty' and 'bad' about yourself. If you want to lose weight and keep it off forever then it should be, as someone else has already said, a lifestyle change. I am now 51 and have pretty much successfully maintained my health and weight for the past 8 years through eating a healthy diet and exercising to balance it.

However, to address your cry for help, there are two aspects here. One is that you are not 'weak' or 'lacking in willpower' when this happens to you. There are some very powerful chemical reactions happening in your body to make this happen.

I can explain this by sharing the following post I've written about why you crave sugar after eating sugary foods (the following draws from the book 'Younger Next Year'):

The chemicals our bodies use to digest food are powerful and dangerous. They are designed to absorb and digest the things you eat, like meat. As you are made of meat too, they have to be carefully controlled, otherwise you would begin to digest yourself. So you just need to produce just as much acid and insulin as you need to digest the food you eat. Your body needs some kind of mechanism to signal to you how much digestive juices to release and that signal is sugar in the blood. The rise in sugar after a meal indicates how much you've eaten and releases the appropriate digestive juices.

However, it is important to understand that our body was designed to cope with a diet low in sugar, as the foods we ate when our systems were developing millenia ago were mainly fruits, nuts, meats, seeds, none of which contained much sugar. So a small rise in sugar indicates to your body the end of a prettty big meal. But this carefully balanced response can't cope with a modern diet and the amount of sugar we eat.To give you an example - there's as much free sugar in one single can of cola as there is in 5 lbs of venison.

So your body gets confused. The signal you send with a can of cola is that you've just eaten the equivalent of 5lbs of venison or 10,000 calories worth of food. The body goes nuts, rushing out insulin and other digestive chemicals in response. That's the problem with starchy and sugary food - you call for ten times more digestive power than you actually need.

So what happens - your body hyper absorbs every last calorie from the food you ate, because you obviously just killed a huge animal, and it stores that as fat. But now because you have all this excess digestion power your blood sugar plummets and it makes you very hungry again, and you usually end up eating a lot. If you eat more sugary food then it sets the whole thing off again.

Your body interprets blood sugar swings as your body being under stress. Adrenaline and cortisol are released when you are under stress. As the blood sugar rises, insulin is produced, as it falls, adrenaline and cortisol are released. Adrenaline and cortisol trigger the need to have something quick to boost your blood sugar up, and often something high in sugar. This whole cycle ends up as a blood sugar roller coaster, which can lead to insulin resistance and diabetes.

So sugar and refined starch (white flour, starchy foods) are definitely something to be avoided as much as possible (entirely if you can manage it). Mashed potatoes, white flour, refined products like bicuits and cakes, all of these rush into your system and are digested very quickly and affect your blood sugar.

So that is the reason why you were pushed to eat more sugary food after you'd started.

The second issue is your self castigation and eating so much that you make yourself sick. That does smack of bulimia and if it continues then I'd definitely suggest you go and see your doctor.

Poods71

That sounds quite familiar to me too. I was never on a diet when I was young and never worried about my weight (didn't even know what weight I was). Then when I started working my friends were all on diets and talking about calories so I decided that is what I should do. I too can't remember how I used to eat but the problem is you have messed with your metablism by going on a diet that you can never really go back to that way of eating. I have found that I do what you describe too but maybe not to the extreme that you have described. Things like one is never enought or well I've ruined it now so I might as well go mad. I used to sneak into the kitchen sometimes too to eat the "bad" stuff so nobody would see as I had told them I was on a diet. All these things did was make me put on more weight. I find now if I am more honest with myself and if I have something high calorie I will add it in my diary even if it takes me over my cals for the day I decide that it's not a total disaster and don't worry too much about it and if I am going to have a biscuit or something I don't hide in the kitchen and eat it so no one else sees me. These things seem to help me. Also, if you overindulge then try doing a bit or exercise then you won't feel so guilty.

What you have described does sound like the beginnings of bulemia and it was something I used to worry about too. If you feel that you are losing control the maybe a trip to the doctor would be a good idea.

Hope you get it sorted and don't be so hard on yourself :flowerforyou:

willbeslimannie

its all about being in control of your self ...I used to stuff any food available in my mouth then I decided enough was enough ! I want to lose weight & I will do it.... so I started a page on Facebook for the friends I'd made through dieting & we support each other no matter what diet they choose to lose weight by...Its a closed & confidential site so what goes on there stays there....
The main thing is the support we all give to each other & any problem is discussed be it about weight or family.... we are all there for one another..... if you are interested in joining let me know...... they'll give you lots of advice because they have all been there !

JesterMFP

I don't mean this to sound horrible to others that may be in a similar position (who I'm sure know what you're going through more than I do) but please go to your doctor, or get some professional help from somewhere rather than relying on people you don't know on the internet that might have the same issues as you. Support from like-minded people is important, but so is help from professionals who are unbiased and experienced in these kinds of issues. They can help you before it becomes more serious.

With all due respect to the above poster, making it about "self-control" can sometimes make things worse. OP - please go and have a chat with your GP. :flowerforyou:

Marquism123

I totally relate to this; you have basically described my life, losing sight of what a "normal" diet looks like. Instead either being really really "good" and denying yourself all the foods you enjoy because you feel you should, or hurtling off the wagon and eating all the "bad" stuff you can lay your hands on, almost in a panic. It's that "hung for a sheep as a lamb" mentality; "well I've blown it now so I may as well get my money's worth for the rest of the day". I know it is entirely illogical but I do it anyway. I can't have 1 biscuit; I end up having 10.

I disagree with those saying bulima though. Unless I missed something you said you often eat til you feel sick but made no mention of actually purging. This is important. In all the years I have been exhibiting these behaviours I have often thought " I could make this go away" but I have NEVER done it and NEVER will. The reason for this is that I believe in suffering the consequences for my behaviour and have always taken the line that I've eaten it, I have to deal with it. And I do.

I agree with those who say you appear to have unrealistic goals. To be maintaining a UK size 8-10 and then lose a stone and a half sounds to me like you you are seeking out an unrealistic goal weight that your body is fighting against. You must be realistic. Ask yourself this question: if you could go back to the person you were and the weight you were before you lost that weight and were told you could stay like that for the rest of your life and never have to worry about food or dieting ever ever again, would you take the deal? I know I would.

Whilst I don't think this is bulimia as such, it is certainly very disordered behaviour. I concur with the poster who recommended a book based on CBT. I have found the book "I can make you thin" by Paul McKenna can really help re-establish a healthier relationship with food - it really is very good.

I am a work in progress but if I could return to the 18 year old me and nip this behaviour in the bud then I certainly would. Good luck

Whitezombiegirl

You Binged. Yup- my sister and I have done this so many times over the years. What is interesting to note is that its was all carbs- you hit the 'carb cycle' where you wind up wanting to eat more and more. The second point to note is where in your cycle where you? Do you notice that you carb binge once or twice a month?

What has worked for me (and my sis) is:
1. Eating paleo- no more cravings, feels so good.
2. Tracking my cycle and allowing myself a couple of bowls of branflakes (any carb will do- i just like the taste)-during PMS. It seemes to take away the chocolate/ cake/ icream etc. cravings.

I find that if I do have a slice of cake, it will always be a struggle afterwards for a couple of days to avoid the re-awakened carb cravings.

Whitezombiegirl

I have found the book "I can make you thin" by Paul McKenna can really help re-establish a healthier relationship with food - it really is very good.

I have this- though it tends to focus on portion sizes rather than eating for nutrition. Plus I can't listen to the CD because Paul MCKenna's american-tinged accent and smarmy tone of voice really creeps me out.

Marquism123

I have found the book "I can make you thin" by Paul McKenna can really help re-establish a healthier relationship with food - it really is very good.

I have this- though it tends to focus on portion sizes rather than eating for nutrition. Plus I can't listen to the CD because Paul MCKenna's american-tinged accent and smarmy tone of voice really creeps me out.

Yeah but I think in this situation, re-establishing a normal relationship with food and viewing it as that - just food - is priority. One of the key points McKenna makes is that, whilst you think that if you tell people they can eat whatever they want they will live on pizza and chips indefinitely, in reality they don't. The average person will make reasonably healthy choices MOST of the time