Internet tips from the infamous Swanny...

k2quiere
k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
in Chit-Chat
People often say to me, "Swanny," they say, "You have a collection of the super awesomest coolerific hep cats on all of the MFP. How DO you manage to attract the finest of the fine? The tipsiest of the tippy top? The upper crust of the crustyustest? Surely there is some trick to it. They can't all love you for your gigantic genitalia and absurdly oversized brain, can they? In short, Swanny," they say, "Can you help us to be as cool as you? Or just help us to fool a large segment of the MFP population into thinking we are?"

Appealing in this way to my ego is almost assuredly your best approach. Unless you have access to Merck grade coke, 99% pure China white, large caches of opoids or you are willing to photograph yourself with various animals/objects/people stuck inside your various orifices, flattery will get you everywhere.

Today, for one day only, I will share the knowledge I have acquired in being banned from more internet forums than most of you have even seen. Look, learn and then go forth and use it, my flying monkeys:

1. Profanity - use it often and creatively and in situations where it seems absurdly counterintuitive to do so.
2. Pretend to be smarter than you are.
3. Fake photos - hot nudes can be explained away later.
4. Lie - pretty simple.
5. A good innuendo goes a long way.
6. Stir the *kitten* constantly.
7. If you can't get them on your side, start rumors that they had a sex change and/or had sex with a farm animal.
8. Find a catch phrase and use it in every post.
9. When in doubt just say, "But Swanny's a f*cking Golden God." 75% of the time it works most of the time.

Follow these simple guidelines and you too will soon be running this site and many others like it.

Don't thank me, just scan your genitalia and send the pic to a stranger.

Replies

  • katamus
    katamus Posts: 2,363 Member
    Scanned and sent. Done.
  • Turtlehurdle
    Turtlehurdle Posts: 412
    Who is Swanny? MFP is child's play. I doubt he/she would survive a day on gaming forums or even worse... over with the pyschos at babycenter. Bring it on old man!
    Also, #6 is the way to go.
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
    I got the first two covered...like second nature to me.:wink:

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