Persuading Spouses?

David___D

Not sure if this is the right board for this, apologies if it isn't anyway I am not sure how to get this across to the forum without sounding like a “Shallow Hal” type husband, and I am sorry if it comes across that way, it is really not meant to as I love my wife so much and we have been together 22 years.

As the subject line implies, she is currently overweight has been for a while and she actually acknowledges it, she pays a little lip service to diets but always falls off the wagon she is only 5’1” so it shows when she does carry a lot, (she is currently around the 165 mark)

I have tried everything to encourage her, but she just doesn’t follow through with what she says she is going to do, my question is really how do I coax her into it, without hurting feelings. I am trying to lead by example and am quite envious on here of all the couples who do it together, there is always an excuse not to exercise, for example we spoke about the 30 day shred DVD I bought it for us, and a few days later she stopped apparently she doesn’t have time, she can’t do it while other people in the house, she can’t do it of a weekend etc. etc. excuse after excuse.

I would appreciate people’s comments on how you persuaded your wife or husband to jump on the fitness wagon.

Thanks for listening, and once again apologies if it comes across the wrong way.

1Kristine1

I think all you can do is keep doing what your doing: Model your behaviour by eating well and exercising. And also offering to do fun activities together that she may enjoy. Maybe a nice walk in the park, something that wont seem like a chore. Go grocery shopping together and make a point of inspecting labels and picking healthier choices.
But from experience, people will lose weight when they are ready and have the determination it takes to stick with it. Despite all the encouragement and hints you send their way.

Take my dad for an example: He knows he is overweight and unhealthy, he has a few medical problems for which he takes medication. All of which could be lessened by diet and exercise. I am modeling my behavior, helping him set up with MFP, bought him a food scale. BUT alas he hasn't been able to get started and stick with anything.

HappilyLifts

I wish I knew the answer. I have the same problem with my husband. He's developing quite a belly and cuddly as it is, it is a health risk. His argument is that he leaves the house at 5am and doesn't return to 6.30pm and is on his feet alot. He doesn't mind going for a leisurely walk or bike ride (rarely!) but that's it.
I was hoping that he might join me in making exercise a regular part of my life but he hasn't, so leading by example isn't working for me.
I do know though, that no amount of persuasion or nagging (not suggesting that you do nag, of course) works. I dug my head in the sand for years, and regular exercise has only become a habit because eventually *I* decided I had to do it.
Will be tagging along to see what other replies you get.

bathsheba_c

Anytime you ask, "How can I get X to do Y," the answer is, unfortunately, that you can't. The best you can hope for is that seeing your changes will inspire your wife to get on the bandwagon. Sorry. :ohwell:

hookandy

Having been on the flip side of this, I have bad news for you. You can not persuade anybody. You can only hope that if you lead by example they follow suit.

In my case I have been overweight for years with a partner wanting me to lose weight. I had to have my own moment when I decided I want to change.

You need to be careful not to nag and for them to dig their heels in and kick back at you.

Good luck,

fatgirlanamaria

I'm really sorry to say, but there's nothing you can really do other than lead by example, which sounds like you've already done. When someone is overweight, they need to make the decision to lose weight because they want to, not because their partner wants to. People become very insecure and resentful when someone points out that they are overweight, even if they clearly already know they are overweight. They don't want to be reminded of their failures. This may, in turn, cause them to gain even more weight since many people are "emotional" eaters. I personally know from experience (i've lost 40 lbs), that I wasn't able to lose weight until I made the decision myself. My whole life I had my dad picking on me and trying to make me feel bad about my weight, and I had "friends" pick on me and tell me I had to lose weight, but it just made the situation worse. I tried to lose weight for others in the past and I always failed. I had to find the motivation and desire deep within myself to make any real changes. Remember, losing weight requires a lifestyle change, and a lifestyle change is a long term commitment. When someone doesn't commit to something because they truly want to, they will eventually fall off the wagon and abandon their new lifestyle. So maybe it would somehow be possible to get her to lose weight for YOU, but trust me, the changes wouldn't be permanent unless she does it for herself.

The best thing you could do is encourage her to work out with you. Don't stop trying. Think of something that she might actually like to do. The truth it, working out is not fun, and its always hard to get started on a work out regimen, but it could be so much easier if you get her interested in something she actually finds fun. Does she like dancing? Swimming? Biking? Yoga? Taking long walks? Try to get her to be active in other ways--not the boring, traditional gym or workout video way.

Something else you could try to do is incorporate healthier things in your diet and get her interested in trying them too. I assume you are already healthy so you don't necessarily need a diet change, but everybody's diet can be improved. Try adding extra fruits, vegetables, and fiber in your diet and she might just decide to copy you. How about you volunteer to cook every once in a while and whip up a super healthy meal? And do not cook enough for leftovers, because she will be tempted to go back for second or third servings!

Good luck!

blackcoffeeandcherrypie

I think the problem here is that your concern **seems** to be about how she looks at 165 - rather than questioning what that is doing to her health. If you can show her that she has a genuine reason to be concerned for her health, wellbeing or happiness then it's logical for her to try to do something about that, and for you to 'coax' her, for her own sake.

However, if your only concern is that she looks heavy... well, that's kind of up to her really. I wouldn't be impressed if a partner wanted me to lose weight simply for how I looked.

Also, I would take it easy with the diet and exercise plans - be subtle. The point is not to go on a crash diet, lose some weight and then go back to 'normal'. The point is to adopt healthy life and eating plans that you will carry forward on a long term basis. Maybe schedule some walks in the countryside, and take over the cooking once in a while - then you can monitor the healthy food you could both be eating.