Can't we just all get along?

kacarter1017

I've now been on MFP for about 18 months. It's been a wonderful tool to help me in my weight loss and maintenance. A few topics keep coming up that seem to cause strife and discord and they shouldn't have to.

First is food intake. There is no question we need to "Eat to live, not live to eat." But this can take on different meanings to different people. For some, food is something that simply is fuel. It needs to not taste horrible, but as long as it meets the person's macros for the day and is timed right around exercise, it's meeting the goal of that individual. That is perfectly fine for that person. However, there are people who have a very emotional relationship with food and this manner of eating seems foreign. This relationship is not something that can be turned off. It requires work and dedication to make this relationship a positive experience, not a negative one. For some, preparing food and eating it is a very pleasurable time and one that he or she doesn't want to lose. This can be done in a healthy way. The EXPERIENCE of eating can be emotional, it is the REASON for eating that shouldn't be. To be told to just eat your fuel and don't think about the rest isn't going to be helpful to someone who has struggled with emotional eating. Behavioral modification suggestions will be.

Next is what foods we eat. For some, organic, clean, vegetarian foods are what works. This can be for a myriad of reasons. This is an excellent way to eat. However, for others, this isn't feasible. It can be time, money, family pressures, taste, knowledge. Making healthier choices is what this is all about. And this is on a continuum. No place on this continuum is wrong or bad as long as the individual is working diligently to make improvements. Processed food is not as healthy as fresh. But if a person is choosing better and more healthy processed foods on their way to being healthier, this is excellent! Hopefully over time, more fresh foods will find their way into that person's food choices. That can be accomplished with supportive, helpful comments and suggestions on this site. Berating someone or cutting them down isn't going to be helpful.

Calorie intake is another issue. For the average person, about 1200 calories a day is minimum. But, there are people who can safely eat 1000 calories a day. There are also people who need 1500 calories a day. For some, eating exercise calories back is crucial. For others, it wil cause weight gain. Part of the journey is to figure this out for yourself. It will be trial and error. Sharing those experiences on here is very helpful for others. But don't lose sight of the fact that this is your personal story and it may not be right for other people. I personally can't eat all my maintenance calories and exercise calories or I will gain weight. I've played around with my numbers and have found a good match for me.

How much water should we drink? Enough to keep your urine clear to light colored. For the average person this is about 8 glasses a day. For some it may be less. For others, it may be more. And, uncaffeinated, no sugar fluids can be part of that water intake for most people. Again, there will be people that this isn't the case.

For people who are very passionate about your method of being healthier, please be mindful of how your posts come across. it's great that you are so happy with your way of living. But remember it may not work for everyone. It seems much less confrontative if it's stated, "In my experience..." "What I've found that works..." rather than "You need to..." "You're not doing this right..." Be open to other people's ideas. And be respectful. We are all on this journey together.

cpsoroff

Now this is a nice post! Thank you for sharing.

fivepence

Agreed!

MTBrob

Was this post therapeutic for you ?

I agree with a lot of of what you said above, with the exception of food being a emotional experience.. Thats the problem that got 90% of us in this mess... Exercise is therapeutic, for the body, food is therapeutic for the mind.. But so are drugs....

I love to cook.. I cook all the meals for my family.. It was a learning experience for me to change my mind set..

It has been my experience that those who I see struggle with weight loss while trying to change are the ones that have this emotional relationship with food..

Emotional relationship, I say that and I have to laugh at my self for ever thinking I could have a relationship with something I eat and process and drop off in the toilet when I am done with it.. If food had feelings we would be abusers..

It has been my experience that if you look at your food like its something to fuel your body so it can PERFORM better which in turns makes your body LOOK better this will make you FEEL better about YOURSELF. So lets have a emotional relationship with our bodies, not what we use to make it better.

kacarter1017

Was this post therapeutic for you ?

I wouldn't say this post was therapeutic. I was hoping that my long experience with this site and trying to be healthier could benefit other people.

As far as the emotional aspect of eating. I maybe didn't word it quite right. There are some people who can be very matter of fact and detached from food. For most of us here, that isn't the case. But we can maintain a healthy relationship with food- even on an emotional level- as long as the emotions aren't what are driving us to eat. Sitting down to a good dinner with my family is a positive emotional experience for me. Planning the meal and cooking the food gives me a sense of accomplishment. The conversations that occur at the table are a highlight of my day. The food plays a part in the good feelings. I now choose to cook healthier foods, but it is still foods we all (or almost all ) enjoy. This is a healthy relationship with food. I make sure it is a balanced meal that is based on my macros for the day. So it is definitely fuel and I see it as such. It is no longer the end all be all of my day. And I'm not eating certain things because I'm sad/mad/frustrated/happy. It is a change of mindset. One we all reach to our own level of comfort.

MTBrob

Was this post therapeutic for you ?

I wouldn't say this post was therapeutic. I was hoping that my long experience with this site and trying to be healthier could benefit other people.

As far as the emotional aspect of eating. I maybe didn't word it quite right. There are some people who can be very matter of fact and detached from food. For most of us here, that isn't the case. But we can maintain a healthy relationship with food- even on an emotional level- as long as the emotions aren't what are driving us to eat. Sitting down to a good dinner with my family is a positive emotional experience for me. Planning the meal and cooking the food gives me a sense of accomplishment. The conversations that occur at the table are a highlight of my day. The food plays a part in the good feelings. I now choose to cook healthier foods, but it is still foods we all (or almost all ) enjoy. This is a healthy relationship with food. I make sure it is a balanced meal that is based on my macros for the day. So it is definitely fuel and I see it as such. It is no longer the end all be all of my day. And I'm not eating certain things because I'm sad/mad/frustrated/happy. It is a change of mindset. One we all reach to our own level of comfort.

Beautiful answer.. Thank you for clearing that up.

smokinjackd

I luuuuuuuuuuuvvvvvvvvv food, love it love it love it. Good quality fresh food, top quality meats, cheeses, fruits, veggies...luvvvvvvvvv it.

maca416

If food had feelings we would be abusers

So true I love the way you have put that.