Weight loss as proxy

downsizinghoss

For most that are friends of mine, this might seem a little out of character. I try my best to always be upbeat and positive. When things are stagnant, I focus on the NSVs and how hard I have been working.

I have to admit that it isn't working today.

I have been stagnant for over a year now. With both the weight loss as well as professionally. I am starting over in a new town. I feel like I have spent the last 17 years perpetually starting over. The thought of building a new business from scratch seems overwhelming. I wasn't having a good year before we moved and the idea of trying again seems to be an insurmountable obstacle today. I was barely able to leave the house this morning. I am not even looking forward to coaching my kid's soccer team tonight. It is like I am paralyzed by some unseen demon.

It is as if when my weight loss flatlined, I did too. It doesn't seem like any amount of effort I throw in has been effective. On any front.

I keep telling myself that at least I can control my workouts. The phsyical side is the one thing that is totally within my control, but I am not seeng the results that I want any more. It is bleeding into everything.

I have total control over what I do today, but I am terrified of putting myself out there again for naught. I should have been calling clients today. I should be out pounding the street. I should be marketing and setting appointments, but instead I get sick every time I eat. I sat and joked around on MFP. I want nothing more than to take a nap and wish today would go away.The fear of failure has replaced my old sense of confidence. I never had to work that hard when I was younger. Accomplishments and succes came easily.

I hate it. I am not averse to working hard. Anyone that has followed my workouts this past year can attest to that. I am just to the point that if I don't make progress soon, the demons feel like they are winning.

This has to happen. I have to finish losing the weight. I have to build this business to provide for my family. All I really want to do today is run away.

I know things will look better tomorrow. I know I will keep pushing. Believe me, I am loathe to ***** this publicly, but one thing I promised myself was that I would be brutally honest about this whole process. I refuse to bottle everything up and let it win. Maybe by letting it out and risking a little embarrasment it will make it seem easier to take on.

If not, I just sound like a whiny ***** lol. Thanks for listening. Back on track tomorrow.

Jules2Be

oh HOSS!


everything will be ok
we are here for you
and you for us.
one day at a time

Jules:flowerforyou:

UsedToBeHusky

I know how you feel. I've been frustrated with my lack of progress too. But I fortunately haven't let it bring me down too much.

But aside from that, have you ever considered that you might suffer from clinical depression? If you have days like this more often than you don't, you may want to look into it.

zealousmissjj_wechange

Honey, feel free to vent.

That feeling of being paralized? I've been there. Actually I visit it often . Things look so bad at times that you feel that you can't even move or breathe.

I'm also a very positive person for 90% of the time. But when I'm feeling like crap, I feel like CRAP. Just vent a little and you'll see that there are lots of people who expierence the same thing!

Take a deep breath. It's just a little demon on your shoulder shouting a bit louder than usual today. Shut him up and kick *kitten*. YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!! If you can't today, no worries. Nothing wrong with feeling a little sorry for yourself every now and then. Just remember this:

Love yourself, give 'em hell! You can take on this world! YOU GOT THIS HONEY!!

beckajw

Don't be embarrassed. I know that feeling of flatlining at work, weight loss, etc. We all go through it.

However, it also sounds like you may be depressed. If the feeling doesn't go away, you may want to speak with a professional.

Christi6604

I can relate. I'm on the displaced list at work and will be moving to Memphis, TN as soon as I find a job. Starting over without the pension I had. I also plateaued for 6 months.

All I can say is...tomorrow will be better than today. Keep looking forward to your next great day. Somebody always has it worse - truly. Someone out there is jealous of your great family and your new opportunity.

Stress can make you retain weight. I also found this article helpful: http://fitnesswithnatalie.blogspot.com/2011/05/most-dreaded-word-in-weight-loss.html

The clinical depression suggestion might be worth looking into also to help you get over this bridge.

Good luck. :flowerforyou:

cbeutler

I have been there, it isn't a good spot. First try not to let weight loss define who you are. There is so much more to you than that meat puppet you carry around so people have something to talk to. You are a dynamic, funny, inspirational person regardless of weight.

On the work front people buy things from folks they like and trust, your picture from last night not withstanding people like and trust you. It always takes time when you start up in a new territory, you work, work, and work and it seems like nothing happens. Then one day poof you cannot keep up with everything you have going on. I have 100% confidence that you will succeed. The new town is better for your family, so you moved what more needs to be said.

If I had an answer for you on the weight loss front I would give it to you. But the truth is no matter what you weigh you are so much more capable of living your life than you were a year ago. You wouldn't go back in a million years.

If the world knocks you down seven times get up eight. Feel free to sucker punch the SOB in the kidney when he turns his back.

Hugs Hoss, I'm glad I met you on MFP you have always been an inspiration to me, still are. Looks like today was your day in the barrel, well no more, get out there and chase some little people around.

ML,
Craig

downsizinghoss

I appreciate it. Not too worried about it being clinical, just short term. Not against checking into it, but it never lasts that long. Just a ***** of a day.

NikkiSixGuns

I have these days, too. And like you, they are not the typical "me". When they happen I just try to focus on the fact that what I'm feeling isn't really me. It's temporary, and when it passes I'll get back to being the real me (working hard, focusing on the positive, not letting things I can't control get to me, and doing what I need to do). This is true for every aspect of my life, not just my weight.

Sometimes we just get overwhelmed by things that we are normally totally capable of coping with, and I think that's normal. It sounds like you have A LOT on your plate, and it's tough to keep the faith and keep going when you're not seeing the results you're working so hard for. I'd say you're on the right track & doing what you need to do. Maybe you can just accept that you're going through a rough patch and that it'll pass. I'm not saying to embrace it, but to ride it out.

Keep pedaling... You'll get over the hill!

Jules2Be

I appreciate it. Not too worried about it being clinical, just short term. Not against checking into it, but it never lasts that long. Just a ***** of a day.

please feel free to PM me when you feel like this...I am always a good listener Hoss!

elenathegreat

You can do this, and you know it. We all have these times(not just days, but weeks even months)when it just doesn't seem possible, but it is our life, and we have to do the best we can.

I don't know if this will help, but when I am going through something like this when I feel like I just can't and don't want to try anymore, I try to step back and look around at how far I've come and how many blessings I do have.

I usually try to get outside in the sunshine to do this, and have a good long walk, if I can. I know it sounds pretty simplistic, but sometimes the time alone for reflection really helps a lot.

pearsy67

Having just spent a week and a half riding 6000km to raise awareness and support for depression and mental health issues, I can tell you you are not alone. Depression comes is all shapes and sizes (pardon the pun:-) and to suffer some short term affects such as these is normal for most people.

Be alert to the short term impacts, but not worried about clinical depression unless this is happening every few days. A big part of life is recognising mood swings and being able to deal with them. You can't avoid them, but you can manage the impact they have on your life. If you know it is going to be a **** day, try and make a list of "must do's" and just work through them, the rest of life can wait.
MFP is not facebook (it is better) but remember that it is just a tool, not a life style, we wont mind if you don't post for a day, just don't get caught up in the frivolous bits on the forum, stay focused and don;'t let it be and excuse to waste time. The Chive is much better for that, ROFL

As for the weight loss, I can understand, maybe you need to shake things up a bit and seriously push a different diet plan for a month and see how that works. Try changing up your workout routine and try some other types of cardio to burn some cals. And make sure you are being completely honest with the entries :-) I know I cheat so I don't feel too bad sometimes,

Now, just remember, you need to get some running in, as in March I am coming over and I will ***** slap you if you haven't kick started again. :-) If you catch me after I take off, you can beat me for it :-P