Is everyone watching me? Paranoia while working out

checkmatekingtwo

I am now fifty days into my journey, and I have taken a few stumbles. My great plan to go cheap and active is a shambles. I have been walking in the evenings, trying to extend my time and increase my pace. Well, I stretched something --- I think I have done some major damage to my left knee. Granted, my left knee has been bothering me for about a year, but now, I have really aggravated it. I'm limping all the time, and when I wake up in the morning, I can barely put my weight on it.

Yes, I have an appointment to see my doctor. In mentioning what I was doing for my weight loss, my doctor replied by saying good work on the diet, stop the evening walks. (Gee, who would have thought that all the disclaimers that say to consult with your doctor before starting any exercise program is really good advice.) She said if I was to continue exercising (which she recommended), to do low-stress activity on my knee -- no treadmill. She did recommend an elliptical. Which means, alas, I need to join a spa or gym.

Achhh! Having to work out where other people -- thin people, fit people -- congregate. Horrors! I'll be stared at, laughed at, chased out by the beautiful people: all my worst nightmares coming true.

Putting aside the paranoid fear, I joined a gym. Oooooh, that sounds so unlike me. A "gym." Isn't that for people serious about exercise? Jocks, muscle men, body builders? That's not me. But the gym was cheaper than the spa, closer to home, and had extended hours. So I now am a member of YouFit gym. Me fit? Ummmm, not yet.

My first night, I went with my little towel over the shoulder, my old Dasani plastic water bottle (which I've been refilling for months), and fear in my heart. I kept telling myself that the fat police would not kick me out of the gym. The fit and beautiful would not be offended by a fat old broad in their midst. As I climbed onto the elliptical, I kept telling myself no one cared that I was there. Everyone was focused on themselves, and no one would be staring, pointing, and laughing at this obese invader. I kept my eyes down on the display; that awful display that seemed to have a broken clock, surely the seconds were actually registering minutes. But I kept going and, making sure my knee wasn't being strained, kept pushing my heart rate up to good aerobic levels.

After a pitifully short amount of time, I knew I had reached my limit for a beginner and climbed down. I surveyed the gym to make sure nobody was staring and laughing. I didn't catch anyone in the act. Drenching my little towel in brow sweat and downing the last drops from the bottle, I headed for the door, trying to make eye contact with no one. I was nearly to the door, glad that my paranoia was unfounded --- nobody cared that I was there. No one was watching me.

Tap ... tap.

I turned around at the woman who was tapping my shoulder. "Hi," she said, "aren't you a teacher at Pine View?"

A mother and daughter were looking at me. Checking me out. Well, at least they weren't pointing and laughing. We chatted for awhile and talked about Pine View and the new school the daughter was attending. I told them I had just started at the gym, and they recommended I try the circuit training. He-he-he. Yeah, right, A circuit designed to do step-ups in between each machine? Oh, that's a great thought for a bad knee. In parting, I thanked them for their suggestions and, lying, said I hoped to see them again at the gym and made my exit. Don't get me wrong, they were very sweet. It's just, I don't really want to run into anyone I know when I'm exercising.

I had been telling myself that no one was watching. I was wrong. I wasn't being paranoid after all. Okay, maybe I was a little paranoid. But, as they say, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't actually watching you.

karenwill2

be proud and set a good example.

1ConcreteGirl

Haha! This is adorable and hilarious and TRUE. I swear that I ALWAYS think people are watching when I exercise and I can't stand it.... that's probably why I still avoid the gym. They were probably the only people watching, though, and it's likely because they recognized you. That is to say 99 times out of 100, you probably aren't being watched. Now if only I could convince myself of that....

AZKristi

The truth is that most people are so self-centered that they won't even notice you. I really only start to notice people that I see at the gym again and again. And, I applaud each and every one of them for their commitment regardless of their size or shape.

trelm249

So you bumped into somebody that recognizes you. Go back. As someone who frequents a gym, I really don't pay that much attention to the other people.

What I do notice is the people who stick with it and actually make progress over an extended period of time. I respect the heck out of that. If someone comes to the gym they at least are making an effort to take care of themselves. Kudos to the newbies trying to pull off the change. That it is the hardest time and developing new habits takes some real passion.

Keep after it. In time a few in the gym will ask you about your progress and you will be motivation for someone else. I walked into my gym a year ago 50 pounds heavier.

Nerdy_Rose

I only look at the people next to me if I suspect they farted.

reasnableblonde

Trust me, they're staring at the girl wearing nothing more than a bra and underpants while jogging and the guy talking on his cell phone while "working out".

Good for you for facing your fears and getting out there. Just think - now you gotta go back or they'll wonder where you went! :-)

usmcmp

Yes, everyone is watching but it's only because they are afraid you are watching them too. I joined a gym when I was fat and everyone watched me struggle to run on the treadmill. I'm thinner now, in great shape and I can lift heavy with great form. Everyone still watches me.

Why do I watch others? Because I'm afraid the people in better shape are judging me. Because I want to know what those people in better shape are doing that I'm not. Because I'm afraid the heavier people are judging me and the shape I am in. Because I see that girl who reminds me of me and I want to tell her to keep going, she'll get there.

Yes, they are watching and it doesn't change. Get in there and do your thing because you never know who you might inspire.

MFPBONNIE

Love your post!!!. I had to stop my speed walks because of my knees also. Then I had to stop my regular walking because of the knees. When I have to walk, I walk about 1.1 MPH. At the gym I do 1.0 on the treadmill for 5 minutes. Keep going to the the gym now that you've joined, I can only get there one to two days a week. Nobody is watching you in a negative way, if so - ___ 'em!!

tselliott63

Great story.

Don't let it get it to you. I feel the same way but soldier on anyway.

heatherloveslifting

Good job going!!! Seriously, everyone is so focused on what they are doing they don't look around. You do look twice if it's someone you know though, just like walking down the street!

runzalot81

I only look at the people next to me if I suspect they farted.

That was me LMAO

I only stare at the chick with a halter top on... and no bra.

CyberEd312

Been there done that and can tell you that in my experience the people at the gym are the least judgmental group that I have been around.. Everyone is there for a purpose and that is to get fit or working on weight loss or rehabbing an injury, etc.... You have to get past that mindset and come to the understanding you are going there to better yourself and that is the most important thing you need to be thinking about.. In the beginning when I started I kept my head down avoid eye contact and went in and did my thing and left... When I started I was 560 lbs. could not stand more than 20 seconds at a stretch and had to get in the pool to walk cause I could not support my on weight.. Very humbling getting in the pool when your that size but I was there for me first... Some times you need to say to yourself "Just Do It" Best of Luck

Mummyadams

First of all- I would not do the elliptical machine if you have a sore knee. I injured mine also and stopped running and started elliptical - bad move. I jumped on the bike instead, much better for your knee.
Secondly - if people are watching you it's only because you are a new face. Just smile at them - we're all there for the same reason. Keep it up!

ktmmom189

Love your post. I joined Zumba and haven't worked out in like 20 yrs. They dont' even have to watch me I am always doing the wrong moves and witha full wall of mirrors there I am arms up when everyones are down. I'm like whatever I just gotta keep moving:) And I laugh at myself probably more than others do.

Branok

I always feel the exact same way: that everyone is watching me! But truthfully, when you think about it, do you watch other people as they work out? Personally, I know I do not. I'm always very wrapped in what I'm doing and focused on getting there and putting myself in to it. And I feel like most people are there to do the same thing. The thing is, if there are people there that are judging you and watching you, then they're not the type of people who's opinions you should be concerned about. You should be proud that you are going to the gym! So many people don't even bother. If anyone looks at you they should be mentally cheering you on.
Regardless, you are at the gym for you. So whether or not there are nosy people that feel the need to watch you, just remember the reason you are there; for yourself!
But to be honest I hate seeing people in the gym that I know as well ;D

Nerdy_Rose

I only look at the people next to me if I suspect they farted.

That was me LMAO

I only stare at the chick with a halter top on... and no bra.

Oh yea... there was a girl on the treadmill at my gym in just a sports bra (not very supportive). The bouncing was rather hypnotic. It was hard *not* to look. She had to know though...

chubbygirl253

that's what i luv about going to the Y. regular people trying to get in shape. lotsa older people during the day. you don't see so many hard bodies there. i'm 300 lbs and fit in just fine when i use the elliptical or other machines or take classes like yoga. and everyone is so nice. even my super-fit instructors who have tiny little butts the size of postage stamps are nothing but encouraging and friendly and tell me how great I'm doing. My 68-yr old mom wants to join now!

ladyark

Good for you for joining and going to Youfit! That is a step in the right direction. I can totally relate to how you feel though. I have been there. It gets easier.

The gym i go to is a former Golds gym ( think lots of buff guys and gorgeous women). When i got there i realized there were also quite a bit of people just like me...over weight who want to get healthy. I would go in my big baggy shorts and t-shirt and swear people were looking at me too.

I came to realize that no one is really paying attention to me ( a few that did notice me were quick to let me know how to get better results from something i was doing). Once i stopped obsessing over that i was able to go and feel more comfortable. However i have recently started using the free weight section and do feel a bit self concious over there but, realize too that everyone is doing something different and looking for different results.

I once again had the fear when i joined a Zumba class. Thinking to myself i will be the old lady there and look like a fool trying to move like them. I quickly realized NO ONE is looking at me in class but the teacher ( to help me learn the moves). Everyone is too busy trying to keep up ( old and young) and keep going. Now i love that class and im not always perfect at it but i give it 150% when i am there.

Also as the confidence grew and my body started shrinking i started to give up the baggy clothes in favor of the cute ( and sometimes tight) outfits. They make me feel better. I'm not there to impress or pick up or be picked up so i dont care. Now i put on my cute lil outfit and plug in my Ipod and go to it. I'm sure i get some looks when i am on the eliptical or treadmill and i forget im not the only one there and sing with the music lol. Again....oh well....they can deal with it....Everyone there has a different agenda .

Hope that you are able to get used to it quickly. And even if you see someone you know...they know you are over weight already and are probably happy you are going. You may even find a work out buddy.

My biggest fear now is when i have to stop at the grocery store on the way home and i am sweaty and yucky and pray i dont see anyone i know....and it never fails i always do.

Good luck to you and feel free to add me if you would like a friend

ladyark

Trust me, they're staring at the girl wearing nothing more than a bra and underpants while jogging and the guy talking on his cell phone while "working out".

Good for you for facing your fears and getting out there. Just think - now you gotta go back or they'll wonder where you went! :-)

This is so true....also the guy who wears sunglasses in the gym....that one kills me lol

Scrute11

Yes, they are watching and it doesn't change. Get in there and do your thing because you never know who you might inspire.

This is all kinds of awesome.

AlmstHvn

Hi! My name is Sheryl. I was a smidgeon under 300 lbs when I joined a fitness club in July 2011 and I shared that same fear. The hardest steps EVER were the ones in the door. I've been going at least once a week to that gym (usually 2x, sometimes 3x a week - I have a mini-gym available at work and use it on the other days). I've gone from being afraid everyone is staring to really enjoying going. I like the variety of equipment there and love how it feels to get stronger.

In the year plus, no one has pointed and laughed. Some have given me a nod of admiration, one lady gave me a compliment after a few months that she admires my dedication - but 99% of the folks there are just doing their own thing. Don't let it stop you! Go kick some butt!

CyberEd312

First of all- I would not do the elliptical machine if you have a sore knee. I injured mine also and stopped running and started elliptical - bad move. I jumped on the bike instead, much better for your knee.
Secondly - if people are watching you it's only because you are a new face. Just smile at them - we're all there for the same reason. Keep it up!

No disrespect but a have to disagree completely... I have Grade 3 Osteoarthritis in both knee's. torn Meniscus in both knee's(have had multiple clean outs,last 1 just four months ago), and a shredded ACL in my left knee (which they will not repair because my knee's are to far gone) and I will be having knee replacements in the spring of 2013. I wear custom fitted DonJoy OA knee braces to exercise and go shopping, etc... and have lost a little weight through my diet and exercise which my go to cardio machine is and has been the Elliptical since I graduated out of the pool (where I had to lose the first 170 lbs. to be at a weight that I could support myself) I avoid the treadmill at all cost but have little problems on the Elliptical. There is no pounding on my joints and the gliding motion isn't hard on them at all... Maybe I am the exception but I don't have a problem with it at all... I would recommend swimming laps if you have access to a lane pool... cycling is also low impact but me and bikes do not mix... lol Best of Luck

TXGirl821

I'm the biggest girl at my gym and it took ALLLLL my willpower to go in there the first time. But even if people are looking at me, and let's face it, you can't help but look when you see someone who weighs well over 300lbs huffin' & puffin' on the elliptical, I'd much rather they look at me while I get healthy at the gym than look at me when I'm buying potato chips at the grocery store!

chubbygirl253

I should have also said in my post that I have lost about 20 lbs in the 6 wks since I've joined the Y and people have noticed and have commented on it. it feels good to hear people say i am looking good.

there is an older Hispanic man who comes to my Y every day. His name is Julio. He told me last week he's rehabbing from a stroke. I wouldn't have guessed it. he's doing great. he talks to everyone, sorta an unofficial welcoming committee. he's super nice. in the beginning when he seemed to seek me out I was thinking...ughI just wanna do my workout and go. i didnt want to be noticed. Now he mentions whenever he sees me that I don't take days off either, there 7 days a week! Really, i only go 6 days a week but he's just noticing i'm there A LOT. And friday he told me my workout clothes are fitting me better. I coulda looked at that negatively and thought...fantastic, he noticed how tight my clothes used to be. But he's just being nice. Don't be afraid to be noticed and make friends. I loook at it like they're gonna be able to say they knew me when. A year from now they'll be thinking... I remember when I first met her she was really big and now she's lost 150 pounds.

ritoosh

i feel u...i always feel like people are staring and laughing at me because i dont run on the treadmill or i dont stay on an equiptment long or for whatever reason. but i try to tune out my own thoughts i put headphones and blare my music while i work out and watch whatever is on the tv (well more like read the captions) and i try to not pay attention to others (except for the occasional scope out to see who i know is there and what not also to check other peoples calories burned [yes yes i know thats kinda bad but thats what motivates me sometimes]) so try that next time, have your headphones with music and just watch the tv

glenette1

I will admit, I do glance around the gym to see what everyone else is doing and I usually try to find someone who seems to be at a similar fitness level as myself. Why??? So I can use them as motivation. You would be surprised to know you probably motivated someone else while you were there without even realizing it. You also proved to everyone there that you are committed to self improvement, which is the same goal everyone in the gym is working toward. I do understand where you're coming from because even though I run frequently on my treadmill at home, I am not brave enough to do it at the gym for fear of being seen. (I know very contradictory, right? Everyone says to me "no one is paying attention to what you do" but because I am someone who does pay attention to others I know that's not true. But what is true is that those who are watching you are thinking "wow, she's doing a great job" or "she is awesome". So keep going to the gym both for yourself AND the people you are going to inspire and motivate while you're there. And if your gym has a pool, considering exercising in the pool for no impact (great exercise for sensitive backs and knees). Don't worry about wearing a swimsuit either.... same rules apply as previously mentioned. In fact, in your honor I am going to run at the gym sometime this week. See, you just motivated someone!!

half_moon

I do group fitness and stand in the back, so I don't so much have this issue-- but I LOVED your post!!

When I did the elliptical at my apartment gym (which feels like years ago but was actually only back in May) I would feel sooo uncomfortable. People would go in there JUST to watch TV (can you say ghettto!?) and sit on the equipment. Of course, the ellipticals were RIGHT under the TV. I was panting and sweating and gasping for air the whole time. Yeah, uncomfortable. And I'm SURE they were looking at me; there was nobody else in the small room (smaller-than-my-bedroom small).

But, you know, I figured that I just didn't care. Whereas they are looking at me now, outside of the gym I was invisible. I felt invisible. I felt small in my big body, and uncomfortable. If I want to be seen when I am fit and be proud, I might as well get used to being looked at. So I did it anyway!!

Good luck!! Loved your story.